Ryan laughs. “I don’t have fans, smart ass. Let me tell you how I remember that day. Danny had told me how he was best friends with the hottest girl in school. That he was thinking about asking you out since you had finally dumped some other guy that you didn’t even really like from some other school. He said at games, guys from other schools constantly chased you and asked you out. He talked about you non-stop. I walk in to the cafeteria, and see this tiny little thing that is so adorable, so freaking hot, all I could think was ‘I want her.’ I kept looking at you to see if you were single or not, to try to hear you talk, anything. Suddenly you reach for Danny, he kind of brushed you aside, but when you weren’t looking at him he nodded his head towards you and winked at me. My heart thudded. The girl I saw and knew I wanted, with no real explanation other than I just felt this instant connection. That girl was with my new best friend. Then you left, and all I could think was that maybe you would tell him no. Then I walk into next period study hall, and there you were. I had all of these nosy people talking to me, and all I wanted was to hear your voice, or have you look at me. He asked you out not long after that. He saw the way I looked at you, and he got territorial. You said yes to him, and my heart dropped at my feet. It was crazy, I didn’t even know you! Then as time went on, and we did hang out together, I saw how amazing you are. How you are so nice to everyone no matter what, yet if someone bullies someone that can’t defend themselves, you are all over them. You fight for the underdog, you are the underdog, the runt of the litter, but you don’t quit. I watch you all the time. When I found out what happened, I was done letting you suffer. I had to help, and to hell with the bro code. I will protect you, I will help you. I’ll be your best friend, your protector and hopefully your boyfriend. This isn’t about wanting to have sex with the cutest and shortest girl in the school, this is just about someone I really feel a connection with, and I just want to be with you. I will be myself, no games, no teenage bullshit. You’ll get the real me because I want all of the real you.”
Holy shit, how am I supposed to even respond to that? Jumping on his lap for some amazing kisses came to mind first. “I will always be honest, it’s just who I am. I hated you at first, because things changed. I said yes to Danny because he is my best friend and I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t ever feel that way towards him. I think he knew it. I’m a loyal friend and I just didn’t want to hurt him. I really hope he’s not hurt too bad now. I have felt such a strong attraction to you, when you look at me I can barely form a sentence, but it’s more than because you’re really yummy.” Ryan snickers and I laugh and roll my eyes.
“You are this big deal wrestler, you’re undefeated but you’re not a cocky jock. You’re friendly with the teachers and adults. You’re really mature for a seventeen year old guy. I love that you enjoy school and the first time I saw you actually reading a book I nearly moaned with want. Guys just don’t read unless they have to for school work, but you were reading for fun. I thought that was so hot. Girls throw themselves at you, but you don’t seem to care. I’ve never once seen you with any of them. Brenda said you guys talked on the phone once but you weren’t interested in her. She hinted you liked someone else, but I never really got that it was me. I dreamed about you a few times, which was so weird. I don’t dream a lot, when I do sometimes they come true. It’s funny that we’re together now, when my dreams always showed that we would be together. I chalked it up to hormones and ignored them, but now I wonder if my dreams were a sign.”
“My mom always says that everything happens for a reason. Everyone we meet is for a reason. Maybe my Dad had to die so we would move back here, where my mom grew up, so I could meet you. At least, I like to think so.” Ryan says, putting a hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes.
“How am I not supposed to get all sappy and fall for you when you say something like that? My mom says the same thing. Everything happens for a reason. I am sorry about your Dad, can I ask what happened, or is it too hard to talk about?”
“No, it’s okay. He was a police officer in a bigger city. There was a big drug bust and the drug dealers started shooting. He was hit in the head, they say he died instantly. He was a good guy, I think you would have liked him. He was all about protecting and helping people. I can’t help but think if he hadn’t died, he would have been a good cop and taken care of your Dad. The truth is that if he hadn’t died, we wouldn’t have even met. He liked working in a big city, trying to keep the streets safe. Ma is the country girl and after she got his life insurance policy she made plans right away to move back here. I was worried at first, how different it would be, there is nothing here. But I have met some great people, my education is certainly better here, and you’re here.” He tells me. I’m trying to concentrate on him, but it’s difficult at the moment.
