Instinctively she put her hands over her breasts and the Earl smiled before he said:
“There is no point, my darling, in trying to be modest at this particular moment. I want to thank God that we are alive and although you have a bruise on your forehead, I do not think it is very serious.”
“I ... I was unconscious!”
“Just as we reached the shore you hit your head against a piece of flotsam. I dragged you out of the water and knew it was only a temporary unconsciousness. Then after all you had been through you must have fallen asleep.”
Lydia gave a little laugh.
“How could I have done anything so absurd?”
“It often happens,” the Earl replied, “and after I satisfied myself that you were safe I went to investigate where we were and how many others had been cast up also on this particular island.”
“We are not alone?”
“Only in this bay,” he replied. “The boat crew are further along the coast and since when I saw them they were very inadequately clothed, it would be best for you to stay here.”
“I want to be with ... you.”
“And I want you to be with me, my precious,” he said. “But God knows what we are going to do about each other.”
Lydia had forgotten her sister and that the Earl was engaged to her, forgotten everything except that they were alone, that he had his arms around her and had kissed her.
Now she was suddenly overwhelmed by the way in which she had behaved.
She looked down her eye-lashes dark against her cheeks as she said:
“I ... I am sorry ... I suppose I should be ashamed.”
“Nobody could be more wonderful,” the Earl said quietly, “for you must know, my darling one, I love you.”
She looked up at him in astonishment.
“Did you ... really say that?”
“I will say it again, a thousand times if you like, but we are both aware that the real question is—what can we do about it?”
For a moment it did not seem to matter and Lydia asked:
“When did you know you ... loved me?”
The Earl smiled and said:
“I think it was the first time we met. I saw your eyes, and because they were worried I found it impossible to think of anything else. I think also we were both aware that we vibrated to each other in a way that was unusual and which actually had never happened to me before.”
She looked at him as if she found it hard to believe what he said.
Then he gave a short laugh.
“I know it sounds ridiculous and of course I have often been attracted at first sight, or amused, or infatuated by a woman’s beauty, but never, and this is the truth, Lydia, never has it been the same as when I first saw you.”
She gave a deep sigh.
“I think,” she said in a very small voice, “that it is what I felt for you when I first saw you out hunting and thought that nobody could be more attractive or more fascinating.”
“You are flattering me!”
She shook her head.
“It is not flattery. I am telling you what I felt, and I thought too that you looked like a buccaneer or a pirate, and as if you always got what you wanted, whatever it might be.”
“I hope that is true,” the Earl said in a serious voice, “for what I want, more than I have ever wanted anything in the whole world, is you!”
She looked at him as if she could hardly believe what he had said and he went on:
“Oh, my precious, you are so different from any other woman! I adore your unselfishness, the way you think of everybody else and never about yourself. I love your courage, and of course, the way you stimulate my mind.”
Lydia gave a little laugh.
“As you stimulate mine.”
“We were meant for each other,” the Earl said, “and it is only through my own stupidity that we are in the position in which we find ourselves now.” Almost as if she had suddenly appeared beside them Lydia knew that Heloise was there, pushing them apart from each other, spoiling the rapture that she could feel vibrating between them, which joined them indivisibly as one person.
As if he felt that he must tell her about it, the Earl said:
“I have no excuse for making such a mess of things. It was just a stupid gesture of pride, for which I have lain awake night after night, cursing myself.”
Because the pain in his voice showed her how much he was hurt by what he was saying, Lydia moved a little closer to him.
“I want you to know the truth,” the Earl said, “and then, my darling, you must help me, because for the moment I have no idea how to help myself.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I became involved with a beautiful lady,” the Earl explained, “and as you thought, she looked somewhat like your sister with fair hair, blue eyes and a clear, unblemished skin.”
Because Lydia knew he was speaking of the Duchess of Dorchester, she did not interrupt and he went on:
“I was warned that her husband was jealous, and that I could expect him to challenge me to a duel. That, as you know, is illegal but it does frequently happen. At least he would prevent me from seeing his wife again.”
The Earl paused and Lydia asked in a voice so soft he could hardly hear it:
“What happened ... then?”
She could hardly bear to hear what he was telling her, but at the same time she wanted to know the truth.
“The Duke was too clever to do either of those things,” the Earl went on, “and instead he went to the Queen.”
“The Queen!”
“He intimated to Her Majesty that a scandal would be detrimental both to his position at Court, and to mine.”
Lydia drew in her breath.
“So the Queen sent you away!”
“Exactly!” the Earl replied. “She commanded me to represent her at the Coronation in Hawaii.”
“And you had to obey her command.”
“Of course. But I was afraid that people might suspect the reason for my departure and laugh, so to save my pride, I asked your sister to marry me.”
