They stopped. The girls looking me over from head to foot. Kinsey smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Hey, Truly. How is everything?”
I desperately wished I could tell them everything, from the excitement of the parade to my fears we had all our money tied up in a pile of fabric.
But I couldn’t.
Because they weren’t my friends anymore. “It’s going really great. How about you?”
Hayley tossed her hair but didn’t reply, leaving it all up to Kinsey. “It’s good. We’re so busy, you know? There are some huge sales at the mall and we’re going to hang out there.”
“Yeah, and we need to be going,” Hayley interrupted. I wondered whether Kinsey was on the verge of inviting me before she was cut off. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.
“Yeah, me too. I have a bunch of things to do,” I said. “Have fun shopping.”
“We will.”
They went in one direction while I went in the opposite. I hated that our friendship had come to a few lousy words after everything we’d gone through together. It was such a shame. Disappointing too.
I tried not to dwell on it as I caught the bus and headed home. But the icky feeling lingered, surrounding me like a wet blanket that I couldn’t shrug off. Life really wasn’t fair sometimes.
Another reminder of my luck was the fact I had to make dinner and look after my siblings as soon as I got home. I let our neighbor go and took over babysitting duties.
Ethan and Billy were playing Lego, getting along for a change. Normally they were bashing each other over the head with the Lego bucket by the time I got home.
“Everything good here?” I asked, picking Lily up off her favorite blanket.
“I’m hungry,” Ethan moaned.
“You just had a chocolate,” Billy pointed out.
“I’m still hungry.” The four year old was always after food.
“You can have an apple,” I replied, nodding toward the fruit bowl. I tried to get them to eat healthy, but the other babysitters weren’t as strict as I was. They didn’t have to get them to sleep later on when they were still riding on a sugar high.
I placed Lily in her high chair so we could talk while I started dinner. She liked watching me cut up the vegetables, I spoke to them and pretended they were alive. It kept her amused for a while, at least.
When I had everything under control and let Lily play on the floor, I grabbed my sketchbook. It had been a while since I’d had time to design anything new. With the business launch and the fashion design competition before that, life had grown chaotic.
But I couldn’t leave designing for too much longer. Jane kept nagging me for new designs so she could make them into clothes and add them to the collection. We couldn’t keep using the same ones over and over again.
I opened to a new page and chose a pencil with an orange hue. The color reminded me of the bright sun, hot and intense at the same time.
My hand was poised, all ready to draw. All I needed was an idea. Any idea would do.
Seriously, anything.
But nothing came. I couldn’t form the shape of a new dress or a blouse, or even a pair of pants. Nothing came and the orange pencil just remained in the one place.
That had never happened before.
CHAPTER 5
The sheet of paper in the sketchbook was taunting me. It was completely white, not even one pencil scratch mark on it.
It was terrifying.
I snapped the book shut as if it was preparing to bite me. I couldn’t bear staring at the page a moment longer. I had never been unable to design before. Normally there were hundreds of designs swirling around in my head.
Where had they all gone?
It was like every piece of clothing that had ever existed just vanished out of my head like it was never there to begin with. I was surprised I wasn’t stripped naked like clothes were never invented in the first place.
But it was stupid, right? Just because I couldn’t think of something now, didn’t mean I never would. I was probably just tired or the business meeting zapped all the energy right out of me.
My frozen hand couldn’t stay that way forever. It would be no time until something popped into my mind and I had to get it down on paper like my life depended on it.
Right?
I really hoped that was the case. Everyone was counting on me. Jane couldn’t design, she could only sew. Holly was only pretending she could but really she didn’t have one creative bone in her body.
That only left me. Jane, Holly, Beau, all our customers, they were all relying on me. Just the thought of it made all the air leave my lungs in a great rush. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move. The world spun around me as I tried desperately to grasp a hold of something.
My ears rung and all I could smell was the graphite from my pencil. It was all too much. They all needed me and I wasn’t going to be able to deliver. I was going to let them all down.
“Truly!” Billy shouted from the living room.
I snapped out of the panic attack, trying to talk myself into acting normal. My problem was temporary, it would pass. I would be able to design again. I would be able to design again.
I had to design again.
“Coming,” I called back. I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a few deep breaths. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer in my chest, making me feel like my blood was thick and sluggish.
Billy called out again, echoed by Ethan and then Lily joined in. I stood, willing my legs to lose their shake. Putting one foot in front of the other, I managed to make them walk.
By the time I arrived in the living room, I could pull off normal. Which is what I did all night long. My glance kept traitorously going to my closed sketchbook but I refused to open it again.
Even the next morning, I ignored the book. Perhaps if I forgot about my problem, it would go away on its own? When in doubt, ignore it, right? That’s what I usually did to my homework.
Jane was waiting at my locker when I got to school. I hadn’t slept well with my little problem haunting me so I wasn’t really in the mood to discuss cotton colors or hem stitches.
