This time I did yank my hand from his. No way was I letting that happen! But my wolf lurched inside me, snarling at the loss of his touch. She had no intention of listening to me.
“Okay! Fine! It was you! Queen bitch said she was going to get you to fuck her! Again!” I blurted the words, unable to bite them back. My skin heated all over, my face flaming red, and not with my power. I snapped my mouth shut, and closed my eyes. The soft leather seat creaked as I sank deeper. Traitor! I growled at my wolf. She’d forced those words from my mouth. She ignored me and merely curled up, totally content at succumbing to Connor’s compulsion.
Silence.
I could still hear the music playing through my ear buds. With shaking fingers I put them back in their case, missing one. It fell into my lap. Connor plucked it up between his forefinger and thumb.
“Ember, you need to listen.” He leaned close enough his body heat washed over me. With a precise movement, he placed the ear bud carefully back in the box. His warmth, and that spicy scent, bathed me head to toe.
I swallowed hard. Would he laugh at me? Or think me ridiculous for losing my temper over such a stupid thing? It wasn’t as if there was, or ever had been anything more between us than a crush on my part.
His voice was gentle. “I have absolutely no interest in Shannon. She’s a nasty piece of work. She’s not worth one second of my time, and definitely not worth you worrying over. I haven’t seen her for months—not since Ava...died.”
“I don’t care. It’s none of my business who you fuck.” It was so hard to hide my bitterness. His life, his friendship, and his attention was mine once, and I had adored it—I had adored him—but he’d left me behind… And yet, despite that, I couldn’t stand thinking of him with anyone else. It was truly painful to imagine that gorgeous body worshipping another female, of his lips kissing another’s, let alone Shannon’s.
“Em...it’s not that...” He sighed heavily and rubbed his hand over his face. “Listen, don’t get in fights on my account. You need to stay under the radar. Especially while you’re in the agent training programme. The bureau doesn’t like uncontrolled shifters; don’t get on the wrong side of them, especially Shannon’s father. Doherty’s got power, and he doesn’t like Rawson—or me. I know Shannon is allocated to the same training group as you, so you steer clear of her. And no matter what she says, especially about me, you ignore her. Okay?”
I still couldn’t look at him. Weariness leached all the energy from my limbs and I wanted this whole shit storm done with. It was a mistake letting Connor know he meant something to me. I sighed and looked out of the window, watching the rain hit the ground, bounce, then join the flow and rush away in a fast stream. Just like the rain, people fell into your life, but eventually everyone left, caught in the flow of an unavoidable destiny; there was no point in loving anyone.
Firm but gentle fingers grasped my chin. Connor turned me to face him. “Okay, Firecracker?” I gulped at the tenderness in his eyes and the softness of his voice.
“Okay,” I whispered, unable to look away.
He stared at me, his wolf bleeding into his gaze. That heady scent seeped into the air around us and I trembled, my wolf’s rumble resonating through me. Connor exhaled and his warm breath caressed my face. Instinctively, I inhaled as if his breath was a gift, especially for me. His attention settled on my mouth, and my heart stuttered. Energy crackled between us. My tongue reflexively licked a trail of moisture over my lips. A small snarl curled his lips, and before I could even consider what that meant, he groaned and slanted his lips over mine.
My world tilted on its axis. His kiss was earth-shattering; everything I thought it would be and more. His tongue pushed against my lips, demanding entry. I gladly opened and let him in. My mind exploded with sensation as his tongue tangled with mine, tasting me, taking all I was and ruining me for anyone else. Desire slammed through my flesh and bones, making me ache for more. I writhed on the seat, crossing my thighs to try and relieve the need that burned between my legs. I was on fire; his taste—his touch, only stoked the flames of my lust. I lost myself in that kiss, knowing he now owned me. He pulled back, and I whimpered. But the loss was only for a moment. His teeth nipped and pulled on the softness of my lower lip, then he ran his tongue gently over my swollen flesh easing it. I’d never experienced anything like it; sensation swamped me, everywhere.
