The rain grew even worse outside, the howling wind making it pound against the windows too now. Even if we weren’t arguing, we would have had to shout to each other to be heard.
“I’m not a control freak,” I yelled back. “I don’t know where you’re getting your ideas from, but they’re wrong – all of them. I have never done anything to you except be your friend.”
“My friend, right.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Garrick stood and stared at me, glowering and seething with anger. For just a moment, I wondered if he was going to hit me. I instantly felt guilty for having the thought but he was just so angry. He definitely wasn’t the Garrick I had first known.
Breathing heavily through his nose, Garrick stomped toward the door and left. He slammed it behind him. Another clap of thunder made his departure even more ominous.
If he wanted to walk outside in the middle of a downpour, I wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it. He was a big boy, able to make his own decisions. I refused to feel guilty about fighting with him. He didn’t have to act like a jerk toward me, not when we had to work together. It wasn’t like we were preparing for a dance contest or anything trivial. We were fighting for our planet, our families, and our lives. He was putting everything in danger.
Just the reminder of the Department meeting was enough to plunge me back into the feelings of dread and hopelessness that I had tried to force away. The meeting was less than twenty-four hours away. At ten o’clock tomorrow morning, we would be entering the belly of the beast. And just the thought of it was freaking me out.
Even with the rain and thunder storming outside, the silence inside was killing me. It was in the quiet moments when the fear really settled in. I couldn’t count down the hours until our capture like that.
I started thinking about my friends and parents. I had said goodbye to Lola, Mom, and Dad. That only left Lochie. He probably still thought I was cheating on him with Garrick. Considering he hadn’t called or come around since the fight, I assumed he had reverted back to hating me again. A habit of a lifetime was difficult to break.
I didn’t want things to end that way though. I didn’t want to walk into the meeting tomorrow and be captured without him knowing the truth. If I was going to die, I wanted him to know that I loved him.
I couldn’t sit there any longer. The clock on the wall was counting down to my demise, I had to make it right. I grabbed the car keys and made a run for the car. I couldn’t see Garrick anywhere near the trailer. He was most likely sulking in the men’s shower block.
The rain beat down on the old VW like there was no tomorrow, which was kind of ironic. The poor windshield wipers put up their best fight but I could barely see the road. I inched along, yard by yard. Everything looked different in the storm, it was hard discerning the street corners and remembering where to turn.
The entire time, I was thinking about Lochie. I didn’t care he had accused me of cheating on him, I didn’t care he had resorted to fist fighting with Garrick, all I cared about was seeing those crystal blue eyes and telling him how much he meant to me. That was my sole intent and purpose. I had to get to him.
I rounded a corner and the car jerked to the left. A horrible grinding sound was louder than the rain. It spluttered to a stop, I barely managed to get the VW Bug to the curb.
I tried the engine, it started so that didn’t seem to be the problem. However, when I tried to take off again, I couldn’t move without clanking. The steering was so heavy it protested just going straight. There was something seriously wrong.
I didn’t have a choice, I was going to have to get out of the car and look under the hood. My dad had taught me the basics of car care, he wanted to ensure I could deal with any emergencies that arose. Once an agent, always an agent.
The prospect of stepping out in the rain was horrible, I knew it would take exactly a second before I was drenched through.
Sure enough, it took less than that. I had to fight against the rain and wind just to open the door.
I popped the hood and tried to see something in the rain. Anything would have been nice. It took a good few seconds to realize the engine was in the back of a VW Bug. I sloshed around to the trunk and popped it.
I checked the oil, because that was pretty much all I could remember my dad showing me at that point. The rain quickly washed away the full oil mark. I plugged it back into the hole.
Nothing appeared obviously wrong with the rest of the engine. There was nothing blown away or burnt, it looked just like an old engine. I closed the hood, I definitely wasn’t a mechanic.
Next, I stumbled around the car, checking the tires. When I got to the back one on the passenger’s side, I saw the flat. Damn it. I doubted whether the old VW would even have a spare, let alone the tools I would need to change it.
I felt like throwing myself on the ground and having a tantrum. After everything else the universe had thrown at me, I didn’t need a flat tire as well. It just seemed like it was rubbing salt in an already bleeding wound.
My clothes were completely drenched through, the rain trickling down my bra and over my stomach, making the shirt cling to my skin. My feet sloshed about in my ballet flats. I trudged to the hood and opened it after fiddling about until I found the lever again.
There was a filthy blanket in the front trunk, the smell of oil and dirt assaulted my nose. I pushed it aside and kept searching. Tugging at the cover, I was in luck – there was a spare. Hopefully it wouldn’t be flat too.
Everything was getting soaked as the wind pushed the rain sideways. My hair stuck to my face as I moved about, I had to keep brushing it away so I could see what I was doing. Rifling around a bit more, I found a jack and a wheel brace. I closed the hood and hauled them around to the side.
Knowing the tools I needed and being able to use them effectively were two very different things. Especially in the pouring rain. I tried to remember everything my dad had told me about changing a tire but it all seemed like Russian to me now.
