by Tina Moore
“Mommy,” Rosie whined and straddled Alana’s soft thigh before rubbing herself on top of it trying to make her orgasm hit her like she craved.
“No, that’s all you’re getting little one, oh, that and this,” Alana said, taking a diaper out of her bag and making Rosie gasp.
“You didn’t think you were so big that I’d leave you uncovered, did you?” Alana said, standing up and looking down at Rosie.
“Are you going to be a good girl for Mommy?” Alana asked, pulling on the top of the belt, making Rosie bite her bottom lip and nod her head with excitement in her eyes.
“Good, come here then baby girl,” Alana said, pulling Rosie to the floor and putting the diaper over the top of the belt that was securing the vibrator.
“Pretty girl,” Alana said, running her hands over the diapered girl in front of her.
“You know, I’ll have to be out of this when we land Alana,” Rosie said nervously breaking their play, worried about what the future held. Alana raised her eyebrow.
“Mommy,” Alana corrected gently as she shook her head and pulled Rosie back down next to her.
“Of course, baby girl. You can trust Mommy,” she added cradling Rosie in her arms.
Chapter 8
Alana and Rosie rented a cabin in the mountains outside a small village in the Austrian Alps. Alana had taken to working in the mornings as Rosie slept, taking on online orders which helped to create a routine they enjoyed following. Rosie tied up her life, telling her people that she wouldn’t be taking on any new products or endorsements and selling off three of her homes to buy herself out of two of her contracts she had with big clothing labels. The internet went wild with speculation as to what her mental state was but tucked away in the mountains with Alana had her more stable than she had ever been.
“Hi baby girl,” Alana said coming into their bedroom to see that Rosie had woken up and was happily sucking on her paci and playing with the stuffies that despite Alana’s best attempts, always seemed to make their way into their bed.
“I thought I told you to put these away last night?” Alana questioned playfully making Rosie giggle and roll around in bed.
“Come here little one,” Alana said, placing her laptop down and getting back into bed with Rosie. It was winter, and the snow had fallen knee deep, making walking on the mountains difficult, so Alana and Rosie had taken to staying indoors, except for their shopping days.
“I think we need to go into town darling or you’re little tummy will be hungry soon,” Alana said running her hands over Rosie’s fluffy white onesie and playfully biting her neck making Rosie giggle and push Alana away.
“Mommy!” Rosie squealed before Alana stopped and stood her up.
“Come on darling, Mommy needs to get you dressed so we can go,” Alana said taking Rosie’s hand and leading her to the cupboard, opening it up and looking at what she wanted Rosie in today.
“This will look cute,” Alana said taking out red plaid winter trousers and black high-top ankle boots, a long sleeve white thermal top, and a black puffer jacket. Rosie shook her head no as Alana began to dress her, making Alana roll her eyes and grip Rosie’s chin, forcing her to look at her in the eyes.
“No?” Alana questioned making Rosie look sideward and stop refusing.
“This one Mommy,” Rosie said, pointing to a pair of pink pants instead.
“Please Mommy. Where are your manners, little one?” Alana said slapping Rosie’s bottom firmly.
“That’s not how you ask, and you know it. Don’t be a bad girl for Mommy; you know what happens if you are a naughty baby girl,” Alana said, taking out the cane she had used on Rosie a week earlier. Rosie began to suck her thumb, and Alana knew she would have no trouble with her for the rest of the day. Alana dressed Rosie, pulling her pants over her diaper and zipping up her jacket before she got herself dressed. They had been in Austria for a month and knowing they would only be here for another 3 weeks, Alana didn’t buy the week supply of groceries she had done previously, instead she decided to only buy for a couple of days and settled with the plan that they would eat out for the rest of their stay.
