by Kim Faulks
Still the burden whimpered when winter closed in. Burden wept when every piece of clothing wasn’t enough—there was never enough. Threadbare and filthy—the three shirts left me naked in the cold. They left me hurting…left me to chatter…
Gnash…gnash…gnash until my jaw ached. Gnash until I crawled on hands and knees to try the lock once more…the metal refused to budge. Not even with a whimper. Not even with a moan.
So I made my way back to the cold metal frame, and the springs that pinched my skin and left me blue.
Blue had been my favorite color once—until I wore it every day. On my back…on my legs, on the corners of my eyes and across my mouth. The chatter resounded, driving nails into my head—making the boy in me surface and bring with him all the terror of my past.
Shut it. I warned. I don’t want you…don’t need you. But the words were nothing more than a moan. I lost myself in the pain and the nothing.
There was no man, brother—no Marine. There was nothing but the constant motion—nothing but the throb—nothing but the agony. And nothing but the whimper that reduced me to the child once more.
Faster steps. My head bounced, splitting me with agony with every hard thud. A growl echoed to my right, another to my left. I cracked open my eyes to the blur of nothing until the flash of silver gripped me…silver eyes…wolf.
One to my right, another to my left. My hips ached across her shoulders. Muscle ground into bone as she gripped my thighs with the kind of strength that filled me with fear.
Black on black moved as they flanked us. Still my savior ran. Light, hurried steps were punctured with a growl of her own, something deep and feral—something that spoke of the kind of violence that would leave nothing behind.
“Gun,” a harsh whisper echoed. I licked my lips and tried again. “My gun.”
My hands bounced, hitting her ass and then finding the air. A current ripped through my palm, fingers were numb, like blocks of ice—leaving me useless.
I tried to clench my fist, tried to drive blood into flesh. But there was nothing, no sensation, no muscle…
Silver eyes followed. Silver eyes came close…so close I could see the outlines of their bodies, until the rush of water filled my ears and the beasts slowed, leaving us to surge forward.
The map floated to the surface of my mind. Red circles, markers leading me east and out of here. Alpha. My brother filled me like the rush of water…waiting for me…
“Wait,” I hissed as the ground bounced and blurred. “Wait.”
But my protector waited for nothing, slowing one step before she lunged. Icy water hit my face with a slap. The frigid touch covered my eyes and filled my nose, pushing deeper. I coughed, swallowed as she surfaced, moving with powerful strides to carve a path through the midnight rush.
She stumbled, slipped. My head and boots plunged under the surface before she surged upward, climbing slick rocks with me over her shoulder. She gasped, growled, heaved us higher and climbed free of the river’s edge.
My hands swung wide as she turned to look over her shoulder, gave one low snarl, and then drove forward, spearing headlong amongst the trees as we left the wolf pack behind.
She’s a survivor… The thought filled me as darkness closed in. That makes her dangerous.
I lost my way…lost time, seconds, minutes…hours as I flitted in and out of consciousness, until a faint sound broke the surface.
The whup-whup-whup of rotor blades echoed overhead. I winced as bright lights carved a path through the trees, blinding me for a second before the glare moved away.
They were searching…searching for me.
“Careful,” I whispered and lifted my gaze.
She was a blur until she lowered her focus, and her slate gray eyes found mine. “Human,” she whispered and then looked to the sky. “Human come…Human take.”
Wiry arms released, dragging my chest down close to hers before strong arms tightened once more. Long strands of tangled silver hair tickled my cheek. She smelled earthy, like the forest…she smelled free.
“Human come,” she urged, blinked and looked to the chopper above. “Human come for me.”
Those words stole the breath in my lungs.
I stared at her, finding nothing but truth in a child-like face. Freckles covered her cheeks, her nose, her forehead…and a cluster at the soft point of her chin. But it was the markings that drew me. War paint for a warrior. Three small dots down her forehead led to a swipe across the bridge of her nose. Two more, at each eye, like a soot carved tear line…and the last one dividing the middle of perfect lips and carried all the way down that perfect chin.
