The rest of the day we all ride and bog down in every mud hole and pond on the property. It's the most fun I've had in a long time. It's going to be hell getting all this mud off of my four wheeler, but completely worth it. "I have something to show you," she says nervously in my ear.
I stop and let the engine idle as everyone continues to ride off and she turns around, straddling me. "What's that?"
"It's kind of your birthday present, but I had to wait until today to get it. I got Adalynn to go with me. It's not something you can hold, but I thought you might like it and it means something to me." She looks kind of nervous. "What is it? I'm sure I'll love it whatever it is. You know you didn't have to get anything for me. Spending time with you on my birthday was all I wanted and I got it."
She stands before me and hooks her thumb underneath her waistband. I begin looking around. "Baby, as much as I would love to take you here, I don't think this is a good place. It's packed with four wheelers and no one else is seeing my woman naked but me. I'd murder someone."
Playfully slapping my shoulder, she laughs. "Not that you pervert. Geez, I'm not a nympho. You may have a magical touch, but I think I can manage going a few hours without it." I can't help but to laugh at her comparing herself to a nymphomaniac. I'm surprised such a word even came from that pretty little mouth.
"Okay okay, show me my present." She pulls the bottom of her shirt up, exhales, and pulls down the front of her shorts slightly revealing a piece of plastic bag taped on all four sides from hip to hip. She pulls the top of the adhesive free, showing pink ink underneath. It's a date, June fifteenth two thousand thirteen, the day my heart was compromised. My heart stops beating. She permanently etched the date we first slept together on her skin. I don't know what anyone else would think but this is huge and it turns me on so much that I want to take her right now and make love to her for the rest of the day, over and over. It's permanent for crying out loud. "You did this for me?" I just keep staring at it, speechless. My heart feels like it's about to burst wide open.
"I did it for both of us. It's the truth. Do you like it? You're making me nervous." When I look at her, my eyes burn from the moisture in them. I have never in my life cried and right now I feel like I could.
"Like doesn't even explain the way I feel right now. I fucking love it. I know you don't like foul language, but I don't know any other word that could explain to you what's going on in my head. I love you Kinzleigh. I love you so much I can't think straight. This will make my top five life alternating moments. Number one is that day."
She leans forward and just before kissing me, whispers against my lips. "It was mine too."
CHAPTER 18
Kinzleigh
Freshly showered, I come out of the bathroom in my underwear. Adalynn is standing in front of the mirror putting on her makeup. Tonight is homecoming and for some unknown reason, I, the new girl, got nominated for football sweetheart. I don't like the idea of having to walk centerfield, all dressed out for the cheesy homecoming court. I tried to get out of it; really I did, but Adalynn is making me participate.
I cannot wait until Presley comes to visit over Christmas. She and Adalynn will get along great. I really think she would be proud of how far I've come since I've been gone. I've barely talked to her, truthfully, since I've been so busy. I try to make my weekly call but they are getting more sparse and turning into more texts than calls. I really miss her, but Breyson, Adalynn, and Londyn are keeping me pretty busy between cheerleading and other activities.
If Breyson and I aren't alone, we're triple dating with Braxton and Adalynn and Briar and Londyn. I have developed a tight knit circle of friends since I've been here. Standing beside Adalynn, I reach for the lotion and squirt a small amount in the palm of my hand. Looking down, I begin spreading it out over the freshly inked skin of my tattoo that spreads from hip to hip. The guy that tattooed me said it helps avoid peeling and loss of color until it heals. "I still can't believe you got a tattoo. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when you showed it to him. What did he say?"
My memory replays that moment and I smile to myself. "He was stunned. It was priceless. Keep your voice down. If my mother finds out she will kill me. I haven't even told Konnor I got one. He told me if I ever wanted one, I couldn't get one without him so he may be mad or hurt at first."
