by R. J. Layer
Maria stared at her hands fidgeting on the island top. After another deep breath, she finally said, “I think Cupid and I have found someone for you.”
“Really?” Jo nodded. “Who?”
Maria’s eyes turned black as a moonless night, her smile fading. “Me,” she said timidly.
Jo laughed nervously. “I think you have our roles reversed. I’m the one that’s supposed to make you laugh. Remember?” Jo took a long drink of her water. She regarded Maria’s serious expression.
“I’m not joking. I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
Jo’s mouth went dry as cotton. She drained the bottle before attempting to speak.
“Maria, Maria, I admit to having been with a few straight women in my life, but it’s never worked out. It’s not meant to be. Besides, I could never risk the friendship I have with you.” Maria’s gaze pierced her. “Listen, I’m beyond flattered, believe me, but this is not a life for you.” Are you crazy, Jo Lynn Marchal? This is what you’ve been dreaming of.
“But it’s an okay life for you?”
Jo set the bottle down and spread her hands. “This is who I am. I was born this way. Look at me. I’m as queer as the day is long. My being such a private person is the thing that helps me live my life without too much trouble. I don’t really put myself out there. There are so many more people in this world that don’t accept what I am than those who do.” Jo dropped her head as the thought of her dad became a painful reminder.
“Some people love unconditionally.” It was as though Maria knew what she was thinking.
She looked up again. “Oh, don’t think I don’t know that, but all it’s ever got me was gut-wrenching heartache.” She lowered her head again. “And I can’t do that anymore.”
When Maria touched her hand, Jo met her gaze. “He loved you Jo. In the end, he loved you unconditionally, even if he didn’t say it.” Jo wanted to believe it was true. “He asked me to take care of you.” Jo picked at the label on the water bottle. “The day they visited and you asked me what your father said to me. He did tell me he liked the food and that I was a very good cook. And then much to my surprise, he asked me to take care of you.” Jo blinked back threatening tears. “I think he thought you and I were…you know…together maybe.”
Maria got up and walked around the counter. Placing her arm across Jo’s shoulder, she pulled her close and pressed her cheek to Jo’s head. “He loved you more than he could tell you,” she said softly. When Jo exhaled a deep sigh, Maria briefly pressed her lips to Jo’s hair. “The way I love you.” Jo shook her head and Maria relaxed her hold, then tipped Jo’s chin up to look into her eyes.
“You’re afraid. I can see that in your eyes. But please, Jo, don’t be afraid of me. Let it go. This is meant to be, I can feel it in my soul.” She touched her fingers lightly to Jo’s cheek and Jo closed her eyes. “I’ll admit I’m afraid. This is all so foreign to me, but I’m not going to run away from how I feel—not anymore.” Her last words drew Jo’s eyes back to hers. “I want to trust my feelings for you. I want to make your life everything you want it to be. I trust you enough to give you my heart. Can you trust me and take a chance on us?”
Jo wanted to believe—believe this was right. She didn’t doubt that Maria cared for her, but she had trusted feelings like this before only to be betrayed in the end. She knew she was in love with Maria—had known for a very long time now. But she wasn’t as sure that Maria was “in love” with her. Doubt, fear and anxiety swamped her all at once. Maria’s touch caused an ache in her heart, born not of pain, but intense yearning and desire. She remembered the feeling well. The feeling she got when she gave all of herself to a woman. She tried to resist. It was a losing battle. She dropped her eyes.
“Jo, please look at me.”
When Jo again looked in Maria’s eyes, she saw a longing there that pulled as strong as a riptide. She couldn’t stop her hands from reaching up and cupping Maria’s face. They shared a lingering gaze before a force Jo had no power to fight brought Maria’s lips to hers. The first soft brush of Maria’s lips ignited Jo’s passion like kindling. Maria moaned softly and the fire in Jo’s belly erupted. She pulled back, gasping for a breath.
She searched Maria’s eyes long and hard. “There’s no going back from here,” she said breathlessly.
“I don’t ever want to go back.” Desire flashed in Maria’s eyes and her lips parted slightly. “I want you.”
Jo took a deep calming breath, pulled Maria firmly into her arms and kissed her like she’d been waiting her whole life for her. She had.