“No put it back baby we don’t need it,” Alana said to Rosie who tried to put a big bag of candy in the shopping cart. Rosie pouted but obeyed forcing Alana to try and suppress her smile. She loved having Rosie as hers. It hadn’t felt the way Alana had first thought it would. Rosie was different from her. With everyone else, she was the playful, cheeky slut who would be happily gaging to be fucked by anyone who wanted her. With Alana, she was calm, thoughtful, observant and sensual and Alana loved that Rosie had those qualities and that they were all hers.
“Sweetie?” Alana asked Rosie who was holding a magazine in her hands. Alana looked over Rosie’s shoulder and saw what Rosie was looking at. Young entrepreneur assumed dead, read the headline with Rosie’s photo under it.
“They think I’m dead?” Rosie said in a confused voice that Alana didn’t know how to read. Alana waited for a response to come and held her breath in nervous anticipation.
“That is so rude!” Rosie laughed, putting the magazine down and walking off to get the milk Alana has told her to get. Alana smiled to herself as her heart was filled with pride at how far her baby girl had come. From the sensitive girl that was scared of the world to the woman who was comfortable in her skin and comfortable with what she needed to be happy.
Fuck. My turn, Alana thought as she got in the car and listened to Rosie’s story about a dog she had just seen that was as big as a pony.
“What are you doing, Mommy?” Rosie asked coming up behind Alana who sat in the sunroom typing on her laptop. Rosie had gone for a walk that morning, and Alana took the time to begin to write about the things that haunted her. If my baby can manage to sort her head out, maybe I can do the same, Alana had thought while fucking Rosie the night before. Alana hadn’t heard Rosie come back into the cabin and was startled, jumping and getting the hiccups which just made Rosie laugh.
“Mommy you are so silly, look, I got you a flower!” Rosie said, presenting the yellow petaled flower to Alana who bit her bottom lip.
“You’re a little bit cute do you know that?” Alana said, pulling Rosie onto her lap and reading out the first paragraph she had written.
“She howled from the depths of her soul without regard for who could hear. The long journey to the top of the mountain had left her breathless, the pads of her paws sore and tender. ‘Don’t feel sorry for me,’ she whispered to the small hedgehog who came out to see what the dark shaggy fur was that sat outside her burrow. ‘Feel sorry for them,’ she said, looking down the path she had just forged. Through stone and dirt, she had dug her path. It was deep, deep enough to hide a wolf as it made its way behind her and oh how they had. Snapping at her heels, biting down on her hunches they had only made her ascent faster, all the while trying to slow her down. And when she had finally reached the top, turning in one quick motion, she pushed them down the steep slope and watched as they tumbled and fell until she could sit safely on her perch. The hedgehog knew none of this; she hadn’t come in on that chapter of the young wolf’s story, she had only seen the victory and wondered why the wolf had refused to allow another on the top with her. ‘Won’t you get lonely?’ She asked. ‘No,’ replied the wolf who turned to the rising moon and smiled as she saw a black figure moving towards her. ‘I didn’t climb this mountain for me, I climbed it for her,’ the wolf said as another wolf greeted her and together they began to howl to the stars and moon that decorated the night’s sky,” Alana read, remaining silent and waiting when she finished seeing what Rosie would say.
“Silva?” Rosie asked. Alana liked that Rosie never made her feel bad for still being in that room with Silva no matter where in the world she physically was, but this time, Rosie was wrong.
“No,” Alana whispered, looking down and smiling to herself. For this first time, she had been able to feel a glimmer of something else. As though the door to her heart had been unloc
ked and left open, letting her move in and out of the space.
“Not this time. I want to love you,” Alana said quietly as Rosie took her hand tenderly and kissed her cheek.
“I know you do,” Rosie replied, her words not escaping Alana who laughed as Rosie replied with the same words Alana had only a month ago.
Chapter 9
“Mommy?” Rosie said, coming back into the cabin on the day they were meant to leave. Alana and Rosie had decided that it was best to head back to the States and build their new life together there. They had both decided that it was too complicated to try and stay in Austria and with Rosie’s career slowing down they were both excited to get settled in New York. That’s what Rosie thought was going to happen, but walking through the empty cabin, her heart began to scream words she didn’t want to hear. Alana was gone. Her bags that had been packed near the door weren’t there anymore, the toys that Rosie had left unpacked where all there except for the bunny that she often cuddled with, in Alana’s arms and a letter was left on top of her suitcase.