I didn’t want to be parted from him. The pain from his gentle nips sent jolts of pleasure shooting straight to the juncture between my thighs. When his lips sought mine again, I kissed him back, humming low in my throat. His scent filled my nose and curled around my heart, cementing itself there. His other hand thrust into my hair, and he wound the mass of red waves around his fist. He tugged it firmly and angled my head. I groaned with pleasure at the burst of commanding pressure on my scalp. My voice seemed to spur him on. His lips crushed against mine, our teeth clashing together. His grip tightened in my hair, and he controlled the angle of my head, tilting me and urging me forward so he could devour me.
Blood pounded in my ears and heat rushed to my core. The scent of my own arousal was sweet in the air, mixing with Connor’s deep spicy smell. And, gods, but I loved it.
Connor pulled back, his hooded gaze searching. I fought against his hold on my hair, leaning forward enough to bite his swollen bottom lip. He yanked me closer and moaned my name against my lips, his voice strained. He kissed me brutally; pain and pleasure a powerful mixture. My spine arched towards him and, without thought, my hands lifted. I was done letting him take the lead. I needed to touch him, to be closer to him. I grabbed onto his shoulders, digging my fingers into the wet cotton of his t-shirt, attempting to reach the hard muscle beneath. A growl rumbled from his chest and his grip tightened further, sending electric jolts of pleasure across my scalp and down my neck.
Emboldened by his response, I moved one hand around his neck and speared my fingers into his soft hair. My wolf rumbled her approval and pushed closer to the surface. I was totally unprepared when she launched her spirit at Connor, determined to give herself to this alpha.
Connor jerked away. The loss of his touch was a physical stab in my chest. My wolf howled and my eyes flew open. I gasped, unable to control my breathing. My hands slapped against my chest, the pain so intense that my shoulders curved forward trying to stop the agony of his withdrawal.
Connor’s chest rose and fell in deep rapid movements. It was some consolation to know he was as affected by me, and what my wolf had almost done, as I was. Slowly, I raised my gaze, my heart thudding against my ribs. His wolf stared back at me with eyes that were entirely black, burning with lust and feral need.
I pressed my lips together, not sure what to say. Spirit bonding was only supposed to happen between chosen mates, and even then it wasn’t always possible. I blinked, slowly trying to control my labored breathing. I could still taste him on my tongue. I inhaled, needing more of that sensual scent of his. And I got it, mixed with the sweetness of my desire. Heat flooded me again as it dawned on me; that scent meant he was as turned on as I was.
“Damn, Ember...” He stared, rapidly shifting his gaze from one of my eyes to the other. He reached out and gently gripped my chin, his thumb brushing over my swollen bottom lip. His eyes flared with need again, and his throat bobbed. Abruptly, he dropped his hold and moved away. “Fuck!” He ran a shaking hand through his hair before he smacked the steering wheel. Closing his eyes, he curled his grip around it until his knuckles turned white. My stomach sank as he breathed deeply several times. He released the wheel and flicked the switch for the window. It became clear that he wanted the fresh air to erase any lingering scent of our mutual lust. My cheeks burned from something other than desire. He even wiped his hand on his jeans as if to erase the feel of my skin.
“I’m sorry, Em. I shouldn’t have done that.” He clenched his teeth. “Let’s get you home. I have to get back to work.”
I recoiled into my seat. He wanted to leave without even acknowledgi
ng what had just happened between us?
He pressed the start button and the engine roared to life.
“Buckle up.” He didn’t look at me. His jaw muscles bunched and his expression darkened.
I swallowed hard and did what he said, but my embarrassment quickly turned to anger. He didn’t get to kiss me like that and then just ignore me.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” My question was pretty damned steady considering how I trembled inside and out.
Swearing, he flicked the automatic transmission into drive and roared out of the school driveway and onto the country lane. “No. But we will definitely talk about this later.” His eyes flicked my way, a low growl to his tone.
“Fine.” That was hard to believe, and even if he meant it, I prepared myself for his consolatory words of rejection.
“No, nothing about this situation is fucking fine, Firecracker. But it will be.”
