by Ilsa Evans
Her mother stared at her for a few minutes, as if waiting for Hannah to add something. Then she glanced down at her tapestry and smiled. ‘See this? It’s from a Gainsborough painting. The Blue Boy it’s called. My uncle had a Gainsborough. Tiny little thing it was, my mother used to say the frame was bigger than the picture. He hated that. But Vera was the one who always loved Gainsborough. I’m doing this for her, for Christmas.’
‘I’m sure she’ll love it,’ said Maddie gently, even though her Aunt Vera had been dead for several years. ‘It’s beautiful. And you’re doing such a good job.’
‘Cross-stitch.’
‘Yes, I can see.’
Her mother stared at the tapestry and then suddenly looked up and clicked her tongue with surprise. ‘Heaven’s above, where are my manners? Would you like a cup of tea, girls?’
‘No thanks, Mum,’ said Hannah quickly. ‘We haven’t got a huge amount of time. Just thought we’d drop in quickly to say hi. See how you were.’
‘Oh. Good.’ She picked up a skein of scarlet thread and trailed the end through her fingers. ‘I don’t really need this colour. Unless I put some in the feather on his cap. Do you think I should put some in the feather on his cap?’
‘Sure,’ said Maddie. ‘I think that’s just what it needs.’
Her mother nodded, pleased with that answer. She held the scarlet against the tapestry, considering. The hair on her chin wafted slightly, a tiny dark line against the powdery fragility of her skin. Minutes slid by smoothly into a silence that felt contented, even peaceful. But after a while Maddie felt tears prick her eyes, with a sudden mourning for what had been irretrievably lost, and she swallowed to regain control. When all she wanted to do, really, was to crawl into her mother’s lap to be patted and protected until all was right again. Maddie looked up and realised that her mother was watching her; she stared back, wanting, needing, to believe, even for a moment, that there was a meeting of the minds. That her mother understood, just a little.
‘Scarlet’s the colour of blood.’
Maddie nodded, her eyes widening. ‘Yes, yes it is.’
‘Then I don’t want it,’ her mother said decisively. ‘It will make the feather look odd. You have it.’ She leant forward and passed the thread over. ‘If you plait it together you can make a hair ribbon for Charlotte.’
Maddie blinked, turning the skein over in her hands. ‘Thanks, Mum. That’s lovely.’
‘We’d better get going.’ Hannah stood up. ‘Next time we’ll stay longer. Okay, Mum?’
‘Yes, yes. Very good.’
Hannah came over and kissed their mother lightly on the cheek, then Maddie followed suit, holding her hand for a moment and feeling the skin slide softly under her fingers, reminding her that the court case was about so much more than where Sam and Ashley would be living. It was also about putting an end to this, to everything that she was missing. An end to life going on without her while she existed in some parallel universe that had been born from trauma and, because of that, would always be governed by it.
Later that night, Maddie sat in bed with an unopened book on her lap, thinking again about the visit to her mother. She was staying in Hannah’s granny flat, built years before when Charlotte had begun university. To give the girl a facade of independence. It was a compact little flat, built only a stone’s throw from the rear of the house, with a bedroom, ensuite and lounge room that contained a small kitchenette at one end. And a lingering smell of disinfectant suggested that it had been cleaned in a hurry, just prior to Maddie’s arrival. She suspected that it would also be disinfected soon after she left, judging by the look on Hannah’s face when Maddie had set Guess’s basket up in the little lounge room.
She was going home the following morning, having done all she could here. They had tried to track down her old neighbour, Hilda, finally discovering from her daughter-in-law that Hilda and her husband Ernst were in Vienna for three months, visiting relatives. She had taken Maddie’s phone number though, and promised to pass it on as soon as possible.
