Cindy looks at me, and her smile is a mirror of Laura Lynn’s just moments before. There’s some motive hiding behind her pearly whites.
“Kate, you’re probably right.”
Probably. Wow, that’s the closest I’ve been to a compliment handed out by Cindy since I joined her team. I really ought to find a way to document this for my performance review.
“Jack, you and I can pair off.” Cindy finishes her statement and although lingering laryngitis makes it difficult to hear her words, her smile-concealed motive becomes as obvious as her lipstick.
Jack nods his head thoughtfully. “You know, Cindy, let’s just mix things up even more. We’ll mix up the levels of folks, too. How about Laura Lynn and Rich together, and me and Kate?”
“Well, Jack, I don’t know about that. It leaves me without a partner.”
Jack breaks into a grin—one where each flashing tooth speaks for itself. “But Cindy, you were just telling us how hard it is to lead a team like this. Consider this break from leadership to be my gift to you for the afternoon.”
Although I readily admit that the stunned look on Cindy’s face is very gratifying, I’m not sure how I feel about pairing off with Jack for this exercise. Since the time in the kitchen, we haven’t made eye contact, much less exchanged personal words. He’d now defended me twice to Cindy, but did that really mean anything other than he just enjoyed messing with my co-workers? Goodness knows I enjoy it when I can do so. Jack may not be any different.
There’s no point in denying it, though. Jack Cooper is different. I thought I had the whole mini-crush kicked, but one little…okay, big…touch of his lips on my skin and suddenly Planet Kate is careening far, far out of orbit.
I don’t want to be brutally honest with myself right now. But I have to be, because if I don’t, I will surely cut off all access to ever having this feeling again—with Jack or with anyone else. But the crystal-clear truth is that, Mark included, I’ve never felt this combination of nerves and excitement and sheer curiosity I feel whenever Jack Cooper steps into a room.
Because we’re working together, that very feeling is a crash course leading to a professional disaster which will be an even more certain crash-and-burn than Cindy’s managerial barbs hurled my way. But worse than all that, these surprising thoughts and feelings I’m discovering for Jack are the personal equivalent of an SUV with bad tires on an icy road. No matter what defense mechanism I use, no matter how safe I try to play it, any response to these feelings will throw everything I’ve been working for out of my control.
And if I’m not in control of my own actions, then who will be? I’m not willing to leave things up to fate or to chance. That’s why I left the paper and started my career at the bottom rung at Brown & Company.
And that’s why I’ve got to leave all these thoughts of Jack Cooper behind too. I have to stay in control.
7
“The [gorilla] group is led by the adult, dominant, silverback male. … Nevertheless, a new troop can be easily formed when one or more non-related females join a lone male.”
--From the Friends of the National Zoo website, www.nationalzoo.si.edu
* * *
“So, is your brain ready to storm, Kate?”
Oh, sheesh. If you only knew, Jack. If you only knew. My brain has been churning like a hurricane for the last half hour. Ever since that brief kiss. What I can’t understand right now is Jack’s calm demeanor. It’s as if nothing happened. Did I dream up those moments in the kitchen?
Although his attitude suggests otherwise, in my heart I feel as though something did happen between us. At the very least, he made it clear that he doesn’t speak of his mom’s death often. But he spoke of it to me—and did so in great detail.
The moment was clearly raw and emotional. Fresh. But now, it looks as though he’s packed it all tightly back in some little box. Jack has morphed right back into that cool and collected silverback gorilla.
I don’t really like it. It makes me feel silly for thinking—and rethinking—about the words…and the actions.
Well, if he’s not going to care, then neither am I. From here on, I am going to act like nothing but the Capital of Texas Zoo is on my mind.
Control, Kate. Stay in control.
“Bring it on. Which area did we draw out of the hat?” After directing the diaspora of the mixed-up teams, Jack attempted fairness at issuing topics of discussion by writing the different focus areas on slips of paper, then allowing a representative from each group to draw a slip out of a galvanized metal pail.
