by Heath Pfaff
"Perhaps you are right, Lheec. I will keep company with Bell for the day, and consider this proposition more carefully." The sound of my private study door sliding shut, as though it had been cracked just enough for someone to listen through, came to my ear, and I cursed inwardly. Malice, of course, had been spying. She hated being left out of anything.
"Good!" Lheec exclaimed, his eyes brightening once more. Bell was still silently sobbing. "Now Bellena, you show King Noble why you'd make the very best wife for him, girl. Remember all that we taught you, and I know that you won't fail to impress." Lheec said to the young woman, who did not look up to meet his eyes, or mine. Lheec did not seem to care or notice.
"I leave her in your just care, my King." Lheec's voice oozed a sick confidence, before he turned and walked from the room. Bell stood quietly in place, her eyes downcast, her shoulders shaking with silent sobbing. Lheec had chosen his youngest daughter because he believed I liked women who were young of mind, and malleable. His actions only went further towards proving exactly what all the nobles of my kingdom thought of me. They saw me as a tyrant who preyed upon the weak and innocent. By offering me Bell, he offered me a girl who would be of service, and was young enough to be trained in whatever fashion I wished for my wife. He was trying to supplant the position he thought that Malice was filling. That realization angered me, not because it was true, but because it showed such little faith in me as a person.
I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I barely noticed that Bell had begun to remove her dress. She moved in a mechanical fashion, unfastening the clips on her outfit with fingers that looked as though they only moved numbly.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, my voice stern. I felt bad for the girl, but I had no intention of relaxing my demeanor in her presence.
"My King, I'm going to show you what a good wife I can be. I have been told what I must do to please a man, and I am willing to offer myself to you." She whispered, her voice soft, frightened. She did not stop undressing.
I took a deep breath to stifle my anger. Lheec believed I would be swayed by the promise of flesh, and he'd offered up his own daughter. I was disgusted.
I stood up from my desk, and the world slowed around me. I forced myself through the slowness, ripping through the resistant air, moving so quickly that I knew human eyes couldn't follow my progress. I used the gift of speed that only the Knights of Ethan who'd taken the legs of the Fell Beast could manage. I came to a stop when I stood directly before Bell, letting the world resume normal pace around me. The girl shrieked and fell backwards, her dress falling open as she landed on her backside, exposing a chest not fully ripened with puberty.
"You're just a little girl. You want no part of this monster." I growled, looking down at her, and smiling, exposing the fangs that had grown to replace my human teeth. Bell's eyes streamed with tears as she gazed up, her face pale beyond white in her terror.
"Did your father really think a human girl could ever satisfy my urges?" I filled my voice with venom, though the words were as false as any I'd ever spoken. I was certain her body would have well sated my lusts, but it was better if she believed something foolish, than that I was rejecting her for some reason that might be her fault. Better still, if her father believed that as well. I didn't think he would look well upon Bellena when she returned unsuccessful. At least if I did not sully the girl's honor, she should be able to find a husband elsewhere. She was still shaking in fear, crying openly now. I really was a monster.
"Dress yourself. You will remain here until I send a servant to give you quarters for the night. I do not want the company of a girl who cannot match my brutality." I turned my back on her, and listened as her sobs eased. For all that I had scared her; she was relieved to know that she would not need to give herself to a monster, to the Maimed King.
"I have a private matter to attend to. Make yourself presentable, and I will send someone for you." I ordered over my shoulder, and then I walked towards my private study, in which I knew I would find a very upset Malice. I had probably just ruined my associations with Lheec and his people. In my anger, I had reacted hastily. There would be repercussions.
As I drew near my study door, my sensitive ears picked up a faint sound. Quiet crying issued from behind the intricately carved wood surface. It seemed I had a bad-way with women.
Malice's eyes were downcast as I entered the room, but her crying stopped as soon as the door began to open. I slipped in quietly, not opening the door far enough to expose the still dazed, and unclothed form of Bell who was collecting herself on the floor of my public study. My dear friend, my love, was sitting in my chair, her legs curled up and wrapped in her fur clad arms which ended in those lethal talons. She said nothing, so I took a seat in one of those chairs across the desk from her.
"You really shouldn't listen in on business matters, Laouna." I told her, not sternly, but with a great sense of sadness. She did not respond immediately.
"Are you going to make that girl your queen?" She asked, her voice as timid as I'd ever heard it. Had I not been looking at her, had I not known she was the only other person in the room, I wouldn't have believed it was her.
I shook my head. "No, I'm not going to make that girl my queen. I should. It would make Lheec happy, and that would be good for the country, at least in the short term, but still, I will not marry her."
"That's good." Laouna answered, a little more confidence in her voice. "I was scared. . ." She paused for a moment. "That you wouldn't want me around anymore."
