“I feel you. You can do that here in Atlanta, though. Remember during the tour Stephen said you’ll have to live on campus. You won’t have your mom all up in your business, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Definitely that part.” Ennis laughed.
“Listen, you know you don’t have to start school right away, right? You could take some time off. What do people call it nowadays…a gap year? Take a break and experience life outside of school, take that time to find yourself and figure out what you want to do. You could work, travel, do whatever you want.”
“You guys would let me do that?” Ennis asked with a wrinkled brow.
“I haven’t talked to your mom about it, but I don’t see why not. This is your life. You gotta live it—not me, not your mom, you feel me? You gotta live with the choices you make. If you don’t think you’re ready for college, take a break and figure things out.”
“I want to make the right choices,” Ennis said, still looking uncertain.
“You will. I have confidence in you. But even if you don’t, what do you think is gonna happen? You think you gonna die?”
Ennis laughed. “No.”
“A’ight then. Here’s something I learned a long time ago. There’s value in failure. Remember when you had that bike and you came up with the brilliant idea to build your own ramp and do stunts cause you saw some idiot on YouTube doing the same thing? I told you to wait and let me hire a professional to build a sturdy one for you. Remember that?”
“I remember,” Ennis replied with an embarrassed smile.
“And what happened?”
“The ramp didn’t hold up and I busted my ass.”
“You busted your ass, like I told you would happen. But you learned a valuable lesson, didn’t you? You learned to be patient and not risk your safety like that again.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s what I mean. Failing is not the end of the world. That’s how we learn, okay?”
“Okay.”
Terrence yawned and rubbed his belly. “I’ma head home. Make your list and call me later if you want to talk some more.”
“All right. Thanks, Pops.” They bumped fists and Ennis sauntered toward the house.
Terrence pushed off the grill of the car but suddenly had an idea. “Ennis,” he said, motioning with a hand for his son to come closer.
Ennis ambled back over to him.
“How’s your mom doing?” Terrence asked.
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. “She got a boyfriend that you know of?”
Ennis laughed. “Mom? No. I mean…well, she dates. She’s never introduced us to anyone, so I figure it’s never serious.”
“So she’s always dated?”
Ennis shrugged. “I guess.” He was clamming up, perhaps feeling like he was betraying her, but Terrence needed to know more.
“You ever hear her mention a guy named Austin?”
He shouldn’t bring him up, but Austin bothered him. Not only because seeing him was the first time he saw his ex-wife with another man, but because Austin represented everything Terrence was not. He looked like the kind of man Charisse deserved. Kind, thoughtful, respectful. He’d treat her like the queen she was, something Terrence had failed miserably at.
“Maybe once or twice. I think that’s the guy she went out with last night, but I don’t really pay that close attention, to be honest.” Ennis paused and looked back at the house, as if making sure no one was listening, but no one else was in the house right now. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but…sometimes I think she misses you.”
“What makes you say that?” Terrence held his breath.
Ennis shrugged. “She gets kinda quiet sometimes, after you leave, as if she’s thinking or something. You know?”
“Yeah, I know.” He knew all too well. “Thanks.”
Ennis scuffed the bottom of his shoe against the driveway.
“You want to say something else?” Terrence asked.
Ennis looked up at him. “You trying to get back with her?”
“That’s grown folks’ business.”
“I’m asking cause…well, she cried a lot when you guys divorced.”
Terrence rubbed the back of his head, guilt filling his chest. “That was all me. I didn’t realize what I had at the time.” He had never discussed the breakup in any detail with his son, but he was certain Ennis knew about his infidelities. It wasn’t the kind of thing you could keep a secret or keep from children when the dirt was all over social media and the various gossip blogs.
“Now do you realize what you had?” The underlying question being, If you get back together, are you going to treat her right?
He nodded. “If I could turn back the clock and fix everything, I would. I failed at marriage, big time, but if I ever get the chance to be with your mom again, I definitely won’t screw it up.”
Ennis puffed out a breath and stuck his hands in his pockets again. Neither of them spoke for a while. Then he quietly asked, “You think you’ll get a chance to be with her again?”
Not with Dudley Do Right in the picture, but Terrence didn’t say that out loud. “Maybe. I’ll see what the future holds. Go on inside. Make your list like I told you.”
“All right. Later.”
Terrence climbed into the SUV and watched Ennis go in the front door. His son had given him valuable information, assuming his interpretation of his mother’s behavior was correct. Maybe she wasn’t involved in a serious relationship with Austin after all.
He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but if she still harbored feelings for him, he might have a chance at winning her back.
Being in the studio was usually an escape for Terrence, but today was not one of those days. Everyone was upset with him—the producer, the engineer, the assistant engineer, and even the intern, who he snapped at when he brought a sandwich with mayonnaise and Terrence specifically asked for mustard.
