by Ney Mitch
“Women such as Jane Bennet are usually the sort of woman who possesses serenity when you meet them, but once they become comfortable around you, perhaps the liveliness springs from out of it.”
Their game forgotten, Darcy turned and sat down near Richard and with urgency in his voice, said, “Richard, listen to yourself. You are elaborating on her character growth without having any evidence to support that claim. You do not know that her character becomes less docile as time wears on. You do not know if she has a lively sort of charm that is hidden within, or even how much you have in common. She is beautiful, to be sure. And your finding her attractive is a mark of your good taste. This is all too true.
“But love is not something that is real after one encounter and when seeing the woman at her very best, when you know her so little. No. Love is what you feel after many encounters and when after seeing the woman at her very worst, and still loving her, despite knowing too much about her. The Bennet sisters can attest to that. They know what it is like to see two people who married off their initial and carnal desires.”
“You speak to me of intellectualism, but when has emotion and passion been akin to those?”
“Precisely. Emotions lead to us finding comfort in the present, but sometimes, if we lend ourselves to their moody judgment for too long, then we can suffer for it in the future.”
“If you claim to know her so well, then tell me about her? Tell me what she is like. What are her tastes, her passions, her pursuits? Is she a woman of information?”
Darcy reached for his drink, only to discover he’d already drank it. “That is the very problem. I have known the woman for many weeks, and I cannot answer any of those things. It was not until recently that I saw any sort of spark and life within her. The way that you saw her tonight and when I encountered her last, those were the only times that I began to see her be so animated. However, before that time, I never saw her be anything else but solely reactive to everything. She never sought out people to converse with or willingly offered up information about herself. Everything she said was often a response to a conversation that other people had started. Think! I have met her plethora of times and I do not even know if she prefers the city or the country. Or if she prefers coffee as opposed to tea. Or what she likes to eat, read, or do for activities. I do not even know if she is accomplished at anything.”
Richard frowned. “I never needed a woman to be accomplished to admire her.”
“Really? Because, when last I recalled, you enjoyed that Elizabeth could play and sing when we were at Rosings Park.”
“That was because, as much as I love our aunt, her home is boring.”
“Still,” Darcy said, “you do put importance on a woman having some sort of activity.”
“But you said it yourself that Jane’s character has unfolded more of late than how you knew her before. Therefore, clearly, I am correct. Her character does improve over time.”
Darcy nodded. “Her character was laid more open to me simply because of the service that I rendered her by saving her sister from Wickham. She merely feels obliged to me.”
“Does that not show goodness of character?”
“We are not here to speak of Jane Bennet’s goodness. Never believe that I do not think her anything less than a wonderful woman who has an angelic nature to her. I am merely stating that can an angel give you the sort of warmth that you need? And Richard, consider, she is in love with Mr. Bingley.”
“And I still wish that you had told me that before.”
Darcy cocked an eyebrow in his cousin’s direction. “Would it really have made much of a difference?”
“Yes, it would have.”
“Well, I did not tell you. Therefore, I cannot change the past, nor should I apologize for not having that power. How was I to know that you would feel for the same woman that my friend does?”
“I feel as if you are trying to dissuade me from choosing to consider Miss Bennet because Mr. Bingley liked her first.”
“That is not my only reason. I know how much you need to find an heiress to marry. Jane is poor.”
“Yes,” Richard sighed, “she is poor.” He stood abruptly and placed his billiard’s stick sharply down on the table. This made Darcy flinch. “Why must the women I ever possibly see myself marrying are always so poor! Why must fate always play that nasty trick on me?”
Darcy rubbed his face with his hand, flustered. The night had been going so well, up until this point. He and Elizabeth had gotten along perfectly, they were coming to stay with him, and the Gardiners liked him.
But then this had to occur! Why was it always something there to get in the way of true success and peaceful achievement? There always had to be some complication that arose, that marred the way of definite happiness.
“I am sorry about your state,” Darcy offered, “though I know that my saying it again will not change that fact.”
“No, it will not. You get to marry for love. So does Bingley. And then, there is me. There shall always be me. Sitting here and having to be mercenary in my outlook on women.”
Darcy did not respond again, but only sat there, in silence. At last, he realized that he had to speak.
“What shall you do?” he asked.
“The question instead can become of what are you going to do?” Richard asked him. “Are you going to dissuade me from feeling for Miss Bennet because of Bingley? Mind you, Bingley did choose to abandon all pursuits of her.”
“He did so under my instruction.”
“He is a grown man, responsible for his own actions.”
“But what of you, Richard? You do need to marry an heiress to maintain your level of life.”
“And how many of those women are going to choose me? Look at me. I am hardly the ideal candidate for her. I am a second son; I inherit little to nothing, have to work for a living, and am not as handsome as other men.”
“Attractiveness is a subjective thing. And consider that Jane herself does not come with much. Therefore, she must marry a man with a fortune of his own, to support her. It is very easy to see her serene nature and assume that she would be happy with simple lodgings, but would she? And consider your family. Would Lord Fitzwilliam be happy with you choosing a woman who does not bring wealth with her? They would not make it so easy for you.”
