by Noelle Adams
“They’re not going to be happy, and they’ll probably stop paying my tuition. So I’m going to have to get a job. I’m going to start looking as soon as I talk to the people on campus.”
Jill straightened up. “Oh, Carol said that she and Ginny are looking for someone else for Tea for Two. You should ask them. They’d be great to work for.”
“Oh yeah. I wouldn’t mind that at all. I’ll definitely stop by and talk to them.”
“This is kind of exciting, isn’t it?” Jill said with a smile. “It’s like you’ll have a whole new start.”
There was a reason why she and Jill were friends. They always understood each other. “Yes. It kind of is. That’s why I’m both happy and sad.”
“And scared?”
“Yeah. Definitely scared.” Then she gave herself a little shake. “Okay. Enough about me. Tell me about you and Lucas. Are you going to buy a house, do you think?”
“Not right away. We’re just going to rent to begin with. Probably an apartment since we don’t need much space. We’ll want to buy a house eventually, but Lucas doesn’t like debt, so we’re going to save for a few years and then see where we are. I make plenty of money, but Lucas is still building up his business. We don’t want a huge mortgage right off.”
“That’s smart. I’m so excited for you.”
Michelle meant it. She meant every word. She couldn’t resist the urge to hug Jill yet again. But as she did, she was hit with a poignant realization.
Jill was leaving. Moving on.
Moving out.
Michelle had to tighten her face so she didn’t let the emotion show on her face.
She must not have tightened her face quite enough. Jill’s face suddenly contorted too. “I’m not going to cry,” she said.
“Me either.” Michelle swallowed hard over the lump in her throat. “I’m just going to miss you. Living with you, I mean.”
“I know. Me too.” A tear streamed down Jill’s face. “Okay. I lied.”
Michelle was crying now too. Her shoulders shook, and she wiped a few tears away. “I’m really happy for you.”
“I know. I’m happy too.” Jill was crying and smiling at the same time. “We’re still going to see each other all the time. I promise. But I’m going to miss you like crazy. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if it hadn’t been for you.”
“Me either. Without you.”
After that, she gave up and let herself cry.
This was big. It was allowed.
MICHELLE SAW STEVE briefly that morning but only over coffee while the others were around. He looked basically normal. Just subdued. As if some of who he was had been trapped somewhere inside.
She went to campus to talk to her department—the program director was happy to put her candidacy on hold for a year, and he was kind and encouraging as he told her she was an excellent student and hoped she’d be able to return—and then she went to the school of education to get information about the master’s program.
It was midafternoon when she returned, and she met Lucas on his way out to see a client. No one else was home, so she had no excuse not to call and talk to her parents.
They weren’t happy.
In fact, they tried for a half hour to get her to change her mind. But finally they accepted that she was set on this, and they understood that she was determined to try something else.
She was pretty sure they expected her to change her mind and go back to electrical engineering after a few months off. But that was inevitable. They were going to think what they thought.
She was going to do what she needed to do either way.
When she hung up, since she’d done everything she needed to do, she called Chloe, and they decided to get together for an early dinner. They went to a little sandwich shop and talked for almost three hours, going over Michelle’s new plans for the future and discussing their living situation.
They could get a smaller, cheaper place.
Or they could live with Steve.
Chloe said it had to be Michelle’s decision since she was the one who had the complicated relationship with him.
They decided to leave it undecided for a while until Michelle could figure out what she wanted.
She really had no idea.
And she’d need to talk to Steve before she made the decision.
When she got home, Jill and Lucas were hanging out in the living room watching TV, but Steve wasn’t around. Michelle chatted with them for a few minutes and then headed down the hallway.
His bedroom door was closed.
He was in there.
Michelle stood outside his door for a minute until she finally knocked.
“Come on in.”
She stepped into the room. “Do you have a minute?”
Steve was stretched out on his bed, propped on a couple of pillows. His TV wasn’t on, and he didn’t have his laptop or tablet or even his phone.
Evidently he’d just been lounging there doing nothing.
“Sure,” he said, straightening up into a sitting position. “Of course. What’s up?”
She sat on the edge of the bed, keeping her feet on the floor. “Are you okay?”
He looked surprised by the question. “Yeah. Not happy, but I’ll survive. You don’t have to worry about me.”
She did worry about him. He looked so tired. There were shadows under his eyes that shouldn’t be there, and he hadn’t shaved today. He’d just been sitting alone in his room, doing nothing.
“I’m serious,” he said, evidently reading something on her face. “I’m fine.”
“Okay.”
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Jill told me about the apartment. About how you said you’d stay here.”
“I told her I didn’t think you’d go for it, but if you want to stay and you need another roommate, then it can be me.”
“That can’t be what you want, can it?”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“I’d prefer it actually. I love this place, and it’s a great location and the rent is way better than it would be if I got my own place.”
She frowned. “You make plenty of money to afford rent on a place of your own.”