“Ryan, when I was four, I had a really bad septic infection. I almost died. I remember being near my body, seeing my mom cry and the doctors work on me. I clinically died and they brought me back. Ever since then, I can sometimes see and hear the dead. I know it probably sounds really crazy to you, but.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me anything. Go on.”
“Your Dad is really upset about the gun in your bedroom. He wants me to tell you that you should never keep the bullets in the gun, and you need to tell your mother that you have it so it can be locked up safely.”
Ryan of course just looks at me in shock. I blow out a breath and walk up to his bedroom. I walk to his closet, reach for a sneaker box and open it. Inside is a handgun.
“You have never been in my house before today. No one but me knows about this gun. It was my dad’s. Ma forgot about it, so I kept it. Holy shit, how did you, I mean. Wow, um, hi Dad?”
“He’s telling me to tell you that you left the safety off, and you need to tell your mom. Hold on!” I tell his dad, and I pause to put on the safety the way his dad tells me how to do it. I then open it, take out the two bullets and put it back in the box, unloaded with the safety on.
“He says it’s safer now. Put the bullets somewhere separate from the gun and tell your damn mother. It needs to be locked up. Oh, and he knows about the condoms, and if you drink underage again he’s going to haunt your ass.” I giggle at that.
Ryan’s mouth is hanging open and he sits down on his bed, with his head in his hands. Maybe that was too much too soon. “He also says he loves you, he is really proud of you, and no he doesn’t remember anything other than standing there one minute and then it was just over. He doesn’t remember getting shot, any pain or anything. He is saying how much he appreciates that I can help you two talk, finally, and.” I stop to catch my breath and try not to cry. “And he told me welcome to the family because I’m perfect for you.”
That last part was a little embarrassing to say, but when the dead talk, I listen. They hadn’t talked since his Dad died, they both needed this.
Ryan stands up, and I can tell by the red around his eyes that he’s crying a little, and he’s been rubbing his eyes to try to stop. He pulls me into his arms and holds me. Tightly but not bone crushing, more like a treasured hold.
“Thank you. I’m sure that was really hard for you to do. To tell me what you can do, and show me. You really are my lost puzzle piece, my reason.”
I blow out a shuddering breath, trying not to cry out loud. “I was a little nervous that you would think I was a freak or something. Your Dad seems really nice.”
I hear his dad tell me he has to go. I nod and I feel the room get a little warmer when he’s gone. “He had to go for now, but he’ll be back when he can. He is really proud of you.”
“Do you see a lot of ghosts? Like, all the time?”
“No, not always. Usually only ones I know, or if there is a special connection. I almost died when I was little and had that infection, that’s when it started. I remember when my great grandmother died, it was so hard to see and hear her all of the time. She was really angry because her stuff didn’t go to who sh
e wanted it to go to. She used to yell and have fits, and I couldn’t yell back at her because I was seven. Church is hard, being attached to a graveyard and on holy ground, I see and hear a lot of them there, and I feel their emotions. That sucks.”
“Wow. I can’t imagine that. So, can you feel people’s emotions too, or just ghosts?”
“I can feel some emotions, yeah. I’m really good at telling if someone is lying or not, I can sense it, feel it from them. I can tell you if someone is really sick or going to die soon. I can feel extreme emotions pretty easy, other emotions I have to touch the person or be close to them. If I’m not home and my father hurts Eva, I can sometimes sense that she needs help.”
“Can you sense what I’m feeling?”
“Um, well I wonder if that’s partly why I was always fighting my attraction to you. I may have been feeling what you felt and struggling with it. But, yes, I can feel quite a bit coming from you. That only makes it harder to stop kissing you.” I feel myself blush.
Ryan puts one hand under my chin to make me look up into his eyes. “Thank you for trusting me with all of this. I know this couldn’t have really been easy for you, but I am so glad you trust me this much. I am glad we can be friends, and work on more. I hope a lot more, because I think my dad is right.”