“Well, let’s see…” He unfolds the little white square. “We have the grand opening itself.”
“So, it’s up to everyone else to get people interested, but as far as the big show, it’s all on us, huh?” This acting calm is easier than I thought. It’s good to know those two semesters of theatre in high school have finally paid off.
“Indeed. I think we can handle this,” he says without any touch of humor. Just all business—all Gorilla.
I’m sure he means nothing more than handling the mapping out of the grand opening gala, but my mind is still swirling, despite my best efforts and the façade I’m trying so hard to keep up, to keep my control.
“So, Kate, do you have anything in particular that you’re envisioning?”
Ha. There he goes again with the trick questions. I’ve been envisioning lots of things today. But I have to remember that none of this is personal. It’s all business. That’s what a good, professional Gorilla would say, right?
“When I came up with that ‘Zoo Who?’ catch phrase, in my mind, the logical answer to that question was ‘The Zoo Is You’.”
“That’s good. I like it.”
“When I think about how that plays with the grand opening, I think about taking people back to their childhood and why they loved the zoo then.” As I speak, I make the first real eye contact with Jack since the kitchen all those hours ago. I keep on speaking, thinking only of control and not of the deep blue in the center of his eyes. “A zoo is a magical place for a kid, and those memories you make way back then stay with you through the years. The reasons our invitees loved the zoo back then are the reasons they’re likely supporting the zoo now.”
Jack looks up towards the sky, that Texas blue sky that mirrors his own gaze. Quickly, he catches my unwavering gaze and focuses fully on me. “Psychologically, Kate, that’s very astute. How do you propose to take that idea and make it into a successful evening?”
Ah, “propose.” He said one of those words again. I instantly have started thinking those thoughts again. Here comes that falling-out-of-the-sky feeling low in my stomach, that loss of control again. Is he playing with me?
In his focused gaze, I see nothing that I’m looking for. No flicker in his eyes, nothing that would signal to me he’s thinking of the same moment I am. Maybe I messed up and read him wrong.
Maybe he does kiss co-workers every day.
Yuck.
That’s got to be it, though. Ugh. Why hadn’t I realized it sooner? He’s one of Austin’s most eligible bachelors and one of the city’s most sought-after strategic consultants.
This is very likely nothing new to him.
If I need any more proof of that, all I need to do is look across the yard. There’s Laura Lynn, who brought corporate flirting to a new level during our visit to Lone Star Consulting’s office. And today, there’s Cindy, who can’t take her eyes off Jack. She was thwarted from being his brainstorming partner earlier, but I know she’ll find some way to corner him before the day is over. There are plenty of women in Austin who would love to make Jack Cooper their sugar daddy.
But reluctantly, not Kate Cormick. I’ve cracked the Chimp code, and now I can even see what our team Gorilla is up to.
“Jack, it smells like something is burning on the grill!” Cindy’s voice, husky with laryngitis, comes off almost cartoon-like as she tries to shout to the chef.
“I guess that means the burgers are done. Does
everyone want to break for lunch?” Jack pushes out of his chair and starts to walk towards the grill, which is now beginning to whisper smoke out from under the base of the lid. As he is walking off, Jack turns back towards me. “I like where you’re headed with this, Kate. Keep thinking about it and let’s circle back later this afternoon to continue the discussion.”
Jack makes it to the grill in time to rescue the Angus patties from a death by charbroiling. Everyone uses the burger drama as an excuse to break out of their respective groups and cluster together around the grill.
Logan and Nicole stay paired up as they’re filling up their plates. Laura Lynn walks up to the food table right behind them. She tops her burger with a slice of cheese and reaches to add another garnish. As she goes to drop a spoonful of guacamole on the taco, I notice that she flicks her wrist unusually hard in order to dislodge the green blob.
In a textbook demonstration of basic physics, the mashed avocado dip flies from the spoon, arcs in a parabola-like fashion past the edge of the plate, and then plummets downward. It completes the experiment in gravitational pull by landing squarely atop Nicole’s left flip-flop.