“And how is that different than you, Darcy? You are willing to face Lady Catherine’s displeasure for Miss Elizabeth. How can you dissuade me from her sister?”
“Because I have the money to support Elizabeth.”
Richard looked down at the floor and Darcy immediately felt embarrassed and ashamed.
“Richard, I am sorry,” Darcy apologized. “I did not mean to wound you at all. I feel terrible that I even have to speak to you in this way.”
“Yes, it is very hard to hear it. And I cannot help but wonder how, the way that you are advising me now, is the way that you advised Bingley.”
“The pattern is not lost on me either,” Darcy admitted. “But with Bingley, I encouraged him to abandon Miss Bennet because I believed her to be indifferent to him.”
“You did?”
“Yes. She did not bestow any peculiar regard for him, but time has helped me realize that she was merely demure. And the serenity of her countenance did not show that underneath, she perhaps was a woman who felt more deeply for things than I had believed. And seeing her here today, her character is greatly improved. With her, I just needed time. Also, Richard, you have to consider the main impediment: I know that she is in love with another man.”
“A man who abandoned her.”
“A man who I recently arranged to have her see again. Bingley is going to be at Sir Aleck’s ball. Elizabeth and I have both looked forward to bringing them together again.”
“And now, here I am, being a nuisance.”
“And so I ask you again, what are you going to do?”
Richard took another glass of scotch.
“I suppose I have to entertain t
he fact that I just met her, and perhaps, I am letting my emotions get too far away from me. And, on both sides, it is a most imprudent match. I cannot guarantee her a comfortable home where she shall want for nothing. She cannot bring to me a dowry that will allow me to support her.”
“Yes. I do not wish it were so, but yes, it is. And again, her heart is occupied.”
“And I was not finished. I agree that you are correct, and that I should proceed with caution. And I do respect Bingley, for he is a pleasant man. However, he did choose to not consider her for a wife, therefore, due to disloyalty on his part, I will not care for his feelings. I will see how time shall have everything unfold. Perhaps, my feelings were the work of a moment. Perhaps, Miss Bennet does not care for Mr. Bingley any longer.”
“There are many ‘perhaps’ in that monologue.”
“As there has a right to be. Compile them all with perhaps if I develop a means for how to support Miss Bennet and she and I do develop feelings for each other… then perhaps, all shall fall into its place without any confusion and conflict occurring on any side. Yet, this is the only promise that I shall give: if I continue to feel for her, then I shall only abandon all hope if I discover that she still prefers Mr. Bingley to any other man. If she still loves him, then I shall walk away and be a gentleman about it.”
Darcy sighed, for this was the perfect mode of thinking.
“Richard, that is precisely fine. While I know that Bingley still feels for her, I shall not let my loyalty to him keep me from letting you feel as you feel. Yet, I ask now, for permission to tell Miss Elizabeth about this.”
“Why? She will tell Miss Bennet!”
“She clearly has not told Jane about how I separated Bingley from her. Elizabeth knows how to keep a secret if I ask it of her.”
“You just wish for that because you know that it shall make you and her closer to each other.”
“No, it is because I am in love with her, and she has a right to know that my cousin is possibly entertaining romantic designs on her sister. I have made mistakes by concealing things from her, and that led to me leaving her in awkward situations. How can she love me if she cannot trust me?”
Richard considered this and saw the logic of it all.
“Besides,” Darcy continued, “if I tell her, in strict confidence, then she may be willing to help me understand Miss Bennet’s feelings. Maybe Miss Bennet has changed and is not as in love with Bingley as she was before. Maybe Lizzy could help us.”
“You call her Lizzy already?”
“It was a slip of the tongue.”
“Very well. You may tell Miss Elizabeth. In the meantime, I shall be as I am. I shall still enjoy Miss Bennet’s company, nor will I remove myself from her society. And time will tell how things ought to be.”
“I respect that.”
Richard stood up, straightening his jacket.
“I wish to retire for the evening.”
“But of course. Get some rest because I am certain that you are emotionally overwhelmed at this moment.”
“You have not the slightest idea.” He expelled a great sigh, and then he left Darcy alone.
At first, Darcy had paced back and forth, alone, in his parlor. Soon, he retired after his cousin and went to bed. One of his servants, Henry, was helping him to undress, and Darcy felt comfortable enough around him to ask him a few silly questions.
“Henry, have you ever been in love?” Darcy asked.
This sudden query surprised Henry, but he was more than happy to answer.
“Yes, sir. I have. Many times.”
“Many times?”
“Yes. Almost everyone that I know has. It is a common agony.”
“A common agony. I like that phrase. Love is a constant agony. Well, have you ever been in love with a woman that another man also liked?”
“Oh, yes,” Henry said with a roll of his eyes, “that horrible beast!”
“What did you do when that occurred?”
