by S. Nelson
Then I remembered…
I shoved Kaden away from me, the four walls of the bathroom closing in on me. Either anger or panic or a mixture of both coursed through me, and when I spoke again, my voice was raised.
“I need to leave. I need to get away from you. This will never work. I don’t wanna be your friend and I certainly don’t want to be with you again.” My mood switched on a dime and would continue to do so whenever he was near me.
I couldn’t separate my past hurt from my future hope.
For the first time since Kaden started pursuing me again, fury painted both his expression and his words. His shoulders rose slightly, the tension in his body making his muscles twitch.
“Why do you hate me so much? I never hit you. I wasn’t a drunk or a drug addict. I never cheated on you.”
I wanted to tell him I didn’t hate him anymore, but the moment he uttered those last words, I couldn’t control my response.
“Liar!” The accusation flew out of my mouth as if I’d been waiting for him to address the real reason I stopped talking to him.
“What am I lying about?” He slapped the top of the counter when I didn’t answer. “You wanna call me a fuckin’ liar, tell me what I supposedly did.” When he hit the vanity top once more, I steeled my nerves, but my inner strength didn’t last long at all.
“That night….” My brain stumbled over the words I tried to form, the recollection of finding him with someone else on the couch in the clubhouse tearing me apart all over again.
My eyes became unfocused, and instead of looking into his, I stared off into space, trying to devise some sort of plan to get out of this conversation and away from him.
“What night? What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”
I retreated until there was more space between us; only then did I allow the words to flow freely. “I came looking for you the night you stormed out of my house.” I couldn’t remember exactly what we’d been fighting about, but the argument had ended up being the catapult to the demise of our relationship. “I finally found you at the clubhouse, passed out on the couch, but you weren’t alone.”
Kaden rushed toward me, reaching out to touch me, but the only contact he’d get would be a slap in the face if he managed to put his hands on me.
“Don’t.”
“Ry… please. It’s not what you think. I swear.” There was no question he knew exactly what incident I referred to.
“You’ll say anything right now because you don’t wanna be the bad guy. The bastard who fucked someone else while you should’ve been with me. Comforting me.” I whispered the last part, and while his ears pricked up, I wasn’t sure he heard what I said.
“What are you talkin’ about?” Maybe he heard me after all.
“You should’ve been there for me.” I looked toward the ceiling, cursing myself for becoming emotional again when all this shit was in the past. I was stronger now, better off without him in my life. “You betrayed me. You cheated on me when you swore you would never do that to me.” He clutched his hands at his sides. “You broke us, and we can’t be fixed.”
“I didn’t sleep with that girl.” I shook my head, not wanting to listen to any more lies, but he was on me before I could stop him. He placed his hands on my cheeks so that I couldn’t turn away from him. “I swear on everything I love, including you, that I did not have sex with her. I never once cheated on you. I got shitfaced at the clubhouse and passed out on the couch. When I woke up, some chick was draped over me, snoring in my ear.” He leaned in uncomfortably close, like he was set on kissing me. His eyes traveled over my face. “Brick brought back several chicks that night, and she happened to be one of them. I’d never seen her before. I swear I’m tellin’ you the truth.”
The sincerity in his eyes told me he wasn’t lying, but it didn’t erase anything. Maybe some of the hurt, but not all. Finding him with someone was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Everything leading up to that point had torn me apart way before I laid eyes on him with some random bitch.
I shoved him back and tried to walk around him, but he stepped in front of me. “Get out of my way.”
“Why won’t you believe me?”
“I don’t wanna talk to you right now.”
“That’s the problem. You don’t ever wanna talk to me.”
“How does it feel?” Every word I spoke was laced with rage. I poked his chest. “How does it feel to want to talk to me only to have me ignore you, to distance myself from you emotionally, and now physically?” Again, I tried to leave, but he refused to let me go.
“I’m so sorry, for everything.”
“Yeah, you’re sorry all right. Now get out of my way before I start screaming.”
He smirked and I failed to think of a time when I’d wanted to slap him more. “We both know you’re not gonna cause a scene and draw attention to us. Your dad is close by.”
I threw my hand on my hip and tilted my head. “How sure are you about that?” A flash of fear covered his face but was gone a second later.
Kaden showed me his palms and took a step to the side, all while still blocking the door. “Answer me one thing and I’ll let you go.” I nodded hesitantly. “Why did you need me to comfort you?”
He definitely heard what I said.
I played dumb. “What?”
“Just before, you said something about how I should’ve been with you, comforting you. What does that mean? What happened?”
“I don’t remember,” I answered too quickly.
“Bullshit,” he said, clenching his jaw. “Tell me. I have a right to know.”
“You don’t have a right to anything,” I shot back, lowering my head because I could no longer look at him. Kaden would push me until I caved. He was persistent, but this was one time I didn’t think I could handle the fallout. I’d become vulnerable, reliving the past hurt he’d caused. We were too close now, in every way that threatened to be my undoing. “Move.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me. I can see it written all over your face.” He lifted my head and surprisingly I didn’t resist, my will depleting more with each passing second. “You have something to tell me and I wanna know what it is.”