"That won't happen, Mali. . . Laouna. You don't have to worry about that." I replied, my heart heavy with the words. For all that she might never recover, I knew in my heart that I would hold out hope for as long as we both still lived. I was foolish in such ways. I had done the same for Kyeia, in a time that seemed forever gone.
The green-eyed girl looked up, an innocent smile on her tear-streaked face. It was good to see her wearing such an expression again.
"I wouldn't mind being your queen." She told me then, her smile fading into a more serious expression. "I would always be there when you needed me, and I would help you run the kingdom, and fight the criminals."
"Perhaps, when you're. . ." What was I going to say? When you're older. She was already far older than myself. "When life is less complicated." I finished lamely.
Malice's face fell, the remainder of her smile fleeing.
"I love you, you know." She told me, words I'd never heard her say when she was Malice the Knight, but that I heard now three times from Laouna the child.
"I know, and I love you too." I answered, the words were true. I had loved Malice for a long time before even I realized it, but had never told her until she lay in a coma, on the verge of death. That weighed heavily as one of the many regrets in my life. I'd been told by many people that living with regrets was useless, but I still believed that keeping my regrets with me, meant that I would not mistakenly make the same bad choices again.
A pained expression crossed Malice's face. "Then why do you never lay beside me in the night? Why do you never kiss me? I've seen lovers in the court, and I've seen them walk holding hands, and kissing beneath the trees in the garden. Why do we not do these things? Why, Lowin? What is different between us? Why do you leave the bed every night? I just want to be close to you." I could see the tears in her eyes once more. Her face held the expression of the very young, frustrated when they don't understand something that they consider simple. Her questions were difficult ones to answer. I knew the reason, but how could I tell her? She was physically an adult, but her attitudes, her personality, and her understanding of the world were those of a child. Giving her what she thought she wanted, would be taking advantage of an innocent crush.
I felt a tear streak down my face. Her words pained me more than any wound I could remember taking. Her questions were the questions that tore me apart every night, and sent me wandering the halls in the calm quiet of the evening. The darkness held no answers, only m
ore questions, yet I pursued it whenever I could not find answers, as though I might someday cast all my problems into the depth of its bottomless void. When the void became too much to bear alone, I looked for peace elsewhere. The yearning for Malice sent me to Snow for solace that could never be found in her arms.
". . . because I never want to hurt you." I replied, giving her the only answer that I could come up with. It was the single light of truth that I could cling to. I kept my distance so that I did not hurt her.
". . . but not being close to you is what hurts me." She said softly, her head downcast, her shoulders shaking as she cried once more. I got up from my chair and walked across to her. I held my hand down to her until she reached up and took it. I pulled her up and close to me, wrapping my only arm about her body.
"I'm sorry, Laouna, but you needn't fear that I will leave you behind. You've been important to me longer than even you can even remember, and that will not change." I told her as she dried her eyes on my shoulder.
"Before I woke up from my dream. . ." She said, which was how she referred to her coma. She could remember nothing of the times before that, other than a remote childhood with parents whose faces were a blur, lost to time. She could read and write, and knew her name, but whether intentionally, or as part of some defense system of her mind and body, she had blocked out everything leading up to her becoming a Knight of Ethan and beyond. Though she had always remembered my name.
When she'd first come back from the coma, she woke, looked straight at me and said, "I love you, Lowin." I had been overjoyed. I had feared she would never wake, and the fear had been growing with each passing week. It wasn't until some hours had passed, and we began to talk, that I realized what had been lost during her long sleep.
"We were together then, too, right?" She asked, as ever looking for the confirmation of our bond, as though my merely speaking the words guaranteed that we were one, and always would be.
"Yes, we were together then. You've been beside me through all the hardest times, Laouna. I could not ask for a better companion." I said, and felt her pull back a little.
She looked up at me, her face still tear-streaked, but her eyes cleared. Her face was serious.
"Will you kiss me?" She pleaded, leaning towards me. Perhaps I should have said no, but I could not deny her when she was so freshly hurt. I leaned forward, and she came forward as well. Our lips met, hers puckered awkwardly, as a girl who has seen the action performed, but never tried it in person. We touched but briefly before I drew away, not willing to allow myself to give into the fire that suddenly burned from my lips down through my body. In the dark recesses of my mind, the Fell Beast stirred. It wanted Malice almost as badly as I did, but in different, terrible ways.
I drew back, and Malice was smiling now, her cheeks a pleasant shade of flushed pink, beautifully offset by her deep red hair, and shimmering green eyes. The kiss had been brief, but it had been enough to make her happy. I returned her smile, a gesture I seemed only capable of when she was around. There were few enough occasions for joy in the world.
"If you're feeling better," I said. "there is business for us to be about this morning. Snow will be waiting for us at the training yard, and you know how she gets when we're late. I also still have to send a servant to deal with Lheec's daughter. The girl will need a room for the night."