Maria placed her hands on Jo’s shoulders to steady herself. She felt lightheaded from the kiss. Never, ever in her life had she desired so desperately to be touched by someone. Jo’s hands were like fire on her skin, burning everywhere, and when Jo’s tongue parted her lips warmth flooded her body. She couldn’t stop the groan that escaped, and Jo responded by pushing her tongue deeper as Maria slid her hands around Jo’s shoulders to draw her closer. When her breasts pressed into Jo’s chest, the heat between their bodies opened floodgates that neither could shove back any longer.
Jo’s lips traveled to her jaw and down her neck while nimble fingers methodically unbuttoned the top of her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. Jo trailed kisses over one shoulder and the other, returning her lips again to her neck. She’d never been so wet…so wanting.
She lowered her head and placed her lips to Jo’s ear. “Please…Jo, make love to me.” Jo pulled back to look in her eyes. In a throaty whisper, Maria said again, “Please…”
Jo led her to the bedroom, pausing inside the doorway. “Is it okay if I put Cami in the office?” she asked in a hushed voice.
Maria nodded a “yes” and followed Jo as she carried the sturdy bassinette like it was nothing more than a sack of light groceries. She was anxious to feel Jo’s solid body pressed into hers, her strong hands touching her skin. She placed the monitor close by Cami and took Jo’s hand. Jo gave her hand a squeeze as they stood there a moment looking at the baby. The emotion nearly brought Maria to tears. This was why she loved this woman, because Jo had the capacity to love unconditionally. She finally led her back to the bedroom, where they stood beside the bed.
She ran her fingers through Jo’s hair and looked deep into her eyes. When she leaned in to kiss her, Jo freed the remaining buttons on her blouse and slid it from her shoulders. Jo’s hands moved slowly up her arms, over her shoulders and to her breasts. She flinched.
“I’m sorry.” Jo pulled back.
She took Jo’s hand and kissed her palm. “Please don’t apologize for touching me. You feel wonderful.” She kissed Jo’s wrist. “They’re very sensitive.” She placed Jo’s palm over her breast again. “No one’s touch has ever felt so…so,” she inhaled sharply, “so arousing.” She could feel her temperature rising.
Jo stroked a finger up and down between her breasts. “I’ll be gentle. Maria…” Her eyes met Jo’s. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
Jo wouldn’t fight the desire any longer. The sound of Maria’s voice, her touch, had made Jo want her from the time they’d met. She wanted to show Maria how exquisitely a woman should be loved. Their lips came together, tongues dancing with urgency. With an arm around her waist, Jo slid her knee between Maria’s and guided her down onto the bed. She sat beside Maria and worked open the button and zipper on her slacks. “You are so beautiful.” When her fingers brushed the satin of her panties, Maria moaned and caught Jo’s hand.
“I feel very self conscious about my body.”
Jo stroked her fingers down her arm. “You shouldn’t.” She stood, pulled her T-shirt over her head and tossed it over the bedside lamp to soften the light. She knelt before Maria. “Please let me take away any doubt you have.”
She touched her lips to the scar above her panty line and traced her tongue to the top of it. Maria’s legs clenched Jo’s sides in respons
e. Jo raised her head, meeting Maria’s eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you or do anything you’re not comfortable with.” Maria was silent, eyes dark with desire. “Please say you’ll tell me if I do.”
When Maria nodded, Jo laid her back on the bed. She removed Maria’s slacks, making sure to touch her legs all the way down to her ankles, and placed feather-light kisses from her knee to her thigh as she moved onto the bed beside her. Maria pulled her into a hungry kiss that told her she wanted this. She went slowly, touching and tasting Maria in the places she knew to be sensitive to a woman, and Maria didn’t fail to respond. When Jo finally slipped her fingers in Maria’s wetness, she trembled in orgasm almost immediately.
“Oh God!” Maria gasped, clutching Jo’s shoulders until her body stilled under her hand.
Jo nuzzled her neck. “Are you okay?”
“Better than,” Maria whispered breathlessly. Her thighs clenched around Jo’s hand and fingers where they remained in her wet folds. “I’m not sure what to do,” she said with steadier breath after a long moment. “Please tell me how to satisfy you, Jo.”
Jo kissed her neck and next to her ear. “There’s plenty of time to learn.”
“Will you take off your jeans so I can feel you against me?”
