She buried her face against the crook of his neck. The warmth of her exhales slipped through him. Peace surrounded him, tying him to this female. His true mate. The one woman he was supposed to take on the world for. He couldn’t. Loving Nyx put her at risk. Mating her was forbidden. He’d abandoned her long before she’d ever been born. He couldn’t change that.
Yet.
Chapter 20
Heaven surrounded Nyx. She never wanted to lose the emotions or the pleasures she’d experienced last night, but she’d have to. At least for a little while. The brightening room called an end to the carnal desires she’d unleashed under the blanket of darkness. It was time to face the challenges of the day. There were many. All focused on a woman she’d never met.
The mystery surrounding Bianca threatened to undo everything Nyx had found in Anton’s arms. Until it was resolved, the doubt would remain. Men like her uncle would use it against Anton. Many councilmen wanted Anton ousted from power. Nobody fought for him. Except her. She’d discovered a different side of the most feared member of the Shifter Council. An honorable side. He was beautiful—inside and out.
Nyx snuggled closer to the man who’d allowed her the glimpse into his soul. She’d lost track of the times they’d reached for each other during the night. Each one had ended in a mind-blowing orgasm, but this moment was just as good. Better, even. The cuddling and gentle caresses meant the world to her. Here in Anton’s arms, Nyx felt powerful.
Anton brushed his lips over her temple. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”
“Mmm…” Nyx rubbed her cheek against the muscular chest acting as her pillow. “Very much.”
“I’m glad.”
Anton untangled himself from her and propped his upper body on a bent elbow. He mapped her face with his gaze, lingering on her lips before meeting her eyes. The passion displayed in them last night no longer gave them a raw primal quality. Nothing did. Not anger. Not regret. Not satisfaction. He looked at her as if she was a stranger he’d met on the street.
Trepidation settled over her. She matched his pose and willed herself to remain calm. “Did you?”
Anton threw his legs over the side of his bed and snatched a pair of sleep pants lying on the floor. He tugged them on, then rounded the bed. The thin, loose material sitting low on his hips tempted her to study the indentations and muscles of his lower belly. Maybe touch him again. Reach inside his pants and stroke his cock. She didn’t. His eyes ensnared her. Not in the same way they had last night while he’d loved her. Then, the black-and-gold color had spread to encompass his entire eye, eliminating the white. Now, the indifference reflected in those same eyes chilled her.
He held his hand out. She stared at his long fingers and wide palm. She didn’t want to take it. There’d be no pleasure to be had in his embrace. Not now. His cold, uncaring eyes told her that.
“Nyx.”
Only her name. She heard the warning twined into it, however. If she didn’t take his hand, he’d snatch hers. One way or another, he’d get his way.
She rested her palm against his. He curled his fingers around her hand and drew her to her feet. Without speaking, he swept her naked body into his arms and strode from the room. Asking where he was taking her was pointless. She’d find out soon enough. As long as they were together, it didn’t much matter.
She rested her cheek against his chest. His heart raced as if he’d just run a marathon or fought in a long bloody battle. His arms cradling her against his chest remained relaxed. Deep and even inhales and exhales expanded his lungs. The details didn’t mesh. She studied his face. Still indifferent. No sign of what left his heart racing.
The trepidation grew.
Nyx closed her eyes. She would not jump to conclusions. Not after the loving they’d shared last night. It wasn’t just fucking. What they’d shared had been soul reaching.
She slid her hand over his muscled pec. “After breakfast, I’d like to sit down with you and come up with a timeline of events, starting from when Bianca started skipping work. I think it’s all connected.”
“That won’t be possible. I have things to do today.”
Him and his work again. Nyx smiled. The anxiety gripping her eased. Her lover was definitely dedicated. “We can find time to fit it in. What are we working on today?”
“Not we.” Anton’s weary sigh spoke of annoyance. “I have work to do. You won’t be involved.”