I numbed it with everything that I could find darling — alcohol, sex, money, success. I stayed away from drugs; you’ve got to have your limits, right?! I see the sort of people who couldn’t brace up, and I’m glad weakness was never an option for me, I don’t think it’s in my nature, but it is probably just a firm conditioning I refuse to shake. What do you want me to say? That I was sad, lonely, scared. That it felt like breathing for the first time when I would get lost in your touch and that nothing has made me feel as alive since. It is love I find so fucking painful; I’m very happy enjoying a girl for a while, but love is just too much for me to be able to let sink in. I knew I had a choice I knew I could have just let you go, but I wanted to let you love me, I wanted to love you, but it’s just too painful. I’m sorry, baby girl, take care, Alana.
Rosie froze, speechless. She sat down next to her bags and cried for the first time in ten years, crying her heart out and feeling smaller and more worthless than she had ever felt in her life.
Alana had flown back to Paris and spent the next three weeks getting ritualistically drunk and looking up at the ceiling of a cheap hotel. The days of Rosie spun in her head, the days of Silva always interrupted them, hearing the sound of gunshots in her nightmares startling her awake.
“She’s better off without me,” Alana said out loud to herself as she stood and looked around her dark room for a bottle with anything left in it. The bunny she had taken from Rosie had long lost her scent of perfume and now reeked of bourbon and cigarettes. A knock came from the door, and Alana stumbled to the door, opening it slowly.
“Hi, you wanna let me in?” The woman the Alana had forgotten she had ordered hours before said, standing in front of her. Alana wiped her eyes and shrugged her shoulders and walked back into the bedroom and fell on the bed.
“Money is on the counter,” Alana said, breathing deeply and drinking the last of the bourbon she had found. The woman thought for a minute before coming to sit on the bed with Alana.
“What the fuck is the matter with you?” She suddenly said making Alana’s closed eyes open slowly.
“What?” Alana replied, unsure of what the woman was telling her.
“You’re Alana Shummer aren’t you? You are with Rosie. What the fuck are you doing here like this?” The woman said making Alana mad.
“I didn’t pay for a fucking lecture, did I bitch?” She said, getting up to rest on her elbows.
“Well, it looks like you need one,” The woman said going to the windows and drawing the curtains back making Alana squint.
“Tell me what the fuck has happened to get you like this?” The woman said, slapping Alana’s face firmly when Alana started her rebuttal.
“Did I stutter, bitch?” The woman said confidently making Alana laugh.
“Guess not,” Alana said, sobering up quickly and sitting up, crossing her legs and looking at the woman for the first time.
“I couldn’t give her what she needed. She needed love; I couldn’t give her that. She’s better off without me, the end,” Alana explained to the frowning woman.
“So are you finished lying to yourself?” The woman said, crossing her arms over her chest and waiting. Alana rolled her eyes and dramatically lay back down in bed.
“From what I’ve seen, Rosie had never been happier than when she was with you, didn’t you guys go to some retreat or something together? You even protected her from the paparazzi. Have you seen how she’s doing? She needs you more now than ever,” The woman said piquing Alana’s curiosity.
“What do you mean?” Alana asked, concern in her voice.
“She’s been taken to hospital, she broke down on a talk show, and she just sat there, crying, it went viral,” The woman said taking out her phone and finding the video of the interview Rosie came undone on. Handing it to Alana, Alana watched as the girl she had called hers cried as her heart broke in the most invasive manner possible.
“Why did you show me that?” Alana said quietly handing the woman her phone back.
“Because it looks like you could use more than just a fuck. You need a friend and a shower, come on,” The woman said, taking Alana’s hand and leading her into the shower, turning the water on and taking off Alana’s clothes. The woman sat on the floor as Alana showered for the first time in days and watched as the bathroom steamed up as Alana let the hot water pour over her body.
