by Noir, Mila
All things I now knew having spent the past few weeks on the run. Did I want an existence that was potentially always in peril, forever?
I’d been avoiding the question of whether or not I wanted to be a vampire practically since that night in the alley. I’d been telling myself I’d get to it eventually, but I think I was really just waiting for someone else to make the call for me. Which is pretty lazy, when you think about it. It was my own life I was trying to abdicate control over. Because it was just too hard.
Well, time to get over it, me. One way or another it was going to come up, on the fly, during a crisis, or over a nice mug of tea. I was going to have to choose. Human or inhuman. Dead or Undead.
I know some people would think: what the hell is wrong with you, girl? Obviously you pick vampire! As if there are no serious consequences to consider about, you know, eternity. A concept human beings have been trying to fathom in fiction and reality for…ever. We don’t know how we feel about it. Sometimes it’s this awesome, never-ending party. More often it’s a brooding, painful burden. Is that just wishful thinking? Or a realistic look at a concept we can’t really understand because we’re so finite?
I wished I had some kind of easy answer. Some book or show that had given a definitive “it’s great!” or “it blows!” But nothing thoughtful ever does that. You have to figure it out for yourself. Dammit.
I wasn’t worried about my “soul” or whatever. That I’d be some damned creature of the night. Being around Dimitri, Robert, and even Alexis showed me that vamps had just as much control and say over their nature as humans did. I wasn’t going to stop being me if I did go that way.
And who was I? The eternal question. One I’d have an actual eternity to explore and answer. Which was, I have to say, appealing. The world is a vast place. You can’t even hope to see it all in one, two, or even three lifetimes. If I went fangy, though? I might be able to see…everything. Heady thought.
I could see all the great works of art, over and over. I could visit every city whenever I wanted, however often. I could spend centuries in Paris or London. Get to know them as few others have. I could observe the infinite variety of humanity. Witness whole lifetimes, decades, history.
Some of it would be tragic, of course. And I’d lose those I loved. But I’d lose them anyway. Me dying wouldn’t make that any easier. Or them any less mortal.
Of course, there’s the age-old argument that life only has real meaning because it’s temporary. That you strip that away if there’s no cost, no consequence, no death.
I wasn’t sure if I believed that. Or, if I did, if I wasn’t more terrified of dying than eternity.
I wanted to ask Dimitri or Robert if it was worth it. If the loss and pain was worth forever. If they ever regretted it, if they’d had a choice.
And, of course, there was the blood. Even without killing people I’d have to drink it. To walk that line between being a predator, capable of draining the life out of someone…and just taking what I needed.
In the end, though, it was just a formality. Deep down, I think I always knew what I wanted.
Why do we waste so much time pretending that we don’t?
We stopped at the edge of the woods before a wide expanse of grass that led up to the castle gates. It was kind of weird to be looking at something that so very clearly medieval. Everything was already feeling pretty overly wrought at it was. Now it felt like we were on a literal damsel-in-distress mission that might include a tower and, like, a length of hair.
I mean, the castle even had a moat! I stared at it, wondering if I’d just stepped back in time. But that was ridiculous. Vampires, changelings, sylphs, werewolves I can take. Time travel is just too complicated.
I tugged on Dimitri’s shirt to get his attention. The castle still didn’t seem to have any guards or patrols around the perimeter, which meant they were very confident, thought we were very stupid, and definitely had some massive trick up their castle-y sleeves. I needed to know the plan from here.
“What the hell are we going to do? This is clearly a trap, right?” I hissed, trying not to be loud. The other two snapped their heads and gave me looks that clearly said, “Oh my god, shut up, loud human!” I gave a little shrug, like, well, we have to communicate somehow. Tina made some emphatic gestures, one that was particularly direct and used only one finger. Across her lips to signify silence.
We made our way back a little, then huddled.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s okay, we should have probably figured out a code or something. Live and learn,” Tina said.
