by Cube Kid
Diary of a Wimpy Villager
Book II
Copyright 2015 Cube Kid
All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced in any manner, with the exception of brief excerpts. This handbook is for entertainment purposes only and is a complete work of fiction.
This handbook is not official and has no association with the makers of Minecraft. All references to Minecraft, Endermen and other trademarked properties are used in accordance to the Fair Use Doctrine.
Minecraft is a trademark of Mojang AB, Sweden
Minecraft ®/TM & © 2009-2013 Mojang / Notch
Table of Contents
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
MONDAY
BOOK 3
TUESDAY
Hejjo!
My name is Runt!
I am a noobamuffin.
The end.
Hurrrrrrg.
That was Max, trolling me. He took my diary. I didn't even notice. I was at school, it was lunchtime, and I was about to write in here. Then Max's buddy, Razberry, started asking me a ton of questions; questions about fishing. The stuff he asked, it was totally ridiculous:
Hey, Runt. Do you like fishing more than you like cows?
Have you ever caught a squid?
Is it possible to swim and fish at the same time?
Like that.
Well, I was so confused, I set my diary down and turned to face him.
At that point, Razberry paused—he was running out of things to ask. I guess three questions is a lot for him. Then, he just started asking random stuff, like:
What's your favorite mammal?
Have you ever milked a mooshroom?
I just sighed, and turned back to my diary. Little did I know, in the short time that I had been watching Razberry, Max took my diary and wrote that stuff in it.
So, Razberry was just distracting me.
I know what you're thinking. I know. Maybe I'm a total noob to fall for such a trick. But my mind has been elsewhere lately. I've been thinking about the upcoming test.
Anyway, I shouldn't be wasting time talking about Razberry and Max.
Moving on.
The mobs tried something new last night.
Last night, a few spiders carried zombies up and over the wall. Then the zombies waited outside until morning, until they caught on fire from the sun. While burning, the zombies walked up next to the wooden houses, trying to set them on fire. Our house was one of them.
Mom, dad and I were so scared; we could hear the zombies laughing as they burned. All we could do was pray for a warrior like Steve to show up. He didn't. But it started raining, which put an end to their little plan.
The mobs retreated, after that.
Even so, their attack wasn't a total failure.
While I walked to school, the stench of wet zombie hung in the air. It was a horrible smell, kind of like rotten apples mixed with sweaty feet.
I guess I can add apples to the list of things I won't be able to stomach for awhile.
If the mobs figure out a way to make cookies and cake seem disgusting, I'm gonna be in a lot of trouble.
Before class, assistants handed out a new type of performance sheet.
I guess the teachers thought it was a waste of paper to keep crafting sheets for all 150 students. So, one of the elders came up with a special type of book. The book displays a student's grades automatically. It's kind of like how a map updates your position and changes the landscape. Well, this is the report card version.
They're called 'record books'. They're pretty tough to make, so, if a student loses their record book, they have to pay three emeralds for a new one.
I'll have to guard mine, since I'm sure Max will tear it up if he gets ahold of it.
Or write something like 'noobamuffin' in it.
Here's my record book.
It's got that purple shimmer that most enchanted items have.
Pretty cool, hurrn?
(Besides the bad grades, I mean. A combat score of 2... I really am a wimpy villager. It'd be zero if I hadn't crafted a wooden sword, though. Thanks, Steve.)
As you can see, a record book includes more skills than the old performance sheets did; mining, combat and trading. Things are getting more complicated at school this year.
It's because of the mobs.
The mobs keep attacking our wall almost every night. In greater and greater numbers.
Even the village elders, as wimpy as they are, well . . . even they know we have to start fighting back.
Some day, those mobs are gonna pay.
I'll be there for that.
I daydreamed through the first class this morning. Crafting Basics. I couldn't stop thinking about that second building test.
The best way for me to raise my 'student level' is by improving my building score. If you read about the building test a few days ago, you know that building is my weakness.
I mean, I was so sure that a furnace house was awesome and amazing, but according to the teachers, my construction ideas are about as good as a zombie pigman's. No. Not even that good. More like a slime's.
That was why I paid a lot more attention in today's second class: Essential Walls.
The teacher showed us a short clip about obsidian. Mining a single block of obsidian takes forever, and if you stop mining a block, the block will revert back to its unmined state, and you'll have to start all over again, right?
So, what the teacher showed us illustrated the problems miners face while digging obsidian up.
Mining obsidian doesn't take that long. It's just an exaggeration. But from what I've heard, it feels like forever.
I was a bit sad when the mining show was interrupted.
The head teacher burst into the classroom and told us: school's out early today, class is over.
Well, after hearing such good news, I leapt out of my desk so high, it was as if I'd chugged down a Potion of Leaping II.
