‘Warm yourself up,’ she added, before popping to the kitchen.
Tamika looked around the room as she waited. Lots of photographs were on the wall. Family pictures of a mum, dad and two children. There was a younger version of the man with his mortar board and degree in his hand, wedding photographs and pictures of children, a young boy in his school uniform and a girl around the same age as Tamika, sitting on a pony.
However, it was the one on the wall next to the fireplace which caught her eye. It was a picture of the old lady, younger than she was now. She was holding hands with a man who had smiling eyes and a shock of white hair. They were in a garden, the sun was shining and they looked really happy.
Liz came back with a cup of tea and juice for Tamika plus a few biscuits on a china plate.
‘Now then,’ said Liz, ‘I’ll write a note for your mum to let her know where you are.’
She took some writing paper and a pen out of the top drawer of the sideboard and sat down to write.
‘She’s not my mum,’ said Tamika. ‘She’s my aunt, my mother’s sister.’
‘Oh,’ said Liz, ‘well she will wonder where you are.’ Liz wanted to ask questions but sensed that now would not be a good time.
She wrote on the paper, ‘Tamika is with me at number seventy three.’ She signed the note ‘Elizabeth Bailey’. Tamika watched over her shoulder as she wrote.
‘What’s your name?’ she asked, unable to read Liz’s handwriting.
‘Elizabeth,’ was the reply, ‘but everyone calls me Liz. You can call me Liz if you like.’
‘How do you know my name?’ asked Tamika suspiciously.
‘I heard your mum, I mean your aunt, call you on the day you moved in.’ Liz replied.
‘My mum called me Tammy. You can call me Tammy if you like.’
Liz smiled to herself. It was the first time that she had actually been up close to the girl. Tammy was tall but very slightly built with a round shiny face and big brown sad eyes. The rain had soaked through her coat to the shoulders of her pale grey school uniform cardigan and resembled epaulets. Her wet face was framed by a mass of frizzy curls as the scrunchie had given up its efforts to tame it into a pony tail and now clung on limply to an inch or so of hair at the bottom.
Liz left Tammy sitting by the fire as she popped to seventy one and pinned the note on the front door. When she came back Tammy was standing up looking at the photographs more closely. She asked Liz who they were.
‘This is my son, Adam, and his wife Georgina,’ said Liz, pointing to the wedding photograph, ‘and these are my grandchildren.’
‘Don’t they ever come and visit?’ Tammy asked directly. She had never seen them.
‘They are very busy people,’ Liz excused, ‘and they live a long way away.’
‘In another country?’ Tammy asked.
‘No,’ said Liz, adding, ‘Bury St Edmunds,’ although it may as well be, but she didn’t say this out loud.
It was another half an hour before the aunt came to the door.
She introduced herself as Monica. She had a huge smile with dazzlingly white teeth and she was wearing a shoulder length auburn wig. She made a lot of excuses as to why she was late, something urgent at work and traffic was bad and she hadn’t got round to having more keys cut. She didn’t seem at all embarrassed about the fact that as far as she had known Tammy was waiting outside in the rain.
Liz replied that it was no trouble at all. It did occur to her that this may be a job for social services but Tammy was clean and well dressed and apart from having to wait for her aunt to get home there were no signs of neglect. She didn’t want to cause any trouble, at least not until she knew that there was actually something to report.
The next day Tammy was again sitting on the wall looking cold and miserable. Liz was torn. She didn’t want to make a habit of it but she hated seeing her on her own.
This time Tammy readily agreed when Liz asked if she would like to come in. She took her coat off, put if over the radiator and went straight to the living room, perching herself in Liz’s fireside chair without waiting to be invited.
‘Would you like a hot drink and a biscuit?’ Liz enquired.
‘Yes,’ said Tammy.
‘Yes please,’ said Liz.
‘Yes please,’ repeated Tammy, eyeing Liz from underneath her fringe.
When Liz came back into the room with the tray Tammy was standing up looking at the photograph on the wall.