Steve’s expression flickered, as if he’d said something he hadn’t intended. “I know.”
With a twisting of her stomach, she thought quickly. “Steve? Why can’t you afford your own place?”
“I can.”
“Steve.”
He let out a gusty sigh. “Because I’ve been saving. For a house.”
She raised a hand to cover her mouth. “A house? For… for us? You’re still saving?”
She saw the answer on his face.
“Steve.”
“I know. I know.” He glanced away from her. “I was still hoping…”
“Steve, please don’t tell me you were assuming I’d change my mind. I thought you understood—”
“I do understand. I mean, I didn’t before. I guess I thought you were just going through a… a phase or something and you’d get over it. But I was wrong. I see that now. I’ll stop saving. I can sleep on a friend’s couch if you need me to move out right away.”
She swallowed hard. “This is your home too, Steve. I’m not going to make you move out if you don’t want to go, as long as you think we can handle living together better than we have so far. But won’t staying here make things harder for you?”
“You mean, not being with you? It hurts like hell already. It’s not going to get worse, no matter where I’m living. But if you mean you’re worried that I won’t be able to let go if I see you all the time, then you don’t need to worry about that.” He met her eyes with an expression that almost ached. “I understand it’s over. I didn’t understand before, but I do now. I’m not holding on anymore. You need me to let go, and so I will.”
Michelle felt her eyes burning again for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “I’m really sorry.”<
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“You don’t need to be sorry. You need to do what’s best for you. Are you…” He hesitated but then continued, “I know you weren’t happy before. Are you going to make any other changes?”
“Yes. I’ve put my program on hold for a year. I’m going to enroll in the master’s program that includes getting a teaching license. I talked to them today, and they can use some of the credits I already have. I start taking education classes this summer.”
She watched as this processed on his face. Then he gave her a bittersweet smile. “Good for you.”
She wiped away a stray tear. “I think it will be good. I should have done it a long time ago.”
They sat in silence for a minute. Then she finally said, “I’m worried about the idea of us living together, even with both of us knowing it’s over. I don’t want to make things harder for you.”
“You won’t.”
“How do you know? I feel bad enough—”
“You don’t have to feel bad. You need to make this change in your life, and I can understand why. I wish…”
When he didn’t complete the thought, she prompted, “You wish what?”
He turned his face away, proof that he wasn’t sure he should be saying this. “I wish you would have trusted me to go through all these changes with you. I would have supported you, you know.”
“I know you would have. That’s not what it’s about.”
He met her eyes again. “If it’s not about you thinking I wouldn’t be able to help you through it, then why are you so sure we can’t be together?”
She breathed heavily, staring at him for a minute. “Because I don’t want someone to help me through it. I need to do it myself.”
He closed his eyes again and took a long, slow breath. “Okay. I think I finally understand why you need to do this alone. I’d always want to help you, and I haven’t been very good about listening to you in the past. I have come to that conclusion over the past two days. Maybe I’d end up getting you to do what I want rather than what you want, and neither one of us wants that to happen.”
“No. We don’t. Thank you, Steve.”
He nodded and swallowed visibly. “Okay. I can do this. I’m going to let you go for real since this is obviously what you need to happen. But I do need…”
“What do you need, Steve? Just tell me.”
“I need… a break. I need you to back off for a while.”
She gasped. “Back off? So you don’t want to share an apartment after all?”
“No, no. That’s not what I mean. That’s not until next month. I just need a few weeks to… come to terms, and it will be too hard if I’m around you all the time. I just need a break to get myself together. After that, I’m sure it will be fine. And if it’s not, we can make different arrangements about the apartment.”
“Okay. Okay. I understand. Do you want me to… stay away from here for a while?”
“You don’t have to stay away. This is your home. Let’s just try to give each other a lot of space. No together time.”
She nodded. “No together time.”
It sounded terrible. Terrible. Steve was the person she’d always wanted to be together with more than anyone else.
But he was right. He needed a break, and she did too.
“All right.” Steve shook himself off. “Let’s do this then.”
They stared at each other for a minute.
Finally Michelle couldn’t stand it, so she said, “I know we’re taking a break, but do you think I can… I can hug you before we do. Would that be all right?” Another tear slid out of her eyes.
Steve’s features tightened briefly. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “Of course.”
He scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his shirt. His arms tightened until they were almost painful, but she needed to feel them. She shook against him for a long time as the emotion broke over her.
“Goodbye, kitten,” he murmured against her ear, when she finally relaxed her grip on him.
“Goodbye.” She was still crying when she straightened up, but she smiled at him.
He smiled back, so she was able to leave the room.
Six
ALMOST A MONTH LATER, Michelle rang up a customer who’d ordered Darjeeling and a cupcake at Tea for Two.