The man and his mood swings tried her patience at times. Thankfully, she understood his commitment to the Council made him this way. It had nothing to do with her. “Fine. Then I’ll see what I can find out about Bianca’s nightly disappearances. I’m sure there’s some record at the guardhouse if she’d been leaving campus. If not, she had to be sleeping somewhere else. Maybe she had a lover here on campus. Boris mentioned knowing a secret about her. If that’s true, the rumor mill can be tapped for clues.”
Anton entered the service quarters and quickened his pace. The door to her room came into view. He entered her room and went straight to the bathroom without responding, then turned on the water and set her inside the stall.
“Anton!” She shrieked and tried to step out as the icy water hit her.
Anton stopped her with a hand splayed over her chest while the cold spray soaked her. “Shower, then gather your things. You’re leaving this morning. I’ll have the guards deliver the rest of your luggage to your uncle’s house. Don’t bother returning. You won’t be allowed inside.”
Nyx glared at the man she’d loved. His words from last night returned. He used women, then tossed them aside. None had ever satisfied him.
The water warmed, but it didn’t counter the chill in her body. Ice slithered into her veins. She fisted her hands until her nails bit into her skin. “You never answered me. Did you enjoy yourself last night?”
“Do yourself a favor, Nyx. Scrub the scent of sex from your body. No sense letting rumors spread that you’re no longer a virgin. You might still be able to dupe some guy into believing you’re still innocent.” Anton snorted. “Maybe even Colin. Yeah, you should try for him. If anything, the two of you would have nice-looking kids together.”
“Bastard.” She hurled the word at the man who’d taken her virginity.
“Yes, I am.” Anton slapped a bar of soap in her hand. “Scrub your pussy good. I used it hard last night.”
She threw the soap at him. “You came inside me. Multiple times. Don’t you dare tell me that doesn’t mean anything.”
“I was horny, and you smelled ripe and ready for the taking. Nothing more.” Anton shrugged. “Don’t worry. If having my seed inside you bothers you, stop at the campus store. They sell douche kits. Flush yourself out. You might feel better.”
“Liar!” She screamed the word in his face. “Shifter males don’t just go around leaving their seed inside women who mean nothing to them. It’s all about instincts. Don’t even tell me it’s not! I lived with a houseful of powerful men, don’t forget.”
“Yes. It’s all about instincts.” Anton cradled the side of her face. “I wanted to use you before another man could.”
Nyx grasped Anton’s wrist, digging her nails into him, and yanked his hand off her. “Stop lying to me. Last night meant more than sex.”
“Last night was all about fucking. I warned you what would happen if I got you in my bed. Didn’t I?” Anton leaned over her. The spray of water hit him, soaking his hair. No longer cold, the water steamed around him. “I told you how I use women, then ban them from my life.”
That wasn’t all he’d told her. She fisted the waistband of his sleep pants, bunching the material in her hand and pulling him into the shower with her. He stumbled against her, crowding her against the tiled wall. She tightened her grip on his pants and moved her other hand to his ass. “Did you enjoy last night?”
Anton planted his hands on the shower wall on either side of her, crowding her against the wall. “If you don’t want to mate Colin, I can arrange for Kade to take you to We
st Virginia. My pride won’t allow you to be mated against your will. You can stay with them, under their protection, until you meet a suitable partner.”
He wanted to protect her. That was the driver behind this sham. She knew it. He’d already mentioned his worry the other councilmen would hurt her because she was his secretary. If they learned Anton cared about her, she’d be an even sweeter target. Hurt her, hurt Anton.
Nyx studied Anton, looking for any sign her theory was right. His indifferent expression overshadowed everything. He appeared cold. His pounding heart as he’d carried her through the house told a different story.
“You can’t lie to me. Can you, Councilman Alexander?” She slipped her hand into Anton’s pants and curled her fingers over his semierect penis. It stirred with her slight touch, thickening and lengthening in her hand. “That’s why you’re avoiding my question.”
