by Saumya Dave
She doesn’t say any of that now or dwell on it further. One of the things the medication has helped her with is coping with her emotions. Now, when they wash over her, she can manage them. She used to hope that one goal or person or event would cure her. But she knows now that only she can heal herself.
“But I’m not brave,” she tells Suhani as she pulls up the post. “You all are.”
Brave is leaving a country with a partner you don’t know well and coming to another one that isn’t sure it wants to quite accept you. Brave is working your ass off, day after day, to take care of people. Brave is keeping a sense of calm even when everyone around you is falling apart.
Just as they’re getting ready to leave, Natasha feels someone’s hand on her shoulder. She turns around. At first, she thinks she must be in a daze. But then she takes another look at the buzzed hair, the sky-blue button-down shirt, and the navy sweater.
“Karan?”
Karan gives her a lopsided grin. Natasha used to see that grin every day, and now it takes her several seconds just to process it. If this was a Hindi serial, the camera angles would start spinning and some ominous music would be playing.
“What are you doing here?” Natasha turns to her family and best friends, who all look just as surprised to see him. They walk over to the other side of the bar after giving Karan a quick hi.
“I’m actually here with some work friends.” Karan motions to a table full of guys sharing a pitcher of beer and a platter of fries.
“Nice.” Natasha tries not to stare at him or think about how surreal this moment is. If things had gone according to plan, she and this guy standing in front of her would be planning their wedding. An entire life flashes in front of her. They would have had an epic big, fat Indian wedding, the kind uncles and aunties would rave about for months. Mom and Anita Auntie would have made sure of that. Natasha pictures herself with Karan at Bhojanic trying paneer for a food tasting or going for a premarital couples massage or looking up resorts on a white, grand beach for their honeymoon. A twinge of sadness passes through her chest. It would have been a decent life, an easy one. Maybe even a good one. But it wouldn’t have been honest or fair to either of them.
“So, you were good up there,” Karan says. “Funny.”
“Thanks . . .” It takes everything out of her to not hug him. As much as he’s her ex-boyfriend-almost-ex-fiancé, he’s also the person she’s known since they were in preschool. He was her favorite Mario Kart rival, the first person she drove when she got her license.
“I always knew how funny you were,” Karan says.
“Did your mom always know, too?” Damn it, why did she have to bring up Anita Auntie? Her mouth always moves quicker than her brain.
She quickly adds, “Sorry, was that too soon?”
Karan snickers. “I think it’ll always be too soon.”
“I really am so sorry for everything,” Natasha says. “I can see now how difficult it must have been to be with me, through all my shit. You deserved better than all that. Than me.”
Karan shakes his head. “I assumed a lot. I thought I was doing you—us—a favor by proposing, but instead, I was focused on what I thought I needed to do.”
Natasha’s not sure how to respond. There’s so much she can say. That they both got too caught up in what they thought they were supposed to do instead of what was really right for them. That she’s not sure if their parents’ friendship will ever heal because of how long she let things between her and Karan drag out. That she hopes he’s happy.
But none of it seems right.
Karan flashes her an awkward smile, the same one he had after their first kiss.
“I guess I should get back to my table,” he says.
“Of course.” Natasha nods. “It was good to see you. Really.”
“You, too,” Karan says. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you,” Natasha says, knowing he means it.
Within minutes, Natasha is back with her family, who have ordered a round of beers. She rehashes her entire conversation with Karan. It’s clear from Mom’s perked face that she has a lot of opinions, but to everyone’s surprise, she keeps them to herself. Forget the comedy routine. This was the biggest win of the night!
But really, she’s lighter around everyone because she’s more herself. Maybe she needed to hit rock bottom to learn who she really is. She sees now that self-respect can only be born after failure and insight mesh together.
And her family is different, too. By visiting their pasts, they were able to pave different futures together. She used to fantasize about what it would be like to have simple ties to her family tree instead of the twisted branches that are in theirs. But she knows now that she wouldn’t want them to be any other way. They still aren’t always in perfect harmony with one another, but maybe that isn’t the point. Maybe being whole and authentic with the people you love is the real victory.
“Come here.” Zack pulls them all into a circle. “Ah, I love being a part of this colorful group.”
“Colorful?” Suhani asks. “That’s a really nice way to put it, honey. I think you mean absurd, out of control, emotional . . .”
“Yeah, okay, those, too,” Zack agrees before he kisses Suhani’s cheek. “And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“Shall we head back? It’s pretty late.” Anuj glances at his Apple watch.
“Let’s go!” Natasha smiles.
For the first time in a long time, she can’t wait to go home.
Acknowledgments
My rockstar agent, Jessica Watterson, is every writer’s dream. Thank you for the guidance, feedback, and friendship during such a turbulent year. I am so lucky to be able to work with you and learn from you.
Kristine Swartz, you knew the book I was trying to write and how to get this manuscript there. Thank you for your patience and insight. I am so grateful for your editorial skills, direction, and talents. I can’t wait until we can have coffee together in person.
Fareeda Bullert, thank you for being an amazing marketing director and giving me such incredible opportunities. I am so lucky to know you.
Danielle Keir, thank you for getting WBIW to places I never could have imagined. I’m so grateful to work with you and be able to celebrate the joys of motherhood with you.
Thank you to Diana Franco for making the post-debut months such a pleasure. Megha Jain, thank you for making the book look so refined and elegant. Thank you to Eileen Chetti for making this story consistent and making sure I didn’t have a summer lasting ten months.
