Stardust

by Rue Volley

  “So, what is your name?”

  “Oh yeah, man. I am sorry, it is Jasmine, but people just call me Jazz for short.”

  He glanced down at my clothing, of which would probably seem a bit outrageous for some, but I love color and being different.

  “Like a jazz club, I like that,” he said as he walked past me and to the door. He stopped and turned back to me. “Well, Jazz, I am going to go get a drink and a smoke. Do you want to come with me?”

  I shook my head ‘no’ before I realized it may seem rude.

  “Oh, okay,” he said as he disappeared through my door and I ran to it and leaned out as the train's movement made me sway on my feet.

  “I don’t smoke!” I called out to him, he turned around and walked backwards as he grinned at me. He seemed to have no trouble with his balance at all.

  “Good thing, it is a nasty habit.” He turned and kept walking away from me.

  I bit my lip and then spoke up. If it was the grief guiding me, I didn’t care. I felt compelled to not allow him to simply slip away from me. “I could use a drink.” I called out to him. He stopped and turned back. I knew from his expression that it made him happy and it felt good, I will not lie.

  He looked me over. “I would be happy to buy you one.”

  “I have money, I can buy my own.” I said as I relaxed against my doorframe.

  He laughed. “Oh good, because I don’t have any money, at all. I was banking on you saying no, you seem to be pretty feisty.”

  I laughed and narrowed my eyes. I slipped back into my room and ran to my suitcase. I opened it up and pulled out a fresh shirt and jeans. I slid my dress off and slipped the t-shirt over my head. The jeans followed as I ran to the bed and laid down on my back, buttoning them up and tapping my fingers on my stomach. I glanced over at the picture of my dad and smiled at him.

  “Did you send him here, Dad?” I asked him as he grinned back at me from the black and white photo. I sat up and walked back over to my open suitcase and grabbed a hot pink scarf with white birds all over it. I wrapped loosely it around my neck. I ran to the bathroom and shook my head, as my hair looked ridiculous. I quickly fingered through it and watched it stick up every which way but the right one. I grabbed some gel and messed with it until it looked presentable and stopped. I stepped back and shook my head, suddenly weirded out by caring so much about how I looked. I shook it and let it get messy again and grinned. This was me now, a bit messy and wild. I hesitated as I stared myself down.

  “Why? Just go and have a drink damn it,” I whispered. I ran back to the door and slid it open, only to stop dead as Cody stood there waiting for me. I bumped into his chest and he smiled down at me. I rubbed my nose and laughed.

  He looked down into my eyes, his bright with anticipation. “I don’t think I have ever been on a date so fast in my life.”

  I held my hand up to him. “This is not a date.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, what do we call it then?”

  “A chance encounter.”

  He laughed and I stepped back from him. “What?” as my right eyebrow rose. Another common trait in my family.

  He rubbed his neck. “Are you sure you are not a writer?”

  I swallowed and placed my hands into my pockets. “Well, maybe a little.”

  “Novelist?” he asked me and I shook my head.

  “No, newspaper. I write articles that no one gives a shit about, in the back…way back, like almost off the end of the paper itself.”

  He laughed and then parted his lips. I noticed his white teeth and his tongue behind them. I blinked and collected myself. Yeah he was cute, so what? I need a drink. I walked past him and out into the hallway as he followed me. The train rocked and I stumbled. His one hand going to my waist and the other under my arm. He steadied me as I once again felt him close to me. I sighed and he let me go.

  I turned to him and nodded. “Thank you, again. I am fine, really, I am. I just have crap balance.” He looked me over and I liked it. His expression soothed me. It was odd to meet someone that I immediately felt comfortable with. I had heard about it happening with people, I had just never experienced it for myself.

  He smiled, without saying a word. I followed along and then ended up next to him. I glanced over at him and felt grateful. I know it may seem simple, but he was helping me not think about what I needed to do when I got home.