“So that is how it was!” Lydia whispered.
“I had met her once or twice,” the Earl continued, “and thought her very beautiful—in fact without exception, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. For years my relatives have been begging me to marry and I thought my engagement would be a snub to those who would be only too quick to say that I had been rebuked by Her Majesty for behaving like a naughty boy!”
“I ... understand,” Lydia said softly.
“My darling, I knew you would,” he said. “But how could I have known, how could I have guessed that in doing so I would crucify myself?”
He paused before he said:
“I have never, and this is the truth, never been in love, until I met you.”
“Can you ... really mean ... that?”
She looked up into his eyes as she spoke.
In that moment they were joined by an indivisible magnetism and it was impossible to move.
Then the Earl said:
“I thought your sister beautiful and so she is. But it is entirely a surface beauty which will fade when she grows older as a flower fades once it has come to full bloom. You are different.”
“In what ... way?”
“Your beauty comes from your heart, your soul, and perhaps from the Power that you believe will help us when we need it most.”
He made a sound that was half a laugh and half a groan as he added:
“My darling, if ever we needed that Power, we need it now! For how else can you be mine, as I want you to be?”
“You want me ... you really ... want me?”
“Ever since we came on this journey,” the Earl said, “I have been wondering how I could live without you.”
He spoke quite simply and yet it seemed to Lydia as if his voice rang out like a clarion call and she knew her whole being leapt in response.
“I ... love you!” she said.
“You know I would do anything you ... asked me to do.”
“That is what I thought you would say,” the Earl replied, “but how, my precious, could I ask you to do anything so dishonourable as to run away with me, and offend against the code of behaviour in which you and I have been brought up?”
He gave a deep sigh before he said:
“I have given my word as a gentleman that I will marry your sister. God alone knows how I can tell her that I am so deeply in love with you that marriage to her is impossible!”
“No, no! You cannot do that!”
Lydia felt as she spoke that she was throwing away her only chance of happiness and closing the gates of Heaven for ever.
But she knew that to the Earl his word of honour was as sacred as if he had already made his marriage vows, and it would be wrong of her to encourage him to break his engagement or even allow him to think it was possible.
It flashed through her mind that as he was of such social importance, and so many people admired him as a sportsman, he could only behave honourably, however much he suffered in doing so.
As if he was following what she was thinking the Earl suddenly cried:
“I cannot lose you! I cannot!”
At the same time he pulled her against him and was kissing her again; kissing her with hard possessive, passionate kisses, as if he was forcing her to become his.
Only as he became aware of his own violent desire for her and felt she responded to him did he raise his head to say in a different voice but still a little unsteadily:
“I suppose if I behaved properly, I would go to join the rest of our boat-crew, and leave you here until somebody arrives to rescue us.”
Lydia gave a little cry.
“N-no ... please do not ... leave me. I want to be with you ... and I want to feel ... safe in your ... arms.” Her voice stumbled over the last words and the Earl said:
“That is what I want too, my precious. While I know I am behaving very reprehensibly, it is something I cannot help.”
“For the moment,” Lydia said in a low voice, “we are ... alone and nobody ... except the birds ... will know ... how we behave.”
The Earl smiled, then he said:
“My darling, you have just been telling me how honourable I must be.”
“I know,” Lydia agreed, “but ... love seems to sweep away everything but that I am close to you ... and you ... care for me.”
“ ‘Care’ is a very inadequate word to describe what I feel,” the Earl said in a low voice, “but I have to think of you and actually, my precious one, I am not protecting you from the gossip of a world who cannot see us, but from myself!”
She looked up at him and he knew because of her innocence she did not understand what he was saying.
She was so different from all the other women he had ever known and he knew that what he felt for her was not only a burning desire to make her his, but also because of her purity, a reverence.
“I adore you,” he said, “and I promise you, my darling, that all I want to do is look after you and protect you.”
“That is why you must ... stay with me,” Lydia said quickly. “Supposing there are ... Hawaiian warriors like the ones who ... killed Captain Cook lurking in the jungle and who if I were ... alone would ... kill me?”
The Earl thought she looked so lovely as she spoke that any man who saw her would not want to kill her, but would have a very different idea of what he wanted to do.
Yet he knew that he had to control himself and do nothing to frighten or upset her.
“Very well,” he said. “We will stay here, but darling, when you look back on this adventure it will remain something very precious in your memory, and you will know that you drove me very hard.” Because she did not understand, Lydia replied: “Whatever happens in the future ... I shall always know that this was the most wonderful ... glorious moment of my ... life ... and yet I thought when you ... kissed me it was something which was inevitable and had perhaps been planned thousands of years before ... we were born.”
“I am sure that is true,” the Earl smiled, “and I have been searching for you all those thousands of years, only to be disappointed.”
