by Ana Calin
“Exclusive, like the mafia,” I half admonished.
“You must understand, Alice, the Order’s affairs are highly sensitive. It’s enough trauma for the few initiated humans to learn that every certainty they ever had about life – for example, that it ends – is wrong. Think about Dr. Barbu, the shrink. He was never quite sane again after he made the discovery.”
I failed to answer. The idea that Upgrades were superhuman felt almost natural to me by now, but no one had said anything about immortality.
Damian stroked my chin with his thumb, which reminded me to close my mouth. His eyes roamed hungrily all over my face, and for a moment, I worried he’d actually bow down and take a full bite of my lips.
“Marry me, Alice,” he whispered, deeply, from his chest.
His words went through my brain like electroshocks. I blinked fast, unsure how much I could actually rely on my senses.
“I’m... I’m... it’s....” I gave out a small laugh. As a kid, I used to react like that when in shock. It’s how I’d responded even to the news that grandma had died, years ago. “I think I need a pinch.”
Keeping my chin between his fingers, Damian brought his face an inch from mine.
“I’ll be honest with you all the way, Alice. My deepest desire is to possess you, to flood you with my essence that is, indeed, that of a demon. Ever since I met you, I’ve had to fight this growing obsession, force myself to stay away. Sometimes I longed for you so much that it hurt. I’d imagine entering you, even against your will, and that frightened me.
“I realized Tiberius, your father, was right – I had to stay away. I could have literally possessed you the way a demon does. But as things unfolded it became clear to me that, as sick and obsessive as my feelings were, they were true love. I’d slit my wrists before harming you, Alice. It’s true love that ensured I could give you pleasure and take pleasure in return without consuming you.
“Intimacy is safe between us, and that was great relief. Still, there’s one problem left – I see competition everywhere.”
His eyes glinted in that metallic way of the Executioner, and my skin pebbled.
“I’m dangerous that way. I’m a killer that way. But being your husband will make me feel like I have a legitimate claim on you, and that will ease the strain. It’ll keep me tame.”
By the time he finished talking, my heart pounded so hard it left me breathless. I felt as if I’d sprinted a mile, my chest rising and falling quickly, my cleavage all flushed. Damian’s eyes narrowed as I opened my mouth several times, but failed to reply. My vocal cords were stuck.
“You won’t say anything?” he whispered darkly.
I tried, but still nothing came out. A shadow fell over Damian’s face.
“Are you thinking of ways to refuse, Alice? Don’t. Just give it to me straight.”
I wanted to ask him what he’d do if I did refuse. Would he force me? Would he break up with me? But deep inside I knew that no, and no way. What had happened at the cathedral had welded us together even in the flesh.
“I felt every cut of the blade with you,” I whispered. “I felt the hot pain in my chest and the steel bite into my guts. And you think I’d hesitate to give you a straight answer in any matter?”
His gaze deepened, gluing to mine. We seemed to become one with each other, our bodies and souls merging. Whether the next words were spoken with our lips or only with our minds, I’ll never know.
“I always suspected that you not only sensed people’s feelings,” Damian seemed to whisper, “but that you could also influence them. Create them, intensify them, or relieve them. At the cathedral I kept my eyes on you for motivation, I focused on the prize, so to say, but in the end, I realized you’d been gradually taking over more and more of the agony. You shared my torture, by your own choice.” There was passion deep in his voice, but also something else – respect. He cupped my face with both his shovel-like hands.
“Marry me, Alice,” he said feverishly. “Marry me, and I’ll put the world at your feet. We’ll never stop being infatuated with each other anyway, and our feelings will never lessen or die down. We won’t be able to keep away from each other, even if we try.”
I gave him the warmest, most loving smile, lifting my hand to caress his cheek. “There’s no force in the world that could keep me away from you, Damian. God himself would have to descend from Heaven and place himself between us.” I pulled in a deep breath, preparing to give him the most resonant, “Yes, I’ll marry you,” that was ever spoken, but his expression darkened so much, his sculptured lips drawing in a hard line as if the worst news just reached his ears, that the words caught in my throat.
