Rising Tides

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  I opened my hands and stroked his cheeks with my palms. “Don’t wonder. Just hold onto it.”

  Chapter Ten

  Although the days spent on the beach blurred together, there was always the distinct healing spell of the salted air around us. And in its own way, the ocean seemed to watch over us, each wave darting toward Tyler’s house before slowly drifting back. Over the last couple of months, I had painted many seascapes, each better than the last as I learned the secrets of the water’s intimacy.

  May eased into June’s shadow. For a while, it seemed as though my body had forgotten its wounds. For days, it seemed the headaches had vanished and that I could go on with my life just as Gary had gone on with his.

  But soon enough the fabric of time wrinkled like soft, white cotton soon enough. I had been taking a shower one May morning when the pain split through my head, exploding in my skull until the blackness came.

  When I awoke, I lay in bed with Tyler next to me, his head pressed against my chest and his arm draped over me. His eyes were closed, and his gentle breathing suggested sleep. The pain had lessened, but I still felt it digging deeply into my brain, carving the insides.

  I shifted slightly, knowing I needed a pain pill. Tyler straightened when he felt me move.

  “Kelly? Are you okay?”

  I reached up and touched my forehead. “I need a pill.”

  “Okay.” Tyler scooted off the bed and strode down the hallway toward the kitchen. A moment later, he returned, carrying a glass of water in one hand and my medication in the other.

  I sat up, took the pill, and chased it down with a long drink of water. After I had emptied the glass, I handed it to him and asked, “How long have I been out?”

  “A while.” He avoided my eyes and peered out the window. Both his hands pressed to the sill, and he leaned onto them. “I found you lying in the shower.” He took a deep breath and swallowed in a gulping motion. I could see his Adam’s apple move. “You’ve got a few bumps and bruises from the fall.”

  I lay against the pillow and closed my eyes, listening to the deep ribbon of his voice, imagining the words felt like satin against my skin. I lifted my hand and rubbed the bridge of my nose. With each passing second, I heard the drumming of his fingers more loudly and felt the rejection that came from his being unable to look at me. “I’m sorry about that,” I finally said.

  Tyler jerked upright. “Don’t apologize, Kelly. You don’t want pity. I don’t want apologies, okay?” He walked across the room and sat next to me on the bed. As he reached and took my hand, I could see his fingers trembling, stopping only when they’d wrapped themselves securely around mine. “It’s just been a while since you’ve passed out like that, almost like it had gone away, you know?” His eyes met mine, and he wore a sardonic smile.

  Chills swept up and down my spine on little spider feet. “Yeah. I know.”

  His arms reached around me, as though holding my hand hadn’t pulled us close enough to each other. “When I walked into the bathroom, it scared me, you know? I mean, there you were, and the water kept falling around you, and I got soaked pulling you out.” His fingers brushed up and down my back. “And I kept wondering how long you would have lain there if I hadn’t come in and found you.” His hands stopped. “I’m just scared, that’s all.”

  I pushed closer to him. “I know, Tyler. Me, too.”

  He held onto me for a few moments, and I felt each breath slip in and out of his body. I relaxed, feeling the rhythm of his body, and closed my eyes, surrendering completely to just being near him, being held by him, being loved by him.

  Tyler finally pulled away and smiled at me. I’d snuck in the bathroom to tell you you needed to pack an overnight bag, Kelly. I wanted to take you on a trip.”

  I brushed my hand across my head as though testing for pain. a little remained, and I forced myself to sit upright. “Great. Where are we going?”

  “Are you sure you’re up to it?” He stared at me, worry lines creasing his forehead.

  “Yeah.” I reached out and took his hand, lightly tracing circles on it. “Now where are we going?”

  “It’s a surprise.” He bent and kissed my forehead.

  “Does it involve a diaper?” I asked teasingly as I slowly stood.

  “Nope.” As I walked toward the living room, Tyler placed his hands on my shoulders and gently rubbed my neck. “No diapers, Kelly. Not unless you want one.”

