Mary moves behind me and wraps her arms around me. I can’t speak. This is the first time in years that I haven’t been able to get my emotions under control. Usually I can shove them away, bury it all, but telling Mary has opened a door that I can’t seem to close.
Her head is leaning on the back of my shoulder, her arms wrapped around my chest and all I can do is take deep breaths so I don’t start sobbing like a baby. This is so fucking embarrassing.
She doesn’t say anything. She just holds me, like she knows I need time, and her arms. It’s not that I lack affection in my life. Hell, the girls are always hugging on me, but this is different. This is Mary and she hasn’t run for the door.
But, that doesn’t mean she’ll be here tomorrow.
I wipe my eyes, glad that I got control over my emotions, and continue. “The police already suspected my parents of cooking meth and told Mr. Tolliver to keep an eye out since he was our neighbor. By my going to Mrs. Tolliver because she is a nurse, and then answering Mr. Tolliver’s questions about what was in the basement, I gave them the very reason to come in and bust my parents.”
“That’s not your fault,” she says.
“I know that.” It took time, but I did come to terms that if either of my parents had been any parent at all, then one of them would have been taking care of Jade and none of this would have happened. “But, I still have guilt at being the person that tore my family apart.”
“You were just a kid.”
I just nod and turn toward her. Mary scoots back, but doesn’t go back to the other side of the bed. She stays close and takes my hand.
“As soon as I turned 18, I started looking for them. Before then, Mrs. Hood, who was my case manager, wouldn’t tell me anything except that they were fine.” I shake my head. “On Noah’s 18th birthday I went back.” Then I go on to tell her how he ran away and my frustration.
“You said Nina is now 18.”
“Yeah, as of January 1st.” So, I tell her about the visit to child services and Mrs. Kragen.
“That is why you were so tense all day.”
“I’ve been waiting for the call. I still have to wait until 11 tomorrow.”
“Why then?”
“That’s when I have an appointment. I’m hoping that she’s just been too busy to give me an address, but the fact that she hasn’t called and that Nina hasn’t shown up on my doorstep, I can’t help but fear something has happened to her too.”
I’m overwhelmed and not sure what to think, or what else to say. My heart aches for the little boy who was forced to be the adult, had his family ripped away, then tossed in the system. Why he isn’t majorly screwed up, I’ll never understand.
“You should get some sleep,” I finally say. He’s got to be worn out.
“I’m not sure I can.”
“You have to. You want to be ready for tomorrow.” Whatever that brings.
“What about you?”
“Me?”
“Will you be here tomorrow?”
“I’d planned on it,” I answer slowly, not sure what he’s getting at.
“I thought maybe…” then he looks away.
“Maybe what?”
“That after you heard who I really am, you might want to… well… leave.”
My mouth pops open. “Who you really are? You told me about your childhood?”
“My parents cooked meth. Your dad is like a hero, as is your step-dad. Stable home and all of that.”
“My dad was not a hero.” But now is not the time to get into that. “Dylan, we are not who our parents are. If that was the case, I’d be a damn soldier.”
At least I got a little smile out of him.
“Some really shitty things happened to you, but look where you are now? You’re a writer, went to college, have great friends. Things could have ended up much worse.”
“I know.”
Of course he does. His whole life was probably a fucking battle to get where he is. “I like the person you’ve become. Even more so now.” Admiration is the first thing that comes to mind, but I don’t think he wants to hear that from me especially since his pain is so deep. So much to carry for so long. He’s what, twenty-four? That’s half of his life.
He seems to relax. Did he really think I was going to leave?
“My main focus is finding my family.”
“As it should be. I don’t know what I’d do if my brothers were missing.” I scoot back and curl up on my side, bunching the pillow beneath my head and then pat the space beside me. He fluffs some pillows and lays down on his back, one arm behind his head.
“Can I go with you tomorrow?” I want to be there no matter what news he gets. He shouldn’t be alone in this.
He turns his head and looks at me. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Yeah.” At least he didn’t tell me no.
He threads his fingers with mine. That is the only part of us that is touching and feels more intimate than sex.
“I’d like that.”
He’s silent for a long time. I’m not sure what to say or what I can say. He’s worried and any assurance from me means nothing.
“I cried.” He points out, a little embarrassed. “Sorry about that. I haven’t cried like that since I was a kid.”
He doesn’t get it. No guy ever does. “Sometimes that’s the manliest thing a guy can do.”
Dylan just grunts, then shifts, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me close until I rest my head on his chest and he’s stroking my hair. His heart beats strongly beneath my ear. It doesn’t sound broken, but I have a feeling it’s been shattered a lot more than once and I’m not going to be the one to shatter it again and I hope to hell he walks out of child services tomorrow with it stronger than before.
Tilting my head back I look up at him. “It will be okay.” Then I kiss him so he knows I’m not going anywhere. His arms tighten around me. This is exactly where I want to be.
26
“Morning.”
