by C. A. Harms
I picked up my drink, walked toward the kitchen table, and sat down, then began pulling at the label on my water.
Sam joined me after a few minutes. He was right. When his hand connected with mine, I about jumped out of my skin. Yet I ignored the obvious and gritted my teeth as my gaze shifted to his.
“It can’t be easy knowing that he’s still out there. But they’re trying to locate him,” he said. “Maybe you should talk to someone about what you’re feeling.”
“I don’t need someone to tell me why I feel the way I do. I already know.” I stood and gripped my water bottle tightly. “I’m fine, Sam. Please just let it go.”
I locked myself away in my room after a long, hot shower. I didn’t think I would ever be able to get the feel of Randy’s calloused hands off my skin. I felt as if they were touching me over and over, every second of every day.
The silence of the night set in, making me dread what could happen next. What if Randy broke in? What if Sam and Logan tried to protect me and he did something to them? My mind raced with the what-ifs. I couldn’t stomach it.
My phone vibrated on the nightstand, and the sound made me jump.
I grabbed it and stared at the screen.
Tanner: Tomorrow morning be ready at 8. I’m taking you to the gym this time. T
My heart raced as I gripped my phone tighter. What the hell?
Me: I can get there without you.
I sat on my bed, in the dark, staring at my phone as I waited for his response, which I knew would come.
Tanner: I know you can, but you’re not. I said be ready.
I glared at my phone as if he could see my reaction. Who the hell did he think he was? This had nothing to do with him. I wasn’t some girl that would fall at his feet in awe. Okay, so once I would have been, but now things were different. I didn’t need him, or anyone else for that matter, taking care of me. I wasn’t about to let anyone push me around.
***
Waking up to a loud knocking on my bedroom door was annoying. Looking over at my alarm clock, I groaned.
7:59 a.m.
I buried my face in my pillow and wished for only a little more time.
“Open the door, Lily, or I will.” Tanner’s voice was forceful and domineering, and it only grew louder with each passing moment. “You have two minutes to be dressed and have your ass out in the living room. If you aren’t, I will rip this damn door off the hinges and carry you to the car myself.”
His footsteps faded down the hall as he stormed off. He was such a dick.
I slid from my bed and quickly slipped on a pair of Under Armour shorts. Shifting through the clothes that were scattered around my floor, I found a T-shirt. After running a brush through my hair, I pulled it up in a ponytail atop my head. I jerked my door open at the very moment Tanner was about to knock once again. I narrowed my eyes in irritation at him and pushed against his chest before moving past him. I heard his cocky chuckling but continued to march forward.
I couldn’t take the chance of looking back. I wasn’t blind; I had noticed the tight shirt that hugged his broad chest and arms. He had on a pair of workout pants, and I knew if I looked again the obvious arousal I felt from his effect on me wouldn’t be easy to hide.
Logan stood at the snack bar, hiding his grin behind his coffee cup. “Did you let him in?” I asked.
Logan looked over at Sam, who sat at the table, also drinking a cup of coffee. “What? He said please.” He shrugged as if that was explanation enough.
“Gah! Seriously, Sam?” I groaned. They all just loved tormenting me.
Our ride to the gym was quiet. I stared out the passenger window, avoiding him completely. I still had no idea how I felt regarding this invasion of my privacy. An invasion my brother and his boyfriend were accomplices to. I was secretly planning my form of payback. Maybe Super Glue on their hairbrushes or itching powder in their bedsheets. Oh, the ideas were endless.
Chapter Ten
Tanner
I probably should have handled this morning differently, but I had all kinds of shit running rampant through my mind. Namely Jed having his hands on Lily. I knew it wasn’t sexual for her, but Jed, on the other hand, was the biggest damn pervert I knew. He taught these classes to get his hands on women’s curves. So I was against any chance of him touching Lily. She didn’t need him; I would help her myself. No, I don’t know shit about teaching self-defense classes. But what I did know would, in my mind, be more useful for her to learn.
“What are we doing?” she asked as I led her toward the mats at the side of the boxing ring. I looked up and nodded at Max as he continued to pummel a willing partner in the center of the ring. With a quick look at Lily, I caught her eyes widen at the aggression being put on display.
I stepped up to her side, crossing my arms over my chest. I wanted to touch her so badly but refrained from doing so. “Have you ever in your life thrown a punch?” I asked. I watched her closely as she shook her head, still observing the testosterone rush before us. She flinched as Max made contact with his opponent.
“I wanna teach you,” I said.
Lily’s head whipped in my direction, her eyes growing wide. “That?” She pointed toward the ring. “You want to teach me that?”
Her reaction almost made me laugh. The girl was pretty damn adorable. “Sort of.” I watched her throat bob as she swallowed hard. “It’s actually a little less violent. Martial arts.” I paused, waiting for her reaction. “Have you ever heard of jiujutsu?” I asked when she stared at me blankly.
“You know martial arts?” Her voice was just barely above a whisper.
I nodded, grinning at her. “Yeah, I do. I’ve been taking it ever since I was about twelve. Not actively over the last few years, but I still practice on my own time.”