‘Is that your husband?’ she asked, pointing to the photograph of Jim.
‘Yes,’ Liz replied.
‘Where is he?’
‘He died a few years ago,’ said Liz sadly.
‘Did he have cancer?’ asked Tammy.
‘No,’ said Liz, ‘he had a heart attack.’ She winced at the memory.
‘My mother died of cancer,’ Tammy said without emotion, and Liz was struck by the matter of fact delivery of the information.
’I’m sorry.’ said Liz, and a look of understanding passed between them.
They were both silent for what seemed like ages but could only have been for a few seconds when the doorbell rang to indicate that Monica was home from work. Liz invited her in. Monica declined as she had to prepare dinner but thanked her profusely for her kindness. Liz watched as Tammy slowly put on her coat and followed her aunt outside into the rain.
Chapter 2
Liz woke early the next morning. She couldn’t stop herself thinking about young Tammy.
She hated the thought of her sitting on the wall outside alone in the evenings. The recent revelation had made it all the more poignant.
Her own mother had died soon after Adam was born. It was completely without warning. Their doctor informed them afterwards that she had died as a result of a massive brain bleed, an aneurism. She could still remember how lost she had felt without her. She was sure that she would have gone mad had she not had a new baby to care for.
Her parents had been really happy together and Liz had quickly and painfully realised that she had, in fact, lost both her parents when her mother died. Her brother was a couple of years older and in the army so dad was alone in the house.
He died a couple of weeks after Adam’s first birthday. He had lost a lot of weight and was both physically and mentally diminished without his wife, who was the love of his life, and he retreated into his memories. He was still breathing but he was dead inside and neither Liz nor her brother could reach him. He just gave up. She didn’t feel nearly as sad when her dad died as she did when her mother passed and she took comfort in the hope that they would be together again.
She resolved to go next door and offer to look after Tammy until Monica got home from work. She dressed quickly and was trying to decide on whether to knock early or wait until the evening. The weather report on the radio decided her, more rain and a temperature of just three degrees Centigrade. It was only seven o’clock but she put her front door on the latch and, still in her slippers, walked down the path and through the gate to number seventy one.
When she got to the front door her resolve weakened. Maybe it was too early. She hesitated before ringing the bell to the ground floor flat.
‘Maybe she’ll think I’m poking my nose in where it’s not wanted and tell me to bugger off.’
She raised her hand to the door, clenched it into a fist to knock and then pulled it back to her chest without touching the door at all.
‘Oh, for God’s sake!’ she finally said to herself, ‘if she tells you to bugger off at least you’ve tried.’
She turned her head towards the window and listened at the front door, still no sound. She was about to withdraw when she saw Tammy looking out through the glass with a puzzled expression on her face. Liz smiled and waved. Tammy did neither before moving away from the window.
Liz waited for a few seconds but couldn’t hear anyone coming to the door so she retreated back down the path. Just as she got to the gate Monica called her. Liz turned back towards the house f
eeling a bit embarrassed. She saw that Tammy was now standing behind Monica on the doorstep.
‘It’s going to be very cold today and I wondered if you would like me to watch Tammy after school. If it’s OK with Tammy,’ she smiled at Tammy, ‘until you get home from work.’
Monica looked at Tammy, who remained silent.
‘I am not able to pay you,’ she said defensively.
‘Oh, I don’t need to be paid,’ Liz offered. ‘It’s too cold to be left outside.’ That sounded a bit harsher than it was meant and Liz immediately regretted it and added, ‘I would love the company,’ by way of mitigation.
Monica’s face softened as she looked at Tammy. ‘Would you like to stay with Liz until I get home from work?’
Tammy shrugged but still said nothing. Monica interpreted that as agreement and it was settled. Monica told Liz how grateful she was for the offer adding that there was no after school club at Tammy’s school and she was not able to afford childcare. She didn’t know what she would do as work was unpredictable and it would be a relief to know that Tammy was safe.