"When do I get to meet this mysterious brother of yours o' friend of mine? He sounds like a real hottie." Adalynn pulls the hanger that holds her dress down from where it hangs on the closet door. Her dress is an emerald green that is beautiful with her red hair and tanned skin. It's one shoulder and slim fit until it gets to about her thigh then fans out like a mermaid tail. It makes her look absolutely breath taking.
"Christmas is when he is supposed to be coming home. You get to meet him and Presley. She is coming with her parents. I'm not sure if her brother Preston is coming. I kind of hope not because that is going to get awkward." I collect my dress and remove it from the hanger. One night in one of our girl talks, I told Adalynn about the whole Preston situation.
I actually love my dress. It's strapless and Tiffany box baby blue with a sweetheart neckline. The top half of the dress has the most beautiful pattern of silver glitter. It gives it just the right amount of sparkle as the light hits it. The dress is a satin underlay with a sheer chiffon material layered over the satin that flows down into a small train in the back. The dress is fitted at the breasts, but then hangs loosely from the sternum to the floor. It's made to flow and the color works really well with my bright blonde hair.
"Ah, this should be fun," she says as she steps into her dress and pulls it up her body. If only she knew that Presley has had her eye on Konnor since we were old enough that boys no longer had cooties.
"I thought you and Braxton were kind of, you know..." I raise my brows, scolding her. I see the way they look at each other. It's pretty obvious there is something there. Some kind of unspoken feelings swarming in the air each time they're around.
She laughs as she comes to stand before me to zip the back of her dress. "Braxton doesn't get serious about anyone. Even I know that. He dated a girl for a while before she moved away and I guess that was his Kinzleigh...We're just helping each other meet needs is all. I'm not over Josh. A relationship is the last thing I need, but I've never been into the whole sleeping around thing so me and Braxton have an arrangement of sorts. Not all of us get a Breyson," she says and turns to wink at me.
I can't help but to smile. He is pretty great. I'm not sure how the queen of solitude landed the sweetest guy on the planet and he loves me. I really feel bad about that but I don't love him or do I? I can't, can I? "What's going on in that head girlie?" I realize I'm standing here staring off into space with the war going on in my head, holding onto her zipper.
"Oh, sorry," I say as I zip it up. "How do you know if you love someone?" I pick my dress up off the bed and step inside, raising it to cover my body and zip it in the side seam, allowing it to conform to my chest.
"Whoa, we're breaking out the big guns. Wait one minute." She holds out her hand in the stop signal. "Did he tell you he loved you?" She looks like she just saw a ghost. I nod nervously. "Holy shit! Breyson Abercrombie told a girl he loves her? I cannot believe this." She plops down on the mattress and fans her face as if she's having a hot flash. "Well I'll be damned. Maybe there is hope after all."
She stares straight ahead for a few moments and I wave my hand in front of her face. "Hello...should I be worried?" She blinks repetitively and then looks up at me.
"Sorry, I'm back. I think I just had a mild stroke. Well let’s see..." She narrows her eyes pondering whatever she is thinking up there in that brain of hers.
She crosses her legs and rests her elbow on her knee, laying her chin in the cup of her palm. "How to explain what love feels like...well, it's something that is hard to explain but I'll try. Love is a complicated emotion. It propels you to be a better person, for that person. It makes you weak and makes you str
ong at the same time. For me, my heart feels like it wants to beat out of my chest when he's around and ache's when he's not. When you look into his eyes, no one else exists. It's like you're in this little love bubble. You crave his touch, taste, and smell at all hours of the day. Keeping him becomes your basic survival instinct. You can't fathom being with anyone else. You're ruined for all other men. Love can be different for everyone. That's what makes it a beautiful thing. If at the end of the day you would choose that person over anything else, then you're in love. It's scary but it's worth every damn second. Call me old fashioned, but I believe in soul mates. Sure, you can love other people, but there is only one that makes you whole; only one that can see into the deepest corners of your soul. We can only hope that we're not blinded by lust to another and find the one we're meant to be with, because to go on living without our soul mate is a tragedy."