I’ll admit it, I let it go once I started partying, and with work I rarely had the time. But even with all my irresponsible behavior, I still trained on my own when I could fit it in my schedule.
“I want to teach you,” I told her. “I want you to feel confident. I want to give you back the security that piece of shit stole from you.” I never took my eyes off her, even when she looked down at the floor. “What do you say, Lil? Will you let me teach you?” I asked, taking a step closer and placing my hand on her shoulder.
She lifted her head, and the glossy appeal in her eyes made my chest ache. The expression on her face showed me my words had hit home. She couldn’t speak, but when she nodded, giving me the go-ahead, I took in a relieved deep breath.
I may be in over my head, but I didn’t give a shit. If I had to contact my old instructor, I would. Lily would walk away from this stronger and more confident, even if it killed me in the process. I would do everything I could to give her back the confidence that sick bastard robbed her of.
“Okay let’s get started,” I said as I pulled her in for a quick hug. It may have been too forward, but I think I needed it just as much as she did.
Over the next two hours I demonstrated different throws and immobilizing techniques. I showed her forms of choke and strangleholds. Her reaction to everything was cute, the kind of cute that made me feel the need to grin. She was seriously so innocent and sheltered.
As we kept practicing, my need to protect her, to save her, became even stronger. I wanted to be the one to bring her back. I wanted to be the person she turned to when she came out of this on top.
Lily being the strong, confident woman she deserved to be became my goal for her—a goal I would make sure she reached and conquered.
I let her pin me a few times, only to see her face light up as she realized she had done the move well. The look on her face when she succeeded pulled at something deep inside me. For a short time the darkness that had consumed her vanished, allowing the old Lily to shine through.
Lily was the only thing I could see in that moment. I allowed her to roll me over as she wrapped her legs around my arm, creating some strange move of her own. Her proud smile made me laugh.
Clapping broke my trance, and I arched my neck, looking behind me. I had no idea we’d gained an audience. Carson and Max stood just to the side of the mat, smiling brightly. Lily giggled at them, and damn if that sound didn’t light me up. She released her hold and sat up straight.
“Well hell, Lily, before long you’ll be teaching Tanner how to recover from getting his ass handed to him by a girl,” Carson said as he and Max stepped onto the mat.
“She’s a natural,” I said.
Her face reddened a bit before she shook the embarrassment off. “I’m going to go clean myself up a little. I’ll be back.” She hurried away before anyone could say anything else.
Once she was out of sight the guys started in, as I knew they would.
“You better brush up on your skills there, T. Lily looks like she could take you.” Max chuckled.
“Fuck you,” I grumbled as I pushed up off the mat. “If getting my ass beat gives her back even an ounce of confidence, then I’d be more than happy to take the beating.”
I grabbed the water bottle from my bag and sat back on the edge of the ring. They both stood five feet away, watching me closely. The look on their faces had me shifting uncomfortably, awaiting their next round of bullshit.
Carson took a seat next to me. “I’m proud of ya, brother. I like this side of you,” he said.
His praise surprised me; it was more than I expected. “Oh yeah, what side is that?” I asked before taking a swig of my water as I focused on the door Lily had walked out of only moments ago.
“The side that lays aside all the bullshit. The side that finally puts someone else before himself. For once you’re not trying to get laid. You actually feel something that you’ve never allowed yourself to feel before.”
Carson’s words sank in deep as Max sat on the other side of me and slapped his big bear claw down on my shoulder. I swear the guy was bred from fucking gorillas; he’s fierce.
“You’re falling,” he said with a chuckle. “The last Parks man standing and you’re about to fall to the fucking ground, joining the rest of us. You better hold on tight, because when you go tumbling down, it’s one hell of a trip.”
Hearing Max, the ladies’ man, say things like this still felt strange even today. I never thought he would ever settle down. Bree was one hell of a girl, though, and he was a lucky man. She knew how to handle his ass and set him straight, and he needed that.
Lily stepped back through the doorway, making my heart beat faster and my blood pump through me in a mad rush. Max and Carson were right, she was creeping in. Lily was the one girl that was going to break me, then rebuild me to be even stronger. She was one of the most beautiful people I had ever met, and her beauty was more than just skin-deep. She was caring and compassionate. She was bright and driven.
It angered me that she had to endure the things she had already faced. That man still roaming the streets better hope the police find him before I do. He’d be better off behind bars.
“You find that fuck yet?” I asked Carson, low enough that Lily wouldn’t hear.
“We’ve talked to family and friends. Nothing yet. He’ll fuck up, man, and when he does, we’ll be there to bring him down,” he assured me.
“You better,” I said.
Lily approached us with caution, and I offered her a reassuring smile. “You ready for another round?” I asked. “Or are you ready to quit?”
That confidence I longed for twinkled in her eyes as she smirked. “Oh, I’m just getting started. Why, do you already need a nap, old man?” She placed a hand on her hip and cocked her eyebrow in question.
A snicker came from my right as Max leaned back against the ropes.
“Old man?” I asked. “I’m only three years older than you.”