Kelsey and Alex are sitting at the island drinking coffee and going through some papers. I haven’t seen much of them these past couple of days because they are spending a lot of time at Alex’s tattoo shop, Just Ink About It. Alex was given the business by one of the former owners after her partner suddenly died from a stroke. After burying Peggy, Martha moved to Florida and put Alex in charge. He’s managing it for her now, but working on purchasing it while he finishes up some business classes in college.
“Going to be ready to open on Monday?” I grab a mug.
“I’m ready and the artists are ready though I still have some empty spaces I’d like to rent out. What I don’t have is anyone for the front yet. You know, to grab the phone and make appointments and stuff like that.”
“That can’t be too hard to find.”
Alex grins at me. “Want to apply for the job?”
I do have the free time, but that is so not what I want to do. “Um, no.” I fill my cup with coffee and take a seat. “Isn’t there anyone who needs a job?”
“I can barely pay minimum wage and can’t offer any benefits.”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone.” It’s not like there aren’t people who need work.
“Hey, where’d Mary go?” Kelsey asks. “She was on the couch when I went upstairs last night.”
“She’s asleep in my bed.”
“It’s about time,” Mia says coming into the kitchen.
“It’s not like that,” I’m quick to answer. “We’re friends.”
Mia snorts.
“And getting to be better friends,” I add.
“How good?” Kelsey teases me.
“A lot of talking.” She may have slept curled up in my arms, but the clothing stayed on and we only kissed for a little bit. Last night was not the time to explore our relationship any more than we already had.
Mia snorts again before grabbing a mug and pouring a cup of coffee. She’s looking better. The bruising around her eyes and mouth is still ther
e. Dark in the center, but getting a little green at the edges. She’s still not going to want to be seen in public for a while, which I get. She’s also still holding her side. “How are you feeling?”
“Better than I look,” she assures me. “I’m going to look for a new apartment today.”
“You’re going out?” Alex asks.
Mia levels a glare at him. “No. But thank you for reminding me that I’d scare small children right now.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
She winks. “I know.”
“Maybe you and Mary should get an apartment together,” Kelsey says.
Mia nods before she blows on the coffee. “That’s what Zach says. He checked in on me last night when he got in. I was awake and he told me about party central and the hole in her wall.”
“Mary’s not sure she can get out of the lease, but she’s going to try,” I tell them before they start making plans for Mary without her input. Personally, I’d like her to remain here.
“We talked about just putting an apartment in the basement,” Alex says. “There’s already a full bathroom down there and it’s plenty big enough for two bedrooms.”
“Only if it’s a last resort,” Mia says. “I like you guys and all, but I also like having my own space to spread out in.”
“So, maybe not an apartment with Mary,” Kelsey asks cautiously.
“No, that would be fine.” Mia tries to drink her coffee out of the uninjured side of her mouth and ends up spilling some on her shirt. “Shit!” She puts the mug down and looks around. “Any more straws?”
I grab one from the box in the cabinet and hand it to her. “You’re the first person I’ve seen drink hot coffee through a soda straw.”
“Maybe it will become a new fad. I could design hot coffee straws, get a patent, and get rich.”
Mia is rich. She’s the only one of us who is, but she only touches her trust fund in dire emergencies. It’s all a matter of principal for her.
She sticks the straw in and takes a long sip before sitting back and sighing. “Ah, better.” Then she blinks. “About the apartment. I wouldn’t mind a two or three bedroom with one or two roommates, as long as there was also a living room, bathroom, one or two, a kitchen and dining area.”
“Do you know how much those cost in New York?”
“Yep, which is why I’m pretty sure I’ll have to go it alone.” She shrugs. “But, I need to be in a place that he will never think to look.”
I’m assuming she means Stone.
“Any decent apartment building is a given, so I need the unusual. That’s hard to come up with since Stone is in real estate. I’m afraid once my name is on a lease, he’ll know and I don’t want him to ever be able to find me again.”
“Mary would have to get out of her lease first anyway,” Kelsey says. “I don’t see that happening.”
“Piece of cake,” Mia waves her hand. “George, daddy number three, is a lawyer. He could take care of it.”
“I don’t think Mary can afford a lawyer, especially one of his standing.”
“Pshaw. George will do it for free. All I’ll have to do is ask.”
“Really?” Alex says.
“He was there from the time I was five until I was ten and still considers me a daughter even though Mom broke his heart. He’s the one who got me into Baxter. He’s the only one who gave a damn.”
“I didn’t know that.”
She shrugs. “It’s a weird relationship, but out of all the guys that Mom was married to, he’s the one that still stuck around for me. We have dinner like twice a month. He’s more of a father than the sperm donor.”
She takes another drink and sighs. “But, I can’t see him until after all this clears up.” She uses her index finger to circle her face. “He’ll go fucking ballistic, and I don’t need that right now.”
Dylan has been bouncing his foot, making the bench we are sitting on shake. I put my hand on his knee.
He stops then glances at me. “Sorry.”