No class, that meant Stump and I could practice the rest of the day. We could go over building ideas again. We could sit in the grass at the edge of the village, chat, and watch the rectangular clouds drift by, like we used to do when we were little.
Then the head teacher told us why school was out early.
It was for our own safety.
Something happened in the village while we were in class. Something involving an outsider; the head teacher called it the 'outsider incident'.
One thing I know for certain is, when an adult uses that word, incident, you know something bad happened.
Before, there was the 'pumpkin incident', when Stump and I ran around the village with pumpkins on our heads. We also stuck our arms out like zombies and made weird noises. We were trying to sound like endermen, but we didn't know what an enderman sounded like back then. Looking back, the sounds we made were more like the clucks of a chicken crossed with a cow's mooing.
Some old man thought we were some kind of new mob. After he saw us, he screamed and ran off to the elders. The whole village was in a panic, that day.
It's great to know that today's incident has nothing to do with me.
My dad told me the whole story when I got home. He witnessed most of it, I guess.
You see, this morning, an outsider came into the village. Someone we'd never met before. He looked a little bit like Steve. He said his name was Mike.
Apparently, Mike wasn't a happy kind of person. Not like Steve. Or that wolf guy who
sometimes visits us—I forgot his name.
Anyway, even though Mike seemed so angry, it didn't stop villagers from trying to trade with him. After all, he had a few emeralds. Hey, we villagers don't discriminate, as long as there's a glint of the green stuff.
Here's where the problems started. Every time Mike tried trading with a villager, he got even angrier. Didn't like all the sounds the villagers were making. Kept complaining about it; said the villagers around him sounded like a bunch of giraffes. Giraffes that drank way too much coffee.
Honestly, I don't know what a giraffe is, or coffee. But I'd really like to know. Many of the villagers near Mike were just as curious. Their 'hurrrrrs' and 'rhurrrrgs' and 'hurrrrns' only grew louder.
This, in turn, annoyed Mike even more.
To make fun of them, he copied the sounds the villagers made. Kept calling them 'giraffes'.
This caused the villagers to make even more and more noise. They were so curious about these new words.
A few villagers even wanted to trade for these things without even knowing what they were.
"Giraffe?" said a villager. "Is that like a mooshroom? Whatever. How many ya got? And how much for one?"
Then a girl walked up to him and said, "What is coffee? Hurrrrrrn? I wanna try some!"
"Me too!" shouted another.
A man pushed through them all. "I'll trade five emeralds for some coffee!"
"Six emeralds!" bellowed an old man.
Another old man: "Ten! Ten emeralds!"
Even an iron golem approached, and in a deep, awkward voice said: "Me-also-want-coffee."
Finally, Mike just shouted at them all. Said something about how he didn't want to trade anyway, because no one had enchanted stuff. He ran off as the villagers chased him: the words giraffe and coffee were spoken at least a thousand times.
Somehow, Mike lost them in the streets. Then he ran into Bub.
Bub's a farmer. A really nice one. Quiet. Helpful. What's more, Bub never tries to cheat anyone in a trade. He'll give you a good deal every time.
Also, he had a really nice enchanted iron pickaxe he'd been wanting to sell.
In other words, Bub was just the kind of villager Mike was looking for.
Mike and Bub started talking, outside of Bub's farm. Just as the crowd of villagers spotted him again, Mike and Bub stepped into Bub's house. That was the last time anyone saw either of them.
Several villagers waited outside. Waited for Mike to return, so they could pester him about giraffes again. Yet, Mike never came back out.
At some point, the villagers got tired of waiting around, and opened the door to Bub's house.
No one was there. Both of them were gone.
Obviously, Mike had done something. But what? Where did they go?
Of course, we've had problems with outsiders before.
—Noobs stealing our vegetables (such as that guy from last week).
—Noobs stealing from blacksmith chests.
—Actually, noobs stealing anything that can possibly be stolen. Even wool blocks from our street lamps.
—Griefers setting fire to our crops.
—Weird guys trying to pass off big green seeds as emeralds in trades. (Seriously. How stupid do outsiders think we are?)
—Warriors using our furnaces.
Once, my family couldn't even cook dinner because this warrior charged into our house, and began using our furnace to smelt a stack of iron ore.
He didn't even ask or say hello—just boom, walked in, and started smelting in front of us . . . without saying a single word.
My dad, being the real nice guy that he is, didn't yell at the intruder. He simply crafted another furnace for us to cook food with.
Maybe you can guess what the warrior did. Yeah, he just said 'thanks', then used that second furnace to smelt another stack of ore.
Hurrrrrg.
But then, all of that isn't so bad, compared to this. An abduction? In our village? What's going on? It's the first time a villager has ever been kidnapped before.