Afterwards, Hannah had declared it was time for some retail therapy and had taken her sister off to the huge shopping centre in nearby Wantirna. And Maddie had been thoroughly surprised by how much she had enjoyed herself amongst the glass and chrome and bustling shoppers. She bought a computer game for Sam, and a pewter Twilight key ring for Ashley, together with a set of stickers of each of the characters. Then Hannah had insisted on buying her an early Christmas present, dragging Maddie from boutique to boutique until she found what she was looking for. An outfit guaranteed to bring success on Tuesday. They finished up with a simple but elegant suit. A pair of tailored black pants and a waisted sage jacket, made from thin silky material, with wide lapels and large padded buttons. Then, over coffee, they had a mild argument about the money situation, with Hannah so adamant about making her a loan that Maddie eventually promised she’d think about it. Knowing already that she had little choice. And knowing that Hannah knew this also. That what was happening was just an elaborate ritual, necessary only to salvage Maddie’s pride.
Maddie pushed the book off her lap and leant back against the pillows, wondering suddenly what Sam and Ashley were doing right at this very moment. Were they getting along with Natalie, or were they finding it difficult to deal with knowing their father had moved on like this? And she wondered how much they knew about the impending court case, or whether they knew anything at all. She had tried to ring Sam several times, just wanting to hear his voice. But it seemed his phone had finally run out of charge and, as his charger was sitting in his bedroom at home, her contact had finally been cut off.
She glanced over to where the suit hung on the wardrobe door, sheathed in plastic, and saw herself striding into court on Tuesday with competent Diana by her side, keeping her eyes ahead and not allowing herself to acknowledge Jake any more than was strictly necessary. Speaking the truth in a clear, concise voice and then enjoying the simple pragmatism of justice. Afterwards she would allow herself to be magnanimous with the access arrangements, the objective being conciliatory compromise from a position of strength. But beforehand, no, she would keep sympathy well at bay. Because that was a dangerous door to open.
Despite everything, and rather to her amazement, Maddie felt good. Apprehensive, but good. The whole day, with Hannah, Diana, the suit, had combined to give her a much-needed injection of confidence, both in herself and in the system. And if someone had given her a choice, right then, between going back to the way things had been, pre-discovery, or continuing onward from where she now was, she knew she would have chosen the latter. Without hesitation. Because despite the almost constant flutter of unease within, she was finally beginning to accept that this confrontation had been both necessary and inevitable, and to move forward she simply had to get it over and done with. Once and for all.
TWELVE
Maddie had been expecting something rather imposing, perhaps with grand columns like her mother’s retirement home or surrounded by marbled, pigeon-splattered statues of historical personages. And she had pictured throngs of busy people coming and going with flapping coats and overloaded briefcases. Discussing cases, greeting colleagues, and maybe even holding impromptu media conferences. But in fact the courthouse was quite ordinary, just a two-storey red brick building with Commonwealth Law Courts printed in an unobtrusive gold. Set in an area that was geared more towards the struggling than the affluent. And almost deserted, with just one woman, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, leaning against the railing smoking a cigarette.
‘Hmm, rather underwhelming,’ said Hannah, following her sister’s gaze. ‘Hope my car doesn’t get pinched.’
Maddie smiled, treating the comment as rhetorical. She herself felt blessed by the building’s ordinariness, less out of her depth. ‘Underwhelming is exactly what I need right now, thanks.’
‘Better that than over, I suppose.’
‘True. But if you can get underwhelmed or overwhelmed, then can you just get whelmed?�
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Hannah frowned at her. ‘You need to stay focused, Maddie. Now’s not the time to go silly.’
‘I prefer to call it philosophical,’ replied Maddie, stretching her smile into a grin. ‘Okay then, come on. Let’s do this.’
They headed over the road towards the building, walking up the steps and past the smoking woman who stared into the distance as if philosophical herself. Just inside the doorway was an elaborate scanner, attended by a uniform-clad guard. Maddie and Hannah passed through into a large waiting room, with an information desk in one corner and a wide wooden staircase opposite. With Diana’s instructions in mind, they both took the stairs.
Hannah checked her watch. ‘We’re a bit early. About fifteen minutes.’
‘Good.’ Maddie already knew she needed that time to assimilate. To minimise surprises.
Upstairs was another large room, but this one had a number of mid-level dividers so that most of the vinyl chairs and square-cushioned couches were in alcoves, granting users a scattered privacy. Thinly striped carpet, in shades of dull blue, gave an impression of order that was reinforced by the overt neatness, while around the circumference was a series of doors, each with a huge silver number and a COURT IN SESSION light box that was currently turned off. The only exception was one with a banner that announced a Family Relationship Centre was located within. A few small meeting rooms, as well as a drinks machine and a coffee bar, were nearby.