She stood and after removing the remainder of her clothes, slipped off Maria’s bra and panties. Maria’s hands roamed over her shoulders, down her back and settled on her ass. Jo moaned, stroking her fingers again through Maria’s wetness and coaxing a moan from her.
“I want to be inside you,” Jo murmured. She wanted to touch every part of Maria.
Maria guided Jo’s fingers inside her, her hips rising in sync with Jo’s slow gentle thrusts.
She took Maria to her edge, then pulled back over and over as Maria whimpered and her own release neared. When Maria pleaded, “Please, Jo…” Jo pushed her back to the edge and tumbled over with her.
“Maria!” Jo called out as the orgasm rocked her. “Ah, Maria,” she gasped, shuddering through the aftershocks. Maria held her face in her hands, kissing Jo hungrily until they were both breathless.
“I’ve never experienced anything like this.”
“What…multiple orgasms?” Jo asked, suddenly feeling shy.
“Feeling like I’ve been drugged. I’m so high I never want to come down.” When Jo rolled onto her back, Maria snuggled up against her side. “I had no idea lovemaking could feel so…so rousing and exhausting, and so…freeing. I don’t ever want to move from this spot.”
Jo wrapped her arm around Maria as she settled her head against Jo’s chest. “I don’t think I can move from this spot.” She exhaled a contented sigh. She was a goner. She’d fallen helplessly in love with Maria, and the knowledge that she was the first one to take this amazing woman to ecstasies she’d never before known filled her with untold pleasure.
They lay, limbs entwined, fingers stroking—exploring. Maria’s warm breath whispered across Jo’s chest while her heart pounded in perfect rhythm with Maria’s heartbeat against her side.
After a while, Maria stirred. “I want to please you, Jo, but you have to tell me how.”
Jo squeezed Maria’s thigh between hers. “You can’t believe how much you already have.”
Maria reached between Jo’s thighs, but Jo caught her hand. She kissed her palm and sucked a finger into her mouth. “I’m not done with you.” She barely recognized the deep, low tone of her own voice.
“Oh, Jo, I can’t—”
She guided Maria over onto her back. “Let’s see.” She kissed her way down Maria’s silky warm skin, feeling her own arousal reigniting against Maria’s thigh. Jo’s lips lingered on the scar before moving to her hip, then the tender spot at the top of her thigh. Maria’s legs opened to her. Jo painted the inside of her thigh with her tongue. When she heard the familiar whimper, she pressed her tongue to Maria’s sensitized flesh and was rewarded with a deep, low moan. Maria clutched at the bed covers and arched against her mouth. Her tongue slipped through her wetness, inside, out, over and over until Maria shuddered in orgasm.
“Oh my God!” Maria’s body fell limp. Jo rested her head on her thigh and watched Maria as she threaded her fingers into her hair. “Mmm…you’ve rendered me helpless.” Jo kissed her thigh, making her flinch. “Come up here.” Jo moved up to settle against Maria’s side. “As soon as I can breathe I want to make you feel like this.”
Jo pulled herself tight against her side. “Ah, but you already do.”
She had climaxed as she enticed the second orgasm from Maria. She couldn’t be more sated. She pressed her lips to Maria’s temple, rolled onto her back and pulled Maria half on top of her. She stroked her fingers up and down Maria’s back. It wasn’t long after Jo could tell she had drifted off by the soft, steady sound of her breathing.
This is what it’s supposed to feel like. Loving and being loved. Jo knew it in her heart. She prayed for no regrets in the morning. The clock glowed one fifty-three a.m. It already was morning. She lay awake for another hour, feeling Maria’s breath across her skin. She could do this every day for the rest of her life. She wanted this every day for the rest of her life.
Maria had been sleeping soundly with Jo pressed against her back when she heard Camilla’s tiny cry through the monitor. She turned it off, hoping Jo wouldn’t wake, and slipped from the bed, pulling on her robe. Her body felt as though she’d run a marathon, then her mind focused on the reason her body felt so spent. She smiled. Warmth spread again from her belly to her center as she settled down on the sofa with the baby. She hummed and rocked Camilla side to side as she nursed, reliving how completely Jo had pleasured her, not once, but multiple times in the hours they’d spent making love. She had never known it was possible to have more than a single orgasm. She wanted Jo to feel the same. When she finished nursing and got the baby down, she was far too keyed up to go back to sleep.