“Oh, my goodness.” Laura Lynn speaks with such slow, dual-syllabic sincerity that I immediately know she deliberately intended to fling the guacamole directly on the unsuspecting zoo intern. This was no accident. This was a drive-by condimenting, both planned and executed by a Queen Chimp who would not be denied the adoration of a member of her pack without a fight.
“Laura Lynn?” Logan’s words come out tentatively, but he’s smarter than I ever gave him credit for. “You should be more careful with that thing.” He gestures at the spoon and tries to laugh off the incident, but there is much more to his words. Like me, he quickly figured out what Laura Lynn was trying to do.
Nicole reaches across for a napkin, but Logan’s hand reaches the neatly folded red paper squares first. “Here, Nicole, I’ll do it.” At once, Logan transforms into the Chivalrous Chimp.
“Thanks, Logan.” A shy smile begins to cross Nicole’s face as Logan scrapes the green off of the woven brown straps.
Like Anne Boleyn long before her, our Queen’s own antics have caused her to be pushed aside. Laura Lynn’s mouth opened, then shut without making a sound.
God save Nicole, the new Queen of Logan’s Heart.
Over a perfectly grilled cheeseburger, I get to know Rich a bit better. He’s been with Lone Star for almost ten years, even longer than Jack. He speaks very highly of both Jack and his father, and the work that they get to do. It seems someone from Lone Star has been behind the scenes of most of the well-known state legislation for the past two decades. Since joining the firm after getting his MBA, Jack focused on bringing high-profile, non-legislative projects to Lone Star, and last year, he was promoted to head up that division.
It seems that Jack has worked hard for his position and wasn’t just given a free ride because his father’s name is on the president’s door. It’s also clear that Rich has a lot of respect for Jack.
I surmise this is in some part due to the fact that Rich has never been kissed by Jack in a kitchen…only to have Jack continue to act like nothing ever happened.
As lunch is wrapping up, Laura Lynn comes out of the house. And the first words to cross my mind are the same ones she used earlier after the great guacamole incident.
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
It’s painfully clear that no one responded to her “business casual” e-mail. Once again in a situation with Laura Lynn, I have to try so very hard not to laugh.
“Are y’all ready for some fun in the sun?” The Queen Chimp stands on the porch in a black bikini, which consists of four small triangles of material. The top two triangles are connected by a network of fiber-thin strings, and so are the bottom two triangles. Entwined double-c charms dangle from various points on the bikini, signaling that this look is by Chanel. She’s topped the ensemble off with black patent sandals—also Chanel—and black Chanel sunglasses that even Jackie Onassis would have considered large.
Our main Chimp has got to be wearing several thousand dollars in designer duds, yet she has on so very, very little. I wear more than that in my bathtub. The callous co-worker in me wants to know what Cindy’s going to say in order to justify the outfit. The amateur sociologist inside of me wants to people-watch and study the reactions of each member of our workgroup. If I wait just a few minutes, I believe both sides of Kate will be satisfied.
Rich does a double-take, and I think I see fatherly concern on his face because he casts a worried look toward Nicole. For her part, Nicole has on a halter-style bikini, but the top alone contains more material than all of Laura Lynn’s swimwear. Nicole also has on a pair of casual denim cut-off shorts as a cover-up. Logan continues to earn points in my book. He looked over at Laura Lynn when she spoke, then swiftly turned back to Nicole. He picks up her plate and his plate, carrying them both toward the trashcan.
Any man who could focus on another woman when faced with all…all…all that… is a man to be commended, indeed. Logan continues to prove that he’s not one hundred percent Chimp after all.
For her part, Cindy stays silent. I am sure she’ll indicate that it’s because of the throat issues, but clearly, even if she could talk, what could possibly be said?
Jack’s gaze is hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses. I think he might just be staring, though.
Hmmph.
Laura Lynn’s announcement does break up the last vestiges of shop-talk, though, and everyone starts to remove cover-ups or head inside to change into attire more suitable for river play.
