by Heath Pfaff
"Lowin. . ." He reached out to me. His bloody hand was clutched around something. I held my own hand out and he unlocked his grasp and dropped a glowing blue crystal into my palm. I was about to jump back, and yell at the dying man in anger, but he grabbed my wrist and held firm. I was still angry, and disgusted that he would bring forth that hated crystal again, but I held my place. It would have been easy enough to tear my hand from his grip if I'd wanted to.
"Listen, don't have long . . . so much to say." He sputtered the words, blood forming in frothy puddles at the corners of his mouth. "I've done so much wrong. . . The shadowlyn drove me. At first I was in control, but it all slipped away from me." He said, and tears formed in his eyes. He blinked them away, and I saw his resolve firming. His breathing was ragged.
"Must keep the crystal, don't throw it away. The only way you can save her, Lowin. They wanted it back . . . were going to . . ." He coughed and blood misted into the air. "They were going to take it back, Telistera found us." Despair swept over his face again. "I killed her, Lowin, I can never be forgiven. I've killed so many, everyone who knew about us. . ." His words trailed off as more frothy blood filled his mouth. "I went back and killed them. There will be no more Knights . . . terrible things. I've done terrible. . ." His face contorted in pain, and he grew even paler than he had been before.
I was confused. He was saying so much, and it didn't all make sense to me at the time. "Who am I trying to save, Ethaniel?" I asked, trying to press for more information.
The Knights had gathered around. We all stood transfixed in confusion, horror, and sadness. Ethaniel's eyes locked on mine, and his face filled with torment. "You must cut a hole into the heart of a strong Knight . . . pierce the crystal into the still beating flesh." He spoke in bursts, his words coming between convulsions of pain. The old Knight's body shook violently, and I thought for a minute he was going to die, but his grip on my wrist tightened. "Pierce the heart. It will break the binding, kills the Knight who does it, but breaks the binding. Must be a Knight. . . The only way . . . knowledge is forbidden. It's my only secret . . . my only . . . I've betrayed you all so many times." He smiled wanly. "I kept that secret though . . . that one secret."
His eyes fixed on mine, his grip tightened. "I'm such a monster, Lowin. We cast you into the fire, and drew you back, to make you strong but. . . I think I'm going to die." He whispered the last phrase, and the light faded from his eyes. His head fell backwards, and Ethaniel was no more. The first of the Knights was gone in a moment so fast, and so shocking, that it didn't even seem real.
His words immediately struck a chord in my memory. Cast the vessel into the fire, draw it free, cast it in once more. This is how we make it strong. Those words had once been spoken to me by a dying Hungering soldier. Ethaniel's words had echoed them too closely. What did they mean? What had Ethaniel been trying to tell me in the end?
We stood amidst a field of death. The Hungering and our two companions lay broken and ruined. I didn't know what to make of Ethaniel's final words, but obviously they had been important to him. I held the blue crystal in my palm, and replayed his words in my head. Was it possible to break my tie to the Uliona woman by piercing my own heart with the blue crystal I held in my hand? Could I give back the life I was taking? It would mean my own life, if Ethaniel's words were true.
A resolution was forming in my mind. Once I'd gotten Kay back safely, I would free the Uliona from her bond, and give her back the life I'd been taking from her. I would get Kay back first, but once that was done, I would do what was necessary. Ethaniel had said it would kill me, but in the end, I did not truly deserve to live as I was. I was no longer human. I had become a monster, and was growing more so every day. Maybe in redeeming one life, I could leave a legacy worth remembering. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and noticed that Snow was at my side. How long had she been there? I hadn't noticed her moving so close. She stepped away as I stood up from Ethaniel's corpse.
I took the blue glowing crystal and stowed it in my pack. The other Knights stood in silence, and I knew they were waiting for me to say something, to make some decision regarding what had just happened. I wasn't sure what I could do or say to help them cope with all that had transpired. I was not prepared to handle all that had occurred myself.
"Let us take care of our fallen companions." I proclaimed aloud, but in my head I added ". . . again." It seemed that we buried too many dead on this journey. I walked back to Telistera and looked at the woman who had lived such a short life. She almost didn't look like the same person. Her time had been close to finished, but I did not believe she'd deserved to die as she had, killed by one of her own companions. Ethaniel had been a slave to the shadowlyn, but that hardly made it any better. What was the shadowlyn?
I felt a hand on my arm. I began to shy away, thinking it was Snow again, but it was Malice this time.
"Are you alright?" She asked. There were tears hiding behind her eyes, though I could see she was holding them back. Her eyes seemed brighter than normal, as though they were almost burning with their own light. Was it only the tears held back, I wondered?
I shook my head. "No. I don't think I am."
We buried our dead.
"What will we do now?" Silver asked as we stood at the foot of the two marked graves we'd created. The headstones were local rock, roughly etched with the names of our fallen companions. It was strange to think that the legendary Ethaniel, leader of the Knights of Ethan, who had lived for hundreds of years, would be buried in the middle of nowhere, below a poorly constructed headstone. Of course, Telistera had been a hero to her people as well, and she received no better a burial. It pained me to leave them both in such a sorry state, but there was little else we could do without spending significantly more time then we had available to us working on nicer accommodations. In the end, I knew the dead did not care.