“Hopefully both. Although I’d really rather not get good at rescues,” I replied. She grinned.
“If you two are done with the ‘clever banter’ portion of our mission, we need to deal with this obvious trap problem and how we’re going to avoid it,” said Dimitri with some heat.
And then I had an idea.
“How about we don’t?” I asked. They all stared at me.
“No, I’m serious. Let’s not avoid the trap. Let’s fall into it spectacularly,” I said.
And then we got down to my sudden, brilliant plan.
I strolled up to the front gate like I didn’t have a care in the world. I crossed the moat, looking down into it, only to be disappointed by funky-smelling mud. I’d been hoping for some weird fish at least. Maybe a crocodile. No such luck.
The gateway was open, so I went in and stood in a large gravel courtyard. There were some hedges that hadn’t been tended to in a while, a lot of vines, and a general smell of old, moldy decay. I took a deep breath.
And then I started to yell.
“Yo! Stoller! Alexis! Get your evil asses down here! The human with the power wants to chat!”
Okay, maybe not the cleverest dialog but it sure got someone’s attention. Because in less than a minute I was surrounded by at least twelve werewolves who were growling in a way that made my spine tingle. I thought I recognized a few from Naples but, really, they were wolves. They could’ve been brand-new.
I stood my ground as they circled me, getting close enough to sniff me and bare their enormous teeth, but not close enough to do any harm. I had a feeling they were saving me for someone else.
That someone else came loping through an archway shortly thereafter.
“Whew, Stoller. You don’t look so great,” I said, looking him up and down. He really didn’t. His face was a mass of ugly-looking cuts and he was holding one of his arms awkwardly. I wasn’t sorry.
“Courtesy of your boyfriends. I’ll have to return the favor,” he said, leering. I rolled my eyes at him.
“I don’t know. They kicked your ass pretty soundly last time. Too bad they didn’t kill you,” I said. He didn’t look thrilled.
“I have a few tricks left, meatsack,” he said, that creepy grin still on his face.
“Yeah, you talk big, Stoller. And you’re great when people are tied up and drugged. But something tells me it’s a bit different when your opponents are a bit stronger than a mere human. You fold like a bad hand, then,” I said. Something was off about his face. The skin kept rippling, like something just beneath the surface was trying to get out.
“Shut. Up,” he said, no longer looking even remotely amused. It almost looked like his face was trying to slide off. It was incredibly disturbing. But I wanted him angry. Angry and distracted.
“Why? You can’t do anything to me anymore. If you do, I won’t cooperate. And I think Alexis might be really pissed if you fucked this up for her and her side,” I said.
“We have your friend,” he said, attempting to look smug. But with his face slipping, it looked more like constipation.
“No shit. You don’t think I’m here because I missed your company, did you?” I answered.
“Watch it,” he said, moving forward, shoulders hunched. I waved a hand at him even though being so close to him made my stomach cramp with fear. I hadn’t forgotten the state of my arms.
“Take me t
o Alexis. And if Tasha is anything other than whole, we’re going to have a serious problem,” I said. His eyes flashed murder but I held my gaze steady. I was done letting my fear show. I was going to be strong for her. I was going to get Tasha out of here if it was the last thing I did. Which it might actually be.
“Fine. But I see either of your fuck buddies and I’m removing a limb. You don’t need both arms,” he said. I shrugged as though everything he threatened was just rolling off.
We walked down a series of corridors, Stoller’s increasingly warped-looking silhouette a few steps ahead of me. It smelled like funky old socks and I wondered at Alexis. She seemed more of a high-class kind of girl, not someone who really dug the whole crypt thing. But then, who knew what she was really like? She seemed to shift and change to suit whatever situation she was in and whatever it was she needed out of someone. In a lot of ways she seemed more like a shape-changer than Tina.