“What is it?” I whispered.
“Speaking of forces that could keep us apart. Your father. He definitely won’t like this.”
“To be honest, I could care less.”
Damian narrowed his eyes. “But you love your father. You would have given your life to save him when you thought Varlam could harm him.”
“Yes, but my father stopped having an influence on my decisions long ago. The fact that I love him doesn’t mean I forgave him for all the ways he hurt my mother and me.”
Damian knitted his brows, looking worried. I didn’t think I’d seen him quite like this before.
“Well, I can’t say the same,” he said. “I owe Tiberius a whole lot, Alice. He took care of me for years, he guided me, he educated me. I even went to Med School thanks to him and everything he’d taught me. But when he asked me to stay away from you, I went against his wish. He’ll be mad as hell when he learns about us, and he might never forgive me.”
I jutted out my chin. “You expect him to be so unfair? Why be mad at you for what happened between us? It takes two, Damian. If there’s anyone he should be disappointed in or angry with, it’s me.”
Damian shook his head, guilt casting a shadow over his chiseled features. “No. The first time we were together I almost forced myself on you.”
“Now you’re being unfair to yourself. You would’ve stopped if I’d said no. You made that clear before, during, and after.”
He looked long into my eyes. “I’m pretty sure Tiberius will see things very differently.”
I shrugged, honestly unconcerned. From what Damian told me, Dad was safe and sound now, and that’s all that mattered. Other than that, I didn’t want to have to deal with him in the future any more than I did before Damian and I met. “As I said, I could care less.”
“But I care.” He took my hands between his, covering them completely. He was a monolith of a creature compared to me, his voice a deep ripple that drummed softly from his ribcage.
“Tiberius is the closest thing I ever had to a father, Alice. A true, caring father. And he’s your biological dad. Hell, if I think about it, he was almost never home with you because he spent his time with me. I was a scientific curiosity to him at first, the intriguing result of psychological engineering, but then I became some sort of an adoptive son that he kept secret. I might be the very reason why his relationship with you is a wreck. I have a moral duty to ask you for forgiveness, and him for his blessing.”
As little as Dad’s approval meant to me, I couldn’t help feeling warm around the heart at Damian’s words. Respect is a valuable commodity, and he showed a whole world of it right now. This was the icing on an already luxurious cake made of infatuation and desire and deep love. I smiled and nestled my head at his broad chest, my thin arms slipping around his waist.
“All right. We’ll see him as soon as you’ve regained your strength. But know that, whatever his objections, they won’t change a thing about my decision.”
I could sense his smile above my head as his muscular arms wrapped around me, covering my entire upper torso. “And what is your decision?”
I pressed my lips between his pectorals, on his heart. “You already know,” I said, my words muffled against his body.
“It would give me great pleasure to hear it from your mouth.”
Chapter Fifteen
“You devil!” Dad blurted out, his arms trembling by his sides.
The walls rose tall and dark in his office, the only source of light an old desk lamp that made the whole decorum resemble a secret archive. Dad stood behind the desk in his tweed suit, curly scientist-hair seemingly on volts. He’d kicked his chair when we’d told him, and the round glasses he’d shoved back on the bridge of his nose made his eyes appear unnaturally large and scary. He pointed a shaky Mad Scientist finger at Damian, who stood beside me, holding my hand.
“That you should sleep with Svetlana I can half understand,” Dad spat. “She chased you, and you used her, but now you want to sleep with my daughter?”
“It’s not like that,” Damian muttered. He’d recovered much of his strength after a day of rest and hot baths, but he was definitely unwilling to pull out his big-gun attitude on Dad.
“You will end up hurting her, if you insist on this madness. You can’t repress the beast inside forever. You do not have my blessing.”