“Yeah, but you seem a little out of shape. Figured you may need to take a nap or something.” She smiled teasingly, taking a step back toward the mats.
Carson was the one chuckling this time. I ignored both of them. I was used to the quiet, standoffish Lily. Now here before me stood a feisty little thing who ignited a fire deep inside me.
“Out of shape,” I repeated. Standing up, I pulled my shirt up over my head and threw it to the mat. My cockiness won out as I began flexing my pecs. “Does this look like a man that’s out of shape?”
“Well now that you mention it…” she began.
I never gave her a chance to continue before I tossed her up and over my shoulder. Forgetting that my brothers were there was easy to do when I had Lily in my arms.
“How about I show you just how in shape I am? This time I’ll be doing all the pinning.” Yes, I admit it, for the first time since I picked her up this morning, my mind was wandering into new territory. I allowed myself to picture her beneath me, as her eyes rolled back into her head from the pleasure I was giving her.
Fuck, I had to rein it in. Sporting a hard-on right now would be the last thing I needed.
Chapter Eleven
Lily
For the first time in over a month I felt alive. Tanner had spent the last two weeks showing me everything he could about how to protect myself. I hoped I never had to use the skills, but it was nice to know I could if needed.
I was seeing a whole new side to Tanner, a side I had no idea even existed. Yeah, he was still the same cocky, dominating ass, only with more compassion. I don’t know if that makes sense at all, but he was just a better version of the Tanner I knew a month ago. He had let his guard down, and I was getting a glimpse of the man I knew he was capable of becoming if he let go.
I noticed I was looking forward to the time I could spend with Tanner. Knowing that we would be together helped me get through my time without him. The two hours a day I spent with him gave me the confidence to face the rest of my tasks and the jump-start to reconnect with the Lily I’d lost touch with.
I knew I had to be careful with Tanner given the kind of past he’d had. I knew he had the ability to suck me in and spit me out, leaving me a mess once again. I couldn’t allow that; I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pick myself up again. Still, over the weeks Tanner and I had developed a friendship. He’d become someone I could rely on, the person who pushed me to stay strong. That friendship became my foundation to rebuild myself.
“Rise and shine, sweetheart. We got work to do,” Tanner called as he beat on the door of my apartment. “You’ve got ten seconds to open up before I use my key.”
What? His comment made me stumble as I walked toward the door. I yanked it open and placed my hands on my hips. “Key? How the hell did you get a key to my apartment?”
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Don’t have one, but it got you to open the door now, didn’t it?” He nudged me with his shoulder and chuckled as he pushed his way inside. Taking a seat on the couch, he then propped his feet up on the coffee table, reached for the controller, and began flipping through the channels. He had a way of making himself at home.
I closed the front door and took the empty spot next to him. He stretched out and placed his arm behind my head, and without thinking I rested my head back against him. I had grown so accustomed to his closeness that this felt like an instinct. It was comforting, and not even remotely sexual.
The room was silent except for ESPN on the television. Tanner was completely engrossed in the broadcast, and I took the opportunity to watch him. His brows shifted between arched and crinkled in question as he listened to the rundown of today’s games. His phone rang, and he lifted his hips to pull it out of his pants pocket. After looking down at the screen, he quickly lifted it to his ear. “What’s up?” he asked. He continued to watch television as he listened to the person on the other end. After a few seconds he looked over at me, smiling. “Yeah, I’m with her. We’re at her place.” He paused once more. “It’s not like that, man. We’re just friends.”
Well if that wasn’t a kick in the stomach, I’m not sure what would be. Granted, I had told myself the same thing not even an hour ago, but I hated the sound of it co
ming from him. I rose from the couch and went to the kitchen. Pretending to need a drink, I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge to busy my hands. I could still hear him talking on his phone in the other room. I tried hard not to let what he’d just said get to me, but it was pointless. I had to admit it hurt.
“Hey, Lil?”
I yelped, placing my hand on my chest.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Tanner chuckled, and I threw the half-empty water bottle at him. He caught it just before it connected with his head, still chortling.
“Ass.” I glared at him.
“Honestly, though, I am sorry. Where were you just then? It was like you were a million miles away,” he said, placing the water bottle on the counter as he slowly scanned my face. “You okay?”
“Yep, I’m fine,” I insisted.
He stepped closer, and I backed up into the counter. “We’ve been hanging out every day for what?” He narrowed his eyes. “For like three and a half weeks now.”
“Yeah, so?” I replied.
Tanner took another step, and his chest bumped against mine. He was breathing deep, and I felt it fan out over my cheek.
“Over that time, I think I’ve learned more and more about you. I’ve sort of figured out your moods, how to read them.”
My heart was racing. I had no idea where he was going with this.
He leaned in closer, his breath warming my neck, and whispered, “I know why your mood shifted just now. I only told Mason we were just friends because I know you aren’t ready for more. Because if you were, we would be well past that status. I’m waiting for you, Lil. The next step is up to you.”
My breathing was more like panting. His cologne had engulfed me and left me unable to function. That combined with his hard chest only inches away and his large frame towering over me, and I was one hot mess.