by Willow Rose
“Fine,” I heard Heather say behind me as she also started walking her way towards the shore. “Maybe you are gay after all,” I heard her mumble but didn’t care to comment. Or maybe I didn’t get to it. Before I could even think of a way to reply something grabbed on to my right leg and pulled me under water. The shock left me defenseless before I managed to try and fight whatever was pulling my leg and dragging me deeper under water. My leg was hurting badly as something had pierced the skin several places. I tried to kick it in vain since I lost sense of what was up or down. Water was everywhere while my body was tossed around. Then I felt like something bit me again. This time it was my right arm and I must by then have fallen unconscious.
What I remember next is the feeling of suddenly rising—rising above my body in the water, seeing the faces of my attackers, two large dark alligators preying, feasting on my leg and arm, trying to hold me under water long enough for me to stop breathing. I rose above the water, weightless, and into the air where I was greeted by a light even brighter than the sun but that never hurt my eyes. I remember looking down seeing Heather standing in the water screaming in panic and the others running towards the shore yelling at her and pointing at the uproar in the water. Water was splashing everywhere to all sides while Heather was frozen in a scream. I remember feeling her fear like it was my own, I somehow knew how she felt and it scared me. I wanted to help her, I wanted to touch her and tell her that it was alright, that I was alright, but I couldn’t reach her. Then I saw more people coming to the scene. But these people weren’t running towards the water, they were floating towards me. I remember their faces because I had seen some of them before. One of them was the gentle face of my beloved mother. She held out her arms towards me and approached me with a smile. “My dear Christian,” I heard her whisper in my head, her lips unmoving, as if her thoughts were speaking directly to me. I remembered that voice. I loved that voice. I had longed to hear that voice for so long. I had tried to recall it so many times alone in my room, but as the years passed by it slowly disappeared, was disintegrated and finally deleted from my memory even though I tried so desperately to cling on to it. The sound that I loved the most in the world left me with such a calm feeling of complete peace inside and part of me was ready to go with her to wherever she would take me. If this was dying then I wanted to go.
But another part of me must not have been ready to leave this world, I later came to realize. My time wasn’t up yet. Because what happened next had to be an act from whoever or whatever decides when you’re supposed to go and when you’re not.
As I floated in the air above the scene of my own death along with my beloved mother she suddenly pointed down and made me look. Out of the black water an almost unbelievable and amazing sight appeared. A predator with tawny fur and big black spots formed as rosettes on the back leaped out of the water and jumped directly onto the back of the alligator holding my leg, sinking its huge front teeth into its skull and with one bite killing the animal by crushing its skull. After life was sucked out of the first alligator, the predator went on to the second one and sank its teeth into that as well. The water suddenly went calm. My friends, who were still screaming, watched as the predator grabbed my arm in its mouth and started dragging me towards the shore. All of them backed up as the jaguar placed me on the ground, everyone expecting that the next thing it was going to do was to eat me.
That was when I had to leave my spot above everything else and go back. It started with the tremendous pain in my arm and leg as I slowly oozed back to my body, a body that had been dead for several minutes and now like a lightning strike came back to life. I recall very clearly, even today, the eyes I met when I opened mine as I stared into the face of the jaguar. Those two yellow pearls glowing from the fury face with the big black spots. The only sound I could hear came from its heaving breathing. I started coughing loads of water up from my lungs and gasping for air. My leg and arm were hurting badly and I looked down and saw what I assumed was my own blood coloring the ground. I was certain it was a mistake that I had gone back and that I was now about to die once again, either from bleeding to death or more likely by the teeth of the terrifying predator bending over me.
But then I saw something in the animal’s eyes that I never quite managed to describe afterwards to people who asked me how it was to be so close to being eaten by a savage beast. Something I still have no words for, something gentle that made my heart stop pounding so incredibly hard. It was like I knew those eyes or maybe they knew me, I don’t know, but the way they looked at me, I just knew that it wasn’t going to hurt me. This was not what was going to kill me.