She’d opened this morning, so she’d gotten here at six, and her feet were aching from almost five hours of standing. The worst was over, however. Today was Thursday, and the morning crowd had finally slacked off, and they were never very busy at lunchtime on weekdays since they didn’t serve sandwiches or salads.
She checked the two tables currently seated to make sure they didn’t need anything. Then she scanned the sidewalk outside the storefront. When no one appeared to be coming in, she went to sit at a table near the counter to rest her legs.
When Ginny, the co-owner and one of her bosses, came out of the back room, Michelle immediately straightened up.
“Don’t get up,” Ginny said with a smile, walking over to sit at the table beside her. “Have you even had a break since we opened?”
“I went to the bathroom once.”
Ginny was a couple of years older than Michelle, and she was gorgeous with long blond hair, a sunny smile, and a flawless eye for fashion. She was easygoing and great to work for. Michelle had never once received a sharp word from either Ginny or Carol.
Serving the public this way would never be a dream job for Michelle, but she couldn’t imagine anything better for her needs right now. She’d been lucky to get this position, and she wasn’t about to mess it up.
“Well, take a break now,” Ginny said after a quick check of her tablet, which she carried around with her everywhere. “I can cover the counter for a half hour.”
“Okay. As soon as I can find the energy to get up, I’ll run upstairs and grab something to eat.” That was one of the perks of living right above her place of work.
“If you ever need a break, even if we’re busy, let us know. Even if you’re the only one on, either Carol or I can cover the counter.”
“Okay. I will.”
“I mean it,” Ginny said, leaning forward and holding Michelle’s gaze with vivid blue eyes. “You don’t have to act like some sort of superstar. Carol and I already know you’re the best we’ve got.”
Michelle experienced a wave of pleasure at that. “I am not.”
“Yes, you are. The other girls are great, of course, but they’re college students. There’s a maturity level that makes a difference.”
“I guess so. Thanks for saying so. I’ve loved working here for the past month.”
“Then please don’t quit anytime soon.”
“I’m not planning on it.”
The women shared a smile, and Michelle relaxed back in her chair, feeling pleased with herself, with all the work she’d done this month, none of which had been easy after being a full-time student for so long.
Ginny looked like she was going to say more, but she was distracted by something out on the sidewalk. Michelle saw her eyes following something outside. Then Ginny opened her mouth and closed it again as if she’d changed her mind about speaking.
Michelle turned to look through the glass front but only saw two pedestrians. “What was it?”
Ginny gave a rueful shake of her head. “Nothing. It was…”
“What?”
“It was your guy. Walking by.”
Now Michelle understood why Ginny had hesitated about saying anything. “I don’t have a guy.”
“I know. But you know who I mean.”
Of course she knew.
There was only one guy in the world who had ever been hers.
He wasn’t hers anymore.
She’d made the right decision last month, and she’d never once regretted it. But the knowledge still ached.
She hardly ever talked to Steve anymore, except incidentally as part of a larger group. The loss of him in her life had created a gaping hole she’d
not even begun to fill yet.
Michelle smiled, making sure her expression was open and genuine so Ginny wouldn’t think she’d stepped into difficult emotional territory. “He lives upstairs. He was probably just leaving the apartment. He has the day off today.”
“He looks in here every time he walks by.”
That made Michelle straighten up. “He does?”
“Yeah. He never comes in, but he always looks. He only started doing that when you began to work here.”
Michelle shouldn’t be pleased to hear about this very small gesture from Steve—a lingering sign of attachment, as if he felt some of the bittersweet ache that she did—but she was. “He has a joke about never coming in here. Says it’s too girly.”
“Well, it is kind of girly but not as girly as it would have been if I’d given Carol full rein.” After a minute, Ginny added, “So there’s no hope for you two?”
“I really don’t know. I don’t think so. We got together when I was… different. I was what he was looking for back then. He might still be attached, but I’m not sure I can make him happy now. He… we fought all the time.”
“Everyone fights sometimes.” It was clear from Ginny’s sympathetic expression that she wasn’t arguing. Just trying to understand.
“Yeah, but not like this. It was… painful. I needed to make some changes to myself. I did manage to at least figure that out.”
“And he didn’t want you to change?”
Michelle shrugged helplessly. “I… don’t know. All I know is that I have to do this for now, and I’m not about to leave him hanging and string him along while I figure things out. He’ll find someone else. He’s an amazing guy. He’s not going to stay single for long.”
Even after reminding herself of that on a daily basis for weeks now, she still had trouble not hating the sound of it.
The truth was, no matter how sure she was of her decisions, she still didn’t want Steve to date anyone else. The feeling was wrong. Completely wrong. And she wasn’t going to indulge it. But it was definitely there.
“That sounds familiar,” Ginny murmured.
“What does?”
“Thinking you’ve broken up, moved on, and that you’ll both find someone else. Never doubting it for a moment.” Ginny gave a soft huff of amusement and twirled her wedding and engagement rings. “It didn’t work out that way for Ryan and me.”