* * *
Jo slept like a baby. But, when she rolled over in the bed she realized she was alone…in her bed…and wondered if it had all been a dream. She sat up and ran her hands through her hair and over her face and then she knew it hadn’t been. Maria’s scent lingered on her fingers. The memory was vivid. The feel of Maria’s body under her touch and the way she had responded.
It was nearing eight o’clock. She couldn’t believe Maria was already up, knowing she hadn’t drifted off to sleep until almost two in the morning. Padding naked into her bathroom, she brushed her teeth, then pulled on a T-shirt and boxers before venturing out into the hall, no longer able to walk around the house naked with children under her roof.
She couldn’t find any children, though. The diaper bag and Matt’s backpack were gone from their spot by the kitchen door. She rushed back down the hall to check the office and guest room. Panic strangled her as she ran to the front door. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she stepped out on the porch and saw that Maria’s car was gone. She could barely breathe as she ran barefoot to the barn, yelling for Tucker when she raced through the doors.
He bolted from the tack room, halting immediately and turning his head when he spotted her.
“Tucker…have you…seen Maria?” Gasping, breathless, she asked. “Did she say…where she was goin’?” He kept his head turned away. “Tucker! What’s wrong?”
He looked at the ground between them. “You don’t got on much in the way of clothes there, boss.”
Her stomach turned over and over. “Tucker,” she said in a calmer voice. “I asked you a question.”
He pulled his hat off and rubbed his arm across his forehead. “Sorry, no, I haven’t seen her. I got here at seven thirty and her car wasn’t here.”
She stood silent a long moment, then mumbled, “thanks,” as she turned and walked off, feeling deflated.
Tucker called after her, “Everything all right?” She only waved a hand over her head.
Trudging up the porch steps, she pushed into the house and went straight for the kitchen. She stopped at the island where it ha
d all started less than twelve hours ago. She pounded her fists. “Damn!” She swung her arms wildly, knocking things over. Several crashed to the floor and something shattered against the back door.
“Damn it, Jo, you blew it!” She dropped onto one of the stools, beating herself up for going against her resolve to never open her heart only to have it crushed by another pretty face.
A minute later she got up and pulled the bottle from the cupboard and grabbed a glass. She refused to shed another tear over a woman. She looked a good long while at the bottle, then opened it and filled the glass half full. When she raised the glass, though, the smell made her want to gag. She returned it to the counter. She sat trance-like, recalling every word Maria had spoken last night.
Maria stopped abruptly in the kitchen door. Obviously Jo hadn’t heard her come in. She surveyed the mess and watched for several minutes as Jo turned a glass around and around in her hand next to a whiskey bottle. She panicked. Was Jo regretting last night?
She approached with apprehension and put her hand on Jo’s shoulder. “Is something wrong, Jo?”
Jo jerked around, spilling the whiskey. “Shit!” she yelped.
Maria grabbed her arm before she could move. “Jo honey, what’s wrong?” She saw pain when Jo’s eyes met hers. Her stomach flipped over when Jo only shrugged. Fighting the building anxiety, she leaned close and slipped her arm around Jo’s shoulder. “It’s kind of early for drinking, don’t you think?” She kept her tone light and cheerful despite the growing turmoil she felt.
Jo looked away and rubbed at her forehead. “I got up and you were gone…all of you.”
Maria heard the fear in Jo’s voice. She ran her hands through Jo’s unruly hair. “Oh, honey, you didn’t think…” Jo dropped her head. Maria lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Sweetheart, I hope you didn’t think for one second that I’m leaving here…or you.”
When Jo’s eyes filled with tears, she pulled Jo to her chest and hugged her tightly. “I’m not leaving, Jo.” She placed a soft kiss on her head. “The baby woke me at five thirty and after I fed her I couldn’t go back to sleep…thanks to you.” She kissed into her hair again. “So around seven I rustled Matt out of bed and drove them to Kathleen’s. I’m sorry, I thought I could get back and crawl back into bed before you woke up. We were up pretty late.” She loosened her arms around Jo and leaned back. “I wanted some time with you to make up for falling asleep on you during the wee hours of this morning.” She tipped Jo’s chin up and touched her fingers to Jo’s cheek. “I wanted some time with you alone, no distractions and no interruptions, time to make love to you.” She tilted her head and gave Jo a smile she hoped looked sexy. “Would that be possible?”