“About which part? Obviously he was right about the gun, I already took care of that part.”
“You are perfect for me.” He leans down to kiss me, and I can feel both of our emotions at once. It’s a little overwhelming, imagine double the butterflies. “Sleep with me tonight, please?”
My mouth drops open, and I struggle to think to form any sort of sentence.
“I don’t mean sex, Emma. I mean just let me hold you. Let’s just stay up and cuddle and talk, really talk. We both have this huge pull towards each other. You just saw my dead father, and talked to him. I don’t want to let you go.”
“I would love that, but won’t your mom freak out?”
“Maybe? But if we’re both completely dressed and the door is open, she should be fine with it. She trusts me, because I’ve earned her trust. I tell my mom everything, other than the one time I drank, I’ll tell you about that after we get ready for bed, and yes I did buy condoms once, I’ll tell you about that too. Your clothes are all in with Emma, huh? I wonder if you can get clothes without waking her up.”
“Just give me a t-shirt and boxers, I’m not fussy.”
“How do you know I wear boxers?”
“Do you seriously not know how much I look at you when I try not to look at you?”
Ryan laughs. “Probably about as much time as I spend looking at you, when I sometimes try not to stare at you too obviously. Obviously I suck at it because everyone in town knew how I felt about you.”
“I’m really glad we don’t have to pretend anymore.” I tell him quietly.
“Me too.” Ryan kisses me, just a quick kiss, and then heads to his dresser. I pick out a pair of our school plaid boxers and a Bon Jovi t-shirt. “You know you’re going to swim in that shirt, right? Hopefully the boxers won’t fall down, but the shirt is really big for you.”
“I’ll be comfy, I don’t care. I’ll try it on and see what happens. It will be baggy and loose like a nightgown.”
“A nightgown, huh? So you could skip the boxers then?” Ryan gives me a big toothy smile. I smack his ass as I walk to his bathroom to get changed and washed up.
“Oh, I don’t have an extra toothbrush in your bathroom.”
“After all of the sucking on my tongue you’ve done, you don’t want to use my toothbrush?” Ryan asks with a raised eyebrow. “There are extras, my mom stocks up on stuff just in case. Open the drawer on the left side, you’ll see a couple in there that are unopened.”
I go into his bathroom and I think how lucky he is to have a big bathroom attached to his bedroom. He even has one of those big tubs with steps. I get changed and go to grab a toothbrush, and in that same drawer is a box of condoms. His dad laughed when he said he knew about them, he wasn’t really angry. I really like Ryan, a lot, but I’m just not sure I’m ready for something like that yet. At least the box is unopened. I close the drawer, brush my teeth, wash my hands and face and walk back into the bedroom. Ryan is still just in his boxers, about to get a shirt on. Oh wow, um, yeah I’m thinking about that drawer when I see that six pack and those shoulders. Holy hormones.
“Sorry. You’re a girl, you’re supposed to take forever in the bathroom. I didn’t think you would be so fast.” He pulls the shirt on, and I’m still just looking at him and all of his tall perfection.
“Do you want to go to your room? I don’t want to scare you or feel like I’m pressuring you into anything. I’m not. I really do just want to talk and be next to you, but I’m okay if you want to go to your own room.”
“I was just admiring how amazing you are, and reminding myself how lucky I am. This has been a really crazy day, it started out hard and emotional, and it’s ending with me feeling happier than I have felt in a really long time, if ever. I’m such a dork for saying that, but I don’t want to leave, though standing here in your boxers and a t-shirt, I wouldn’t mind a blanket.”
We climb into his big king size waterbed and I sigh from being in such comfort. This bed is amazing. “If you moan like that just from getting in my bed without me touching you, this could be a really long night.”
We both laugh at that. “Sorry, this is the first waterbed I’ve ever been in and it’s amazing. How do you turn on the heat? Is it adjustable?”