  It was not going to be pleasant and I already knew that all of my sisters would be as annoying as ever. Asking me a million questions as to why I was not with anyone, when would I be getting married and be settling down. All things they did with ease. It was not easy to find someone who fit me like that. Marriage was important, it was a commitment to another human being that should be forever. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am not naïve. I know people change and things happen, but finding the puzzle piece that slips easily into your own life is not something I take lightly. I also wasn’t even sure who that would be. Would it be a girl or a guy? I had no idea. I was not avoiding it, either. I mean, if I meet a girl and she is the one, then that is how it is and I guess telling my mom and sisters would have to happen then, but without it happening, there was no need to say it. Not yet. My dad was the only person I had ever told that I was bi. Well, him and the one girlfriend I had when I lived at home.

  We sat at the table and our drinks vibrated. The bumps beneath the train were causing ripples in the liquid as if something was coming. I looked up at him and his eyes looked even prettier in the light of the bar car. I leaned back and fingered at my drink and he took the initiative to talk to me. I needed him too. I need to just NOT think about my dad and the inevitable fact that I would be attending his funeral. I touched my chest as my heart fluttered and hoped like hell I was not going to have a panic attack. I had had them a few times in my life, normally when the stress of things became too heavy to bear…or, when my sisters would surround me and bombard me with their opinions. I fingered at the small space at the base of my throat and Cody noticed.

  “Drink,” he said to me and I looked up into his eyes. “It will help,” he added, as if he knew.

  I narrowed my eyes. “What? I am fine.”

  He nodded and leaned back in his seat. He glanced out the window and then began to speak in his calm tone. He was just one of those people who seemed to be completely relaxed and in turn, it would relax you too. I sighed and took a drink, thinking maybe he was right. I swallowed as he reached up and brushed his hair back, exposing his whole face.

  He cleared his throat. “I had panic attacks up until I was seventeen and then they stopped.” His eyes lingered on me as I tried to accept that he noticed. I sipped at my drink and didn’t say a word.

  He leaned up and interlocked his fingers on the table and I saw his hands, they looked soft, unlike my dad’s, which were dry and cracked from years of manual labor.

  “You got pale, sweaty. Rubbing at your chest and now you have a red spot. I am not psychic, I just know the signs,” he added.

  I glanced down and saw the redness on my skin. I adjusted my shirt and covered it up from him as I took the rest of my drink in one large gulp. He leaned back and watched me as if he cared, and maybe he did. Some people are able to care about anyone for any reason. Of course, then again, he could be a sociopath and simply takes on the traits of others and his empathy for plight is heightened. I need to stop over-analyzing it right out of the gate, did I mention I suck at relationships? I do, this is one of the reasons why.

  I took one deep breath and stared into his eyes. “Okay, I have them, but not that often,” I muttered as the alcohol started to relax me. I figure lying is futile at this point. He obviously notices details.

  His eyes remained soft, his tone even, and he sounded like an old friend. To be honest, it was a blessing, I needed comforting and someone to keep me from freaking out. “There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Jazz.”

  “I am not embarrassed,” I said as I looked out the window and he remained calm as he had the w
hole time.

  Then he spoke again as he fingered at his drink. “When I was five, I was in a car accident with my parents and my brother. My parents died, my brother and I lived.”

  “Oh my God…I am… I am so sorry.” I said as he shrugged his shoulder and looked towards the bar. He nodded to the bartender and the man started to make a new drink for him. I looked at the bar, too, and Cody spoke up.

  He held two fingers up to the man. “Make it two, please.”

  The bartender nodded and I sighed, looking at my empty glass as Cody finished off his.

  “I just can’t imagine going through that, I am so sorry.”

  “I can’t imagine it, either,” he said to me and I shook my head slightly and narrowed my eyes as it confused me.

  He then looked at the bartender as he brought two new drinks over to us and sat them down on the table. Cody handed him a credit card and told him to keep it on tab. I shook my head ‘no’ and Cody held up his hand to me.