"We will keep doing what we've been doing. Our mission has not changed. We must rescue Kaylien and stop the Hungering from posing a threat to the rest of the world." That was the first time I'd ever spoken the second part aloud. To that point I'd always claimed to be on a mission to free my daughter, but now I had admitted that there was much more to the tasks ahead of us. We would need to destroy the Hungering. It would be pointless to save Kay only to have her killed when the Hungering returned. After all, once all was done, I wouldn't be around to protect her anymore. Malice would have to take over that responsibility, but I would do my best to ease the burden.
"What about the blue crystal?" Snow spoke up, and as I took my eyes away from the graves to meet hers, I saw the same question resting in the eyes of the other Knights. They all looked concerned.
"We heard what Ethaniel said, Noble, and you did not throw the crystal away. What do you intend to do once we have settled matters with the Hungering?" Silver asked. "We have served you well. You have an obligation to tell us."
I looked to Malice. She was not speaking, but I could see the worry behind her eyes. I had not discussed anything with her yet. She knew me though, and she must have known what I was thinking.
"I intend to do what is right." I said. I did not want to have the conversation being forced on me. I had intended to tell no one of my intentions before it was time to carry them out. I didn't want to spread that burden.
". . . and what is right?" Snow asked. Her voice was strangely intense. "You didn't choose to take anyone's life, Lowin. Why should you die for them? It is a cruel world, but haven't you suffered enough?"
I shook my head. "It's not that simple. Do you think I'd make this decision lightly? I have to live with the guilt of that woman's life if I do not give it back, and it would only be worse now that I know I can stop her from dying." My reasons were selfish. I didn't want any more innocent blood on my hands. "I am a warrior, Snow, and I have lived a full life. I have loved, and brought a child into this world. I have murdered, and risen to the level of king. How could I, who have done so much, deny another the chance to have their own experiences? Wha
t kind of monster would I be to live on knowing that I could have saved an innocent?"
Snow did not answer, and I swept my eyes across those of the others. I could see the barely held back tears in Malice's eyes, but I was afraid to let my own eyes linger there. Seeing her only served to remind me of how badly I wanted to live. It seemed I had been fighting constantly since I'd joined the Knights of Ethan, and all I really wanted was to spend time with the people I loved. That would not be an option. I could feel the binding process strengthening by the hour. For some reason, perhaps because it was the second time I'd been bound, the process seemed to be moving more quickly than it had before. A Uliona woman was dying somewhere across the ocean, and I was growing stronger.
"What about Kay, what about Laouna, what about. . ." Snow spoke up again, but her words trailed off. What about who? Whose name had been on the edge of her tongue? What about me? Had she been about to ask that? Her words cut deeply, even if she didn't finish the thought. I worried about Kay and Malice. I did not want to leave them alone, but what other choice did I have? I was in a position to give an innocent woman back her life. What if that woman had been Kyeia? What if that woman was someone else's Kyeia? I could not deny her the chance to live and love as I had.
I shook my head. "Now is not the time to talk about this. We've lost more companions on our road. We should be remembering them now. We have a great distance yet to travel, and there is still a great deal of danger ahead of us. The Hungering know we're coming, and they haven't yet stood in our way. That means that we are walking into a situation they've prepared for us. That is what we should be worried about next." I was eager to change the subject. I didn't want to think so far ahead. I still had time left. I would find Kay, and I would hold my daughter once before I must face my destiny. I thought I was prepared for that.
"We're another week out from the mountains." Silver said, her voice subdued. She was allowing the subject to change, and I was thankful for that. "We should be able to make better time from here on in." She didn't add "without Telistera." It was the truth behind her statement, but it went without saying. She had been slowing us down towards the end of her life, but none of us would have ever said anything to her. She'd fought with us too long, and too hard. She'd been an excellent warrior, and a vital part of all that had transpired.
As I gave one final look at her headstone, I realized just how much I would miss the silver-eyed woman. She'd been amazing. Even weakened, she'd fought and defeated Ethaniel. I was fortunate to have had her at my side for so long. If nothing else, I was glad that she was able to return to her homeland to rest. I knew that it had been important to her.
After a few more minutes, we gathered our gear and made to leave. Of ten thousand, five, including myself, remained.
Malice came to me as the others were resting. We'd been traveling for five days straight, and had reached the base of the mountains, though we had not yet found the caves. I had decided it was best to let the others rest, for once we found the entrance to the cave system, it was difficult to say when we would next have an opportunity to sleep. I still had not slept since Ethaniel had given me the binding crystal, and I wasn't tired. I greeted Malice with a small smile, but that faltered when I saw that she looked agitated.