Logic told me I needed to lift the car to get the tire off so I tried to lever the jack underneath. There was supposed to be a special place to put it, right? Something stronger than the rest of the side? I ran my hand underneath and found some grooves, it felt about right. I slid the jack underneath and threw my weight behind it.
The VW started to rise. I stopped when it looked like I might have enough room to make the switch. Using the wheel brace, I unscrewed the nuts one by one. My hand kept slipping, causing me to curse more than I would like to admit.
By the time the new tire was on and everything was back in the trunk, I completely squelched when I walked. Cold rain was running down my back, causing me to shiver. I jumped in the car, hoping the tire was the only problem.
The engine started with a rumble as thunder rolled over the sky. I took off cautiously, hoping I could limp along to Lochie’s house. I needed to speak with him desperately, the delay couldn’t dampen my need.
I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say to him. Everything between us seemed so complicated, I didn’t know what words could make it any better. All I could do was hope that something would come to me.
I had my fingers crossed the entire way, but at least I got there. I pulled up at the curb and ran for the front door. I knocked and waited, knowing I must have looked like a drowned rat from the rain. It wasn’t like there was anywhere to dry off in the car.
It was taking so long for anyone to answer the door. Why weren’t they answering? Lochie’s car was in the driveway, was he avoiding me? Did he make the right decision and finally decide to cut me out of his life? If he knew the truth, that would be the smart thing to do.
But Lochie was never smart. The door finally swung open and his frame filled the doorway. We just stared at each other. I had never been so conscious of my beating heart before. I was acutely aware of my clothes sticking to me, feeling so naked under his intense gaze.
I couldn’t find the words I needed
to say, they were all gone from my head. Vanished into thin air like they never existed. But the time for words had gone, I realized I didn’t need them anymore. I took the few steps needed to close the gap between us. Before I knew it, I was throwing myself at Lochie. He had no chance of escaping.
CHAPTER 24
My lips were on Lochie’s, owning them like he had done to me so many times before. The sweet taste of coffee lingered as his hands wound their way around me, pulling me against him. I reveled in the closeness of our bodies, the feeling of him pressed against me. It was safe there, warm and inviting.
“What are you doing here?” Lochie whispered, his fingers tangled in my hair.
“I want you,” I replied simply. There was nothing else to it. I wanted Lochie and I wanted him now.
Our eyes locked together, some unspoken conversation transpiring between us. I don’t know what was said but, in one swift movement, Lochie reached down and took my weight in his arms. He carried me upstairs without another word being uttered.
I had seen Lochie’s gentleness before in the way he treated me after we found Lola a few months ago. But this was something entirely different. He laid me down on his bed like I was made out of glass, that I could shatter at any moment with the slightest jolt. I had to practically pull him down on me so he would come close.
Lochie started on my neck, planting a long line of kisses over me. He moved up, tracing my cheek with his fingers before kissing along my jaw. He finally made his way back to my mouth where I opened up to him.
My whole body ached for him, I yearned for his hands to be everywhere. Our clothes felt like barriers that didn’t belong. I wanted his skin on mine more than anything. I needed the warmth of our intertwined bodies. I clumsily grabbed at his shirt, trying to undo the buttons.
“Amery,” he breathed. I looked up to meet his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything,” I replied. I meant it too. Tomorrow and the responsibilities could wait, for just one night I wanted to be carefree and reckless. I didn’t care about the consequences, I just wanted to be a normal teenager for one night. One night was all I asked.
I pulled him back, weaving my fingers through his hair. I had never wanted anything more than I did him at that moment. His lips found mine again, sending jolts of electricity coursing over my skin. I was on fire and shivering at the same time.
“Amery, I’ve never… I’ve never done this before,” Lochie said, so quietly I could barely hear him.
“Neither have I.” I paused so I could gauge his reaction. He didn’t seem surprised, maybe relieved? My brain wasn’t functioning enough to know. “I’m sure we’ll work it out.”
He laughed, his breath running over my skin. There was nothing more gorgeous than Lochie’s laugh. “I’m sure we will.”
“Do you have…”
“Yeah, I have protection.” I nodded, that’s all I needed to know. “You’re shivering.”
“My clothes are saturated, it’s cold.” Although, I wasn’t entirely sure it was only the clothes making me shiver. The feeling of Lochie’s weight on me was having a profound effect.
“We’ll have to do something about that,” he grinned. He pulled me upwards, pulling my shirt over my head. It landed on the floor with a sopping wet thud.
Lochie laid me down again gently, showing more restraint than I had ever seen him use before. Running his hand over my stomach and ribs, he travelled upward, taking in every inch of me with his eyes. He looked like he wanted to devour me and I was more than ready to let him.
“Lochie, I love you.”
He kissed my neck. “I…” Then my jaw. “Love…” Then my lips. “You.”
I arched up to his touch, completely losing myself in him. I gave over everything I had, feeling every sensation that coursed through my body. Nothing else mattered, nothing else even existed. It was just Lochie and I, together at last.