  “Are you always this difficult?” he asked.

  I smiled and allowed the bartender to take his card.

  “I thought you said you had no money?” He laughed under his breath.

  “Credit cards only. It’s not real money, just borrowed.”

  “True,” I said as he looked back towards the window and took a drink.

  I studied his tight jawline. “So you said you cannot imagine it, what do you mean by that? I mean, a car accident is a horrible thing to live through and…well, how do you not know?”

  He kept his eyes on the scenery going by the window.

  “I don’t remember anything about that day, nothing at all.”

  I watched him very closely as he took yet another drink and then hissed as it burned his throat going down. I stared at mine and he looked at me.

  His eyes narrowed and his grin returned, “Don’t.”

  I leaned back and stared into his eyes, “Don’t what?”

  He grinned and placed his arm up on the back of his booth in a relaxed manner.

  “Pity me, I am totally fine. I can see it on your face, you feel sorry for me and there is no need to. I am just telling you this so you can relax and understand that I am damaged too.”

  I shook my head ‘no’. “I did not pity you in any way. I just, I mean, I think it is probably best that you don’t remember it and I am not damaged, I mean, I may be a little bit, but I never meant for you to take it as I thought you are damaged in any way.”

  He turned his head and moved his hair and I saw the scar on his scalp. It was white and ran about two inches in length. “Look,” he said, completely ignoring my sudden defensive position.

  “Ouch.” I whispered.

  He looked back at me and spoke as if it was every day and nothing to be alarmed by. “Yeah, I slammed my head into the side window, busted the glass and was thrown from the car.”

  I fingered at the base of my neck as the thought of it disturbed me. To think of a child going through that was horrifying. “Oh my God.”

  He pointed at me. “See, it is that look, right there.” He stared at me and laughed.

  I stopped messing with my skin and lowered my hand to my lap. “What?”

  “The ‘Oh my God’ tone, I am fine, I am, Jazz. In fact, it was somewhat of a blessing to be shielded from it. I mean, who would want to remember something like that any way?”

  I shook my head and decided to explain myself. “Listen, I am just reacting like any normal human being would to something like that. It was a terrible accident; you got hurt and your parents…”

  He interrupted me and said what I did not want to. “Died.”

  I sighed and fingered at my glass on the table, “Yes, that. The dying thing.”

  He leaned up. “Who died in your life, Jazz?” I parted my lips and almost said it as his words beckoned me to give into him. To just lay it all out for this attractive stranger right here and now. I felt the train starting to slow. I looked at the bartender who stared out the window.

  “Are we stopping?” I asked him.

  He dried the glass in his hand and set it down. “No, we slow down as we go over the long Bayberry Bridge. I think they do it for the tourists on the train. Gives everyone a better view of the valley,” he said.

  Cody leaned towards me from across the table and grinned. “Do you want to see something cool?” he whispered as his left eyebrow rose a little bit. His expression tainting me into saying yes.

  I raised an eyebrow and he stood up, extending his hand to me. I took it and he pulled me out of the booth. I looked back at the bartender as he nodded to me.

  “Come with me,” Cody said as he started to walk, my hand in his and me feeling a bit awkward. I had never had someone I just met take my hand and lead me anywhere, but I guess there is a first for everything. He just seems to be so comfortable in his own skin and a chameleon of sorts. I bet he could adapt to anyone or any situation very easily. I envied that in him, as I would guess most people would. It is true freedom to not be bound to insecurity and the opinions of others around you.

  We stepped through one car and then another. Passing my room and then ending up at the end of the train. He pulled out a card and jimmied the door open and the wind blew in, cold and refreshing for a second. He stepped through, his hair blowing up around his face with his hand outstretched towards me. I took a breath and tried to remember the girl I once was, the tomboy with no fear. I shed my reservations and reached out, taking his hand and stepping out onto the platform. He slid the door closed behind me as he leaned up and I found myself close to his chest once again. The heat coming off of him countered the chill in the air. He backed up and looked me over, his expression telling me that he was happy that I did this with him without question.

