Getting in the cab, an elderly white haired man, wearing a beret, turns to me tipping his hat. "Miss, where would you like to go?" I probably look like a hot mess. I pull out my compact mirror to try and fix myself and look back at him. "The pier please."
CHAPTER 4
Kinzleigh
The cab pulls in about a half mile from the pier. The driver turns to me, placing his arm over the back of the seat, "Is this okay miss?"
I nod and hand him a twenty, "This is fine. Thank you. Keep the change."
I open the door, placing my right foot outside, when I hear the driver clear his throat. "You look like you've had one of those days. I hope things get better for you."
I step out of the car before sticking my head back inside, "It isn't looking that way, but thank you for your kindness. It's a rare quality these days."
I shut the door and watch the driver pull back onto the street. I turn around facing the sand, luminescent in the moonlight. Holding on to the rail that leads down the steps to the beach, I pull off one shoe followed by the other. I have enjoyed the tranquility of the beach since I was a kid. The waves crashing against the shore always had a way of melting the stress away. I walk down the steps towards the shoreline, my silver clutch hanging from my wrist with my shoes in one hand, holding my dress up with the other. The sand, squishing between my toes, is still warm from the hot day. I make it to the water's edge and stop.
Placing my shoes down in the sand, I release my dress and look up at the sky. It's a beautiful night. The stars are twinkling as if they know I'm here, enjoying their beauty. My hair and dress begin dancing in the breeze. For a summer night, the temperature is perfect. It's dark being so far away from the street lamps, but I welcome it. As I look out across the water, the Pacific Ocean looks black, with just the reflection of the moonlight. I close my eyes, enjoying the sound and the feel of the water crashing against my ankles, completely at peace. The bottom of my dress gets soaked from the waves washing ashore, but I don't care. I begin to walk out farther into the ocean as if it's calling to me, but decide against it. I still have to get home and I don't have a change of clothes.
The half mile strip from here to the pier is usually free from locals or tourists, aside from the occasional fisherman. That's why I love it here. I can come here and enjoy being free from worry or stress or heartache. It's an escape for me. The only person that knows I come here is Konnor. The night I found out Grams died, I took off and came here. He was worried and ended up here when I didn't come home or answer my phone. That's the last time I had to come here at night, my safe haven. I'm really going to miss this place.
I pick up my shoes that are sitting in the sand and start to walk towards the pier. I just don't understand why I have worked so hard and yet somehow, fate has turned against me. I walk the half mile along the shoreline when I reach the pier. I climb the steps and begin walking towards the end of the worn wood that is suspended about a mile out into the water. The pier is enclosed by side rails and a roof, perfect for whatever the weather has planned. At the end, there is a bench on the right and a bench on the left, followed by a section that is uncovered, but continuous railing for fishing.
I finally reach the end and sit, placing my legs over the side but because of my height they do not reach the water. The night begins to replay through my thoughts. I can't believe everything I've worked so hard for is crashing down around me. Being squad captain of one of the top 5 squads in the country guaranteed me a spot on almost any college in the country. Even if this Hicksville town, Mississippi has a cheerleading squad, will they even have room for another cheerleader? Do they even compete? Now, I'm going to have to work harder just to get a tryout at the colleges I'm interested in.
Why would my parents just pick up and move us when I have one year of high school left? How do they expect me to just leave everything I know behind and start over? I have friends here, family. That has to mean something to them. This isn't fair. Maybe I can think of a way to stay behind. I just have to. My parents have got to understand what this will do to me. I just want to wake up and realize this is all a dream. All I can do is stare out at the ocean, lost in thought.
All of my emotions finally catch up to me and the tears start to fall, heavier this time. I can't stop them anymore. I don't know what to do. Everything was going great in my life and now the misery is about to begin. I don't even try to wipe the tears away anymore, I just let them flow. I don't understand why, out of all the states in the continental U.S., my parents have to choose some po-dunk town in Mississippi. I can't imagine the kind of people that reside there. After that big hurricane, Katrina I think, they had people on television walking around barefooted and missing teeth. Do they even have shopping malls and designer clothes, I wonder, or is it full of trailer parks and cow fields? My stomach turns at the thought.
I'm not sure how long I've been sitting there, staring at the water, but my back is beginning to hurt from my position and I'm growing tired from crying. I can't stop the tears that continue to fall. I should just go home and go to bed, but I'm not ready to face my parents yet. I know they will still be up and wanting me to talk. That I cannot do yet. I lay back against the pier, looking up into the sky. It's dark, but the sky is clear; the perfect shade of onyx marked by the speckled pattern of stars, glittering across the horizon. The moon glows like a spotlight, lighting up the pier. It's beautiful glancing out at all the stars, shining brightly as if each holds a story of their own. It's also a full moon tonight.
I just lay flat against the warm wood; arms stretched out to my sides and allow myself to enjoy the starry night. I wonder if you talk, would there be someone to listen up there? Maybe there is a keeper of the sky, assigned to keep the stars in perfect order and change the days to night. Maybe he gets lonely and just wants to listen. At least then, all my secrets would be safe. Listen to yourself Kinzleigh. A sky keeper? Really? You're becoming quite the delusional one. A strange peacefulness begins to wash over me, causing me to close my eyes. Clearly my mind is not in normal territory, because I would never close my eyes late at night on a public beach. There are too many creeps out there but I suddenly just feel the need to sleep, like someone or something is watching over me.