I just stare at her stunned. Did that just come from her mouth? I've never heard something so beautiful. It's like poetry. Now I'm terrified. Now I'm wondering how I have let myself fall in love with Breyson Abercrombie. I'm doomed. "You love him don't you." It wasn't a question it was a statement. One I'm not sure I want to admit to.
"I'm not sure I want to think about it anymore. I never wanted to love anyone Adalynn. I wasn't cut out to be this kind of girl. He changes everything. He makes me wish I wanted a typical love relationship. I won't bend my plans. Selfish people don't deserve to have someone like him. I can't change who I am. I will pursue a career in cheerleading, no matter what else I have to let go." The words come out of my mouth but for some reason I'm having trouble convincing myself it's the truth.
"Sit babe, I need to do your makeup and we're going to talk this out. I need to know what is going on up there." I look at her and huff but take a seat on the edge of the bed. "Why are you so afraid to let yourself be happy with him? He is freakin' perfect. He loves you. He would probably give you the moon if he could and he's smoking hot. I am allowed to say that because I'm sleeping with his clone." She winks and one side of her top lip pulls up to her nose, emphasizing she is making a funny, and it's making me laugh.
She begins working her magic on my makeup while she waits on what, to come from my mouth, I'm not real sure. What am I supposed to tell her? Each time I consider my reasoning for why I am the way I am it sounds silly but to me it makes sense. "Were you in love with Josh?"
She is sponging foundation on my cheeks, standing over me. She peers down at me and raises her brow. "This is the last question you get to ask me and then you're spilling your heart out. Am I clear?" She smiles but continues painting my face. I nod to buy some time.
She now picks up the eye shadow brush and plunges it into the silver powder. I close my eyes and listen as she begins. "Josh is kind of hard to explain to a third party. We were not like most couples. He used to live here actually. We were next door neighbors until he went off to college. He was two years older than me. We started out as just friends, hanging out when we were bored. He was like the older brother I never had until I hit puberty. One day I came over after school, my freshman year, when his parents were gone. He was acting completely different around me. He started looking at me different and flirting with me. He said that we should lose our virginity to each other since we trusted each other. Long story short, I did and we were just kind of a couple after that. I didn't love him up front like with you and Breyson. I grew to love him over time."
I can feel the wetness of the eyeliner being lined on my lids. "You need to realize what you found in Breyson is a rare breed. It's like finding a diamond in the ruff. You're never going to find someone like him again or feel that kind of love. You're lucky to find it at all. Some people aren't that fortunate. Could you love someone else? Probably, but will it be that heart wrenching, soul captivating kind of love. Hell. No. What you have found my dear is a blood diamond. Everyone wants it and will kill to get it. I went after Josh because we were comfortable with each other. He wanted something from me I couldn't give him; magnitude. If I ever find the type of sublime love that you and Breyson have for each other, I'm grabbing it and holding on for dear life."
As she brushes the goop of mascara on my lashes, I linger on the words in my mind. What if she's right? Will I regret it if I don't grab a hold of it and live like there's no tomorrow? When she stops the movement of painting my face, I open my eyes. "My biggest fear is to lose myself; to allow myself to love whole heartedly and to be left behind...again. A passionate nature runs in my family. Maybe it's the Italian bloodline coming through, I don't know. What I do know is when you love like that, being on the receiving end of hurt is deadly. When Grams died, I wasn't sure I would survive that kind of heartache. I promised myself once I picked myself back up, I would protect myself from ever feeling that kind of pain again. He makes me feel things that terrify me. Loving him could be the death of me, Adalynn. If something were to happen to him or if I got cheated on, the person you see today would be long gone; a memory. A miserable person left in the shadows of humanity. When you enter into that kind of darkness, it's virtually impossible to come out."