Eventually we came to a hall of doors that looked eerily familiar, except they were all wood and rotting, unlike my metaphoric dream ones. It was still incredibly off-putting to walk past them. I half-expected one to open into yawning darkness or a scene from my childhood.
Instead, we stopped in front of one that was clearly new, the wood shiny and dark, metal bars across a cutout in the bottom and a window large enough for only a hand to poke out of. I had a bad feeling I knew who was in there.
“You can check on your friend yourself, then see Alexis. She’s still in good working condition,” Stoller said. His skin looked like it was trying to drip away. I couldn’t look at him for very long without wanting to gag. He seemed oblivious.
I took a deep breath and looked through the cutout, having to stand on my tiptoes. The light was dim and it looked like there was a heap of laundry tossed into a corner. A sliver of light shone down next to a pair of very familiar shoes.
As my eyes adjusted I could see that the laundry was Tasha. Her beautiful hair was matted and dirty. One eye looked swollen shut. She didn’t look injured otherwise but her body was sort of crumpled looking. I suspected she’d been drugged and just fallen there. It hurt my heart to see her like that. She should be smiling, drinking a beer, cavorting with guys and girls. Not tied up in a basement with creeps.
“You are such a fucking monster,” I whispered. Stoller laughed, a grating almost-cackle.
“No shit, princess. Of course I am. Now let’s go see her Grand High Poohbah and get this over with. I, for one, am sick of the sight of you,” he said, limping off.
“The feeling is so incredibly mutual,” I said to his back.
A few winding staircases later, which I swear he took me on as the long route just to be an asshole, and I was brought into a large den-like room. The lighting was low, soft, and red like a bordello. There was an enormous red wingback chair in the middle, set on a fluffy white rug that looked pink in the bloody light. I saw a pale hand reach for a huge goblet of red liquid. Leave it to Alexis to make even the most ostentatious décor look somehow effortless.
I walked around the chair and stood before her, setting my expression to neutral as much as I could. It wasn’t easy.
Alexis sat as though she hadn’t a care in the world. Except that was clearly not true because, unlike previous times I’d seen her, she looked ill. She’d always been pale but now she was positively ashen, with an almost green tinge to her skin. I could see the dead veins around her eyes and mouth, spidering out like roads on an old map. Her eyes were sunken in with deep shadows around them, purply black. Her lips were pale and cracked. Everything about her looked dry and drained.
“You look like you could use some heavy-duty moisturizers,” I said without thinking. Her eyes looked at me, haunted, furious, desperate. And very, very predatory.
“I have a facial scheduled for next week. Right before my house takes over everything in a quiet, painless, utterly unopposed takeover,” she said, voice sounding like dry leaves rubbed together. I wondered what the hell had happened to her in the last few weeks, to look like that.
“That’s assuming I play your game, right?” I said.
“Of course. But we have your friend. And now, your boyfriends,” she said, a smile almost literally cracking her face. I took a deep breath. So it had started already.
Good.
“We caught them in the woods. I’m guessing you thought you could stroll in here, get taken in, and then they’d rescue you,” she said, swirling her drink.
“Something like that,” I said. I looked around and found a stool. I picked it up and set it across for her, straddling it as I sat. She eyed me with one brow arched.
“Well? Are you going to say yes or do we have to continue this, let’s be fair, less-than-stellar banter?” she asked, looking bored. Her eyes said otherwise. Her eyes said she was waiting for my answer with a kind of tense, avid desire.
“First, I want Tasha let go. I’ll agree to whatever as long as she’s out of here and on a plane to wherever she wants to go. Japan, probably,” I said.
“Not exactly a surprise. And?” she asked.
“And, what? That’s it,” I said.
“Nothing for your lovers? I’m surprised. I was expecting you to tell me to set them free, too,” she said, eyeing me cautiously.
“We both know you’d promise to and then wriggle out of it,” I said.
“Interesting. You continue to surprise me,” Alexis said, draining her cup. She looked into its emptiness speculatively.