He clasped her wrist and pulled her hand from his pants. “I’m trying to make this as painless as possible. I don’t want to hurt you.”
If he was a true bastard, he wouldn’t care about her feelings. Shoving off his hold, she tugged at his pants, exposing the length she wanted inside her, then fisted his cock. “You’re trying to protect me. I don’t want you to. I need you to be honest with me.”
“I am being honest with you.”
With firm strokes, Nyx aroused her lover until Anton’s rigid cock filled her grip. She stroked her thumb over the slit on the tip of his erection. The silky liquid that tasted of salt and man slickened the head. He was excited, even if it didn’t show on his face. “Councilmen are allowed to keep regular lovers. There are some who’ve been sleeping with the same partners for years.”
“Not exclusively. Not romantically. Those women know they’re being used. They don’t care. They’re widows. Or humans who know about our kind and desire a powerful lover. That’s it. They’re not unmated shifter females with their whole lives ahead of them. They’re nothing, Nyx. Nothing but a warm body to fuck.”
“But I’m more. Aren’t I?” Nyx urged Anton closer. His thick erection slid between her legs. “I’m important to you.”
The indifferent expression faded. Hunger slid into his eyes. “I don’t want you hurt.”
“But you are hurting me.” Nyx angled her hips to line up her opening with Anton’s cock. A single thrust from either of them would join their bodies. “You’re trying to convince me I was a horrible lover.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Nyx moved against Anton, arousing herself and teasing the man who’d loved her over and over last night. She didn’t care about his rejection or how cold he acted now. She couldn’t be the only one who’d felt their connection. Dammit, she would not be just a warm body for Anton to use. She was better than that.
“You implied it.”
“I’ve lived a long time. I have high standards.” Anton bent his head toward her. His lips didn’t brush against her skin, but his warm breath heated her. “It has nothing to do with your skills in bed.”
“So I was good?” The head of his erection slipped in and out of her body with each rolling caress of her hips. Lust hit her hard. She ached. She needed Anton’s rigid length fully inside her. Needed to prove to him this thing between them wasn’t only about sex. “Just not good enough for you.”
“Don’t push this. You’re going to end up hurt.”
The slight growl to his words drew her attention to his face. His black-and-gold eyes glowed. The phenomenon didn’t mean anything. Not really. Any strong emotion, from desire to hate, could stir a shifter’s primal side. His eyes were still hypnotizing like this. She could get lost in them, but she wanted to see them how they were last night. The lack of white in his eyes meant something. This was her last chance to find out what.
Nyx angled her hips and impaled herself on Anton’s erection. His girth stretched her. The burn along her inner muscles left her trembling and eager. She knew what to expect when Anton moved. Pleasure. Everything he did to her took her closer to heaven.
Anton groaned. The glow in his eyes deepened. The black-and-gold colors blended and twisted, giving his eyes an almost hypnotic quality. He made no attempt to stop this. Instead, he pushed his cock a little deeper until he reached the end of her.
They fit perfectly, as if made for each other. The thought was the most romantic one she’d ever had. She couldn’t help thinking it. Anton felt right. Better than right. He could’ve been the other half of her soul.
Her true mate.
The idea had been teasing her mind for days. Before Anton tossed her away, she had to learn the truth.
“Lots of things in life hurt, but this doesn’t.” She rolled her hips, stimulating her lover until he matched her movements. “This feels good.”
“Dammit, Nyx.” Anton dug his fingers into her hips and stepped closer, stopping her thrusts. Held between the tiled wall at her back and Anton’s body, she couldn’t move. “This needs to stop happening.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Nyx traced a path over the pounding vein in Anton’s neck with her tongue. His flavor triggered all those primitive instincts she was trying to keep in check. They demanded she stake her claim on this man who was intent on tossing her away. “There’s no law forbidding this.”
“No, but—”
“Then give us what we both need.” She squeezed her inner muscles around the thick erection held deep inside her. “A good hard fuck.”