Her face blurred, washed away in a wave of agony. I fought, fought to hold to the image—fought to hold onto her. But darkness waited for no man, and the beast of my past moved in once more to stake its claim.
Can’t take you to the hospital…the voice from my past surfaced. Cruel words from a woman I never called mother. Cruel bird-like eyes nailed me to the floor. She chewed spearmint gum with an open mouth and stared at the blood that seeped from the wound at my side.
Opened, closed, opened, closed, white molars peppered with silver…I could see all the way down her throat, all the way into her black heart. Revulsion filled me, twisting the insides of my belly, and a whimper slipped free.
You gonna cry little man? she chided and then wrenched her head up to the hall. The TV blared in the background—a sitcom, laughs roared…laughter while I bled on the floor. Harold…Harold! Kid’s gonna cry… There was no answer. Harold didn’t care—not while the sitcoms were on…and they were always on. Shoulda done as you was told, she growled and stepped forward to poke my shoulder with a blood covered talon. Your own fault…all your damn fault. Glass crunched under her feet as she moved. Blood slipped down gangly legs and ran over my ankle to pool on the floor.
A moan filled my chest. I backed away from the memory—and the pain. Stay in the forest. My voice filled my head. Stay with the shifter—don’t go back there…don’t go back.
A twig cracked underfoot. Her sway rocked me like a damn child…and still my past cleaved its way through my mind.
You gonna cry…you gonna cry little Holden?
Tears slipped to carve a warm trail along my cheek. I could remember that kid, remember the way he held his belly as blood seeped through his fingers—remembered knowing in that moment he was going to die.
And he would have, without a tired old man…a neighbor that dropped that boy at the double doors of the emergency department. Lies…so many lies.
Attacked by a stranger, couldn’t get home…no they were a good family…no the broken bones were all me. I’m clumsy, spilled from my bike. Ran into a door…slipped down the stairs. They were a good family…kind…fed me well. I’m just skinny, eat a lot. No, I have more clothes…lots more, wardrobes full…I don’t feel the cold—not anymore.
I wasn’t crying…I wasn’t me. I was Ace. I was a Marine. I was a survivor—just like the shifter who carried me was a survivor.
That boy left me, that boy was a man—or tried to be while he sniffled and shifted from one foot to another while he swallowed and then knocked on a door. Footsteps echoed, a voice called out—who there?
Just me, I answered, Holden. My own voice echoed. Hey man…you got something? Hey…you got something? Just need a taste brother…just need a little…just to get me through.
The memories were cruel and that old ache surfaced with the pain. Just need something…just a little…just to get me th—
No.
That me was a stranger. He was nothing. Flesh without purpose…soul without a tether, without the weight of hope. That me floated, like a leaf on the wind, unable to care for even himself. He wasn’t me…and hadn’t been for a very long time.
Floorboards creaked, wrenching me from the claws of my past. Quiet…quiet, while outside the sound of a chopper neared. My guardian turned her head, gunmetal gray eyes met mine. “Human,” she whispered. “Human come. Human take.�
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She glanced to the ceiling. Her top lip curled, drawing that charcoal line to the bridge of her nose. Hard white teeth bared before the sound ended, and she found my gaze once more.
I nodded. Fire lashed my chest as I whispered. “Yes Human come. Human kill. Hide…you get me? Hide.”
But there was nothing, no recognition—no acknowledgement that she understood at all. The creak of floorboards carried me under once more and back to the unmerciful awaiting arms of my past.
Don’t shoot…don’t shoot me, man…
I stared at the tiny packets of rocks at his feet and looked into the young punk’s eyes. But it wasn’t really him I saw lying on the ground as he pleaded. It wasn’t really him that I hated. I saw myself, saw every weak need—saw every fucking cruel desire just to find a little peace—just to feel numb.
Just for it all to end—all the hate, all the hurt—all the fucking rage.
Rocks at his feet…rocks that glistened behind the plastic. Rocks that urged me forward with whispered promises of a perfect nirvana where all the demons of my past no longer mattered. The only thing that would matter was the next hit—the next taste—the next high, and yet every time I plunged that needle home, I wouldn’t quite get there.