They’d all gone on break after a heated exchange because of Terrence’s lackluster performance in the booth on his latest project, Annihilation. The only person who remained was Bo, who eyed him from one of the leather couches through a haze of weed smoke.
His friend took a drag of the blunt and extended it to Terrence. Terrence shook his head and paced the floor.
“What’s going on with you? You’re not yourself. You’ve barely done any work on this album so far, and everything you have done is garbage,” Bo said.
Terrence could always count on his unfiltered comments.
Annihilation was turning out to be a bust. It’s possible he was trying to put out another album too soon after the last one, but he believed he had more stories to tell. He considered the Hustle album, his first, his greatest collection of work to date. That single word meant he was ready to take on the world and do whatever it took to succeed. Even the album cover, a simple photo of his back with the word “Hustle” on his shirt, represented the rawness and simplicity of all the tracks.
Annihilation should elevate his game and was a surprise for fans, yet the record company breathed down his neck, probably because they suspected he was near the point where he would retire soon. His business ventures netted him millions, and he’d dipped his toe into the acting pool with a few roles on TV and in film, most recently playing himself in an action flick. He couldn’t blame the company for wanting to capitalize on his celebrity status before he retired from hip-hop.
“I can’t concentrate tonight. I have a lot on my mind.” He ran a hand over the back of his head.
“What’s going on?”
Should he share? Bo was his closest friend. If he couldn’t share with him, who could he share with?
“Charisse is seeing someone.”
Bo’s eyebrows inched higher. “Word?”
“Some Dudley-Do-Right-looking dude.” He rested his back against the wall.
Silence settled in the room as Bo continued to smoke. He let his hand fal
l between his knees. “It’s been five years, man. Did you think she was at home with the kids baking cookies and watching reruns of Leave it to Beaver or some shit?” He squinted at Terrence through a screen of smoke.
“Maybe.”
They both chuckled, releasing the tension in the room.
“I know it’s crazy, but…I guess I still consider her my wife.” He swallowed. The truth hurt. He wanted to hold onto her but didn’t know how.
“I hear you. So she’s your wife, sitting at home with the kids. Doing whatever wives do, holding you down. Except—real talk—you ain’t been her husband in a while, dawg. You weren’t her husband even when ya’ll was married.”
Terrence wanted to punch him. Sometimes he hated Bo’s unfiltered comments.
But his boy was right, and he wanted Charisse back. So how should he proceed?
7
“Hello?” The phone woke Charisse up in the middle of the night, and Terrence was on the other end.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey. Is something wrong?” She hadn’t heard from him since they took the trip to Morehouse a week ago.
“Not really. Could you come to the door?”
He had a key but never used it.
“Um…”
“I only want to talk.”
She pushed down a sigh. “Be right there.”
Charisse hung up and lifted her robe from the top of the trunk at the foot of the bed and put it on. She didn’t bother to remove the silk scarf from her head. Her ex had seen her look worse.
She padded in slippers down the hall to the front door and opened it. Terrence walked in without a word and she closed the door. They stood on opposite sides of the hall, each with their backs against the wall. He looked at her in that Terrence way he did. He only moved his eyes, letting them wander over her body in a knowing way, and she suddenly regretted meeting with him wearing only panties and a thin camisole beneath the robe.
He licked his bottom lip and then bit into it, and her nipples throbbed. She averted her eyes so he wouldn’t see his effect on her. If she could control her body, seeing him wouldn’t be nearly as hard.
“Anybody here with you?” he asked.
She frowned. “The kids—”
“Anybody else?”
She sighed. He was obviously still obsessed with the fact that she was seeing someone. “No. No one has ever spent the night here.”
He inhaled and exhaled deeply, clearly relieved to hear that bit of news.
“You came all the way out here to ask me if I have company?”
“No, that’s not why I came. I came out here because I want to talk about us.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off with a raised hand.
“I’ve been thinking about us and the past. I know you don’t have any reason to forgive me, and I’m really not asking for forgiveness right now. All I’m doing is asking for a chance.”
Charisse pulled the robe tighter and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Where is this coming from? Is this because you saw me with Austin the other night?”
“Yes and no. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time and been thinking about how I could convince you that I’m different. I came to bare my soul to you. The truth is, I’ve never stopped loving you. I know I messed up, but if you give me another chance, I’ll make it up to you.”
He sounded so sincere, and if she hadn’t heard similar words dozens, possibly hundreds, of times before, she might fall for them.
“Terrence, there is no point to this conversation. I wasn’t enough for you before, and I won’t be enough for you now.”
“That’s not true,” he said swiftly. “You’re all I need. I don’t need anyone else.”
She wanted to believe him so much, but she knew the truth. The scars of his betrayal crisscrossed her heart to make sure she never forgot how he treated her.
“Why now? You haven’t tried in five years.”