Malice's face soured. "I don't like Snow, and you better make sure Lheec's daughter is in a room on the other side of the castle." Her voice snapped with the tiniest hint of her old note of command. The mirth in her eyes dispelled the effect, but I knew that her mood was lifted once more, though I felt that mine was no better for the stolen kiss. I was simply reminded of what was lost. Still, I had no intention of letting Malice know that. If she was happy, then I could feign happiness as well.
"I assure you the girl will be in the furthest comfortable room the castle has, but it's unkind of you not to like Snow. She is very fond of you." I knew exactly why Malice disliked Snow. She was jealous. She knew nothing of the nights I'd spent with the new weapon instructor of the Knights of Ethan, but she didn't need to in order to see that Snow was the only person, other than Malice herself, with whom I shared a friendship. Of course, I was not lying about Snow either. Snow really did like Malice, and had always looked up to her as a master of her craft. I knew that Snow felt my continued affection for Malice was strange, but she still treated Malice well, and even went out of her way to try and help the girl recapture those skills that had made her a great swordsman.
One night, after Snow and I had spent the evening in close physical intimacy, she had told me how she had once had a crush on Malice. All the while she was training with the sword, under the different masters, she had been told of how wonderful Malice was with the blade. She had never had the chance to train directly under Malice, but she had always wanted to. She noted that it wasn't common for her to have such feelings for women, but that Malice had been, to her, the ultimate symbol of strength and beauty. Snow, in her own way, loved and respected Malice. She, however, wasn't confident that the green-eyed beauty would ever recover the piece of herself lost. I could not allow myself to accept that.
Malice sighed in exasperation. "I just think we spend too much time with her. She should have something better to do. Other people need training as well."
"This is true, but I am the king, and you are to be my queen some day, so certainly our training should come first. . ." I trailed off, playing Malice's game. It was easier than arguing with her. I rarely won.
At the mention of becoming my queen, Malice's face lit up, the sour expression burning away in an instant.
"You're probably right. I should learn how to fight, so I can save you from Lord Lheec's daughter!" She blurted out.
I couldn't help but chuckle. I'd never needed to be saved from small, defenseless girls before, but I could hardly rain on Laouna's enthusiasm.
"Shall we go then?" I asked, gesturing at the door back into the main study.
"Probably. Snow is mean when we're late." She said, face serious once more. Indeed, Snow could be a tyrant if we did not show up on time. She was a good instructor, but like Malice before her, she was strict. Being the king didn't seem to have much of a blunting effect on that.
Together we walked back out into the main study. Bell had straightened her clothing, and looked far more presentable. She was no longer sobbing and she met my eyes, if only hesitantly, as Malice and I walked back into the larger public office. She curtsied as I drew near.
Malice dropped the shoulder strap of part of her dress so that the fabric hung precariously from one of her large breasts, and clung to me possessively, sticking out her tongue at the frail young girl.
"Laouna!" I snapped, the word spoken in a low angry tone. Immediately Malice straightened back up and pulled the strap back into place. She looked at me with half-apologetic smile.
Bell looked startled and confused, obviously not sure of what to make of Malice's behavior, and probably having never encountered the childhood expression involving sticking one's tongue out at another. Even startled, she looked more composed than she had before I entered the private study. The fear in her posture had significantly lessened.
"I will send the servant along in a moment, Lady Bellena. I trust you will inform your Lord that I cannot accept his offer, gracious though it was." I spoke calmly and coldly. It was a tone I'd learned from time spent with the Knights of Ethan. They were all masters of intimidation, and I found the techniques useful as a king. Malice, before her time of dreaming, had been a master of the art.
"Yes, My King. . ." She paused for a moment, and I could see her wavering on the verge of saying something. Finally, she did. "Thank you . . . my father will be angry, but . . ."
I turned my back and walked away. I was happy to have her thanks, but if I was to keep my illusion of aloof monstrosity, I couldn't allow myself to slip. I walked from the room and into the hallway where the black cloaks waited. I would send a servant to gat
her Bell before taking Malice to the morning's training session.
Snow's practice wand moved in a dizzying array of patterns before my eyes. I kept my guard high and waited for the moment of attack that I knew was coming. The patterns she used were different from those I'd been taught, but I found that the skills I'd learned still applied in dealing with my opponent. Snow had learned under many different sword masters during her training, and was considered a prodigy of the blade. She blended three distinct fighting styles with liquid grace. Even so, facing her was like facing a shadow of the fighter Malice had once been. I knew for certain that she was a better swordsman than I was, but by the same token I knew that Malice was better yet. At least Malice had been better, when she was still Malice.
The attack came. Snow exploded forward, her wooden sword darting and slicing with serpentine grace. I knew that I would be at a loss to press the attack, so I fell back, turning the onslaught of strikes aside with all the skill I could muster. Snow was pressing harder than she usually did, no doubt angry that Malice and I had been late to her class. I could see it in the fire that burned behind her eyes.