“Feel free to get something for yourself though. I’ll wait.” he said.
“I’m fine.” She walked towards the living room.
“You sure?” He glanced at her belly. She wore one of her tighter tops, so the curve was evident. It made her look fat rather than pregnant, but this wasn’t a beauty contest and she certainly wasn’t trying to impress anyone.
“Oh, no. You don’t get to act all worried and possessive all of a sudden. Yesterday you pretty much called me a slut. Accused me of trying to pin this on you. Actually, I think those were your exact words.”
“You’re right, I was wrong to say that. I am the father. I admit it. I believe you.” He struggled to get the words out. His voice cracked. He looked away from her. His whole stance tensed.
Her heart raced. “Is it that bad? Is the thought of my being pregnant that terrible?” Her own voice cracked, but with emotion. Whereas Ash had seemed appalled by the idea.
“Yes, okay! Yes! Dammit. It’s that goddamned bad … okay?”
She was taken aback by the level of anger and hurt in his voice, blazing in his eyes. Alice put her hands on her hips. “Well, too damned bad. I’m pregnant. It is what it is.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” His voice was a rough rasp. His eyes still blazed.
“Look, thank you for coming back and at least admitting you’re the father. I appreciate it. I still think you’re a gigantic asshole, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Thing is, we will be fine without you. You don’t need to be a part of our lives. We’ll get by just fine.”
“Do I look like that sperm bank you wanted to go to? I know that’s how you wanted things to be but that’s not how they’ve turned out.”
“Come to think of it, you do look like a sperm bank.” She couldn’t help herself. “I can see you hate this whole idea. You don’t want to be a father. You want to be footloose and fancy-free. Well, no problem. Your wish is granted. You can walk out that door and not ever have to look back. I don’t want or need any money from you either. You can go, Ash.”
“I am already a father.” He clasped his hands across his lap. “I have a son.”
What? What the hell? “Oh.” So much for her well-planned speech. “Okay. Fine. I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t tell you, so how could you have known?”
It just made it glaringly obvious how little they knew about one another. “It doesn’t change things though. Just because you are already a father, doesn’t mean you want to be one to these babies.”
Ash growled. It was fierce. It made her clutch her chest and squeal in alarm.
“I’m sorry.” He put out a hand and almost touched her, pulling back at the last moment. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I want to be a father to them. Of course I want to be a father to them. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”
Shit.
What?
His eyes looked glassy again. What was going on with him? Alice walked into the living room and sank down on a chair. “What’s his name? Your son?”
His whole face lit up. “Ethan.” Ash sat down opposite of her.
“How old is he?”
“He’ll be four next month.”
“Does he look like you?”
“Mostly. His eyes …” Ash seemed to disappear into his own mind for a moment.
“Does he have his mom’s eyes?” Alice watched him shut down. His eyes darted away. His throat worked. His jaw clenched so hard that she heard his teeth grind.
“My mate.” He was breathing hard. Struggling with getting the words out.
Was he still with someone else? No! It didn’t work like that with shifters according to Meredith. Her friend might have her facts mixed up though.
“Savannah was my mate.”
Alice nodded once to show that she was listening. A whole bunch of questions ran through her mind. She didn’t ask any of them though. Instead, she waited for him to continue, suddenly afraid of what he had to say. Whatever it was, it was terrible. She could see it written all over his face.
“Gage met Savannah first. They fooled around for a couple of months. It ended … more like, fizzled out.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Savanah was very beautiful. She was also sweet and easy to talk to. I enjoyed her company even when she and Gage were together. I went to him before I laid so much as a paw on her. I asked him if he minded and he said he didn’t.” Ash shrugged. “One day we were fooling around and the next we were in love. At least, that’s what it felt like. I was so stuck in my own little world with Savannah, I didn’t realize how distant Gage had become.” He pushed out a breath. “That’s a story for another time.”
Alice nodded. She could guess what had happened based on their confrontation with Gage.
“Mating Savannah was a natural progression. We were very much in love.”
It felt like a rock had settled into her stomach. She knew she shouldn’t feel jealous. Shouldn’t feel all twisted in knots, but she couldn’t help herself.
“I can still remember the day she told me that she was pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life … of our lives. I remember smiling so hard my face hurt.”
It hurt to hear him say that. His reaction was so different yesterday. She could also understand at the same time though. The circumstances were completely different. She forced herself to keep her breathing slow and even.
“We got the nursery ready. Two cribs.” His big body shuddered. His mouth pulled into something that looked like a grimace. Not because of anger though, this was pure pain. Alice had to work to keep from going to him. From putting her arms around him. “I’m sorry,” his voice was thick with emotion, “this isn’t something I talk about. Not ever.” His voice hitched.
Alice had a feeling where this was going. There was a part of her that wanted to tell him not to say the words. She didn’t want to hear any more. That was selfish though. Ash needed to get this out. Something ran down her cheek. It was wet. A big tear. Dammit. She quickly wiped it away. Hoping he hadn’t noticed.