  “I’ll pass,” I replied. “Just give me a chance to change.

  Five minutes later, we stepped out the door and into the golden afternoon. The sunlight trickled through Tyler’s dark hair, illuminating it, painting his dark skin a rich bronze.

  After he’d locked the door, Tyler slid his arm around me. In the distance, the ocean hummed toward the shore and gulls cried to each other. But all of that was a backdrop that painted my life with Tyler.

  “Kelly?” he said softly, stopping for a moment.

  “Yeah?” I laid my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

  “Before you came I used to think the ocean was perfect. But I think it was just waiting for you. You completed it. Now I can’t imagine it without you.” The arm that held me tightened slightly, drawing me closer.

  “It’s like heaven, isn’t it?” I replied. For a few moments we held onto each other and listened as people on the beach around us. People swam in the lazy tide. Children laughed and called to each other, and we drank in the world around us. Then Tyler started walking again, and I matched his slow strides to the sport utility vehicle parked in his driveway.

  He opened the door for me and I climbed inside as he went around and slid into the driver’s seat. As he started driving, I asked again, “So where are we headed?”

  “It’s a surprise,” he repeated stubbornly. “You’ll see when we get there.”

  I sighed in frustration. “Hey, what about a hint?” My hand covered his as it rested on the gearshift.

  He squinted as though thinking and smiled deviously. “It’s blue, Kelly.”

  I laid my head back against the seat. “That’s not much of a hint,” I protested.

  Tyler shook his head and laughed. “Oh, yeah it is. You just don’t know what you’re looking for, that’s all.”

  “Humph,” I said. “Be that way.”

  “I will.”

  A few minutes, later we pulled into an airport parking lot. As I finally realized what “blue” meant, I shook my head. “Oh, no. I only fly when I have to.”

  Tyler parked his vehicle and took the keys out of the ignition. “Like now. If you don’t get out, I’m going to carry you to the plane.”

  I shook my head and leveled my gaze at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  He smiled, stepped out, and closed his door. A few quick strides, and he stood at my door, opened it, and pulled me out, despite my flailing arms and kicking legs. “Put me down,” I said.

  “Nope!” He held me more tightly against him, which stopped most of my struggling. “We’ve got a plane to fly.”

  My eyes opened wide. “Fly? You’re the pilot?”

  “Yep.” He carried me quite a distance through a gate to the tarmac beyond, where he stopped dead in front of a plane, or sort of a plane. “Where’s the cabin?” I asked, staring at the two open seats.

  “There isn’t one,” he said. “This is a bi-plane. Now, if you promise to be a good girl, I’ll set you down.” I opened my mouth to smart off, and he frowned, quickly interrupting. “On second thought, I don’t think you can be good, so I’ll settle for a promise to be still.”

  Knowing he could catch me in two quick steps and that even if I could get back to the vehicle, he had the keys buried in his jeans pocket, I reluctantly agreed to his deal and he set me on the ground. “We’re actually going to ride in this thing? People still fly these?”

  Tyler began walking around it, inspecting. “Yep. You, me, and the open sky.” A few moments later, Tyler gestured to a step on the side of the plane. “By all me
ans, climb aboard.” He touched my shoulder, gently prodding me upward.

  “How about let’s not and say we did?” I balked at his physical invitation toward the plane.

  He laughed and shook his head. “I could always carry you. Besides, I’m a licensed pilot, Kelly. I do this a lot.” He reached out and touched my face. “I wouldn’t ask you to do something I didn’t think you could handle.”

  I pointed at the plane. “But why this kind? Why not the kind most people fly?”

  He leaned over and kissed my ear. “That’s not something I can tell you. I have to show you. You have to feel it for yourself.”

  He stared at me, waiting, and at that moment I knew I could back out and give in to my fears. Tyler would let me, and he wouldn’t think less of me. But I knew there was something he wanted to show me, something he thought was pretty important to bring here.

  A man dressed in white came forward, offering his hand. “Hello, Tyler. It’s been a while.”