"Lowin, I'm bleeding." I nearly jumped up from where I was sitting but she held out a calming hand. "I'm not injured its . . ." She looked back over her shoulder at the others in the camp before sitting down closer to me, so she could speak more quietly. I didn't think it was too great an issue, as the others looked as though they'd fallen asleep. "It's a woman's blood."
I was confused. "But female Knights don't. . ."
She nodded. "I know. I've been told. I talked to Snow about it, and she says there is no doubt. It started two days ago, and it hasn't stopped. There is pain, but it's not that bad. I started feeling strange after we were together last time, and then I began to bleed, a little at first, and then more. It's slowed now. I don't know what to do. Snow said I shouldn't worry, but I don't know how this can be possible. I'm scared, Lowin."
I put my arms around her shoulders and drew her close to me. I wasn't sure what to say to comfort her. All female Knights were robbed of the parts of their inner anatomy necessary for breeding. It was a terrible cruelty, but one that had been deemed necessary. The Knights had been afraid that pregnancy would weaken their stock. I did not agree. In fact, I found myself strangely happy. I kissed Laouna's cheek.
"I'm happy." I told her. She pulled back from me, her green eyes locking on mine. I could tell she was trying to decide whether or not I was being honest with her. "It means you're whole again." I added. Other than her memories, she was more a whole woman than she had been in two hundred years. I could have pretended that I didn't know why the changes had happened, but I suspected the truth. My bond with Malice, sealed by our physical intimacy, was making her stronger as I was growing stronger. That was why the color had come back to her eyes in the first place, and that was why her body was healing the ravages wrought upon it by the Knights. The body remembered what it was at its strongest, its most healthy, and hers was restoring that. At least, that is what I suspected.
"If you're happy, then I think I am too." She said, and her face lit in a smile. I kissed her again, our lips touching in serene bliss.
We made love then. It was not a beautiful romantic thing, but a quick, intimate exchange of passion and lust, handled quietly, and with as little show as possible since our companions slept only a few feet away. Malice fell asleep in my arms, but I kept my eyes open and watchful, the mountains looming overhead. I could feel time slipping away from me. Would I ever have another night like that one with Malice, I wondered? My future hovered above me like a black shadow. I held Malice tighter.
The cave stood open before us, a gaping black maw that lead deep into the interior of the mountain. All light seemed to vanish not far from its opening. There were other cave entrances around, small, not large enough to move a group of people through easily, but that large entrance, I knew, was the main path. It had taken us two days after reaching the mountains just to find the entrance, but our persistence had paid off. Upon first seeing the ancient cave, I was immediately reminded of Telistera's story told to me years before. For the first time the reality of the situation washed over me. We stood at the base of the Rakaash mountains, in the homelands of the Tett. Orthisius and Reamis had gone into the very same cave we stood before, and had saved their people, for a time. They were characters of legend for Telistera's people. We were about to follow their trail, and crawl into the depths of the world.
Of course, there was one distinct difference with us. We were not fighting off hordes of the Hungering, despite the fact that they knew we were coming. It was a difference that I felt held some major importance. It was almost as though the Hungering were inviting us in. I did not like that thought. Surely we posed as much a threat as did Reamis and Orthisius, so why were the Hungering not interfering with us? Was it because they had Kay? Perhaps they were so confident in their stance because they did not believe that we could do anything while they still held my daughter.
I felt a tugging in my chest, as though I were being drawn downwards. It was as if someone had tied a rope to my insides and was subtly pulling it from within the darkness that waited before me. I felt that so long as I followed that pulling, I would not get lost. Where, though, would I find myself? What was tugging on my string? Was I following some sense of Kay's presence down into the earth, or was it the Hungering who drew me downward? I didn't know, but I couldn't deny the pull. I took my first step into the cave, and heard the others fall in behind me.
"Do we know where we're going from here?" Tower asked. I looked at the tall Knight. He stood steadfast, not far from Snow's left shoulder. It seemed to me that any time I looked to him that was where I found the young Knight. He was brave, and strong, but he had not yet told Snow of his feelings. We were on the verge of descending into a place from which we might never rise,
and I wondered whether he would ever get the chance.
"No one but the Hungering know these caves, but I think I can guide us well enough. I can feel something calling me from down there. I think if I follow that, we'll find where we're intended to go." I tried to explain in such a way that it would comfort the others, but I could tell by the expressions that met me, I had failed.
"What if that feeling is leading us into a trap?" Silver asked.
"I think we've already been lead into a trap." I answered. "Everything we've done for years has been pulling us into this snare, and now the only thing to do is to go to its center and see what happens." Ethaniel had long been under the control of the shadowlyn, and whatever purpose had driven that creature had driven the old Knight as well. Ethaniel had brought me where he wanted me, and I had gone along with him, thinking that it was the best course of action we could take. I was too far into the trap to turn around.
"It is not easy to walk calmly into death." Silver said quietly.
"If the Hungering wanted us dead, couldn't they have killed us by now?" It was a simple question, but a poignant one. There were too many of them for us to fight. If they'd wanted to murder us, they could have overwhelmed our paltry number. What was it that they wanted?