I couldn't have been laying there but what seemed like a few minutes, in the midst of a new dream, when I hear footsteps along the pier. I must have dozed off, but instead of my eyes bolting open at the sound, I just incorporated it into my dream. That is, until... "Mind if I join you," flows through my ears in a deep, raspy southern voice. My eyes pop open and a tall familiar face is standing over me, looking down, with a smile on his face.
I begin to panic and sit up in a hurry, embarrassed at being caught sleeping on a pier. Embarrassment is a rare trait for me and this guy has brought it out twice in one day. "I'm sorry. I don't usually do this, but it's been a bad night. I'm a little more tired than usual." I look back out at the water, gripping the side of the pier, as if the most beautiful boy isn't standing behind me. He stuns me. Right then, I can feel his breathing on the back of my neck, quickening my heart rate. In the short time of his presence, he has managed to squat behind me, placing the inside of each knee resting against my side. I don't even think he's trying to touch me, but the contact is making my body do things I don't understand.
He begins to whisper in my ear, "May I keep you company for a while? I'll be quiet if that's what you need." His breath is so light, it tickles my ear. I can barely breath, let alone speak, so I just nod. Would I even be able to tell him no if I wanted to? My head is fuzzy and I can't think when he's this close.
He pulls up his pants legs and sits beside me. He removes his shoes, placing his feet in the water. I'm finally able to exhale the breath I've been holding. "How long have you been here?" I turn and glance at him, to find that he's staring at me. I don't know where this guy is from and I don't really care, but he's gorgeous. I never take an interest in a guy. It's one of my few rules to avoid falling into the never ending cycle o
f the love-struck patrons, but following rules have gotten me nowhere, obviously. I'm not thinking clearly anyway, I guess I can break my rule and enjoy his company for a while. He is fun to look at; especially those lips. He is leaving soon anyway and right now I need a distraction from all this bad news.
He reaches out slowly; as if he's afraid I'll run away, placing his hand over my cheek. He begins rubbing his thumb underneath my eye, freeing it from the wetness of the tears. I fall into his touch like a cat being petted. Great, I have no idea what I look like right now. "I needed to clear my head and came to the beach. I saw you standing by the water earlier and didn't want to leave you out here alone. Are you okay?"
My eyes close at the warmth from his hand. I should be mad he followed me, but I'm not. I just want him near me. His voice soothes me, but no personal questions are allowed. I don't need him to know me or what makes me tick. I don't need any complications. I open my eyes to him staring at my lips. "Can we just exist together without trying to obtain personal quota? Let's just enjoy casual company, two people needing nothing from each other. Clearly you're not from here, meaning you'll be gone soon. I'm not one of those girls that needs or wants to know everything about you nor do I want to spill my entire life to you. We don't have to pretend with each other, let’s call this what it is; a moment to avoid the inevitability of being alone. Can you do that?"
He just stares at me as if he's trying to figure me out; like I'm a book full of secrets in another language. He seems lost in my eyes, amused, confused, I don't know. We sit there staring at each other as if we can't pull away. As if we don't want to. He doesn't say anything, just bites his lip as if he's trying to answer his own question, or to make a decision. I'm about to get up and walk away, when his other hand reaches behind my neck, pulling me closer as he closes in. His lips stop in front of mine, close enough to touch, when he whispers, "Beautiful girl," and crashes his lips to mine.
His lips are so soft and full, but needy. I don't know what I'm doing, but for some reason the act comes natural with him. Our lips fit together as if they were molded for the connection. His warm tongue slips through the opening of my lips barely, requesting entry. I open up to him, granting his request. Our tongues taste, touch, and dance together. He even taste as amazing as he smells. I always thought it was kind of nasty to imagine exchanging spit, but with him I want more. The senses coming at me are overwhelming.
A moan, barely more than a whisper, escapes my lips. I run my hands across his arms and up his neck, into the back of his hair. My heart is beating wildly. Foreign emotions are running through my body. I have entered into the depths of the unknown. I have never felt this need before, but it's as if my body needs more. Suddenly, I feel like I need to cross my legs from the spasms down below. What is he doing to me? What does this mean?
He turns, laying me against the pier. He has one hand on my waist, the other beside my head, holding his weight above me, like when we were at the beach. He continues to kiss me, taking my bottom lip into his mouth, lightly sucking. His hand slips down, brushing against my butt. When it does, he makes a low growling sound from his throat. I'm not sure why until I feel his need pressed against the bottom of my belly, making my eyes go wide from surprise. I tense. Oh no, I can't go there. As if he can sense my panic, he stops. He kisses me one last time softly and releases my lips.
He looks me in the eyes, a smile growing across his face. He brushes his fingers through my hair, down my arm and grabs me by the hand, interlacing his fingers with mine. "Nothing personal huh? I think I can do that." His lips brush mine quickly once again, before he moves back to his spot of the pier, pulling me by my hand to sit between his legs. "I promise I'll be good for the rest of the night. I've just wanted to do that all day. Since the second I laid eyes on you."