  “Yeah, Jamie,” Tyler said, shaking his hand. He looked at the sky. “It’s a perfect afternoon.”

  Jamie, too, surveyed the sky. “That it is.”

  I stepped onto the plane, saying, “I guess I should be grateful we don’t have to come about in it, right?” I peered over my shoulder and saw his smiling face.

  “Yeah, right.” He pointed to the front seat. “Get in that one.

  I nodded and followed his instructions. Once I’d slid into the seat, he climbed up onto the wing and leaned over me, fastening my belts. “At least I know you’re not trying to get rid of me,” I joked, watching him make sure I was snug and secure.

  “I wouldn’t want you to fall out when we go upside-down.”

  I braced my hands on the side of the plane, preparing to get out.

  “Just kidding,” he said. “We’re not going upside-down.” He patted my hand reassuringly. Although I leaned back against the seat, my back ached slightly from the tension knotted there. Tyler stared at me, and the smile disappeared as he realized just how nervous I felt. He touched my hand gently. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t feel comfortable.”

  I focused on the warm, secure feel of his hand on top of mine, and I held onto that feeling. “No, there are other things I don’t have choices about. This is something I want to do.”

  He nodded and handed me a set of headphones. “You’d better put these on. Otherwise, we won’t be able to talk.”

  I slid them over my ears.

  Tyler climbed into the seat behind me.

  Jamie stepped away from the plane as Tyler put the headphones on. A few seconds later, I heard the engine sputter to life. Although nervous, I managed to occupy myself staring at the blueness above, the same sky we were about to explore.

  The plane eased forward, not moving fast enough for take-off but with enough speed to traverse the stretch of concrete in front of us heading toward a runway. Tyler swept the tail alternately left, then right, the only way he could tell, as we moved, where we were going. At the next intersection Tyler took a left and stopped.

  Tyler’s voice filled the headphones. “I’m waiting for clearance. Once I get it, we’ll be able to get this show on the road.”

  “Okay,” I replied.

  “Are you doing okay?” he asked.

  “Fine.”

  Silence filled the headphones. I set my hands in my lap, trying to ignore the trembling in my stomach, flutterings like bird wings.

  “Here we go,” he said. He turned out onto the runway and accelerated. The plane started forward, slowly at first, then building. With each passing second, my heart seemed to speed up, and I kept reminding myself to take deep breaths.

  More than a third of the way down the run-way, the tail came up, startling me, and I felt the plane slowly lift, gradually ascending into the blueness above. The speed I’d felt on the ground suddenly seemed to bleed off, and it felt as though we hung in place, motionless, as the earth turned past below. At first I couldn’t look down, not with all the openness surrounding us. I’d always had a fear of heights, and at present, I felt it flourishing.

  A moment later, Tyler spoke again. “Are you doing all right?”

  “As well as can be expected,” I said, closing my eyes. I didn’t know how far up we were, but it was farther than I wanted to fall.

  “Open your eyes, Kelly,” Tyler said in a gentle voice.

  “How do you know I have them closed?” I asked, squinting them tighter.

  “A lucky guess. Now open them.”

  I gripped the side of the plane so hard the wood pressing against my skin hurt. “I hate heights.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.” I answered quickly.

  “Then open your eyes. It’s worth a peek.”

  My mouth was dry, and I thought for a second that if I looked, I just might vomit. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. “Nice sky,” I responded, purposely avoiding looking at the ground.

  “Now look below.”

  You don’t expect much, do you? I thought. Another deep breath. Then I looked down. The world unfurled in tufts of lush green in the trees spread out. I squinted my eyes, trying to get a closer look and make out some of the details spread below, but everything seemed so small.

  I savored the fresh air surrounding us, feeling as though I could finally breathe, that it couldn’t help but cleanse my lungs to be away from the world below.

  “Are you doing all right?” Tyler asked, reminding me of the fear I’d felt only a moment ago. That same fear had vanished as I looked at the scrolling land below. I had expected to see squares like a chessboard—a game like the one I had been playing without ever realizing it. I’d taken a step and married Gary. He’d taken a step and had a fling with Debra. I’d taken a side step and met Tyler. Where was the next check? Was it off the board?