It’s all good brother, take what you want…just don’t shoot, okay?
My hand never trembled, not even when my knees did. The cold steel warmed under my grip, finger around the trigger. All I needed was to squeeze. Human come, he growled looking up at me from the ground. Human take. Human kill.
The past morphed into the present…teeth chattered once more. Cold…so cold…ice at my back, like I lay on that metal bed once more. A whimper slipped from my mouth…and a growl responded, slamming into my head in stereo.
Bristles brushed my arm, and the soft swell of a breast followed, moving higher sliding across my chest. The throbbing pain was dull now, moving to the back of my head. But I couldn’t move, pinned down by the warmth of a body and the sound of her breath in my ear.
Her growl coupled with a breath, sending the vibrations into my body. The cold ached, pressing hard against my spine, and filling my lungs with an icy bite. I dragged in the scent of the earth and animal and stilled.
Floorboards creaked…but not under me…and not behind me.
The sound came from above.
White neon light stabbed through thin gaps above, shining bright in my eyes before the glare moved.
But it was her face I stared at…her face inches from mine.
Her eyes were wide, pupils blown. Lips curled, exposing canines that lengthened.
But there was no sound…no warning. She hummed with power and trembled with rage and there was something terrifying in her eyes. Something so far removed from human it made me shudder.
She was ready, ready to lunge, ready to kill as the heavy tread moved across the floorboards overhead…
19
Ghost
Warmth moved under me…a hiss of breath followed as Humans invaded my home. Humans with their bright lights like the sun. Humans with their black birds that came in the darkness; Humans that took and took and took.
But not this time.
Not this Human.
He stayed. He breathed. He smelled more like me the harder I rubbed. I pressed my body against him, sliding, pushing into his chest with my own. He stared straight ahead. Safe down here in the dirt, in the earth. Safe. My breath sharp like pain…I eased downward, sniffing, licking…the salty taste of his blood lingered on my tongue and moved in my mouth. But I wouldn’t eat him…was that why he moaned?
I nudged his belly and moved lower. Wouldn’t eat Human. I tried to send him the message—tried to make him understand.
I saved Human. I carried Human. I fought the wolves for Human.
The hiss of a breath, followed with a whimper. His body shifted as footsteps left my home. Black bird moved away…black bird hunted.
Let them hunt the wolves…I nuzzled lower, and pressed my nose between his legs. Let them hunt the black one—the one that waited for me—the one who wanted to kill. A tortured sound came from Human’s lips. I moved higher, staring into his dark eyes. Pain? Hunger? Eyes were wide, teeth bit lip. Pain…need. I whimpered and rose higher.
Blood stuck to his skin and tangled in short hair. I licked, sliding my tongue through the mess to swallow.
I heal you. I take care of you.
His blood slipped down my throat and into my belly. Hunger howled. Hunger savaged. I moved down, looking into the earthy depths. Wouldn’t eat Human. Wouldn’t kill.
“Thank you,” Human growled. “Thank you for saving me.”
I stilled, sniffed and wet my mouth, taking the last taste of blood deeper, and formed the word. “Ace.”
Black flared in the brown of his eyes. Whites shone. He moved his head…up, down. “Yes, that’s my name. Ace.”
“Ace.” The word was swallowed by the sound of black birds overhead. “Human.”
He winced. Pain…pain… I sniffed, moving to his head. No fresh…only old. Old blood. I licked, cleaning. Old blood.
“Yes human,” he whispered. “But not like them. Never like them.”
I eased down, pressing warmth to warmth, and dragged my nose across his neck. Spirit pulsed under my skin. Thud…thud…thud… The sound reminded me of my father. Fingers brushed my arm. Fingers that slipped over my shoulders and settled. Warmth to warmth. Nice, not like the coat of Spirit…like warmth of kill, but not eat—not hunger.
Like mine.
Warmth moved through my chest, warmth that spread out with my own. Thud…thud…thud… Like a hunt…like a kill—just with less blood.
Shallow breaths from Ace deepened. He slept…a lot.
Sleep, Ace. Sleep, Spirit murmured as my own darkness moved in. Sleep now. Tomorrow we run. Tomorrow we stay alive.