“It’s going to be okay.” I just wish I felt as confident as I sound.
I’ve been in this room once before. The day Mrs. Kragen walked us through a child services case from here to the court room. The place is overflowing with people at the front of the counter and behind it. The phones haven’t stopped ringing. There has to be twenty in here, and then there is talking everywhere.
After hearing about his mother being a hoarder, I get the order in his room and in his house. The control. I’m no psychologist, but I can’t help but wonder if the lack of control he’s had over his earlier life and losing his siblings didn’t translate into him taking complete control of whatever environment he can.
I glance at the clock on the wall. 10:45. We’ve been here for fifteen minutes because Dylan wanted to make sure we got here early. Mrs. Kragen is at her desk in the back of the room. She nodded when she saw us come in then picked up the phone. It is the same Mrs. Kragen who taught my class, and the one who gave us a tour of the place a few years back.
It hasn’t changed. Same faces behind the counter, different faces in front, but all with a similar story.
Finally she hangs up the phone and picks up three thick files and nods to Dylan. He stands and glances down at me.
“Do you want me to stay here?”
“No.”
I come to my feet and take his hand, offering whatever comfort or strength that I can. I’m not sure what he’s going to need from me.
Mr. Kragen meets us at a waist-high swinging door and looks from Dylan to me and back to Dylan. Every file in this place contains private information, including the ones that she is holding. She may not let me come back.
“I want her with me,” Dylan says.
After a moment she gives a nod and pushes a button and there’s a click. I don’t know if they really think a half door could keep anyone out, but I guess it gives them some security. Plus, there are a lot of kids in here. They probably don’t want one coming through and wandering around on the wrong side of the counter.
After she leads us into a small conference room, she closes the door.
“What did you learn?” Dylan asks.
“Have a seat,” she says with a sigh.
Dylan’s arm stiffens and his fingers tighten around mine.
“There’s a lot to talk about,” Mrs. Kragen says. She sounds tired, worn down, or maybe just overwhelmed.
I slide into a chair, as does Mrs. Kragen. Dylan is the last to sit. I know he just wants to know where Nina is and to leave and go find her.
“I’ve hit a snag,” she finally says and opens a file.
“What kind of snag,” Dylan asks slowly.
Mrs. Kragen draws a deep breath and slowly blows it out. “Nina never made it to the halfway house.”
“What?” Dylan yells.
I grab his hand and hold it tight.
“I called there first and they told me she never arrived. So, I called the foster home she was staying in, thinking maybe she just hadn’t left yet.”
“And?”
“Mrs. Graft told me that she just up and left in the morning of the first. Told her that she’d made other arrangements. Took her things, the money she’d saved, and left.”
“Nina didn’t say where she was going?” Dylan asks.
“No. Mrs. Graft said that Nina didn’t talk much and never shared. She didn’t even know if there were friends we could call.”
“Dammit.” Dylan slams his fist down on the table.
“This is a minor upset,” Mrs. Kragen says. “I know what school she goes to.”
Dylan straightens. “Where? I’ll go there myself.”
She just shakes her head. “Nobody is there. School doesn’t start back up until Tuesday.”
“I have to fucking wait until Tuesday.”
Mrs. Kragen levels him a look over the rim of her glasses that would scare the hell out of Satan.
“Sorry,” Dylan mumble and slouches down in this seat.
“Look, there is no way Nina is not going to go back to high school, she’s worked way too hard to get good grades so she can go to college. That has always been her focus.” Mrs. Kragen takes documents from the file and slides them across the table. It’s copies of her high school transcript through the end of her junior year and college applications. “Nina is not going to just quit because she turned 18. My guess is she has friends that Mrs. Graft knows nothing about, probably a classmate, that she’s gone to live with.”
“I hope you’re right,” Dylan thrusts his fingers through his hair. “I’ve just waited so long.” Then he looks up. “Can’t I just go to the school first thing Tuesday?”
She gives him another look over the rims of her glasses that basically says he should know better. “They’ll talk to me, but they won’t talk to you, even if she is an adult.”
27
“I’ve made sure my schedule is clear for that morning. I will go there and I will find and talk to her.” Mrs. Kragen sets Nina’s file aside.
There really is nothing we can do until school starts. I’d go there myself but the principal is not going to tell me a damn thing. I could have her called to the office and explain myself, but the schools here are locked down tight. I probably wouldn’t even get in the door or past security.
Why did Nina leave a day early when she didn’t need to, and why didn’t she go to the halfway house?
Maybe Mrs. Kragen is right, that she has friends to stay with. I hope that’s the case, and it is the only thing that makes sense.
She grabs another file and frowns. Then looks up. “I thought you checked often, after you were 18 and after Noah turned 18, trying to locate him.”
“I did. Even after Mrs. Hood told me that he’d run away I still checked to see if she’d heard anything.”
“And what did she tell you?”
Mrs. Kragen seems very confused.
“That she hadn’t heard from him and there wasn’t any news.”
Rattle His Cage: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 14