Grasping tightly to the last bit of willpower within her, she walked up the front steps, across the porch, and knocked on the front door. She waited a couple of minutes. Nothing. Knocking louder, she silently willed him to answer the door before she lost her resolve.
Finally a light came on and she could faintly hear footsteps descending the stairway. She was shaking so badly that she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to say anything. What if she lost her nerve? What if the brunette was with him?
The door swung open. Suddenly he was there, this was real—and she couldn’t find the right words to say. She opened her mouth but nothing would come out. The look on his face went from confusion to concern as he took her arm, pulled her gently inside and closed the door. Taking off his robe, he tried to put it around her shoulders, but she backed away from him.
“No, Austin, I’m okay. Just let me say something first,” she said, her voice shaky and uncertain.
“Kristen, you’re shivering…”
He stepped toward her again but she put her hand up to stop him.
“I’m fine. Please, just listen.”
She began to pace the floor, her nerves wound so tightly she felt she would fall apart any second. Why was this so hard?
“Austin…” she began, the tears streaming down her face before she had the chance to stop them. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away again after Randy came to see me. I was confused. I didn’t know what to do or what to say anymore. For so long, all I’ve ever been good at is pushing people away, trying to deal with things on my own, always the strong one. I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my problems.”
She was sobbing now, her body racked with emotion that made it hard to stand still. The water continued to drip from her hair and clothes as she paced back and forth across the carpet. Everything was swirling across her mind and she had to get it all out…break free once and for all.
“When Randy left, I felt as if it was my fault after the way people began talking about me and looking at me. It was as though they thought I wasn’t much of a woman since I had somehow managed to push him into a man’s arms. I began to look at myself differently, as if I wasn’t worthy of being loved.”
He tried again to approach her, but she stepped away from him, raising her hand once again to stop him from interrupting before she had the chance to say what she needed to say.
“I convinced myself I didn’t need anyone, and for a long time that worked. I stopped wanting. I stopped caring. I had a home, a great job, friends and my family. I made myself believe I had the perfect life and I didn’t need anything else. But then you moved in next door and everything began to change. I began to realize what I was missing out on and what I was denying myself.”
“Kristen, please, just let me hold you,” he said softly. He tried to approach her again, but she shook her head fiercely, steadily pacing back and forth.
“N-no. No, Austin. I want you to hear this,” she faltered, her voice trembling as the tears rushed over her. “After I started talking to you and getting to know you better, I began to forget the reasons why I had guarded my heart so closely in the first place. All I knew was that I wanted to be near you…to touch you. And then…I did.”
She stopped moving and turned to look at him.
“It was overwhelming and wonderful all at the same time, and I finally felt at peace and ready to trust someone again. Then Randy showed up and all those memories came with him. So did the anger and the heartache. I pushed you away instead of letting you help me work through it, and I’m so sorry. I did get through it, though. That part of my life is behind me once and for all.”
She tried to take a deep breath, but she couldn’t, as her body continued to shake.
“Only now you have someone else in your life. I saw you holding her this morning, and I know I’m probably too late. I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am for hurting you. I don’t know what might happen and I can’t promise you that I won’t fall apart again tomorrow. But I’m here, Austin. I’m here right now and I’m willing to try if you’ll just let me.”
Resting her head in her hands, she let the tears continue to fall as her body shook. There was nothing left she could say that would convey what she was feeling so strongly in her heart and soul.
As he took her in his arms, she wrapped her arms his waist and held him close. Tenderly, he kissed her hair and cradled her for several minutes while she calmed down. Finally it was all out and it felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Pulling away from her momentarily, he placed his hands around her face and lifted her head so that he could gaze into her eyes.
“First of all, that was my sister you saw this morning,” he said with a smile. “And you’re not going to fall apart, Kristen. I won’t let you.” His voice was sincere as he brushed away the tears from her cheeks. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips gently against hers.
“You’ll never have to want for anything, ever again. Just trust me. Tell me what you need, and I’ll do everything in my power to give it to you. We’ll take this slowly. One day at a time and no more running. Now…” he continued, his voice deep and soothing, “if there’s nothing else you need to tell me, I’d really like to carry you upstairs, slip you out of these wet clothes and make love to you.”
Kristen sighed contentedly as he lifted her in his arms and headed for the stairway. It had taken over a year, but at last she found where she truly belonged. Right here, in this very moment.
And as far as she was concerned, it was worth the long journey to get there.
About the Author
Growing up in a household that consisted of four brothers and no sisters, Stephanie Adkins spent most of her childhood locked in her bedroom, escaping the testosterone by filling page after page of her diaries with short stories and poetry.
Now, surrounded by more men in her life—her husband of fifteen years and two sons—she still enjoys the “great escape” by turning her childhood dreams into reality one story at a time.
Stephanie welcomes comments from readers. You can find her website and email address on her author bio page at www.ellorascave.com.
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Also by Stephanie Adkins
Fool Me Twice
Seducing Reagan
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More Than Neighborly Page 8