And here, already, were the black-clad, briefcase-toting legal people that Maddie had expected to see outside. With polystyrene cups of coffee in hand, deep in discussion with each other or with clients or checking the court lists that were taped to each door. Every so often one would announce a client’s name loudly and gaze around, waiting for acknowledgement. Maddie and Hannah did a quick circuit of the room, just in case Diana was already there, and then found a couch by the stairs. With her nerves steadily returning, Maddie suddenly pictured the lawyers as rows of voracious little Pacmen, relentlessly moving forward and devouring her confidence, hollowing out her stomach. No wonder she felt nauseous. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
‘What are you smiling at?’
Maddie wiped the smile from her face, feeling silly. She shrugged. ‘Nothing much. Just looking forward to seeing them.’
‘I can imagine.’ Hannah nodded and then suddenly frowned. ‘Hey, you don’t think he’ll be bringing them today, do you?’
‘Oh, no. Not a chance. He wouldn’t risk it. I meant afterwards, after all this.’
Two more lawyers came up the steps, followed by a client. Maddie marvelled at how easy it was to differentiate. With the legal fraternity there was almost a uniform drabness, relieved only by the occasional splash of colour on a tie or a woman’s shirt. And their clothing was like a second skin, worn with casual artlessness, while even those clients who had dressed up seemed stiff, overly deliberate. Or maybe it was just their nerves. Chomp, chomp, chomp.
Maddie crossed her legs and lightly stroked the silky sage material of her jacket for luck. She glanced back towards the stairs and suddenly there he was, right in front of her, almost at the top. Her heart mushroomed into her throat, pulsing so loudly that it echoed up into her eardrums. She clutched at her jacket and then put a hand up to her throat, involuntarily, as if touching it would help her survive this.
‘He’s here,’ whispered Hannah from beside her. ‘Bastard.’
He was wearing a gun-metal grey suit and a muted burgundy tie, together with an air of confidence that sat lightly on him like a mantle. So that he looked as if he belonged, and Maddie felt strangely proud of him for that. He was deep in conversation with the person next to him, an overweight man with dark, slicked-back hair that curled damply into the nape of his neck. Maddie wanted to look away, to appear casual, unaffected, but simply couldn’t. So she sat, fingers pressing against the base of her throat until finally he reached the top of the stairs and looked her way. His eyes widened as he paused, and for a second Maddie thought he was going to say something. Then the moment was over, and he grinned, quite unexpectedly, and winked. A long, lazy, friendly wink that made sure she knew exactly what it was.
‘Did you see that?’ Hannah turned to her furiously as Jake continued past. ‘Did you?’
Nodding, Maddie closed her eyes but could still see the wink, embossed inside her eyelids, so she opened them again. ‘Don’t let it get to you. That’s what he wants.’
‘God.’ Hannah stood up crossly, staring around the room. ‘Where’s Diana?’
Maddie shrugged. She just wanted to crawl away somewhere and absorb what was happening, and it worried her that she was feeling like this already. When the day had barely begun. She rubbed her arm gently, to not crinkle the silk, and stared down at the carpet, at the reliability of the stripes. And now she was on the couch with a throw rug draped over her. It was a faux-fur one, with a smoky-grey pelt that showed glimpses of gun-metal when ruffled. She could see him in the kitchen, getting her some pain tablets, and soon he would be back. Her saviour. To run his fingers through her hair so gently, so caringly, that it would seem inconceivable, almost, that yesterday had happened at all. Maddie sighed tiredly, and rubbed her eyes. When she finally glanced up once more it was to see Kim beaming at her.
‘I thought I was going to be late!’ She was breathing rapidly, out of breath.
‘I told you that you didn’t have to come,’ said Maddie, knowing full well why her friend had made the effort. ‘All that way!’
Kim shook her head emphatically. ‘You need support for something like this. Besides, it looks better.’ She turned to Hannah. ‘You must be Maddie’s sister. I’m Kim.’