“I can give you sex.” Anton pulled his hips back, then thrust forward, shaking her body. “But I can’t love you, Nyx. I can’t.”
Nyx bit the inside of her cheek to stop her whimper. She couldn’t tell if Anton’s hard stroke brought tears to her eyes or his words triggered them. “But you do. Is that what you’re saying? You love me?”
Anton forced his tongue past her lips and kissed her, stealing her breath and her sanity. His hands caressed her curves. His rigid length pierced her. Every stroke came harder than the last. She felt Anton deep inside her where no lover should be able to reach. He touched her soul. She swore she could feel his fingertips along the mystical barrier separating her from her jaguar. The big cat she’d been born with reached for him.
A low, animalistic sound rumbled in Anton’s chest. He rolled his hips, stroking her and rubbing her clit. Her body wound tighter. The heaviness in her lower belly built. Light-headedness grew.
Held against the tiled wall, she couldn’t meet his rough drives. All she could do was accept Anton’s wildness. Closing her eyes, she did exactly that. She opened herself completely to this man, allowing him to take from her. Whatever he needed, she’d give it to him.
“Nyx…love you.” Anton’s words drifted through her mind.
It shouldn’t be possible. Everything she’d learned about being a shifter didn’t allow for such an intimate communication. Except between soul-bonded mates. She and Anton weren’t soul bonded. They weren’t even breeding mates. The facts didn’t change the truth. She’d heard Anton’s telepathic words. She’d felt him in her soul. She’d watched the white disappear from his eyes.
The most feared and lonely member of the Shifter Council belonged to her.
“Anton,” she whispered his name in her mind.
He stilled with his cock lodged deep inside her and broke their bruising kiss. Black-and-gold eyes caught her gaze. No white showed in his eyes. Love did. She saw it reflected in his soul.
Her orgasm seized her before she could take the thought further. Anton’s eyelids lowered on a groan. His penis jerked inside her, intensifying the waves and warming her with the hot splash of his seed. Pleasure rolled through her, exactly as it had every other time she’d found her release at Anton’s hands, but she couldn’t tear her gaze from Anton’s face.
“Your eyes.” She exhaled a shaky breath as the waves slowed. “They’re beautiful.”
Turning his head, Anton separated their bodies. “And if you ever tell anyone about them, you’ll die.”
Chapter 21
Som
ewhere along the way, he’d screwed up. Anton couldn’t pinpoint when it happened. It could’ve been the first time Nyx made him smile or sometime during the many times they’d made love last night. In the end, the when didn’t matter. Only the outcome did.
He loved this woman. His woman.
Anton peeled off the wet pants clinging to his body and bent to pick up the bar of soap Nyx had thrown at him. He didn’t straighten, though. He lathered the soap between his palms and washed Nyx’s body, starting with her delicate feet and moving upward.
Her smooth skin under his fingertips triggered a wealth of emotions he couldn’t separate. Lust was one of them. He hungered for this woman still. The sex they’d shared didn’t dim the raw desire. Possessiveness and the urge to protect mixed with the visceral feelings. He understood those drives. It was everything else he didn’t understand.
With bubbles coating his hand, he slid his palm over her pussy. Nyx stifled a whimper. He glanced at her. With the corner of her lip caught between her teeth, she watched him. Not what he was doing to her. Her attention focused on him.
The emotions swirling inside him intensified. His chest expanded on a caught breath. Every nuance of his being centered on Nyx. He wanted to know everything about her life. What she’d experienced. What she felt. What she dreamed about.
What she thought of him.
Anton pressed his lips to Nyx’s stomach as the events of this morning choked him. The things he’d said to Nyx should’ve been enough to send her fleeing in tears or cursing him for his callousness. His insensitive comments hadn’t done either. His woman saw past them.
She saw him. Understood him. Accepted him. She must have accepted him, anyway. She was still here. Still letting him touch her as if he had every right to do so.
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