I'm completely and utterly speechless. I have no idea what I'm even doing. I never do reckless or unplanned things like this. I have no idea who this guy is, really, and now I'm sitting on the pier making out with him for the entire world to see. I really need to get my head back in the game. I always think everything through before I make a decision. Like mom said, I'm a planner. It's my quirk I guess, but it's what keeps me sane. I need it like I need cheerleading. Being around him takes away my ability to process. Right now there are so many unknowns, but what I do know is that I'm not ready for it to end just yet.
I just sit there, between his legs, staring out at the ocean, completely at peace, trying to replay what just happened. I would have never imagined a first kiss like that. At Presley's thirteenth birthday party, we played spin the bottle and I was forced to kiss Brantley Cooper. It was awkward and over in a second. We didn't even touch inside each other’s mouths. Since then, I haven't been the least bit interested in boys nor kissing. Presley thinks there is something wrong with my girly parts. Maybe it's because of all the risk involved. In Family Dynamics class, we had to listen to nurses present a slide show and talk about sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy. I was utterly grossed and freaked out. Who wants to deal with that? Not me. I guess after that, my immature sex drive took a hiatus and never returned.
This, though, was worthy of locking away in my memory bank and never forgetting. That kiss has set me up for all future kisses. Nothing will ever be able to compare. My body feels like it is housing an electrical current. My heart feels like it's on some kind of speed. I lay my head against his chest and realize his heart is beating fast as well. Maybe he has the same reaction to me as I to him, but what does that mean? Whatever it means, though, right now I'm content to just exist, no words or thinking required.
He lays his chin on my head and places his arms around me, nestling me in the cocoon of his curled up body. I feel so small and protected like this. The water is completely still and calm. This has been the strangest day. It has gone from bad to worse to a little bit better. If someone would have told me when I woke up this morning that I would be in the arms of a sexy, southern boy by midnight, I would have laughed, yet here I am. I begin to shiver, but it's not from being cold. Actually, it's pretty warm outside being in June.
He holds me tighter, the rhythm of his breathing is soothing me, melting away all of the built up tension from earlier. He rests his cheek behind my ear and whispers against it, "Are you cold? I can take off my shirt."
"No thank you. I'm okay," I say. He really needs to keep that shirt in place. I'm in no kind of place to be seeing the muscles I remember from earlier. Having them pressed against me in this state of mind is dangerous. "The kind of day I have had is still kind of surreal. I'm just upset."
"Want to talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener." He brings his head down to rest on top of my shoulder, cheek to cheek.
Should I talk about it? I wonder if it's a good idea. Maybe it would help to get some of this built up anger and frustration off my chest. I still don't want to talk about anything personal. I don't need anything to get complicated. A friend wouldn't hurt though. I suppose it would be best to talk to someone I will never see again. I exhale. Here goes.
"My parents told me today that we're moving at the end of June. It may not seem like a big deal, but I've spent my entire life chasing after a dream. One I've wanted since I was a kid. My brother has always loved football. From the time he was old enough to throw a ball, he would drag me or dad outside to throw with him. He was always trying to be like the big boys, the pros."
"When I was eight my parents asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. He didn't even have to think about it. He wanted to go see the San Diego Chargers play. It was October and my parents made a whole weekend out of it. Everything was so big and exciting. We get in the stands and take our seats between mom and dad. I go to look down at the field and see the cheerleaders taking their place on the sidelines in their amazing showy outfits. They were beautiful. The entire game I couldn't look away. I sat there and watched them cheer and do amazing stunts the entire time. From then on I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up; a professional cheerlea
der. My mom, being the amazing woman that she is, noticed me in complete awe the entire game. When it was over, she somehow managed to get a meet and greet with one. There was this girl that had blonde hair like me. I remember asking her how I could become like her when I grew up." I start to cry again, thinking how my life is about to change.
"She bent down in front of me so we could be the same height. She looked at me and placed her finger to my chest and said, Always follow your heart and work hard. You'll find your way, but don't let anything or anyone stop you. When you think you're working hard, work harder. See that's what I have always done. I have always been the good girl. I hung the picture I took with that cheerleader on my mirror and always remembered what she said. I've worked extremely hard for years on the best squad around. You don't just up and move your senior year. Squad tryouts are always held at the end of the previous year. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. My heart has always been with California."
He sits there rubbing my arms. "I know I don't know anything about you, but from what I've seen so far you'll find a way. If you have worked this hard then work harder like she said, make it happen. My dad used to always tell me the best things in life never come easy. If you want something bad enough, there is always a way to obtain it, no matter how out of reach it seems. I understand why you're upset. Even if you think the door has been closed for you, there is always a way to burst through. We always have the power to control our outcome, no matter what problems arise before we get there."
I turn around now kneeling on bent knees, placing my arms around his neck, between his legs. "Aren't you just Mr. Insightful tonight," I ask teasingly. "Are you always this deep?"
Accepted Fate Page 5