“Tiberius, try to understand,” Damian said. “I love Alice more than life. I let myself be tortured for her, what more proof do you need?”
Dad walked closer, and the more he approached, the more he seemed to fill the room despite his rather delicate frame. Maybe it was the shadow he cast on the back wall that grew ominous and the rage that boiled in his glasses-enlarged eyes, but I could see why he intimidated many of his peers, and how he’d earned respect in rich men’s circles.
“You know that the experience in the mountains kick-started the natural upgrading process in Alice,” he said. “You know she is a Queen of Hearts core. She influenced your feelings; she unwittingly made you fall in love with her.”
My heart jumped. “Say what?”
Dad looked at me, his expression slightly warmer. “It’s a complex story but, to make it short, you were born with the potential of influencing feelings, and the upgrading process built on that. Deep down, I’m sure you always knew.”
“No, I didn’t,” I whispered, still trying to regain balance after the news. “In fact, I was convinced of the contrary. If anything, I’d had only bad luck in love, until Damian.”
“Bad luck was necessary in order to awaken the anger that later functioned as a driving force to unlock your potential.”
You need me. The crystalline voice that had filled my head when I’d first fallen down a slope after the train derailed, the same voice that I’d heard when deep in trance as I influenced Hector’s feelings. It was my own. Or, better yet, the voice of my core. I knitted my eyebrows, focusing – had I really always known deep down?
“This is unfair, Tiberius,” Damian said. “She stirred feelings in me before her talents were unlocked. I know I said I wouldn’t pursue her affections out of respect for you, but believe me when I tell you it was beyond me. I’m an Upgrade, and, once unleashed, my feelings can only intensify. I’ll love her forever, more and more obsessively, no matter what, and she will love me in return the same way. Don’t forget she’s upgrading, too. If we stay apart, we’ll both be miserable.”
While grateful I finally understood why my infatuation with Damian only intensified in time instead of dying down, I wanted this conversation to end. It only served to escalate the conflict between the two most important men in my life.
“I want to marry him, Dad,” I said, pulling closer to Damian, and resting my cheek on his arm. “I don’t know how to put this without sounding disrespectful but – we’re asking for your blessing, not your permission. We’ll do it with or without you.”
Dad’s lips pulled in, as if he sucked lemon. “This man can turn from lover to executioner in a split second, Alice.”
“Not with her,” Damian cut in.
“The very fact that you’re forcing this union proves the contrary, boy. You’re a ticking time bomb. I don’t want to imagine how you’ll react the first time you get jealous.”
Damian’s hammer-like hand tightened over mine. “It happened before, and it happened a lot. I’m tempted to crush any guy’s skull for as much as looking at Alice, it’s true, but I’d never hurt her. Plus that having her as my wife would keep the poor bastards safe, since I’d feel secure.”
Dad snorted, though I recognized the flicker of pride in his eyes. If there was anyone in the world who knew how to read him, it was me. He liked Damian’s response. “What about intimacy? Imagine you’re jealous and angry, and you want to possess her. You’re literally a demon, Damian.”
God, this felt awkward. I could have any conversation with my dad, but not about intimacy. My insides cringed. I just had to look away from Dad’s face. I scrunched my eyes shut and rested my forehead on Damian’s upper arm.
“We’ve had our probation time,” Damian said, low and guarded.
Dad inhaled sharply, paused for moments, then pivoted on his heel and returned to his desk. I could tell by the sound of his footsteps, and I knew the talk about intimacy was as stomach-twisting to him as it was to me. With my forehead still leaning on Damian’s arm, I turned my eyes to the closed door. Anything to avoid looking at Dad.
“You were born a devil, boy,” Dad said quietly. “Had you not you fallen into BioDhrome’s hands, you would have ended up a killer anyway.”