Why would someone want to kidnap Bub, anyway?
What's the point?
It's really kind of strange.
Thankfully, we're pretty sure Bub wasn't hurt. If he had been, at least one of our iron golems would have gone crazy. Yet, not one of them did anything this morning. Well, except hand out flowers as usual.
While I was gazing out of my bedroom window, I saw an iron golem trying to give a flower to a pig. I guess it didn't know what to do, because there weren't any kids outside, due to the "Mike incident".
I just hope they can find Bub.
Us kids can't go outside until they do. Until the elders say it's safe again.
Oi.
How boring.
That means, there's no school tomorrow as well. So, the building test is postponed. Maybe we'll have it Friday, who knows.
Oi, oi, oi.
Whatever. It gives me more time to prepare.
Even if I can't see Stump today, or tomorrow, I can think of some stuff to build. I'm sure Stump's doing the same right now. Also, I'll get some building practice in.
Okay, I'm off . . . seeya, diary!
WEDNESDAY
First, some good news.
I built some walls in my bedroom last night. Every time I built one, I destroyed it then built another out of a different material. My mom wasn't too happy about that. I was making a lot of noise, and then she couldn't even open the door to find out what was going on.
The things us students do to improve, hurrrr?
After all that grueling work, though, my building score went up.
It didn't go up by much—from 3 to 5—but it's better than nothing, yeah?
Strangely, this means, the record book can somehow judge my progress and update on its own. It's a pretty cool item the elders came up with.
How did they craft it, I wonder? The elders, they might be wimpy old men, but they're pretty clever. They can create things that even warriors can't. Secret things. Our knowledge goes way back.
Now, don't go thinking I can just sit in my room all day, build some walls and raise my building score to 100. I think the only reason I was able to do that was because of my horribly low score.
I'll try again tonight and see what happens.
As for the bad news?
No, there's no bad news today. The mobs didn't attack at all last night. Maybe Tuesday night is their off night?
A little update.
Somehow, it's only good news today.
Some woman found Bub.
She's a friend of his; she was walking by his house and heard faint shouting. It was coming from in the ground, under Bub's house.
It didn't take very long for the miners to find him. They tore apart the whole floor of Bub's house. As it turned out, he had been sealed underground, in cobblestone.
Don't worry, he's alive. His house, though . . . it's seen better days. By looking at it, you'd think a family of creepers went off underneath it.
Now. one might be wondering why Bub was trapped in cobblestone under his house. Why would Mike do something like that? What did he have to gain?
We have a general idea.
Mike trapped Bub there because he didn't have enough emeralds for Bub's pickaxe.
Whenever Mike found enough, he could come back to trade. He was "saving" Bub, then. He was smart enough to not attack the farmer, since iron golems would clobber him in response.
It's kind of sad. Sometimes, the outsiders treat us worse than the mobs do. Some only think of us villagers as walking trading machines. Hey, this guy's trading some good stuff. Better seal him up in stone.
It's not right, you know? We're people, too.
Honestly, there's only one reason the elders still let us talk to outsiders. Steve.
Actually, in some strange way, the incident actually helped. It made us feel better about ourselves . . . because we took care of it without the help of Steve.
Steve's great and all, but we c
an't always rely on him to save the day, now can we?
As for Mike, he'd better not come back. That's all I have to say.
Stump tricked an iron golem into thinking that Mike is a new kind of zombie. It was the same iron golem that wanted coffee yesterday. So, he told the golem that Mike is a 'coffee zombie'. If it smashes him, it will find coffee instead of a zombie's usual rotten flesh.
That set the golem off.
It's been walking around the village all day, in search mode, its eyes glowing brightly.
Stump is pretty cool. That's why he's my best friend and building partner. I can always count on him to come up with cool stuff, too.
We're still not sure why that golem wants coffee, though. Maybe because all those villagers wanted it? Maybe if the golem ever found some coffee, it'd start handing it out to the adults, the same way they give flowers to kids?
After the village settled down, Stump and I spent the rest of the day at our old hang out spot. The old field next to the wall. He brought a cake from his house (his parents are bakers, that's why his family is good at crafting).
And yes, while we powered through slice after slice of the best cake in Minecraftia, we came up with a pretty good building idea.
I'm not gonna write about it in here, though.
Not yet.
It's top secret, you know?
If Max stole my diary again, and read this section, he'd know all about Project X.
I'm warning you now, though. Don't get your hopes up. It's not the most interesting house. But hey, it's sure to win the teacher's hearts. That's what matters, right now. I'm thinking my building score will reach 10 after this.
Hurrrrr. I'm getting all excited about a building score of 10. How pathetic am I?
Some time later, as we sat in the grass and gazed at the clouds, we found a book. Someone had stashed it in the tall grass.