“Truly, you’re late,” Jane started. Great.
“Only a few minutes. What do you want?” I tried to sound friendly, I really did. I think I almost pulled it off, too.
If she noticed, she didn’t let on. “I went through all the fabric we bought at the markets and matched some of it to the designs we have. But I need some more, and some blouses too. We’re very dress heavy and I think we should mix it up.”
Double great.
“Yeah, I’ve been designing like crazy. I’ll go through and pick out my favorites,” I lied, like a big, fat liar.
Did I smell smoke?
“Wonderful! Maybe you could bring them tomorrow so we can run through them together? Unless you want me to come around after school today?” There was hope in Jane’s eyes. She was completely nuts for enjoying being around my family. I would gladly swap with her any day.
“No, no. I can bring them tomorrow,” I said quickly. Too quickly. I sounded guilty and I couldn’t let anyone know about my secret. Dammit, it was hard trying to hide things from people. Especially Jane.
“Great, okay. I’ll see you at lunch.” She picked up her books and scurried into the moving crowd.
I closed my locker and banged my head on it a few times. It hurt, but it sure felt good when I stopped. Plus, it wasn’t as painful as knowing I had to find new designs within the next twenty-four hours.
There were plenty of designs we hadn’t used in my old sketchbooks. Maybe I could pass those off as new ones? Some of them really sucked, but some were okay.
But okay wasn’t good enough anymore.
And Jane had already seen them. She wouldn’t buy them as being completely new. That girl had a memory like an elephant.
I was going to be in so much trouble when I turned up empty handed tomorrow morning. Jane probably wouldn’t want to be in business with
me any longer. She would probably pull out and go sew for some other designer and make them a huge success.
My misery and sheer panic were highly distracting as I walked in a daze to class. It was the reason why I ran straight into someone.
My gaze started out at his chest, wearing a Superman T-shirt. From there it travelled up to his face, his beautiful face. Eyes in the lightest shade of blue I had ever seen were perched above a smile that could make anyone’s day better. And it was all framed with his chocolate brown hair that fell past his ears.
“Sorry,” I managed to mumble. But I wasn’t sorry. I was intrigued. Who on earth was this guy?
“No, it was my fault,” he replied quickly, a cheeky sparkle making his eyes twinkle. Like they could get any more mesmerizing. “I saw you coming and I should have stepped out of your way. Totally my fault.”
I smiled, probably looking like a fool but I couldn’t stop it. I had spoken to guys before, it wasn’t like they were some foreign creature. But this guy? It was like he set all the blood in my system on fire.
He held out his hand. “I’m Chace, it’s nice to meet you. I hope you can forgive me for my clumsiness.”
It took a moment of staring at his hand to realize he was waiting for me to shake it. Way to make an impression, Truly. I shook it quickly, trying not to feel how warm it was in mine. “I’m Truly Winx.”
“That’s a strange name.”
“You should tell my mother that sometime, she seems to think it was a stroke of genius calling me that,” I replied, actually managing to somehow string words all together in a row.
Chace shrugged with just one shoulder. He was that cool. “Strange, but appropriate.” The way his so-light-they-were-almost-white eyes pierced me was like he could see into my soul. “Today’s my first day here, any tips for survival?”
He was waiting for me to talk again. I’m going to blame my inability to function on a lack of sleep and my personal crisis. “Just be yourself, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“Any idea where…” He stopped to consult a piece of paper – his schedule, I’m guessing. “English with Mr. Hanson is?”
“I’m going there too, let me show you. It’s the least I can do considering I ran into you,” I said. He wasn’t fooling me, it had completely been my fault we’d collided.
But I still wasn’t sorry about it.
We walked to English, right past Hayley who practically drooled over the new guy. When she saw it was me he was chatting to, the look that crossed her face would have turned me into ashes if looks could kill.
I sat in the back of English class staring at the back of Chace’s head. By the end of the lesson, I could count at least eight different shades of brown in his hair. He didn’t catch me staring once.
CHAPTER 6
Beau caught me while I was standing in the bus line after school. Our unreliable means of transportation was predictably late. We were told it would be another fifteen minutes so I didn’t mind the interruption so much.
Especially not when Chase was a few rows over and I kept catching him glancing my way.
“So the website comp is live,” Beau said. “We’ve already had a few entries to the competition but it really needs some advertising.”
“Okay.”
“So what is the plan?”
“Okay.”
“Earth to Truly. You’re not listening to me.” Beau stopped talking, making me actually turn my attention back his way.
“What?” I asked.
He sighed, shifting his weight to his other foot. “I said the competition needs advertising if you want more entries.” He spoke with the same tone my mom used when she was exasperated.
And my teachers.
And Jane.
Come to think of it, people spoke like that to me a lot. “Right, advertising. I can put it all over social media and then put up some posters around school. Jane could probably get them into the mall, too. Will that be enough?”
Beau thought about it, pressing his lips together. Jane did that too, they really were the perfect couple. If only they were a couple.