I had two choices. I could tell him the secret I’d hid from him or I could continue to play dumb and hold my secret safe. He’d eventually let me out of the bathroom.
Question was, did I have the energy to wait him out?
Taking a deep breath, Kaden’s scent infiltrated my senses, and while I wanted to move into him to get another hit, I stayed still, silently counting to twenty. When the time was up, I started over again, hoping the longer I stayed silent, the more agitated he’d become and eventually give up and walk out. But I should’ve known better. The man before me was impossibly stubborn, probably even more than I was, and that said a lot.
“Just. Tell. Me,” he reiterated, his words more forceful this time.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because.” I was slipping, crumbling, and I feared if I revealed what he wanted to know, there would be nothing left. For as irrational as my thoughts were, my secret had sealed the parts of me together that had shattered after my relationship with Kaden had ceased to exist.
In his impatience, he slammed his hand against the wall, startling me enough to force myself to be present. I’d been lost inside my head, but this intrusion shoved me out of my inner ramblings and justifications.
“I swear to God, if you don’t tell me right now, I’m gonna think the worst.” His worst would be nothing compared to the truth.
Parting my lips to speak, I thought better of it, unwilling to allow that last part of me to be freed, and closed my mouth.
Then Kaden did something he hadn’t done since we were together, when he wanted to get something out of me.
He poked my shoulder, not hard enough to hurt but forceful enou
gh to fuel my anger.
“Don’t do that.” I knew what he was tryin’ to do. Whenever I became incensed, I couldn’t control what came flying out of my mouth.
He poked my shoulder again, and while I tried to regulate my breaths, they seemed to escape me, coming faster, choppier.
“Come on, Ry. Tell me.” His condescending tone plucked at the last shred of restraint I had. Anger painted his features, his patience for our song and dance finally depleted. He raised his hand to poke me once more, and it was then everything rushed over me, realizing there was no way out of this bathroom unless I told him what he wanted to know.
My thoughts jumbled together, my heart rammed against my rib cage, and my vision blurred. The overwhelming need to hurt him took over, and before I realized I’d raised my hands, I smacked his chest with as much strength as I could muster.
The power of my hit forced him back a step.
“Tell me,” he said, his voice deeper and angrier than seconds ago, the sneer on his face screaming that he didn’t care I’d struck him. In some sick sort of way, I believed he enjoyed it because that meant he got to me.
“I hate you.” I hit him again, but that time he didn’t move. Instead, he gripped my wrists, pinned them together and pulled me into him.
“Tell me now.”
I tried to stop the onslaught of words barreling from my mouth, but I couldn’t, and a part of me breathed a small sigh of relief once the first syllable passed my lips.
“I was pregnant.” I managed to wriggle free of his hold and pushed him back, and he let me, his eyes widening after my confession. “I came looking for you to tell you, to try and figure out what we were gonna do, but when I found you, there… with her… I ran.” If I took a breath, I wouldn’t finish, so I kept spewing it all out. Or should I say, shouting? “I was so upset… then my car went off the road. I couldn’t see the bend because I was crying too hard. Two days later I had a miscarriage.”
I’d told everyone an animal had run across the road, and I had no choice but to swerve. I had a scrape on my knee and had hit my stomach with the bottom of the wheel, but I thought I was fine, until I wasn’t. My car had been repaired soon afterward, and no one was any the wiser as to what really happened.
A guttural sound forced its way up my throat before I could trap it. The walls seemed to close in on me, and I found it difficult to inhale a full breath. I didn’t want to; I willed my emotions to remain somewhat manageable, but I lost the battle when tear after tear coursed down my face.
When I looked at Kaden, his complexion had paled, his lips were parted, and I’d never seen so much of the whites of his eyes before. The way he looked at me made me feel as if I should comfort him, like he was in some sort of emotional torment when that couldn’t possibly be true. Right? I never considered his feelings about the pregnancy and miscarriage because I never intended on telling him.
But now everything was out in the open.
I didn’t know what was worse, enduring the silence or having it end.
“Riley.” The way he said my name made me want to fold myself into his embrace yet also made me want to run. I didn’t think one word could slice me apart and comfort me all at the same time.
Before I could decide what to do next, Kaden swallowed the small space between us and wrapped his arms around me, his strength giving me the courage to finally deal with what happened, not only with the miscarriage but with us.
When he pulled back to look at me, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs, he stared into my eyes for a moment before speaking. “I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you hop on top of me at the clubhouse and make me explain myself? Why didn’t you ask me about what you saw?” His eyes glassed over. “Why did you just walk away?”
Kaden’s tone was calm, but his voice was filled with pain and uncertainty. I didn’t believe I owed him anything, but if I wanted to stop hurting and to stop being angry all the time, I needed to have this conversation with him in full. But I didn’t want to have it stuck in a bathroom with our family upstairs.