He made a growling noise deep in his throat. Like he was trying to clear it. Like it was clogged with so much pent-up emotion. He pushed his fingers into the corners of his eyes and breathed deeply. His shoulders shook. His body slumped.
Alice bit down on her lower lip to try to stop it from quivering. Everything in her again screamed for her to go over there, and she would have, except she didn’t want to interrupt him. She got the feeling that if she did something like that, she would break the moment and he would clam up. If they were ever going to move on to whatever the future held, they needed to get past this part.
After what was probably only a few minutes, but what felt like much longer, he wiped his eyes and locked them with hers. His lashes were wet, his eyes bloodshot. “The big day finally arrived. It felt like we had waited forever. Savannah was so excited, despite the birthing pains.” A ghost of a smile lifted the corners of his mouth but quickly disappeared. “Ethan was born in the early hours of Sunday morning. He yelled so loudly.” Another smile. It disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. “I’ve never been more proud. Never been so damned happy. Savannah held him close. She cried with joy. It didn’t last because the birthing pains started up again. Within minutes, we knew that something was wrong.” His throat worked.
Ash looked down into his lap, breathing deeply. Shit, but she was crying again too. She swiped at the tears. He breathed through his nose a couple of times. “Blood.” His eyes looked haunted. “There was so much blood. Savannah quickly grew weak, but she was determined.” His lip quivered and he clenched his jaw. “By the time Holt was born.” His voice was thick with emotion and a tear tracked down his cheek. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. His gaze was on the far wall. His mind far away. “It … It …” He shuddered. “It was too late.”
Ash sniffed. He swiped a hand over his face. “He was already gone. His little body blue. The healer tried, but …” He shook his head. “Savannah was so weak. So broken. I’ll n
ever forget her screams.” More tears. They streaked down his cheeks. Filled her own eyes as well, so much so that her vision blurred. “My mate died hours later.” He clenched his teeth. “She refused to have Ethan anywhere near her. Refused to speak to me. The healer said that Savannah died of a broken heart.” His voice was a deep rasp. His jaw tensed. His whole body tensed. “She gave up. She chose to leave us.” He cleared his throat. “I struggle to this day to forgive her but at the same time, I can understand. She was in a world of hurt. Had lost a lot of blood.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Okay.” He wiped his face, that mask going back down. “So now you know. My mate died. I lost a child. I never planned on going down this road again. I’m fucking petrified. It’s not that I don’t want more children. That I don’t want someone in my life.”
Alice couldn’t help but notice how he hadn’t referred to her. Which was completely fine, but it still hurt. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. That Ethan lost his mom. I can understand your reaction yesterday. It makes sense now.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy for you. I’m not sure where this leaves us though.”
“I needed you to understand where my reaction was coming from. My denial. Why I ran. Why I said those things.”
“I understand.” She nodded.
“Good. I want you to come and live with me. With Ethan and me.”
She felt her jaw drop. Trust Ash to be so direct. Straight to the point.
“I can see that you weren’t expecting that.” He was completely deadpan. “I mean it.”
“No, I wasn’t expecting that.” Alice shook her head. “I’m going to fetch myself a water. Are you sure you don’t want anything?”
“Oh, you’re offering now?” He gave a weak smile.
“Yes, I’m offering.” She rolled her eyes.
Ash smiled more brightly. “A water sounds good.”
Alice went over to the kitchen. He wanted her to live with him. What? What the …? She couldn’t just drop everything though. Drop her whole life and move. Could she? She needed to hear him out. They could talk about it. She sucked in a deep breath. Damn, she was actually considering this. Did that make her crazy?
Yes. No. A little bit. Yes, a little bit. Ash was the father of her babies though. Her life was about to change and big time. She grabbed two bottles of water and closed the door.
The ultrasound picture was tacked to the fridge door with a magnet. Two baby-shaped blobs. Her heart clenched. On a whim, she plucked the picture off the door and took it with her. Alice handed Ash one of the bottles and sat back down.
His eyes moved to the paper in her hands. “What’s that?”
“Take a look for yourself.” She handed him the picture.
Ash frowned. “I’m not sure what it is I’m supposed to see.” He squinted at the picture, turning it this way and that. His frown deepening by the second.
Alice giggled. “It’s a picture of the babies. Here,” she went to sit next to him, turning the picture back the right way, “look.” She couldn’t help but smile. “Here’s a head. That’s an arm.”
“That’s an arm?” Ash chuckled.
“You have to have a little imagination. You can see his legs. You’re not seeing double. They’re lying in the same direction, next to one another. The doctor says they’re identical twins.” She didn’t bring up any of the risk factors the doctor had mentioned. Her tummy gave a little lurch just thinking about it.
Ash chuckled again. “I can see his nose. At least,” he brought the picture up to his face, “I think it’s his nose.”
“I think you’re right. It does look like a nose.” She was smiling broadly. “We’re more than likely having boys.”
Ash nodded. “Yeah, humans mated to shifters always have boys.” His eyes clouded and he ran both hands through his hair, holding his head.
“Oh fuck!” He leaned back on the sofa, breathing deeply. “Ignore me for a few minutes. I’m having a panic attack.”
“Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of those since finding out a few weeks ago. I only heard we were having twins this morning.” It felt weird saying we instead of I. It felt good.
Ash smiled. “That’s my fault, I’m afraid. I’m a bear shifter. We mostly have twins.”
“I read up on identical twins. The fertilized cell splits. It’s supposed to be one of those freaky things that just happens every so often.”
"With us, it's commonplace."
“I see.”
“They will be fully-fledged bear shifters.” He turned and looked her head on. “You know that don’t you?”
“I kind of figured, seeing as you’re the dad and all.”
Ash nodded. “I really need you to come back with me. Bear shifters cannot live amongst humans. These children won’t fit in.”
Alice noticed how he didn’t say that he wanted her there. He had never promised her a thing. It was better that he didn’t try to declare his undying love for her now that she was pregnant. She wouldn’t have believed him anyway. This was better. It still hurt though, dammit. One thing had become evident to her. Ash may not have feelings for her, but she had developed them for him. It was crazy. She didn't even know him and yet …
Maybe it was just the hormones talking. Though she doubted it.
“You don’t look like you agree.”
“I don’t disagree, but I can’t give everything up and just move.”
“Yes, you can.”
Ash was right, and yet she held back. “Maybe in the future. They won’t be born as bears, will they?”
Ash laughed. “No,” he shook his head, “they’ll be babies. Normal-looking, little babies. We only start shifting in our teens. You might not be safe though. There are those who do not like us non-humans. Groups who hate humans and shifters mixing with one another.”
Alice shook her head. “Why though? I guess I can believe it. Humans can be cruel, judgmental and just plain unaccepting of anything that is different. Call it a major flaw.”
“I would hate for something to happen to you.” He clasped her hand for a second, seeming to realize he had done it he released her.
“Where would I stay?”
“With Ethan and me.” No hesitation, though he did look away as soon as he said it. “I can’t make any promises about you and me. About …”
“It’s fine.” She waved her hand. Not wanting to hear any more. It would probably hurt her. She had just been a booty call to him. Again, she had to remind herself not to get angry. Ash had never promised her anything. What was it he had said? Only a good time.
“No, hear me out. We get along. There’s …” He shifted as if he was uncomfortable all of a sudden. “There’s a definite attraction.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we belong together. That we—”
“No.” He shook his head. “I want to be in their lives. I want to be a father to my boys, but I don’t know if I can ever mate you.”
“Look it’s fine. If, and it’s a big if,” she pulled in a deep breath, “if I live with you, we don’t have to be together. I only have one request until we figure things out. I can’t have you sleeping around with other women. Going on Shifter Night and—”
“What gave you that idea? I—”
“I was there on Saturday night.” Suddenly Alice felt seriously pissed off. “I saw you with that woman. I saw how she was all over you. Laughing and pressing herself up against you.”
“Oh fuck!” Ash covered his face with his hand.
“Oh fuck is right. You don’t owe me anything. It doesn’t matter that you slept with that …” Hussy. “woman. It’s fine.” So not fine. “I get it.” Not at all. “You want to be involved and to be a father. That’s fine. I understand that you don’t want a relationship with me, but—”
“I never said that I didn’t want a relationship. I said I didn’t know if I could ever mate you.”
“Okay, s
o you want a booty call then. Someone to raise your kids and to open her legs whenever—”
“That’s not fair.” It was Ash’s turn to sound pissed. By the look in his eyes, Alice would say that he was spitting mad.
“You’re right, it’s not fair.”
"It’s not fair because it’s not true. First off, I didn’t fuck that female the other night. If you had stuck around for another minute or two, you would’ve seen me walk away. I left. The last person I fucked was you."
Alice swallowed hard. The relief was immense. It was wrong of her to feel that way, but she couldn’t help it. Alice nodded.
“Secondly, I’m not looking for some kind of live-in booty call. I’m willing to give it … us a chance, but I can’t make any promises. I just don’t know if I am capable of going down that road again. I’m being honest with you here. I’m asking you to try. To give it a chance. To give us a chance.” He struggled to get the words out.
“I need to think about it.”
“That’s understandable.”
She took a sip of her water. “If I did decide to do this, it would take a bit of time to organize things at the salon.”
“Please think long and hard. We have a great community. There are quite a number of human females. It would be the best thing for the babies.” His eyes moved back to her belly.
“I’ll let you know within the next few days.” Her heart was pounding. She could hear it in her ears.
16
Four weeks later …
The receptionist was still staring. The lady across the way from them kept sneaking peeks at Ash from behind her magazine. Quite frankly, she couldn’t blame them. He was wearing a sweater that showcased all his muscles. As in, she was trying not to look at him because she might just drool herself. The receptionist wiped the side of her mouth, eyes still firmly on Ash.
Alice had to hold back a laugh, she ended up squirming in her chair instead.
“Are you okay?” Ash narrowed his eyes.
“I need to pee again,” she whispered.
Ash smiled. “One of the joys, right?”
Shifter Night Box Set: Complete Set (Book 1 - 3) Page 29