  “Kelly? You all right?” Tyler repeated, more urgency in his tone.

  “I’m fine. Really.”

  “So what do you think?”

  The green rose and broke as mountains appeared. I stared and felt...relieved by its simplicity. What lay inside me was far more complicated than this landscape. It wasn’t bound by this earth. “It’s beautiful,” I responded. “I’m glad you brought me.”

  “I’m glad you came. But I’ve got something even better to show you. I know you’ll like this. I thought it was magic the first time I saw it.” He sounded like a child right then, his voice rising with each word. “From the first day I saw you, I thought about this. I don’t know why.” He paused awkwardly. “I just knew you’d need to see it. Just wait, Kelly. You won’t believe your eyes.” He grew quiet as though waiting for me to speak.

  For the next few moments, I stared at the rugged terrain stippled with fir and pine. It seemed to come into sharper detail, so I suspected Tyler was flying lower. The dark brown and green earth dropped and gave way to sandy soil, and at once, the ocean flooded the world below us. We had dipped considerably lower, and I could see the rainbow-colored sails of boats that floated on the blue water. I saw motorboats and people water-skiing. I saw larger sailboats with plain white flags billowing in the wind.

  Tyler flew us past all the watercrafts, bringing us farther out over the sea than we had ever sailed before. As we swept over the ocean, I stared at an infinite blue carpet, rolling with whitecaps. I felt humbled by the limitless spread of it. I knew why Tyler had felt the need to show me this. It was his way of telling me that nothing was ever forgotten. Perhaps it lay dormant, waiting for resurrection, but it never ceased to exist.

  Even with the engine droning and the wind racing past, I felt the quiet tranquility of waves, and I knew that I had finally found completion. All my life, I had been waiting for this place, this man, this life. Now I had arrived. I was finally home.

  As I stared at the water, I noticed the grey forms rising from the blue and arching back into the water. Dolphins—two of them swimming side by side. The sleek grey bodies bolted into the air and curved themselves back in
to the ocean before repeating their fluid dives. Mesmerized, I watched them ebb and flow in rhythm with the water.

  “It’s magic to see them swim like that. There must be some freedom in only having the ocean to worry about, ” Tyler said.

  “Yeah, freedom,” I murmured. The dolphins dove again and disappeared, but I knew they hadn’t come and gone without transforming me. They had left some small piece of their magic resting in my soul, just as surely as Tyler had left some part of himself in me.

  Tyler flew over the ocean for a few more moments before gradually turning and heading back to the airport. During our return flight, I stared at the ground with new interest, as though somehow that, too, had suddenly changed. But that was only an illusion. I was the one who had changed. Again.

  I stared at the ground as we approached the runway and didn’t bother to distract myself from the landing. Instead, I watched our approach and touchdown as though I had forgotten that I could actually fall and that I didn’t have wings to keep me airborne. Once we had landed, the plane sped down the runway, slowing.

  Tyler taxied though the intersections of runways and finally arrived back at our starting point where he finally stopped. Tyler climbed out of the plane and looked at me, half-expecting to help me unfasten my belt. Instead, I had already done it and rose to get out, too. He stepped down the ladder and waited for me, holding out his hand.

  With Gary, I would have known this gesture as a way to pity me. With Tyler, I knew it was a gesture of his need to feel me, to know I had shared this experience with him, and I reached forward and took it. Once I had stepped to the ground, he pulled me to him and kissed my forehead.

  “That was incredible,” I said, looking up at his face. I saw the ocean tide rising in his blue eyes.

  His hands moved to my waist and he picked me up, lifting me toward the sky. “You flew, Kelly. You really flew.” His face lit up with his smile, and I felt its power.

  “I did, didn’t I?” I felt the throbbing of my heart in my chest, and I started to laugh.

  He slowly lowered me, but once my feet had touched, his arms wound around me, drawing me against his chest. “God, I love you.”