“Please talk to me now,” he pleaded, caressing my cheeks.
The warmth of his palms lit me up from the inside, stealing the last bit of anger I possessed. “Not here.” He parted his lips to speak but I shook my head. “I’ll explain everything but not now.”
His quick nod told me he understood.
After splashing cold water on my face and making sure I didn’t look like a hot mess, drawing attention to the fact I’d been crying, I moved past Kaden and wrapped my fingers around the handle.
“We can talk later tonight. I can come over,” I said, not wanting to wait any longer than necessary. Three years had been long enough.
“I have a few things to take care of after I leave here, but I’ll text you as soon as I’m done. Won’t be too late.”
It was my turn to nod.
For the first time in years, I looked forward to a sense of peace in my life, a small smile of hope lifting the corners of my mouth as I opened the door.
But then my heart skidded to a stop, the air forced from my lungs in an unbelieving whoosh when I saw who stood on the other side.
“Dad?”
29
“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.” Stone looked right past his daughter and drilled his furious stare into me. I’d never seen this darkness in his eyes before, and I’d born witness to many of his outbursts during my life. But this time was different because his sights were set on me. He wanted to hurt me, kill me even, just like he threatened, and for all the times Riley and I half joked that he would indeed put me in the ground, I never truly believed he would.
Not until right now.
Any hope I had of escaping this bathroom alive was dashed the second I realized Stone had heard our conversation, or enough of it to be as enraged as he appeared. A vein I never saw before thickened in the middle of his forehead, his face reddening the longer he stood there glaring at me.
“Dad….” Riley stepped forward, to do what I wasn’t sure, but whatever intention she had was moot because he physically removed her from the room before lunging at me. I didn’t have time to see if there was anyone else there, besides Riley, who could possibly help me escape the wrath of Stone before his fist connected with the side of my face, hitting me square on the jaw. Before I could react, he hit me again, this time his knuckles catching my lip.
I stumbled back and Riley screamed louder. Other voices drifted through the air, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than trying to defend myself.
For a guy his age, Stone had a mean right hook, and while I would’ve gone toe to toe with almost anyone else, I couldn’t throw down with Riley’s father, the VP of our club, the man I’d grown up with and viewed as a second father, for as odd as that sounded given the circumstances. I respected Stone, but I was also man enough to admit I feared the guy as well.
“I trusted you,” Stone roared, landing another punch, this time to my abdomen, the air being painfully expelled from my lungs. Hunched over and clutching my stomach, I braced for another hit, but it never came. When I dared to look up, I saw Tripp and Marek behind him, dragging him out of the small enclosure. There was a lot of shouting, but everyone was yelling and talking so fast I could barely make out any of the words.
Riley rushed back into the bathroom and squatted down to check on me. “Oh my God, Kaden. Are you okay?”
“N-not really,” I stuttered, pain continuing to rip through me.
“Riley! Get away from him!” Stone continued to yell at his daughter, even while his friends held him back.
Riley ignored him, gently lifting my face so she could look at me.
“Don’t,” I said when her fingertips whispered over my jaw and then my cut lip, the blood painting her fingertip. “I think it’s best you leave.”
“Why?”
I wanted to remove the hurt look from her face but had to focus on one thing at a time. “Because you being next to me right now i
s gonna send Stone into another realm of crazy.” I hated watching her eyes fill with tears. “Go. I’ll text you later.” I whispered the last part, partly because I didn’t want anyone else to hear and partly because the pain in my stomach prohibited me from speaking any louder.
Her touch lingered on my face before her hand fell away. “But what if he comes after you again?”
“He won’t. Not today, anyway.” I heard Addy’s voice outside the bathroom. “See? Your mom’s here. She’ll talk some sense into him.”
“I don’t think that’s possible, not with the state he’s in.”
The shouting continued, and while I tried to focus solely on Riley, I couldn’t help but wonder if Stone would indeed come after me as soon as she left.
“Go,” I told her once more.
“Okay. I’ll see you later?”
The only motion I could accomplish was a short nod.
In all our interactions lately, this was the first time I had high hopes for things working out between us, but it was unfortunate it took her dad attacking me to make her concede.
As soon as she left, I slowly stood.
“What happened?” Addy appeared next to a furious Stone, who was now standing in front of Tripp and my dad, their backs to me, Stone’s stare lasered on me. Riley’s mom rushed into the bathroom, checking my face before pulling my arm away from my body. “Are you okay, honey?”
“I will be.” While there was a bruise forming on my jawline and I continued to taste a trickle of blood from my lip and my stomach still hurt, I was otherwise intact.
“Why did he hit you?” She didn’t wait for me to answer before she turned to look at her husband. “Why did you attack him?”
“Because he’s been messin’ with Riley and he knocked her up.” His nostrils flared as he took a step toward us, but my dad held him back, barely. He said something to Stone, but I couldn’t hear what it was.