She moves along to making my hair into a work of art for tonight's affair; pulling and tugging, twisting and braiding, pinning and spraying. She stays silent as what was said pools in our minds. "Babe. I understand where you're coming from but to live that kind of life is the ultimate catastrophe. You know that saying it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" I nod in return.
"Well there is so much truth in it. Part of loving someone is taking the risk. For example, you live for cheerleading right? It's something that you would do no matter what the cost?" I nod again not knowing where she is going with this. "If someone told you that you have an eighty percent chance of breaking a bone or becoming paralyzed from a stunt gone wrong, would you stop or would you take all the risk at living a full life doing something you love and hope for the best possible outcome?"
"Of course I would continue. There is always a risk of getting hurt in sports. I wouldn't stop just because of some statistic." Her eyebrows lift up in the mirror as if I just solved my own problem and the light bulb just went off. "So what you're saying is that love is the same way? That the benefits of a lasting love outweigh the probability of an unforeseen circumstance?"
"That's precisely what I'm saying. You can't let the statistics of failure keep you from playing the game. I'd be willing to bet if you went and asked anyone that had an unfortunate outcome, if they would go back and change it given the opportunity, ninety percent of them would say no because the time they had of the good makes it worth having to get through the bad." I have to give it to her, she makes quite an argument. I'm not sure where she gets all this wisdom from. It reminds me of the old willow tree on Disney's Pocahontas.
"Do you sit around and read words from the wise? You're quite excelled for an eighteen year old. It's a little intimidating." She smiles and puts in the last bobby pin.
"There. All done. Now get up and look. You look sensational. Breyson is going to be beside himself." Standing up, I walk over to my dresser mirror. My hair is parted down the middle along my hairline with two small loose braids running from my part to the loose bun of curls pinned just above my neck. The crown is teased lightly, keeping it from being slicked to my head. The hairstyle looks beautiful with the natural flow of the dress. I feel like Kate Hudson in one of her movies, the name escapes me. My breath catches at the site.
Adalynn is the homecoming queen and I'm the football sweetheart. We are due soon at the football field to get all of the cars in the lineup. Me, Adalynn and Londyn all made signs together for our cars since we're all in the court. Londyn is one of the senior maids. A knock sounds at my door and I can hear someone clear their throat. "Baby girl, are you guys almost ready? It's time to go." Dad opens the door looking especially handsome in his slacks and button down.
The cars are all lined up, beginning with the freshmen maids to me and lastly Adalynn. All of the cars are beautiful;
some plain, some exotic and some just classic beauties. I take a seat on the ledge of the back seat, on top of the trunk of my grandfathers white 1929 Duesenberg, fully restored. He loved this car. When he passed away he handed it down to my dad because he knew he would be the one to enjoy it as he did. Dad is sitting behind the wheel when he turns to look at me. "You look beautiful baby girl; exquisite. It makes me sad that you're no longer my little girl, running around in sprouted pig tails." He makes me smile. I've always been close to my dad. Our personalities are so similar it makes it easy.
He winks at me and his eyes trail off behind me. Something has caught his attention. I turn to try and see what it may be and my face collides into a gold number four, causing me to lean back. When my eyes clash with his, I can see the heat in his eyes as he scans my body, slowly, but completely, as if he is savoring the sight of me to hold him off until later. He is glorious, like a warrior, standing in all of his muscled glory. "Hey big guy," I say nerdily waving my hand in the air.
He smirks at me and raises his brow in amusement of my greeting. "Beautiful. May I have a word with you?" He looks over at my dad. "Mr. Baker. I hope you're doing well today. Do you mind if I steal your daughter for a few minutes?"
Dad looks at me and begins to grin from ear to ear. "You're dang right she's beautiful and since you took notice I think I can share her for a few minutes."
"I'll have her back before you know it." He extends his hand to help me out of the car. As I stand, he hooks one arm around my back and the other behind my knees, scooping me into his arms. I yelp in surprise, grabbing around the back of his neck. "I won't let you go." I have a feeling that he means more with that statement than dropping me.
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