Chapter 32
‘He’s not coming.’ Bylgja had long since stopped crying. Her cheeks were dry, not because the flow of tears had ceased but because the fringed hem of the dress that was pressing, cool and soft, against her face had soaked them up as they fell. It was almost as if she hadn’t cried at all and this made her feel even worse. As if she had betrayed Daddy and didn’t care about him. ‘What do we do if he doesn’t come? He didn’t tell us.’
Arna shifted in the narrow space and the dresses rustled as if joining in with their whispering. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Should we stay here until the bad man finds us?’ Bylgja adjusted her position as well since Arna’s elbow was now sticking into her stomach. She didn’t care about the discomfort; they would rather be squashed up together than alone in separate wardrobes.
‘I don’t know. Maybe he won’t find us.’
‘He’ll find us if he looks.’
‘Maybe he isn’t looking for us.’ Arna sounded as if she was still crying.
‘Maybe.’ Bylgja was all for closing her eyes and concentrating on something other than the trouble they were in. She wanted to think about the holiday cottage her mother had been dreaming of, and the advertisements she sometimes let them study with her to help her choose which one they would buy if they were incredibly rich. If she closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears she could imagine they were sitting together at the kitchen table, looking through the papers in search of the nicest. A cottage with a deck, and little trees that would be big by the time she and Arna were grown up. But even when she shut out all she could see and hear in the dark cupboard, she couldn’t block out the heaving motion of the yacht and that ruined everything. ‘Are you thinking about Mummy?’
‘Yes.’ Arna started wriggling again.
‘Do you think the bad man has thrown her in the sea?’ Arna didn’t reply. ‘You must answer. I want to hear you talk.’
‘I can’t talk about Mummy in the sea.’ Arna sniffed. The dress next to her was probably covered in wet patches. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’
‘I want to get out of this cupboard.’ Bylgja groped for her glasses, which she thought she had put on the floor. ‘I feel awful and I want to look for Daddy.’
‘But what about the bad man?’
‘Perhaps there is no bad man. Perhaps it was all a mistake and Daddy’s forgotten about us and is talking to Thráinn and Halli. Remember how tired he was? I bet he’s fallen asleep. I’m so fed up with whispering. And maybe we’ll use up all the air in the cupboard and suffocate.’ It grew suddenly brighter and Bylgja put her hands over her eyes: Arna had opened the door. They scrambled out and after a moment the light stopped hurting their eyes.
‘What shall we do?’ whispered Arna. She glanced around, her gaze lingering on the signs of their father. A shirt on the chair by the dressing table, the briefcase on the floor and the book he had been reading at the beginning of the voyage, which was lying face down on the bedside table. She didn’t want to think about whether he would ever finish it. Even the Coke can he had been drinking from produced a peculiar sensation in her tummy, a sharp pain that travelled upwards as if aiming for her heart. ‘Let’s go. Let’s go out on deck.’
‘Do you think it would be all right?’ Bylgja suddenly regretted being responsible for making them leave the cramped interior of the wardrobe. They had been safe in there. For the moment, at least.
‘Yes. I think so. Remember, we went out on deck with Daddy when he was tired and it was all right then. I don’t think he’d tell us off.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. We can always come back down here if we want to.’ Arna went over to their father’s bedside table, picked up his paperback, folded over the corner of the page and closed it. ‘I’m going to take Daddy his book.’
‘If we find him.’ Bylgja squinted. She thought about making another attempt to locate her glasses but decided against it. It wasn’t worth it. She didn’t want to see anything on this horrible ship, so she’d be better off without them. She envied Arna for thinking of taking the book and looked around for something she could bring along. ‘I’ll take his briefcase. He’ll be glad to have that too.’
They both yawned and smiled at each other. ‘Let’s go,’ said Arna.
They tried their best to move quietly after leaving the cabin but their constant shushing of each other made more noise than their light footsteps along the corridor and up the stairs, or the sound of their opening and closing the doors. They were completely unprepared for the blast of wind that struck them as they emerged into the open air; Arna dropped the book and it fluttered along the deck, driven by the gale, until it halted by the rail. Arna ran after it, but the book lifted into the air and vanished into the darkness. There was a faint splash.
Arna ran up and peered over the rail. As Bylgja followed, it dawned on her that the yacht was stationary. It was wallowing in the waves but not making any progress. She slowed down as she considered this, so arrived after Arna at the rail. ‘Can you see the book?’ She squinted into the night but could see nothing. The boat’s lights did not reach far enough. Arna did not reply. She was standing rigidly, pointing at something that Bylgja couldn’t make out. ‘What? What is it?’
‘Daddy!’ Arna’s voice was filled with utter despair but the wind whipped her shriek out to sea.
Bylgja spotted a long, black shadow floating close to the side of the ship. Grateful that she wasn’t wearing her glasses, she recoiled from the rail before she could distinguish any details. ‘I don’t want to see him,’ she said, turning away. Arna copied her example and they stood side by side, their backs to the horrific sight floating on the surface of the sea below. Their world had fallen apart and there was nothing left. No one would miss the book and there was no one left to take care of them now. They had no father or mother and nothing would ever be good again. Neither of them were aware of how long they stood there contemplating their wretched fate. They no longer felt the cold, and the wind that tore at their hair did not bother them.
When Arna eventually spoke, Bylgja wished more than anything to be left in peace. It would be best if they could stand there until they caught their death of cold.
‘Bylgja, do you remember Tom and Jerry?’ Arna’s voice sounded normal, although tears were pouring down her cheeks.
‘Yes.’ Bylgja couldn’t move, couldn’t weep, couldn’t scream or do anything but answer mechanically. It was as if she were no longer herself but a different person.
‘They fell in the sea, then went up to heaven. Perhaps we should do that too. Become angels in white dresses with wings, and see Mummy and Daddy again.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘I don’t want that bad man to kill us, Bylgja. If we jump in the sea we’ll escape and be with them. Mummy must be there too somewhere.’
‘Yes.’ Bylgja felt Arna take her hand and lead her to the rail. She was still carrying her father’s briefcase but now she raised it aloft and threw it over the side. The case opened on the way down and countless pieces of green paper flew up in the air over their heads like a flock of birds.
They clambered onto the rail and perched there briefly. ‘Are you cold?’ Arna took her sister’s hand again.
‘No. You?’
‘No. Just tired. I want to be with Mummy and Daddy.’
‘Me too. I don’t want to stay here any longer.’
Their eyes met and they smiled.
The Silence of the Sea Page 37