Calmed by that feeling I remember beginning to feel a tremendous weakness in my body and I felt myself drifting. That was when I again lost consciousness. I was hoping, maybe even expecting, to see or hear my mother once again, but this time there was nothing but complete darkness.
Chapter 6
People saying my name is the first thing I remember after the accident. People talking and touching me and trying to stick needles into my veins. It is all still a blur, really. I remember trying to get them to stop. I remember them strapping me down, drugging me with medicine knocking me far into dreamland, a place I didn’t enjoy being during those hours when I fought for my life. I had vivid dreams of animals attacking me, biting me and the jaguar coming to my rescue in my final hour. I had dreams of the eyes, those yellow beautiful eyes that had stared at me on the shore just before I lost consciousness and slipped into this dreamlike state of mind I couldn’t escape again. Animals, people, faces, living and dead all got so mixed up in my lifelike dreams that I had a hard time separating them from reality. What had really happened? Had I been attacked by animals or was that just a dream as well? Was it all an illusion caused by the combination of cannabis, alcohol and no sleep? Was I still affected by the drugs from that night? At one point I even thought I might have been dead after all. That the jaguar had decided to eat me.
When I finally opened my eyes again I found myself in a hospital room hooked to numerous machines. Mrs. Kirk sat in a chair beside me reading a paperback. I tried to speak to her, but as soon as I opened my eyes I was surrounded by numerous nurses and doctors doing tests and examining my body from top to toe. They asked me questions most of which I had no answer to. I wanted them to leave. I wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. I needed to clear my mind of drugs and people breaking my concentration. I needed to figure out what was going on. And I had all these voices in my head that wouldn't keep quiet. What were those? I needed them to shut up so I could figure out what had in fact happened to me and what had been a dream. To say I was in a state of shock and confusion is to put it mildly.
“Do try and stay still, Chris,” Mrs. Kirk said to calm me. “The doctors are only trying to figure out if there has been any damage to your brain. You were drowned and did get a lot of water in your lungs. Your brain didn’t get any oxygen for several minutes.”
I tried my best to relax as the doctors finished their examination. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them to do all their tests, I just needed badly to have time to concentrate. Time to think. Time to quiet the voices and shut off those images that kept flashing before my eyes. Had I really died and seen my mother? Was it true? Or had it been a dream? I could still hear her voice inside of my head and even remember her peaceful face. But wasn’t that what all people who had a near-death experience said? That they saw light and loved ones?
“That’s just the brain playing tricks,” my father would say. “It is all chemistry in there and if it is out of balance we see stuff from our memories. It is nothing but a self-delusion.”
But did I believe that anymore? It had been so vivid. It wasn’t like a dream at all. In fact, I had felt more alive floating in the air than I had in a long time. It couldn't have been just a dream. It was more than that. What else did I remember? The eyes. The yellow eyes glowing in the dark. The eyes of a beast that spared me. Why had it spared my life? Was I a
nything but food to an animal like that? Then I remembered how looking into the eyes of the animal had made me feel. Fear at first but then comfort of some sort. I shook my head in the bed. I could never explain what it was. No words were sufficient.
“Dr. Kirk has contacted your father and let him know what has happened to you,” Mrs. Kirk said when the doctors and nurses finally left us. “He wanted to come here, but the doctor told him that you were in the best hands and well taken care of. He didn’t need to worry.” Even though I hadn’t known Mrs. Kirk long, I could tell how shaken she was by the whole situation.
I nodded and stared at the graceful woman with the worried eyes. “Thank you,” I said. “How is Heather?”