Liz decided to go shopping and buy some child friendly food like squash and crisps, and perhaps some teacakes. She knew that Tammy could watch the TV until Monica got home but maybe she should get her a puzzle or something that she could do in case she got bored. It had been years since Liz had looked after a child and she had no experience at all with girls other than her granddaughter as a toddler.
She popped down to the supermarket in the afternoon to make sure that she would be home in time for the end of the school day but as she turned the corner she could see that Tammy was sitting on the wall outside her house.
It was only two o’clock and school didn’t finish until three fifteen.
Tammy looked as though she’d been crying. As Liz approached she stood up and wiped her tear stained face with her sleeve.
‘Hi,’ said Liz.
Tammy didn’t speak.
‘Come on, let’s go in. It’s freezing out here.’ She walked ahead and opened the front door. Tammy followed behind.
Once inside Liz helped Tammy off with her coat and hung it in the hall.
‘Go and sit down and I’ll make you a drink.’
Liz was back in a couple of minutes with tea and cakes on a tray. She poured Tammy a cup of tea, added the sugar and milk and placed it in front of her on the table. Tammy just stared at the cup as if she had never seen a cup before in her life.
Liz wanted to comfort her, to wrap her up in her arms and make the sadness go away, but something stopped her. She sensed that Tammy didn’t want to be comforted and in a way Liz was grateful. She couldn’t trust herself to hold it together. Some days she felt that she was just on the edge of breaking down and that would be no good for either of them.
‘How come you’re home early?’ Liz tried to sound cheerful.
Tammy shrugged. ‘I don’t like tea.’
‘Well, that’s a strange reason,’ said Liz smiling. Tammy looked up. ‘How about some juice instead?’ Tammy nodded.
When Liz came back with the glass Tammy was eating one of the teacakes.
‘Do the school know that you were coming home?’ Tammy shook her head to indicate no.
‘I think that I should call them and let them know you’re safe, don’t you?’
Tammy nodded her assent. Liz knew the primary school that Tammy attended as it was one of the feeder schools for the secondary where she had been a teacher.
She managed to talk to the school secretary and found out that the cause of the upset had been a school outing. The children were given a letter to take home to be signed by their parents or guardians. A teacher had asked Tammy where her letter was in front of other children.
Tammy got very angry and upset. She ran out of the classroom, kicking a bookstand over before she left.
Liz was surprised that the class teacher hadn’t been more sensitive. The school assured her that they would be apologising to Tammy and to Monica and there would be no further action against Tammy for running out of school. They had already called Monica and Liz asked them to give her another call to let her know she was safe.
‘Would you like to talk about it?’ she asked Tammy when she came off the telephone. Tammy shook her head.
‘I can’t say it out loud because that makes it real.’
Liz knew exactly what she meant. When Jim died she had been so paralysed by grief she could barely speak at all. She didn’t know when Tammy’s mother had died but guessed it must be fairly recent. It takes a long time to accept that someone you love is never coming back. It had been five years since Jim had died and yet she still had days when she half expected him to walk through the front door.
She looked around the room for a something to do. She asked Tammy if she liked to paint or draw. Tammy shrugged.
‘Would you like to do some drawing?’ Liz asked again, adding, ‘One shrug for yes and two for no.’ Tammy shrugged once so Liz took out the art box.
She had loads of art materials amassed over years of painting as a hobby. She took a couple of drawing pads and various pencils out of the box and put them on the kitchen table. She then sat down and picked up the nearest pad. Tammy came and stood next to her.
‘Now what shall I draw? I think I’ll draw you.’ She turned to Tammy. She picked up a pencil and held it upright along the length of her thumb, her arm outstretched in front of her as if she was sizing up the subject before starting on her masterpiece.
She drew an oval shape on the paper before starting to add detail to the drawing.
‘First the big brown eyes and now the ears,’ she said out loud.