To everyone at Berkley, thank you for making your authors feel valued and supported. I am so grateful to be a part of your team. I can’t wait until we see each other again.
This book wouldn’t have been possible without the love and support of my family. For all of 2020, I lived with my grandparents, parents, siblings, husband, and son. The ages in our house ranged from one to ninety-five. Dad, your work ethic and patience have always inspired me. Thank you for always encouraging us to advocate for others and give back. Your sensitivity gives us safety and your compassion gives us strength. Mom, thank you for being the rock of our house. I’m still not sure how you’ve taken care of four generations of people for so long. You’ve given us all a love of art and human nature and for those, we will always be grateful. Maansi, you are the changemaker of our family. Thank you for teaching all of us how to be fearless, unapologetic, and bold. If Natasha could have a friend like you, she’d be the luckiest woman alive. Akshay, you inspire us with your wisdom and wit. It’s been an honor to see you as such a caring uncle and I will always be so grateful for how you add peace to our family.
Samir, everything in our lives changed in ways we could have never imagined. You somehow found a way to make an adventure out of new parenthood during a pandemic. Thank you for believing in me when I struggled to believe in myself.
Thank you for advocating for me when I struggled to advocate for myself. You read this story before I knew what it would turn into and embraced it as your own. Thank you for being the best partner I could ask for through every draft, character edit, late-night feed, diaper change, and more. I create because of you.
Sahil, you are our everything. Thank you for teaching me how to count the wins whenever they come, relish the present, and embrace uncertainty. We love your endless curiosity for life and can’t wait to take you into the world more in 2021 and beyond.
I wrote this book while I navigated new motherhood. Thank you to the mothers in my support network, who kept me going during the tender and tough moments. To my friends, your texts, phone calls, and messages were my lifelines during an isolative time. Jaimini Dave Maniar, thank you for reading the first pages, reassuring me that there was something worthwhile here, and being there for me during every moment of self-doubt. Bansari Modi Shah, thank you for checking in and providing support at all hours.
Sara DiVello, thank you for making my debut year so memorable. I am so lucky to be able to call you a friend. Laura Dave, our chats helped me in so many different ways. You are a true gem and I can’t thank you enough for everything. Roshani Chokshi, I don’t even know where to start in thanking you for your support during an uncertain debut year. I am so proud of you and grateful for you. Emily Giffin, thank you for all your support from the very beginning and making my debut year special. You will always be one of our favorites.
Thank you to the readers who invited me to your book clubs and brought Well-Behaved Indian Women into your lives. A warm thank-you to librarians and booksellers for giving WBIW a home during such a chaotic year. I am beyond grateful to the bookstagram community and book bloggers for all their hard work and passion for stories. We are all better because of it. Thank you to my 2020 Debuts, 2020 Debuts POC, and Twitter 2020 group for the invaluable community and inspiration.
I am constantly inspired by the mental health advocacy I’ve seen over the past years. To everyone who has had tough conversations with those they love, thank you for your bravery, for breaking patterns in yourself, your families, and your communities. I wrote this book during the most challenging time of my life and am grateful for all the readers who brought it into their worlds. To anyone who has ever struggled to feel understood, I hope this story can provide comfort and a reminder that you’re not alone.
Mental Health Resources
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. If you need help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. For more information, please visit www.nami.org.
READERS GUIDE
What a Happy Family
Saumya Dave
Discussion Questions
What are your thoughts on the title of this book? Do you believe the Joshis are a happy family by the end of the novel?
Mental health is a prominent theme in What a Happy Family. How is each character impacted by it throughout the story? Why is there so much stigma surrounding mental health? Do you believe this is changing?
The book states that “Suhani got a hopeful, struggling mother, which fueled her ambition. Natasha got a strict and scared mother, which instigated her rebellion. Anuj got a softer, more secure mother, which gave him comfort.” Do you think this is true? Can the same parents be completely different with different children?
Bina left her career as an actress, while Natasha is working to build hers in stand-up comedy. How did both women’s relationships with creativity change throughout the novel?
Suhani struggles with impostor syndrome despite how much she’s accomplished. What contributes to this? How do you feel about her journey at work? Have you ever navigated this in your own life?
This book examines how family members shape one another. Were there any dynamics or interactions that you identified with?
Bina takes pride in her strong female friendships. At one point, she reflects on the differences between her bonds with Anita and Devi. How did these women impact her choices and goals? Do you ever see the three of them spending time together?
Natasha has always worried that something is inherently wrong with her. What factors do you think made her feel this way? How big of a role did her family play in how she viewed herself?
Despite wanting to create their own paths, both Bina and Deepak learn that they internalized their parents’ beliefs. How were their kids impacted by this? Do you think it’s possible to change longstanding patterns of thinking and behavior?
Suhani’s shame pushes her to keep secrets from Zack. How do you feel about their marriage after she tells him everything? What do you think their future together holds?
It’s five years after the novel’s ending. How is the Joshi family doing?
Photograph © Sultan Khan of Image Works NYC
Saumya Dave is a psychiatrist and mental health advocate. Her essays, articles, and poetry have been featured in the New York Times, ABC News, Refinery29, and other publications. She is the co-founder of thisisforHER, a nonprofit at the nexus of art and women’s mental health, and an adjunct professor at Mount Sinai, where she teaches a Narrative Medicine class. She recently completed her psychiatry residency at Mount Sinai Beth Israel, where she was a chief resident and an inductee into the Alpha Omega Alpha Honor Medical Society (AΩA). She currently resides in New York City with her husband and son.
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