My bathing suit isn’t as drool-inducing as Laura Lynn’s, but I’m not here to impress anyone in that manner, anyway. All I have ever wanted out of this zoo project is to prove that I can be a successful PR professional with a good career ahead of me. I don’t need Jack Cooper’s undivided attention like some of the others here.
But…I did have his full attention for a few minutes, and as much as I’d like to say otherwise, I can’t bring myself to deny that I liked what I had for that firefly moment in time.
I think I hate that about myself. Shouldn’t I be stronger?
* * *
The hours slip by as we all float in the river. I get to talk more with Rich, and even wind up hanging out some with Logan and Nicole. Cindy and Laura Lynn seem to stay close together. Jack’s inner tube spends well over an hour docked next to theirs.
At about six o’clock in the evening, I paddle over to the bank of the Blanco at the edge of Jack’s property and awkwardly climb out of the water, hauling behind me the black inflatable doughnut I’ve lounging upon. The group’s towels and sandals are piled up near the end of the little dock that juts into the river. I step gingerly across the dirt and grass, leaving a trail of water drips behind me. As I dry off, slip into my shoes, and wrap my pink-and-white striped oversized cotton towel around my waist, Nicole, Rich, and Logan all wave goodbye to me. Although I’m the first to actually get out of the river, all three of my tubing buddies said they planned to leave soon, as well. Nicole and Logan made plans to play mini-golf at the Peter Pan-themed course over on Barton Springs once they got back to Austin. They even invited me, but I declined, hesitant to intrude on the blossoming of young love.
Just before I reach the deck at the back of the house, I hear a crunching noise behind me. I turn around and see Jack sprinting up the hill, flinging a watery drizzle all around him like a retriever leaving a lake.
“Kate!” He shouts, and I stop in my tracks. “Are you leaving?”
I nod.
“I was hoping that you would stay a little longer.” My first thought is a bit sarcastic, and I want to tell him that I’ve been 10 feet away from him for the last two hours, while he schmoozed my boss and her Dallas princess protégé and all but ignored me. But I don’t.
The rollercoaster known as Jack Cooper has just left me with one feeling at the end of this long ride today: tired
. I’ve had too many highs and lows and moments filled with question marks in between. I don’t even trust myself to give him a coherent answer, and I certainly don’t want to stick my foot in my mouth once again, so it occurs to me that the less I say here, the better.
“I have an early morning tomorrow. I’m singing at church.”
“Do you go to First Central with Al?”
“My parents do. I go to a contemporary church out off Bee Caves, Lake Shore Church.” I make myself stop there.
“We didn’t get to finish talking about the grand opening. I meant it, Kate. You have some really good ideas.” He begins to smile, then stops and tilts his head to the side in a quizzical motion. It’s almost as if he ran into my brand-new emotional wall.
“Kate, is everything okay?”
Good. Operation Shut My Mouth is working. “Oh, yeah, Jack. I’m just getting tired. I got up early this morning and I’ve been fighting taking a nap in the inner tube. It’s so peaceful out on the river.”
He nods as if he does understand exactly what I’m saying now…except that he doesn’t have any idea what I’m not saying. “Agreed. If that’s all it is, then, I’ll let you head home. Thanks for all your help today.”
Jack hesitates, then walks away. It appears that I have gotten what I wanted—I wanted Jack to leave me alone and just go back to drooling over Laura Lynn or whatever else he chose to do.
So, why, then, is getting just what I want so unsatisfying right now?
8
“The [gorilla] group is led by the adult, dominant, silverback male. … Nevertheless, a new troop can be easily formed when one or more non-related females join a lone male.”
--From the Friends of the National Zoo website, www.nationalzoo.si.edu
* * *
The Sunday morning sun isn’t just peeking through my bedroom curtains, it’s blazing through with all the fanfare of a brass band. I have ninety minutes until I have to be on the stage, ready to start our last rehearsal before church begins.
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