I didn’t bother answering, I just stared out of the window as the Kent countryside whizzed by. No matter how much that kiss had turned us both on, it was obvious this sinfully gorgeous man, who had once been my best friend, regretted the hell out of kissing me. And even though I was nowhere near ready for a mate, being cast away was like being burned from the inside out. My wolf curled up inside me, whining pitifully. My eyes burned, and I blinked away tears. I didn’t cry—ever, but it didn’t stop the hurt eating at my heart like acid.
Fifteen minutes later we pulled into my road. Without uttering another word, Connor dropped me on the driveway outside Rawson’s home and sped away. I refused to watch him drive off like some lovesick princess. Instead, I turned towards the door, my movements automatic. It was far easier to tell myself our kiss meant nothing than to admit what relationship I had left with Connor was ruined. Thankfully the house was empty. Hating how much I already wanted to see him later, I threw my clothes off, donned my training gear and headed to the gym.
Chapter 3
Connor
* * *
“Fuck!” I roared at the top of my voice and hit the steering wheel with the heel of my hand. My heart still raced, Ember’s taste lingering on my tongue. Kissing her had rocked my fucking world, but it didn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t have done it. Everything about her called to me, and in the confined space of my car, I didn’t possess the strength to turn away; those pretty pink lips stole my self-control. Something about Ember had always drawn me in, and for years I resisted the temptation to pursue her. Today I just snapped. I succumbed to the red-hot rush of need that hit me. I hadn’t even thought about reining in myself or my wolf. He snarled inside me, urging me to go back and take what was ours. “Settle down,” I muttered, pushing my foot down on the accelerator in response.
I dreamed of Ember almost every night, and it had been worse when I lived under the same roof. At first my feelings had been protective, but by the time I hit my Primis, I’d had to leave. It was a game of self-control I knew I’d lose while learning to control the predator in my veins. She’d been too young then, and so had I. I swallowed. She wasn’t now.
After what had happened in the training room a few weeks ago, I’d avoided Em, though my wolf had made it perfectly clear she was ours; our mate. He had tried to get to her that day. Her wildness and defiance had called to us both, and seeing her spirit and sensing her strength, when I had denied myself being anywhere near her for months, had snapped something in me. If Rawson hadn’t been there, I couldn’t in all honesty say I would have held back.
I’d had lovers, plenty of them, but no other woman had ever affected me the way Ember always had, and still did. Jesus! My need for her had become a painful ache in my soul. Perhaps it would be better for both of us if I distanced myself completely—just until my life was more…stable. There was something happening in the SBI that even I didn’t understand and now was not a good time to tie my life to someone—not if I could be sent into a situation that might put my life—and hers—at risk. I wouldn’t endanger Ember, ever. I ground my teeth. I’d always do what it took to keep her safe, and if that meant leaving, freeing her of my presence, then that’s what I'd do.
I exhaled, my stomach churning. That woman had my heart in a vice, yet had no idea of the power she held over me.
The indicator clicked as I flicked it on. Turning the wheel I pulled onto the main drive up to the SBI headquarters. A huge metal gate blocked my way. I lowered my window and pulled up at the retinal scanner. The guard remained in his hut but I knew his weapon would be trained right at my head. Doppelgängers were rare, but the bureau was always vigilant, and SBI security was the best in the world. These guards would shoot first and ask questions later if they perceived any threat.
The scanner eased silently forward and I placed my face into the wrap around device. It was cold on my skin, but the bright light it used no longer bothered me. It beeped and slid smoothly away. Next was my hand. I placed it against the glass pad, waiting patiently while cold metal bands clicked into place, holding me immobile. I readied myself. Blood couldn’t be forged, not when you didn’t know where on your hand it was going to be taken from. This time it was the base of my thumb. I hissed at the sting. The next moment a soothing coolness negated the discomfort. A green light flickered up on the screen.
“Welcome, Agent Maxwell,” said a female voice.
The bands released with a snap.
I pulled my arm in and waited. While my identity was verified, scanners had risen from the ground around my car. They finished their inspection and sank back into the tarmac.
“You may proceed,” the disembodied voice told me.