“Yeah, here, look over the edge here.” He shows me this little knob that turns the heat on or off. “I really like seeing you wear my clothes, is that weird? They are so big on you, but you look so sexy in guy’s clothes. Am I the dork now for saying that?” Ryan laughs quietly.
“No, you’re not a dork. I like wearing your clothes. They smell like you, and like Tide. Clean and like a big strong yummy guy. Why wouldn’t I like it?”
“I’m yummy, huh?”
I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. A few seconds later I feel him lifting my hands away. “Don’t be embarrassed, really. Say how you feel, I want us to have an honest, open relationship. My parents were always honest with each other, and they raised me to be honest too. Want me to tell you something embarrassing?”
I move my hands and look up at him. I’m laying back against his pillows, and he’s on his side facing me. I’ve never laid next to a guy on a bed before. “You don’t have to.”
“The condoms that my dad mentioned and you probably saw in the bathroom? Yeah, first time I have ever bought them and they have never been opened. The guys, including Danny, decided we all needed them. They all like to brag and I just gave in to shut them up. I’ve never had sex either. I was raised with two great parents who were always open and honest. They raised me that sex waits for the person you love and want to spend your life with. So they sit there. I’m seventeen and I have barely even kissed girls. The amount of kissing we’ve done today is probably comparable to all of the times I’ve kissed anyone else, combined.”
“Wow. I can feel your nerves. You’re really serious. How the hell did you learn to kiss like that then?”
“I don’t know, how did you learn to kiss like that? I’ve seen you give Danny little pecks, you’ve never been like that with him that I’ve ever seen.”
“No, I haven’t. He was my friend, I didn’t really see him as a real boyfriend in that way. I don’t know, television and teen magazines? Do they have like kissing courses or something?” I giggle and he tickles me.
“So we’ll just settle on that we fit each other perfectly and the kissing is an awesome added bonus that just works, and works well.” Ryan says.
“Yeah, I guess we just really fit. So what about the drinking?” He laces our fingers together, holding my hand while still looking at me.
“Oh, the drinking story. Again, same guys, same stupid weekend as the condoms. They decide they are bored and Jared knows h
is neighbor keeps extra beer in his shed so it’s always cold. So he goes out, sneaks next door, because we’re at his house for the night, and he brings back a big case of Bud. They decide we’re going to play drinking games, and about an hour later we’re all puking. It was awful, I won’t do that again anytime soon. Beer tastes like piss.”
“And you’ve drank piss before to compare it to?”
“Ha, ha, no, smart ass. It’s just, gross. Have you ever drank?”
“Um, yeah, all the time. My father is a drunk, so we have alcohol in just about every room of the house and in the garage. When we go hunting, fishing, or doing yard work he’ll toss me a beer or a wine cooler. I prefer the wine coolers. Bud does taste like piss or something nasty, but the Ice beers aren’t bad, some of them. I’ve had Irish whiskey, and Scotch whisky. Did you know Irish and American whiskey have an e but Scottish whisky doesn’t? Yeah, those Scots have something against the e I guess. I don’t get it. Black Velvet with ginger ale is decent when I have a bad cold, he’s given me that several times, and ginger brandy too, for a cold.”
“Wow, you’re so little. A few sips must have you about drunk.”
“Um, no not really. I’ve been drinking with him since I was pretty young, so I have a decent tolerance I guess, but two beers and I’m feeling it.”
“Favorite music?” Ryan asks me.
“I love a little bit of everything. My father likes oldies like the Beach Boys and that kind of stuff. My mom likes country music, things she can sing to. I love Bon Jovi, obviously, Steve Miller Band, Aerosmith. I have a mix of tastes depending on my mood. If I have time to just relax and veg out, I know this is weird but I like James Taylor and Reba. What about you?”
“I tend to change my music with moods too. A lot of those same bands. You’ll have to go through my music collection in the morning I have a lot of music, my mom spoils me, and I have a monthly check since my dad died that gives me a lot of spending money.”
A Reason (A Reason, Season, Lifetime Series) Page 7