“You can’t burn out whatever it is that haunts you,” The woman said, standing up and turning the water off. She passed Alana a towel as Alana reached for her packet of cigarettes.
“No,” The woman said slapping Alana’s hand away. Alana raised an eyebrow at the woman who just laughed.
“I said no,” The woman repeated taking the cigarettes from the packet and breaking them in half.
“It’s a filthy habit. You deserve better,” The woman said to Alana who for the first time let someone have control over her.
“What am I even meant to say to her?” Alana said as she got dressed in clean clothes and began cleaning the hotel room.
“Sorry might be a good start. I imagine you’ve shattered her trust so get ready for a backlash,” The woman said watching as Alana tidied and began packing.
“I’m going to call her,” Alana said more to herself than the woman who nodded her head and sat down on the couch.
“Um,” Alana said wanting privacy and making the woman laugh as she got up and took the money from the counter.
“Good luck, darling. Be better,” The woman said as she waved goodbye with the envelope of cash Alana had set aside for her.
Alana took a deep breath before clicking on Rosie’s name, her photo covering Alana’s phone screen as she called.
“Hello?” Rosie’s voice quietly said, her vulnerability making Alana lost for words.
“I’m sorry,” Alana said, matching the quiet intensity of Rosie’s voice. Silence echoed down the phone, but Rosie spoke first.
“You don’t have to do this. I don’t need you,” she said, lying to herself.
“I know,” Alana said, letting Rosie try and believe it.
“Then what do you want? Haven’t you taken enough of me?” Rosie said, feeling anger begin to boil within her.
“I need help Rosie,” Alana said, admitting to her flaws for the first time in her life.
“Well, there’s an empty bed here next to mine,” Rosie said, laughing despite herself.
“I’ll be there in a day,” Alana said excitedly.
“Rosie?” Alana quickly added.
“Yep,” Rosie said defensively.
“I’m sorry I broke your heart. Let me try and fix it?” Alana asked, biting her tongue as she almost slipped on the words.
“I can’t say if I’ll stay, but I’ll let you try,” Rosie said hanging up the phone and placing her phone on her chest, breathing deeply as happy tears rolled down her cheeks.
“So, what am I supposed to do with you now?” Rosie said three weeks later u
pon seeing Alana standing in front of her. They had decided to meet at a back street art gallery after spending countless hours talking on the phone.
“Rosie,” Alana said, becoming speechless and looked down at her feet, intimidated by the now powerful woman who stood in front of her.
“You had plenty to say before, do you want a pen and paper, would that be easier for you?!” Rosie angrily said, fire burning in her eyes, pain flooding her blood. Alana looked up and frowned.
“I never meant to hurt you,” she said quietly only enraging Rosie.
“What the fuck did you think it would do? You come in, take me in, make me feel for the first time and then just bail?” Rosie yelled before walking out of the gallery, Alana in tow.
“I’m sorry!” Alana yelled back at her, causing Rosie to stop and turn on her heel.
“Yeah, I get that, what I don’t get is why,” Rosie said, pacing back and forth on the graveled driveway out the back of the gallery. Alana didn’t know how to reply, so she just stood there, watching her life turn in slow motion.
“You need help Alana,” Rosie said quietly, her expression changing from rage to love. She shook her head, and half laughed, surprised that she was able to have this kind of conversation.
“You need help, or anti-depressants or Jesus, just something, anything. I thought we were happy; I thought you were happy,” Rosie said, stepping closer to Alana who felt littler than she had ever felt in her life.
“I know,” Alana said softly, a tear escaping when she felt Rosie’s hand on her cheek.
“Then let me help you, baby,” Rosie said, making Alana laugh.
“You’re still the baby, I don’t care how sad I am I’m still your Mommy,” Alana said without thinking, her eyes going wide as she heard what she had just said. Rosie thought for a moment before shaking her head no.