“Sir, I know that this advice will be hard to hear, because the heart often wants what it wants, and cannot hear tell of other advice. Yet, from my experience, unless the woman feels for you as well, just let her go. She is not worth having a duel with your close friend over.”
Darcy gave Henry a look.
“Close friend?” Darcy asked, his eyebrow raised.
Henry looked embarrassed.
“I was drunk at the time,” Henry admitted.
“Ah.”
“But still, sir. I know it can feel as if she is so special that there is no other sort of woman in the world for you, but I have often found that there is. Unless the woman loves only you, there are plenty of other women in the world. And they should not be punished or forgotten about, just because we could not get ahold of our first love.”
Darcy considered the rest of Henry’s advice, and then he realized that Henry had made one awkward assumption.
“Henry, when I was mentioning this all, I was not speaking of myself. I was speaking about a friend.”
“Of course, sir.” Henry secretly could not have been less convinced over this. And Darcy knew it.
“Henry, I mean it. I am not talking of myself now.”
“I know. You are talking about your cousin.”
Darcy flinched.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You are talking about Colonel Fitzwilliam.”
“How would you know that? Not that you are correct at all. But how could you know that?”
“When you were all being served dinner, some of the servants witnessed how the Colonel doted on Miss Bennet. Despite your best efforts, you can never stop servants from talking to each other.”
Darcy scrubbed his hands over his face. “No, I suppose that I cannot. Is there any way that I can convince you all to keep this secret among yourselves?”
Henry gave him a significant look.
“What secret, sir? We were not talking about anything.”
Darcy smiled. Thank the lord for good, hired help.
Thank you, Henry.”
“You are welcome, sir.”
Darcy went off to bed.
Chapter 8
Letting Oneself Go, Despite the Consequences
The next morning, we sent a letter to Longbourn to inform Kitty of the invitation. It was sent express so that Kitty would be prepared to pack and quickly come by the end of the week.
While in London, Jane and I immediately began to prepare ourselves for our relocation to Darcy’s home.
“I cannot believe it,” Diana said with glee. She was our uncle and aunt’s eldest daughter, and she was sitting in our room when we began to pack our things. “To be staying in Grosvenor Street! I never would have believed that could happen.”
“Nor could I,” Jane said, putting her gowns in her chest.
“I wish I could go to such a place!”
“Diana, you need not worry about your good fortune,” I said, patting her cheek, “for we shall bring Mr. Darcy and his sister to come and visit. You shall get to meet them both.”
Diana waved the comment away. “Oh, who cares about people? I just want to see pretty buildings.”
“The trick is to appreciate the people who are within it.” I kissed her forehead and finished packing.
“Diana!” Aunt Gardiner called. Diana rolled her eyes.
“Mama needs me. It is always when something important is about to happen.”
Aunt Gardiner entered.
“Jane,” Aunt Gardiner said, “I know that you are amidst packing, but are you still willing to take the children for their daily walk with you?”
“Oh yes,” Jane exclaimed. “I feel so foolish for forgetting. It is simply that I was so distracted by our good fortune that I quite forgot our daily routine.”
Jane went out the room with Diana.
“I shall continue to pack for us!” I called after her as Jane left with the children. When alone, I saw that Aunt Gardiner was still keeping me company. Not willing to pl
ay coy, I decided to get to the heart of the matter. “Aunt, we do not have much time alone. So, whatever it is that you are about to say, you can say it.”
“It is always nice you are not so delicate that you get flustered by confrontation so easily,” she began, closing the door. “Lizzy, I know that you and Jane are to be trusted, yet I wish for you to do everything in your power to look after Jane.”
“Jane? Whatever for? She knows how to always act in the proper way.”
“It is not that for which I speak. I can assume that you noted how Colonel Fitzwilliam doted on her.”
I expelled a nervous sigh.
“Yes, I did.”
“The Colonel is a very kind man, but I feel as if I should worry.”
“With any luck, you should not have to. I know, for a fact, that the Colonel needs to marry a woman with a dowry. Hopefully, he was just struck with Jane’s charms. He knows that our family has no money. Perhaps, he was just enjoying her company.”
“I would have thought so as well, but this new predicament with Wickham has left me uncertain now. You know that I had originally been against you and Wickham having any romantic inclinations for each other. I was relieved when it came to nothing. And yet, he came here, proposed, and was vicious when you refused him. Now, I have learned to be extra cautious. I do not want Jane to undergo another heartbreak.”
“She will not. Mr. Darcy will not allow her to get hurt once more.”
“Yes,” Aunt Gardiner whispered, giving me a coy look, “your Mr. Darcy.”
I felt myself blush. “He is not my Mr. Darcy, Aunt.”
“I think that he has it in himself to desire it.”
“You do?”
“Yes. It is quite clear. Do you not think that he is in love with you? He desired you all to stay with him at his home.”
“I thought that he mostly did it to make amends to Jane for separating her from—”
I cut myself off before I could say more.
“What are you talking about?” Aunt Gardiner inquired.
“I cannot tell you. I wish that I could, but I cannot. It is a great secret.”