Dreams closed in, filled with the sound of terror—filled with my father’s screams…filled with my mother’s blood. Others slipped in…fragments of my past. The camp…the others. The blood-soaked earth and the bodies. Heavy bodies, too heavy for Ghost to lift.
But Ghost could drag. Ghost pulled bodies into a pile. Ghost whimpered, hugged her knees and waited. Wait for Spirit to come back to them.
But Spirit never came. Not for them. They stared into nothing, until crows came, until the wolves, and then they returned back to the earth, back to the bellies of the hungry, and Ghost left, returning to the empty rooms…and back to the stained floor.
Others were gone now and never returned.
Ghost was alone, always alone with the snow, and then the green, and then the fallen brown leaves, to return to snow once more. Over and over. Ghost was always alone. Ghost with no father. Ghost with no mother. Ghost with only Spirit. Ghost cried. Ghost hunted. Ghost made food, made soft pouches that held water, and then Ghost went farther, along the river to hunt.
Human whimpered underneath me. I moved, wrapping my arms around him. Warmth, just like the snow, like the cold. This was how we survived…together.
The darkness moved, seeping in through the cracks above. Earth kept me safe, earth kept me cold. I lifted my gaze to Human and stared. His lips were parted, soft snores rumbled from his chest. Skin was swelling, darkening. I sniffed—no fresh blood. His hands gripped my arms, holding me hard against him.
He moaned as I moved. Eyes fluttered open. Spirit raged in his eyes, snapping awake in an instant. I shoved my palms against the earth and rose, sniffing his neck, finding the thud…thud…thud…at the side, before moving lower.
I liked his scent, dark, musky…powerful. Fingers skimmed his chest, tangled in his covering and moved over the hard swell of muscle to the soft part below. The part I ate first. I wrenched my gaze to his. But not Ace…not Ace.
“What are you doing?” Ace hissed, his breath fluttered my hair.
Soft parts, warm parts—parts I wouldn’t eat—and then I reached for his hips and across. Bones hard, bones solid. Nothing shattered, nothing Spirit needed to he
al. His body twitched, soft flesh hardened under my hand. I rubbed, gentle, following the line between his thighs and back once more.
Ace grasped my wrist and stilled, drawing my gaze high. Need raged within the brown. Need and hunger turning his words husky and raw. “Jesus Christ, you’re killing me here.” He licked his lips with a shuddered breath. “Any other time…any other time.”
I dragged in his scent as desire bloomed. Didn’t understand Human. I pulled against his grip, testing his strength. Muscles bulged, tightening under skin.
“Gotta focus,” Ace growled, stare boring into mine. “Gotta keep us safe, get back to Alpha and find my damn gun. Do you understand me? Go back…back. Where we came…”
He was strong—I yanked my hand, breaking his hold—but not as strong as Ghost. Not as fast as Ghost. His brow narrow, forehead creased.
“You don’t understand me at all, do you? Jesus you’re all animal.”
His gaze drifted upward as he reached, fingers entwined in my hair. “So beautiful.” Eyes met mine. “So very beautiful.”
Beautiful…the word resounded in my head. I heard that word once before. Heard it from Human.
“Pretty little beast…beautiful…pretty little beast.”
I closed my eyes, waiting for his hand between my legs, for the bite of his claws…and for darkness to descend.
“No,” Ace growled, hand tightened around my wrist. “Christ…no. Where the Hell did you hear that? No, do you hear me? Not a beast…beautiful.” Rage softened. “Beautiful, wild, free.”
Sunlight cut through the floor overhead and flooded the brown of his eyes. He was the forest, the rich earth, the comfort…the love. Just like my father’s eyes…
I pushed up from the ground and shoved the latch. The trapdoor opened into the room. The spirit of my parents waited, bristles hard under my fingers. I gripped the edge and pushed, dragging one foot high and followed with the other.
A moan echoed from the den with the movement. I turned, finding Human holding his head. He stilled, breathed, until the moan died, and then dropped his hand. Fingers speared straight out, as though he expected claws…he touched his head, then stared as nails came away clean.