Then he was kissing her again, kissing her at first gently, then more fiercely and demandingly until when they were both breathless, Lydia hid her face against his shoulder and said in a very small voice:
“We can ... only go on ... hoping.”
“Hoping for what?” the Earl asked bitterly. “That Heloise will die before you? That she was drowned last night at sea? Those things, my darling, do not happen except in story books. In real life we have to face the truth, that I am committed for life!”
“We might ... see each ... other from ... time to time,” Lydia faltered.
“How could I bear that?” the Earl asked. “How can I go through life living at the Abbey, knowing you are not far away, but I cannot see you?”
He paused before he went on:
“How can I go out hunting without searching the field to see if you are there? How can I listen to my wife speak of you and feel every time she says your name that it is as if a dagger had been plunged into my body, drawing my very life-blood?”
He spoke so violently that Lydia gave a little cry. “You must try not to feel like that,” she said, “but just believe that our love is great enough to make us behave as we ... should do until perhaps one day ... by the mercy of God ... we can be ... together.”
“Do you really believe that?” the Earl asked. “In my experience God is not often merciful in matters which concern the heart.”
“That is not true,” Lydia said quickly, “and perhaps I am being prophetic when I say that because I love you with every breath I draw, and because I feel I am part of you one day we will be together.”
He looked down at her and there was a tenderness in his eyes she had never seen before.
“Only you, my precious love, could believe that," he said, “but because I worship you and am prepared to accept everything you tell me. I shall pray that some day God will remember us.”
The way he spoke was so moving that Lydia felt the tears come into her eyes.
As she looked up at him he thought it would be impossible for any woman to look more lovely and so spiritual that her face was like a light shining in the darkness.
He took one of her hands in his, kissed it and said: “I adore you! But now, because I must look after you I am going to find you something to eat. You can call it breakfast, if you like, but I feel we are both hungry.”
“Something to ... eat?” Lydia repeated.
She looked around her then gave a little laugh. “Yes, I am sure there must be plenty in this magical Paradise, and now that you speak of it, I am hungry.”
“If I was looking after you properly, I should have thought of it before,” the Earl said. "There are sure to be bananas somewhere, and unless I am mistaken guavas are the most common fruit in the islands.”
Lydia gave a laugh and rose to her feet.
‘Let us go to find them,” she said.
They moved into the thick vegetation and found some guavas quite easily.
Her books had told her that they were tangy but juicy and quenched the thirst.
After that they found quite a number of ripe berries which were delicious and then the Earl discovered a papaya which they divided between them, using a sharp stone as a knife.
When they had finished and had washed their fingers in the sea Lydia said:
“I am sure if we had some matches and could make a fire I could find some birds’ eggs and cook you a delicious meal.”
The Earl laughed.
“I would adore to live on a desert island with you, my darling. At the same time I feel if there were many storms like last night’s, we would find it very cold, however close I held you in my arms.”
She blushed at the way he spoke, then once again was conscious that her nightgown, although it was made of lawn, was very revealing.
/> She was so used to not thinking about herself that it was really only in that moment that Lydia became aware that the Earl’s eyes were on the curves of her breasts, or that against the sunlight he could see every contour of her body.
Because she loved him so overwhelmingly it did not seem to matter, and she had only to look into his eyes to move closer to him and lift her lips to his, waiting for him to kiss her.
“I love you!” he said, pulling her almost roughly against him. “It has been an agony I hope never to experience again to be acutely conscious of you every minute of every hour we have been on this journey, and at the same time to know that it would be most dishonourable to let you know what I was feeling.”
“I was so ... afraid that you would ... guess how much I ... loved you.”
“I found it impossible to think of anything else when you were near me.”
“How was I to know that?”
She was thinking of how it had hurt her when she imagined he was making love to Heloise, and how she had sat alone in her cabin on the ship and in her bedroom on the train, trying to think of other things.
“How could we really believe we could do without each other for the rest of our lives?” the Earl asked. He looked out to sea. Then he said:
“In a short time I am quite certain we shall be rescued. They will be coming from Honolulu to search for all the missing travellers on the ship.”
“I want to stay ... here with ... you for ... ever and ever!”
“I wonder how soon you would become bored?”
“Never ... as long as I was ... with you.”
The Earl did not speak, but she knew he felt the same. Then he said:
“Why should we crucify ourselves? Come away with me! We will take my yacht and go round the world, and when we come back people will have a great number of other scandals to talk about and we shall have been forgotten.”
Lydia smiled.
“If you were any other man that would be true,” she said, “but you are different. You are you—a hero, a leader. How could I rob you of that and, I am certain, cause great harm not only to Heloise, but to a great number of other people who admire you?”
The Island of Love (Camfield Series No. 15) Page 10