I spent the entire night with Lochie, feeling things I never thought I would. It was like a million stars had aligned for centuries, just so we could be together. It was so perfect at times that I felt like I was going to cry. Then Lochie was touching me so tenderly and bringing me back to myself that I remained focused on him.
We fell asleep in each other’s arms sometime in the night, exhausted. When I awoke, it was only early. Lochie’s arm was still around me. I was snug, like in a cocoon. I would have done anything to be able to stay there forever.
But I couldn’t and I knew it. With the sun came the reality that I was headed into a trap today, whether I liked it or not. I turned around slowly so I was facing Lochie. He slept soundly, his eyelids fluttering slightly as he dreamed. He had no idea what was happening today. The guilt that I did know overcome me.
Perhaps it was reckless what I had done. I had only intended on straightening things out with him, I never expected to end up losing my virginity to him. Or taking his. It was possible I had made things a thousand times worse.
Was it supposed to feel like this after going to bed with someone? Was the rush of guilt normal? Everything I had heard made it sound like some magical event that changed you forever. At least that’s how the girls talked about it at school. I just had a knot in my stomach that I was sure wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.
I gently leaned over and kissed his cheek, not wanting to wake him but needing to do it one last time. I ducked under his arm, feeling the bicep’s weight that had given me so much tenderness only hours earlier.
I tiptoed around, gathering my still-wet clothes. I slipped them on quickly, trying not to make a sound. Finding a piece of paper and pen on Lochie’s desk, I tried to write him a note. The problem was I didn’t know what to say. How could I tell him I probably wasn’t going to come back? How did I even start to apologize for that? No words in the world could explain everything I was feeling.
I kept it brief instead:
I’m sorry.
They were the only two words I had and they didn’t even go a tiny fraction of the way toward how sorry I really was. I left the note on his nightstand and crept out. The clock read just after six, hopefully nobody else in the household would be up.
I made it down to the VW without being spotted. The seat was still wet with rain and there was now a funky musky smell that filled the air in the car. I guess I shouldn’t have expected the scent of roses.
I drove back to the trailer feeling melancholy. I imagined Lochie waking up to find me gone and only a note in my place. It was horrible of me to do that to him. He would probably never forgive me, even if I did make it back after the meeting.
When I pulled up, Garrick was leaning against the trailer. “Where have you been?” He demanded.
“Out,” I replied. If I went into the details, I thought for sure I would cry. It was not a day for crying, I needed all my strength to fight. Fighters didn’t cry.
“Out where?”
“Why does it matter?”
He uncrossed his arms and threw them out to his side. “Because we’re partners and about to walk into a trap. I need to know where you were all night.”
“I was with Lochie, okay?” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to, I was going to take that secret to my grave. “Does that make you feel any better? Can we just get on with it?”
Garrick looked like I had just slapped him across the face. More fuel for my guilt. The anger left his voice. “We need to go soon. Hurry up and get ready, we don’t want to leave our captors waiting.”
I hurried past him so I could get out of his glare. I grabbed my wash bag and bolted for the shower block. I didn’t want to get the smell of Lochie off my skin, he was comforting, reminding me of the way he held me all night. On the other hand, I knew I had a job to do, I didn’t have time to be sentimental.
I showered, dressed, and hopped in the car next to Garrick. “The back tire blew yesterday, I had to change it. We don’t have a spare anymore,” I said to break the silence.
/> “I’m surprised we had one to begin with.”
“Me too. I’m glad we did though.”
Garrick shrugged. “Maybe you shouldn’t have been driving out in a rainstorm.”
So we were back to being passive aggressive toward each other. Great. It wasn’t like we were about to walk over enemy lines or anything. The future of Earth and Trucon didn’t rest in our hands or anything.
I couldn’t stand how things were between us. If we weren’t going to come back from our meeting, there was something I had to say first. He could only loathe me more, at least it wouldn’t be for long. “Garrick, I’m really sorry about your family. They shouldn’t have done that to you, you don’t deserve it.”
A mile passed before he replied. Even then, he continued to stare out the windshield. “I’m sorry too.”
“When this is all over, you could still see them again. I’m sure your little sister would like that.”
“They’ve probably told Maya I’m not coming back.” His eyes flicked to mine for just a second. “Thanks, but I don’t want to think about them right now.”
We drove the rest of the way largely in silence, I respected his wishes not to discuss his family. That was something personal to him, I didn’t have the right to make him talk about it further.
The two hours went by quickly, too quickly. When the security booth was looming in the distance, I could feel panic really setting in. We had fought so hard to get out of the Department’s grip at the complex. We had run for our lives. To be walking back into the hands of those people made my blood run cold.
I checked my watch, it was a quarter to ten. Lochie would definitely be up by now, he would have seen my note, and was now starting to hate me. Would he have gone to the trailer to find me? He’d know better than to contact my parents and Lola wouldn’t know anything about my whereabouts.
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