This made rage swell in my chest. I snapped from Damian’s hold and stomped over to Dad’s desk so fast he nervously pushed the glasses even closer to his eyes to make sure he saw right. I’d never, ever gone ballistic on him. I’d always been reasonable, respectful. While the latter still applied, right now reason flew out the window.
“There’s good in him, and no one is more aware of that than you,” I hissed. “You’ve known him for a whole decade. As for me, I’ve seen more than enough. I know what to expect of Damian and our life together. And I can’t believe you’re insisting on his dark side after having loved him as a son – your words, not mine. If I were Damian, I’d be hurt, disappointed, and downright angry.”
“Don’t, Alice,” Damian said softly from behind me. “Your father is right. I gave in to my passion for you even though he’d begged me to stay away. I really can’t ask him to be reasonable, I understand his distress.”
Dad leaned to the side, looking past me at Damian. “I’m not distressed, boy, I’m desperate. You protected her from BioDhrome, yes, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart, but, to be honest, I don’t think she’ll be much safer in your arms.”
“Do you hear yourself, Tiberius?” Damian said, walking closer. With every step, he squared his shoulders, regaining his natural intimidating demeanor. Dad seemed to shrink in his chair as Damian put his hands on the desk and leaned forward on powerful arms.
“BioDhrome would have hurt her in ways you don’t want to imagine, while I’ll stop at nothing to protect her. Not to mention that the Regent will regroup sooner or later, and when he does, he’ll target the Order again, including Alice. You know there’s no safer place for her than under my black and thorny wing, as you once put it.”
Dad shrank in the face of Damian’s rapidly changing attitude. He searched the eyes of this beautiful demon he professed to have loved as a son.
“Will you pledge your life to protect her of all harm that may come to her from external forces as well as from your own?” he whispered like a priest.
Damian straightened up, tall and powerful. “I’ll fight Satan himself for her if I have to.”
Chapter Sixteen
Leona tied the back laces of my wedding dress while I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt ecstatic, and the sparkling eyes said it all. I wore an off-the-shoulder gown, the white pearl-sewn corset squeezing my middle a bit uncomfortably, my hair cascading in rich locks to my waist.
“You’re beautiful,” Leona said with a kind smile.
“Thank you,” I whispered, looking at her reflection. “
You’re stunning, too.”
It was true, even though my bridesmaid had changed a lot lately. Far from the young exuberant girl from only six months ago, she now seemed tame and melancholic. Her shiny black mane was up in an elegant chignon very much like what Mom liked to wear, and her toned body was shrouded in a long, dark blue dress.
“Mom said George came by yesterday,” I said carefully. “Have you talked to him?”
She shrugged. “There’s nothing left to say between us.” The hurt scraped her voice, and my skin pebbled as her story replayed in my mind. George had broken up with her, and her love interest, Hector Varlam, had emerged a villain.
I turned, wanting to look Leona in the eye directly, but she dropped her gaze. Her cheek twitched in an attempt to force a smile, but then her forehead creased and she burst into sobs.
I wrapped my arms around her, closed my eyes tightly, and began absorbing the hurt out of her like a sponge – I had so much happiness in me that it could’ve smothered heaps of pain. Leona slowly came back to herself, and looked into my eyes with the gratitude of a starved child who’d just received a loaf of bread.
“Thank you, Alice. Your skill is a blessing.”
“Not so fast, sister,” I said softly, brushing a thin strand of ebony hair off her forehead. She sank her gaze.
“You picked that up, huh?”
“I can’t help sensing feelings when I use my blessed skill.” I clasped her shoulders, making her look into my eyes. “Leona, why him of all people? He is Giant. Dr. Nathaniel Sinclair, founder of the Order. The Viscount. I hear he’s celibate due to the top-secret nature of his job description. I doubt you have a chance with him, honestly, so let me rid you of these feelings before they consume you.”
“No.” She shook her head and averted her gaze, as if she feared I’d take the butterflies away without her consent. “What I feel for him, Alice, it’s—”