I flicked the switch to bring the window up. It closed as the gates opened. I wasn’t fooled though, I knew there were bollards underground all along the driveway that could shoot up at a moment’s notice and prevent any moving object from getting further. I drove forward steadily.
In the corner of my eye, a dark shadow moved. It was a habit to scan the surrounding area for anything unusual. My instincts were not easily ignored, nor were my mission experiences from the past four years. I noted the position of all the guards just as I did everyday. I knew their formations, their shift times and what weapons they normally carried, and looked for anything unusual. Perhaps I wasn’t supposed to know, but I’d put away some powerful people over the years and they, in turn, had powerful allies. Friends could turn on you at the drop of a hat. I swallowed and shook my head. I knew that all too well.
I drove towards the figure of a woman dressed in an agency issued uniform. Cold spread through my insides, my heart rate speeding up. She shouldn’t be here! She turned and watched me drive by. Her shoulder length blonde hair shone, and her dead eyes followed me, accusation in their depths.
No! She isn’t real! She isn’t here! Shit!
Breath hissed from between my clenched teeth. I fought to control my heart rate even as sweat slicked my palms. Damn it! I’d triggered myself again. Unwilling to let my past get the upper hand, I stamped on the breaks, pulled the car over to the verge and concentrated on controlling my breathing.
I’d started to suffer from post traumatic stress six months ago when Ava, my sometimes lover, had stopped me from killing the man she truly loved—by throwing herself into the path of my bullet. Rawson and my men knew what had happened, so did Doherty; Ava was his oldest daughter after all, but no one outside that loop knew. I’d been sent for counselling and taken off field work. I was getting better at controlling my flashbacks; enough so that I’d been reinstated for active duty, but being near Ember shot my emotions to shit.
I closed my eyes and took a deliberate and slow breath then exhaled equally as slowly.
Ava’s face and voice were vivid in my mind.
“You're fighting for the wrong side, Connor. Please, don’t do this.” I needed to let this bit of the scene play out, so I gripped the steering wheel. Goosebumps rose on my arms, and bile burned my throat. I knew what was coming, but was helpless to stop it. Nightmares you could learn to mana
ge and control; memories, not so much. They were real, living things, and though some faded, I knew this one never would. In my mind, I held the gun out straight, pointing it at the chest of the man who had been my partner and my friend for years. Lance glared at me, hatred and disgust on his damaged face. My orders were to hunt him down and kill him—and I had.
My stomach threatened to expel its contents as the memory continued.
“You are working for the wrong side. If you do this, you side with them,” Lance said.
“Don’t do it, Connor. Please.”
I looked at Ava’s devastated face. “He’s a traitor. He has betrayed everything we stand for. He’s working with the fae for god's sake! To harm your father!”
I couldn’t comprehend why she wanted to be with a man who had just tried to kill her father, not then and not now.
My past self squeezed the trigger just as Ava jumped in front of Lance, but it was too late. The gunshot resounded in my head, blocking out all coherent thought. My palms were slick with sweat and slipped off the steering wheel. I was barely aware as I struggled to breathe, a cold sweat breaking out over my body. My fault! It was my fault! A vice gripped my throat. Inside me my wolf howled, scratching at my insides wanting to be free, to soothe my troubled mind and aching heart. His distress was the only thing that pulled me out of my flashback. I focused on his darkness, on his strength, and got a waft of Ember’s unique sweet and slightly smoky scent. It grounded me and I absorbed every bit of it, allowing it to calm my heart rate.
My eyes opened, I shook my hands out, ridding myself of the pins and needles that had come on with my rapid breathing. A few moments later, I started the car and drove onward towards the massive mansion house that was the UK’s SBI headquarters.
My thoughts drifted to Ember. Leaving her alone like that was a piss poor way to handle what had happened. I just hadn’t been prepared for her wolf to try and bond with mine like that. Merging spirits was something I’d only ever read about. No one in my circle of friends, or agency colleagues, had ever mentioned being that perfect a match with their mates. Had I accepted her wolf spirit right then, there would have been no stopping what happened next.
Shadow Sentinels: Beginnings (A Paranormal/Urban Fantasy Wolf Shifter Romance) Page 4