“She is okay. She is in a state of shock, but physically she is fine. She can’t wait to see you.” Mrs. Kirk grabbed my hand and as she did it felt like I was struck by lightning, like a huge amount of electricity went through my hand and into my heart carrying pictures that popped into my head and flashed fast before my eyes. Pictures I could sort or identify, like a dream fast forwarded, pictures of Mrs. Kirk being violently attacked by a man in the doorway of her house. I saw her being pushed into the house and up against a wall with a hand at her throat strangling her as she fought for her life. And then it was gone. The pictures, the electricity in my arm, everything. All that was left was the feeling of fear that Mrs. Kirk had in the moment she was attacked.
She stared at me. “Where did you go?” she asked. “Your thoughts wandered for awhile.”
I felt my heart beating in my chest. “Have you ever been attacked?” I asked feeling stupid right after the words had left my lips. It had been nothing but a dream. It had to be the drugs. I was still under heavy sedation from painkillers.
Mrs. Kirk tilted her head. “Poor boy. What you must be going through right now. I tell you I have never heard of anyone being attacked by alligators in these parts before. And there were even two of them? And then they say that some big animal, they think is a jaguar, pulled you out of the water? I can’t believe that story. But the alligators are all dead now. That is good news. That is more than I can say for that beast. The authorities are alerted, I tell you that much. Everybody is looking for that creature to take it down. We can’t have a jaguar running loose in our areas.”
“They want to kill it?” I asked.
“Well, of course. It almost killed you and all the other kids. It needs to be hunted down and killed as soon as possible.”
“But it didn’t kill me,” I argued. “It saved me from the alligators.” I had no idea why I all of a sudden felt like defending this wild animal, but I somehow felt connected to it. I didn’t want it to be killed.
Mrs. Kirk snorted. “You were just lucky it didn’t eat you in front of all your friends. I don’t know much about jaguars but I know that they are predators. And besides it did bite you.”
"It bit me?"
"Yes. Right in the arm." Mrs. Kirk took my left arm and lifted it so I could see the wound. "This is where it bit you when it dragged you to the shore. That's what your friends have told me anyway. But that wound is healing fine. I tell you the doctors say they haven’t seen anything like it before. It bit you through the skin and into your muscle, but there's hardly a mark left to see."
I stared at the wound that almost only looked like four small spots placed on each side of the arm. Unlike the wounds from the alligators, this didn't hurt at all. "You say it bit me through the skin?"
"Yes," she continued. "That's what the doctor told me. Almost to the bone, too, but luckily it didn't go that deep. And now it is already almost gone. You are just lucky that thing wasn’t hungry. It would surely have eaten you right there on the spot. That thing needs to be taken down.”
I felt sad that the jaguar had to be killed on account of me. It had saved my life, why should it pay for that with its own life? On the other hand, it was a wild animal and maybe it would have eaten me if it had been hungry or if it hadn’t been scared by all the humans surrounding it. I didn’t know, but I did know that I felt some sort of responsibility towards it. After all it was because of it that I was still alive.
“But I don’t want them to kill it,” I exclaimed.
“Nonsense,” she said. “We don’t want it to harm anyone else. One thing is the alligators but at least they stay near water. A big cat like that can run anywhere. Lord knows what the next victim might be. It might be a small child.”
I felt sick to my stomach. She talked about the jaguar like it had harmed me, how could I make people understand that it had in fact saved me? Why wouldn’t she listen? But then again, I thought, what if she was right? What if it was a coincidence that it hadn’t eaten me? Could it have been that? I had my doubts. I knew what I saw in those eyes. And it wasn't evil.
Later in the afternoon Dr. Kirk came to see me. He stood at the window when I woke from my nap. He was dressed impeccably as always, wearing a white shirt and tie. He didn’t turn and look at me as I said his name.
“I am very disappointed young man,” he said. “To bring my little girl to a place like that in the middle of the night. This is how you repay our trust?"
I sat up but felt dizzy and leaned back on my pillow again. “But sir …”
“I don’t want excuses, young man. You might do this sort of thing in Europe but over here we don’t go skinny dipping in a river of alligators in the middle of the night.” He breathed deeply. “Those animals could have killed both of you.”