‘Glad you could make it,’ Hannah nodded approvingly. ‘Excellent.’
‘Yes. And thank you,’ Maddie smiled, genuinely touched by Kim’s effort. They had only had one phone conversation, on the weekend, since the aborted visit last week. And Maddie hadn’t put a great deal of faith in Kim’s insistence that she would be here today, especially given the distance. Or perhaps she hadn’t really wanted Kim to come at all, not when she knew that the support was limited to her, as a friend, but not her actions.
A late surge of people came hurrying up the stairs and among them was Diana, dressed beautifully in a snug black skirt and a silk shirt precisely the same colour as the pearls around her neck. She was carrying a thin black briefcase with an oversized gold buckle at the front.
‘There you all are. Excellent.’ Diana was already glancing around the room. ‘Is the other party here yet?’
Maddie stood but the dividers prevented a clear view. ‘They’re over there somewhere.’
‘Hmm.’ Diana stared for a few more moments, as if expecting Jake and his lawyer to materialise, and then glanced down at her watch before pointing towards one of the courtrooms, which had become very busy. ‘Well, no time now, we’d better go in. Courtroom four.’
They joined the flood of people entering courtroom four, where it quickly became clear that there were no more seats left. Diana ushered them along the wall until they were in front of a polished wood divider. It was a large room, with the divider separating three rows of public seating from the bar table, with its deep, swivel chairs. Beyond this was another long table occupied by the court clerk, a very slim woman with shiny black-grey curls partially tamed by an army of pins. Then came the high panelled bench behind which was the magistrate’s chair. And a large, embossed bronze disc of Australia’s coat of arms. As Maddie finished her brief inspection there were a series of echoing knocks and the clerk called out, in a loud voice: ‘All stand and remain standing. The Federal Magistrates Court of Australia at Dandenong is now is session.’
As the entire courtroom rustled to their feet, the black-robed magistrate came in from a door behind his chair and then stood silently for a moment, surveying his court with a rather majestic air. He bowed his head and sat down. Another noisy shuffling followed as the clerk gave permission for all to be seated and then, it seemed to Maddie, quite suddenly muted
bedlam broke loose. Lawyers dashed forward to thrust sheets of paper at the clerk or announced numbers and made short speeches, waiting for these to be recorded before pushing their way back out of the room, clients in tow. The clerk remained standing to facilitate proceedings, while other lawyers scrambled their way forward to whisper to colleagues at the long table. Out of the corner of her eye, Maddie could see Jake at the back of the room, staring straight ahead.
‘Wait here,’ hissed Diana, moving forward. Amidst the bustle, and the numbers, Maddie suddenly heard her own name. Her real name. With some surprise she turned to find that the large man who had accompanied Jake was now addressing the court.
‘. . . for the applicant father. And we’d like the matter stood down to give us a chance to come to some resolution.’
Another lawyer pushed past Maddie and then squatted right in front of her to begin a hissed conversation with his client in the seat opposite. She could hear Diana speaking near the bar table and then, almost immediately, she was back again. She gestured for them all to follow and then moved quickly towards the door, pausing momentarily to turn and bow her head towards the magistrate. They each followed suit and then filed through into the waiting room. Maddie took a deep breath, tremendously relieved to be outside once more.
‘Right-o.’ Diana put her arms out and continued to usher them, as if herding sheep, away from the courtroom and towards an alcove. ‘Sit down, let’s have a chat.’
Maddie sank into a two-seater couch while Kim perched on the armrest and Hannah sat in a chair to the side. They all looked up at Diana expectantly.
‘Now, we’ve been stood down for a while. What that means is we’re supposed to come to some sort of resolution, so that then we can go back with consent orders all ready to go.’
‘How would that work?’ asked Hannah hopefully.
‘It won’t,’ said Maddie. She wasn’t sure of much today, but of that she was certain.
‘Well, you never know.’ Diana put her briefcase down and started flicking through papers as she spoke. ‘And we have to go through the motions anyway, otherwise the magistrate will ask why not. So what happens now is that we snare a meeting room and get things underway.’