Finally, he made a decision. “It’s a good start. If you do all that, we can gauge the level of entries and decide if we need to do anything more.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Did Jane catch up with you today? She was looking for you this morning.”
Hmm, Beau and Jane had spoken today without me being present. Interesting. Progress, I hope.
“Yeah, she found me.” More like hijacked me at my locker. Which made me remember our conversation and the new designs I had promised her.
Dammit.
“That’s good,” Beau said. “She seemed pretty worked up about finding you, what did she want? I hope there’s no problems.”
I could have answered the question honestly. I could also have explained why our conversation had freaked me out. Could have, but wasn’t going to.
Instead, distraction was my tool and I was its master. “Nothing interesting. So, tell me Beau, when are you going to ask Jane out?”
His expression could only have been more surprised if I had slapped him across the face with a smelly fish. “What? What do you mean?”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, come on. You are totally crushing on her. There is no point denying it. Every time you see her you light up like the sky on the fourth of July.”
“Is it that obvious?” Shyness overcame him as he spoke to me through his eyelashes. He was so cute.
“Only to me,” I replied. “Jane is super smart but she is totally clueless about it all. If you want her, you’re going to have to be direct and ask her out. Plus, make sure it’s clear you are talking about a date. She might think you’re referring to homework or something.”
Because, really, Jane was that clueless.
“Do you think she’d say yes?” Beau asked quietly. Cute and adorable. Jane would be a lucky girl to go out with him.
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. It was just as likely Jane would run away and hide from him until graduation. Or laugh because she thought he was joking and completely humiliate the poor guy.
“Will you find out for me? You could be my wingman. Or wingwoman?”
Did I have time for that? No. Could I say that to Beau? Uh, no.
“Fine,” I sighed. He was, after all, doing all the website stuff for free. And he was pretty damn good at it too. I wouldn’t want to lose him from the Every Girl Inc team. Maybe one day we could even pay him.
Before I realized what was happening, Beau hugged me. Yes, he hugged me. He was so caught up in the moment that he thought momentarily wrapping his arms around me was a good thing.
I patted his back awkwardly and was released from his clutches. “Thanks, Truly. You’re a good friend.”
With nothing more said, he hurried over to his own bus line and merged into all the other students waiting to get home.
Hearing him refer to me as his friend gave me a weird feeling. Like of the warm and fuzzy kind. I quickly shook it away, I had bigger problems to deal with.
For the entire bus trip home, I tried to picture some designs I would sketch when I got to the apartment. I imagined blouses like Jane wanted and perhaps some pants to balance out the dress ratio.
But all that came to me were blank pieces of clothing. I could barely even conjure up a color, let alone a particular cut or any style.
By the time I got home, I was on the verge of another panic attack. I followed my usual routine, relieved the babysitter, started the dinner, tidied up, and sat down with my sketchbook.
And then… nothing.
Again.
The same fear that gripped me the previous day still had its hold on me. I was powerless against it, unable to draw even a straight line.
I threw the pencil onto the floor in frustration. Which was stupid, because then I had to pick it up again quickly before Lily started eating it.
I went to bed early, only to toss and turn all night long.
&
nbsp; Again.
The next day I had to face reality. There was no choice except to tell Jane I couldn’t design anything new and that I was a big, fat loser. The thing about it I dreaded the most was seeing her face. She would be so disappointed with me and it would break my heart knowing I let her down.
When I first met Jane, choosing her purely for her mad sewing skills, I had no idea we would become as close as we were. I never thought I would be dreading letting her down.
Like she did nearly every morning, Jane was waiting for me at my locker when I arrived at school. “Hey, Truly.” She seemed in a good mood.
Dammit.
“Hey.” I buried my face in my locker, taking too long to get the books I needed.
“I can’t wait to see your new designs.”
I let out the breath I had been holding and closed my locker. I turned to face her…
… and I couldn’t do it.
“I totally forgot my sketchbook,” I said, slapping my forehead. I should have punched myself, it would hurt less. “Sorry. My brothers were being annoying and I didn’t even give it a thought, I just wanted to leave.”
Disappointment quickly flashed in her features before returning to their usual brightness. “That’s okay. I guess I can wait until tomorrow. Are we still meeting after school in the library?”
I put on a fake smile. “Of course. See you then.”
It was tempting to hit my head against my locker again. But that killed brain cells and I needed all the ones I could get.
The day went too fast after that. Every class whizzed by, bringing me closer to our business meeting again where I would have to continue to lie to Jane. My pants were smoking, threatening to catch on fire with every lie I told.
After the final bell rang, I dragged my feet to the library. It was still weird being in the book house – what I used to call it. It was not my natural territory.
Jane had already claimed a table for us and had her laptop fired up when I sat down next to her. “You found the place okay?” She smiled, she was teasing me. The nerdy one was teasing me. It was a sure sign of the apocalypse.
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