“I didn’t want to harass you because you left me. You didn’t want me anymore.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“I’m not blaming you. I’m saying…I know why, and I want you to know what you mean to me. I don’t want to hold my feelings inside anymore. That’s all.”
Don’t fall for it.
“Charisse.” His dark eyes pleaded with hers and wrenched at her heart. “I swear to you, not a single day goes by that I don’t think about you. When I’m not wishing I could hear your voice or see you. You have no idea how many times a day I pick up the phone with the intention of calling you and change my mind because I don’t want to bug you. All the time. All. The. Time. I thought being without you would get easier, but it hasn’t.”
Charisse bit her bottom lip and stared at the floor. She had to stay strong. He’d been contrite before, but he always went back to his old behavior. “I’ve moved on with my life. You’ve moved on with yours. We can’t go back now.”
“Who says we can’t? I know you still care about me.”
She looked up at him. “Of course I still care about you. We’re friends and we were married and you’re the father of my children.”
He shook his head vehemently. “Nah, that’s not all it is, and you know it. Deep down, you still have feelings for me.”
She laughed. “What did I possibly do to make you think that I still have feelings for you?”
“It’s not really anything you did.” He seemed to hesitate. “One of the kids mentioned they noticed how you act sometimes after I leave. Like you still miss me. Maybe not as much as I miss you, but you miss me.”
Anger flared to life inside of her, and Charisse pushed off the wall. “Are you serious right now? You’re hitting up our kids for information about me?”
“Calm down.”
“What have they told you?”
“I know that you date.”
“Of course I date. I’m not a nun.” She pointed a finger at him. “I know what this is about. It’s about you wanting to have control over me still. You can’t and you don’t. If I want to see someone, I’ll see them, and if I want to stay out all night, I’ll stay out all night. I don’t have to—”
“Hold up.” His brows snapped together and he put up his hands for her to stop talking. “You been staying out all night?”
Charisse clamped her mouth shut. She’d assumed he knew everything. Austin wasn’t even the first man she’d spent the night with.
“When I took the kids to Miami in January, were you really hanging with your girlfriends over the weekend, or laying up under some man?”
“Forget I said anything.”
“No, no, we’re going to lay it all out on the table right now. Who you been spending the night with? You stay the night with old dude that I saw you with at the Italian restaurant?”
Charisse closed her eyes and took a deep breath to wrestle her anger under control. Then she opened her eyes and stared at him. “What I do on my own time is my business.”
“You’re not gonna answer me?” Terrence asked.
He was breathing hard, the way he did when he held an intense emotion. He could explode at any minute.
He chuckled and shook his head, then stepped away from the wall. “Well, well, well. Dudley Do Right ain’t so righteous after all, is he?” The fake smile snapped off his face in an instant. “What’s his last name?”
“Enough, Terrence! That was cute when we were dating, but the over-the-top jealousy thing is old and outdated, especially since we’re not together anymore.”
“Give me his name.”
“I’m done. You can show yourself out.” She made to walk away, but he slammed his hand against the wall, blocking her path.
“Name.”
She looked up at him. They were within millimeters of each other. If she weren’t angry, she’d sway into his chest. “What are you doing? Are you drunk?” She sniffed but didn’t smell alcohol. Only the stale scent of weed that he probably acquired in the studio.
“I’m
not drunk. Tell me his name, Charisse. I deserve to know the name of the man who’s screwing my wife. Give me his fucking name.”
“First of all, I’m not your wife. Second, do I need to call the police and have them escort you off the premises? Do I need to say that I have a trespasser in the house, someone who’s here uninvited?”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “You think you’re going to make me leave? This is my house. My name is on the deed, too. And I pay the bills here.”
He’d done this before when he was angry, and she absolutely hated it. “You think you can control me because you pay the bills? Would it make you happy if I left this house? Why don’t you put me out, Terrence?”
He appeared startled by the question.
“Whenever you get mad, this house magically turns into yours. Yes, your name is on the deed, too, but you said it was mine. I picked it. I wanted something simple I could manage where the kids and I would be safe from curious fans. I wanted normalcy. But now it’s your house. Thank you for letting me know where I stand.”
“Enough! You know I don’t want you to leave, and yes, this is your house. What I want… I just want to talk to the man.”
“There is nothing for you to talk to him about.”
“I need to know!” he said louder.
“You know everything you need to know! Go.”
“Mommy?”
They both swung their heads in the direction of the soft voice. Chelsea stood near the end of the entryway in a nightshirt, and in the dim light Charisse saw the fear etched in her face.
Terrence dropped his arm and Charisse shuffled over to their daughter. She crouched in front of her. “Hey, it’s okay. Mommy and Daddy are having a conversation, and our voices got a little loud.”
“Everything is okay, princess,” Terrence said.
“Go back to bed, and I’ll be right there to tuck you in, okay?”
“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” Chelsea asked.
Without You (Quicksand Book 2) Page 4