  “Come on,” he said loudly as he pulled me to a ladder and placed me in front of him. I started to climb after I looked back at him and he nodded. I stared up as I climbed, remembering the first time I had climbed my treehouse. It was frightening, but I did it anyway. That time, my dad had been behind me, making me feel safer. This time, Cody was and I know I really have no idea who he is, but sometimes a stranger can be a guardian angel. Someone who can make you instantly feel better no matter what is going on. I kind of felt like that with him and whether it was the grief, the alcohol settling in, or my old ways, I didn’t care. It felt good to just let go again.

  I reached the top and climbed onto the roof of the train. The wind was daunting and I felt as if I would slide off, but just as fear started to set in, he joined me. I felt his arm around my waist and he turned me and sat behind me. He took the brunt of the wind as I sat in front of him and looked out into the skyline. The sun was starting to set and the brilliant colors of pink and blue lingered behind. The chill in the air seemed to fade as his chest rested against my back. The sun broke one last time through the clouded sky and I closed my eyes as everything lit up in a gold hue.

  Cody wrapped his arms around me and for one moment, we sat there, not as two strangers, but as two souls sharing something very special together. There was nothing awkward about it and with that, I leaned back and he held me. I grinned as the sun continued to light both of our faces up and no words were needed, I mean, to be quite honest, they would have just ruined the moment. Sometimes you just have to shut up and listen. Listen to life and the beauty all around you.

  Chapter Two

  Misunderstanding

  “Oh crap,” I muttered as I rolled over and saw him lying in my bed. I pushed my blonde hair out of my bloodshot eyes and stared at him. His hair was fine, he looked peaceful and my head was aching with the five drinks I had downed. The train swayed and so did my stomach as a bottle rolled across the floor and hit the wall. I slid out and saw it. It was wine. So not only had I drank liquor, but I brought him back here with a bottle of wine. Just fabulous, and so not like me. Do not get me wrong, I am certainly NOT a prude, but having sex with complete strangers, whether I liked them or not, was not my style. I knew better. It could b
e messy and I am not one for messes, I prefer nice and simple, except for my clothing.

  I stood up and stumbled as I started to walk towards my small bathroom. I reached for the door and heard his voice. I closed my eyes, sighing, as I had to turn around and face him.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  I grimaced and hesitated for a few seconds. I mustered up the courage to face him. I turned and half smiled. It was awkward, I know that it was. It felt awkward and I felt stupid for allowing this to happen.

  I nodded as if I didn’t know him at all. “Good morning,” the tone of my voice sterile, even to my own ears.

  He ignored it and sat up. “Well, I guess I should get up. I am sure they have breakfast ready.”

  I crossed my arms on my chest and he stood up and looked at me. He started to button his shirt up as I tried to ignore his chest that was all muscular and enticing.

  “You go ahead, I am not hungry. I just don’t eat this early…not usually.”

  He continued on as if we were now a couple, or at least it felt that way. “I can go and bring something back for you, Jazz.”

  “No, really. It’s no big deal,” I said as my voice sounded colder than I meant for it to. I shook my head ‘no’ as he sat down and slid one shoe on then the other. I watched him until he stood up and rubbed his hands through his hair. He stepped towards me and I stepped back. He stopped and looked me over.

  “You look really good in the morning.”

  I sighed and then looked down, suddenly realizing that I was in my underwear.

  “Oh…my….God,” I said as I looked back up at him.

  He smiled and walked to the door. He then stopped and turned back to me. “Thank you,” he said softly as I watched him go.

  I ran into the bathroom and threw up, as I could not hold it back any longer. I stood up and stared into the mirror. I looked horrid so his comment was pity, the exact pity he had told me to avoid with him. I closed my eyes as I gripped the sides of the small sink.