Tammy watched for a few minutes as Liz added pencil strokes to the paper, occasionally moving the pencil to and fro for shading. Tammy tipped her head forward to look over the top of the pad but as she did so Liz tilted it back towards her so Tammy was unable to see.
Liz continued for a few more minutes, adding strokes and tilting her head from side to side as if she was really concentrating.
Tammy was getting frustrated and could no longer hide her curiosity. She pulled down the top of the pad to reveal the drawing. It was more or less female, a large round head with sticking out ears and crossed eyes, extra-large hands, enormous feet and curly hair.
“Does this look like you?’ Liz looked serious for a second. ‘I think it does.’ She started laughing.
Tammy looked surprised and then smiled before immediately picking up a pad to draw her version of Liz.
She drew an oval head with straight hair, slanted eyes and a half moon mouth with some of the teeth blacked out. She then added some wrinkles on the forehead and stickman legs ending in absurdly high heels to complete the picture. She turned the pad to face Liz in triumph and Liz laughed even harder, feigning outrage at the preposterous image before her.
Liz then resumed her drawing, adding freckles and a moustache to Tammy’s face. Tammy added a witch’s nose complete with hairy wart to Liz’s. Liz drew an extra eye on Tammy’s forehead. Not to be outdone, Tammy scribbled a beard onto Liz’s chin. By now both of them were laughing hysterically as they scribbled furiously to make their portraits more and more outrageous.
It felt so good to laugh. It had been ages since either of them had really laughed.
‘I knew there was a laugh in there somewhere,’ said Liz. ‘Will you sign it for me in case you ever get famous and I need to sell it?’ She smiled again. Not really. I’d like to put it up in here.’ She took some Blu Tack out of a drawer and pulled off a small piece ready to stick the drawing to the side of the fridge. Tammy scribbled her signature on the end just as the doorbell rang and Liz went to see who it was.
Monica was on the doorstep looking anxious.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Liz softly as she invited her in, ‘Tammy is fine.’
Monica felt a mixture of emotions. Happy she was safe, angry that she had run out of school and scared of what might have happened. She got the phone call at work and had to
leave a training session.
‘What happened?’ she asked as she approached. ‘Tamika, what were you thinking?’
‘It was a misunderstanding,’ Liz interjected.
Monica flashed her a ‘mind your own business’ look.
‘I was worried sick,’ she said to Tammy, who appeared unmoved. ‘You can’t keep doing this, do you understand?’ Tammy just stared through her as if she was made of smoke. ‘You have to talk to me, Tamika,’ her voice softened.
Tammy remained stony faced. Monica turned to Liz.
‘I need to go back to work, if that’s OK.’ She looked as if she was about to cry herself.
‘No problem,’ said Liz. ‘It’s nearly three now. She will be fine with me until you get home.’
‘We will talk about this later, young lady,’ she said to Tammy before leaving.
Monica gave Liz all her contact numbers, work, home and mobile. Liz did the same. Although she had a mobile phone it very rarely rang nowadays. She made a mental note to keep it handy, just in case. Monica began to walk up the path but turned to face Liz before getting half way.
‘She hates me, doesn’t she?’ Liz felt for Monica. She had lost her sister and was now trying to look after her niece. ‘I can’t do this. I don’t know how,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘I don’t know much about either of you,’ said Liz, ‘but I think you need each other. Give it time.’
Monica smiled and promised to catch up at some point. ‘Listen to your own advice,’ Liz thought to herself as the words came out. ‘How much time do you need?’
Tammy was quiet when Liz came back into the house. She was sitting in the living room looking at the journal. She had found it under the chair and was now studying a photograph that had been tucked into a pouch at the front. It showed the garden in its full glory. Liz was taken aback but tried not to show it. After all, to Tammy it was just a book.
She left her looking at the journal and went back to the kitchen to make a sandwich. When she came back into the living room Tammy was studying the picture and comparing it to the one on the wall.
‘This is your garden,’ she said.
Lavender Girl Page 2