“No, I don’t. You just don’t understand humans,” I said.
We regarded one another, she like I was a very curious bug she might or might not like to squash. Me, like I was epically stalling for as much time as I possibly could. Only, you know, without that being obvious.
“A long time ago, when I was still human and a little girl, I realized that people were exceedingly stupid. When I was older and offered the chance to become immortal, even though it meant eating living blood, I didn’t hesitate. Why would I? It was so obvious to me that humans were pointless meatsacks. Eating them wouldn’t bother me, and it never has,” she said. A tall figure came in and poured more blood into her cup. It was one of the werewolf guards I had seen before. He gave me a sidelong look, then left. She sipped at it delicately, then winced.
“Not the right vintage?” I said brightly.
“Cold. I prefer body temperature. But since we aren’t allowed live feeds, I must settle. But not for long,” she answered.
“Is that one of the things you’re planning on changing?” I asked. Keep her talking, keep her focused on me.
“Yes, in due course. We have other, more pressing priorities,” she said. I didn’t love the sound of that.
“Well, that sounds great. Swell, even. I suppose I’m meant to help with all that. Provided my odd little ‘gift’ keeps and I sign on to this whole debacle.” I stood up and started to pace. Any minute now. Any minute.
“Ideally. We won’t know until you’re turned,” she said, her eyes following me like a bird of prey might watch a tasty rodent.
“And I guess you’re going to do the biting? So you get the big prize?” I asked. I knew that my supposed power was that I couldn’t be influenced by vampires, and if I retained that, I should technically be some kind of powerful free agent.
“That’s the idea,” she said, mouth twisted into the approximation of a smile. I really wished she wouldn’t. It was unnerving.
“Well, if you let Tasha go, we can get started,” I said.
Alexis snapped her fingers, and the lupine guard came in carrying a small device that looked like a tiny TV. He handed it to her, then stood just behind her chair. She waggled it at me, then pressed a button. A light glowed green and an image, black and white, appeared.
I squinted at it.
“You might want to come closer for a better look. I won’t bite. Yet,” she teased. I did so. The monitor was showing the inside of Tasha’s cell, which I’d already guessed. I was doing this for show, not because I had any delus
ion that they would let her go. I just hoped I was doing a convincing job of making Alexis think I was really this stupid.
Tasha was still lying in the same heap, but the image now showed two guards come in. One picked her up and looked up at the camera, eyes glowing like a wolf’s caught in headlights. Something about it looked a little familiar, and I took a closer look, then quickly glanced away, nodding at Alexis. Then the figure walked out, leaving the cell empty.
The image cut to two more cells. One held Dimitri, the other Robert. I didn’t see Tina, which meant the plan was still working. Hopefully.
Both men were at the bars of their cells, arms held out, cuffs on their wrists. They must have been silver because there were little curls of smoke coming up from where they touched the skin. Neither Dimitri nor Robert showed any sign of pain. They simply stared into the camera, eyes dark and glittery and hard.
It was almost time.
“What are you going to do with them?” I asked, turning to Alexis.
“Oh, you know. A bit of fun. They’ll come around eventually. Once we’ve turned you, they’ll step in line,” she said with a wave of her hand.
I laughed. Loudly. I couldn’t help it. I nearly choked, I was laughing so hard. Alexis didn’t look happy.
“I’m sorry, but are you serious? There’s no way. It doesn’t matter what you do to me, they’ll never, ever side with you,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes. “But I have to thank you for the laugh. I needed that.”
“So glad I could entertain,” she said. She got up, straightening her velvet suit, skin looking like it might peel away from her face any moment. I braced myself.
In the next moment I was in her arms, clasped tight, my hands at my sides. She was staring into my face, breath like a rotting bog, eyes chips of obsidian. She was panting.
“You’re mine now,” she said, mouth going impossibly wide, rows upon rows of needly teeth gnashing. She was triumphant. Exultant.