I nodded quietly. Of course he was concerned about his daughter. And she wasn’t the one to tell him that it was all her and her friends' idea. That I had just followed along. But Dr. Kirk was right. I could have said no. I knew how a man like Dr. Kirk was thinking. I was the man and I had the responsibility. The doctor turned and looked at me.
“Now I expect this is the last time we need to have a conversation like that. I expect you to behave like the fine young man that you can be from now on. I know your father. I know you have it in you somewhere. It is time to grow up, son.”
I nodded again. “Yes sir.”
“You have suffered no internal damage to brain or any organs. You will have no permanent injury other than the scars from the alligator bites in your leg and arm. It is going to take you some weeks to recover from your wounds in your arms and legs and you won’t be able to attend the first month of your school, but I have talked to them and as long as you work hard and pass your exams they will let you start anyway. You think you could do that?”
“Yes sir.”
“The press is all over the story and wants to talk to you as soon as you are ready. You let them know when and if you are ready. You take control of them, not the other way around, alright?"
“Yes sir.”
“And stay away from the swamps.”
“Yes sir.”
“And keep your hands off my daughter.”
Chapter 7
“Jim was the only one who was smart enough to run for the cars as soon as you were attacked,” Mike said.
A few long and eventless days had passed at the hospital when they all came for a visit. I was happy to see everybody, even Jim. I had been afraid that the incident would make them avoid me or even tear the group apart, but to my joy I realized it just made us all closer. I was one of them now. We shared history together.
Jim blushed. “Well, I thought that we couldn’t help you by just staring at you from the shore, so I ran to the car and drove out for help. I found a police car not far away. When I got back with the paramedics and the police you were lying lifeless on the ground. The others told me what had happened. I can’t believe that the jaguar didn’t kill you, man.”
“Oh, but it was about to,” Mike said. “It was bent all over you and licking its teeth. It was going to eat you.”
“But why didn’t it?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Mike said. He was sitting in the window-sill holding his arms around Danielle who stood in front of him. “It was weird. Just as the jaguar
got you up on the shore and looked like it wanted to sink its teeth into your skull like it had done it to the alligators, it suddenly stopped. It stood still for a long time looking at you and then suddenly it was like it gave up. Like it had a change of heart. It turned around and ran as fast as anything I have ever seen towards the forest where it disappeared.”
Danielle nodded while Mike was speaking. “It was unbelievable,” she said.
“And you are sure it was a jaguar?” I asked. “It wasn’t a bobcat or a mountain lion or something like that?”
“It was definitely a jaguar,” Mike continued.
“It had those black rosettes on the back,” Regina said. “I looked it up this morning to be perfectly sure.”
“And it had that bite that only jaguars have,” Mike continued.
Regina took over. “According to the books jaguars have an exceptionally powerful bite, even relative to the other big cats. It pierces the shells of armored reptile and bites directly through the skull of prey between the ears to deliver a fatal bite to the brain.”
“That’s what it did to those alligators,” Mike said. “It was amazing, I tell you that. I have never seen anything like it. One bite and they were dead.”
“Plus they hunt in water,” Regina said. “It was definitively a jaguar.”
“But jaguars don’t live in these parts do they?” Jim asked. “I have never heard of any. Maybe it escaped from a zoo or something?”
“According to what I have read, they have largely been extinct from the United States, apart from a few seen in Arizona,” Regina said. “Most jaguars live in Central America.”
“But I have heard of them before in our area,” Heather said. She had been sitting in the chair next to my bed without speaking a word since she came. Something in her eyes had changed since that night. She looked tired. The young innocence in her face was gone. The terror of realizing that death is always only a few minutes or yards away from you had come upon her eyes and deprived her of her childlike innocence. “It is only rumors, but there is an old story that there have been jaguars living in the forests and swamps surrounding us. I have always thought it was nothing but old stories that people told their children. But someone did claim to have shot a black panther nearby a few years ago but they never found it.”