“No,” Kaislyn shook her head. Did that include her own mother? Kaislyn shuddered at the thought.
“It has some definite advantages,” Raina shrugged. “The interesting thing, to me anyway, is that while all of my memories are shared with the phoenix, she does not share all of hers with me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“The phoenix doesn’t exactly choose which memories of past queens I can remember, but rather brings certain ones to light when needed. Otherwise I would—”
“Go insane.” Was that part of Ikaros’ problem? Did she do that to him? Subject him to how many generations of past phoenix king memories all jumbled up with his own? No wonder he hated her.
“Not the word I would have chosen,” Raina said dryly. “She acts as a buffer. When I think I need certain memories or experiences to draw on, she reminds me of them. When I saw you this evening, I was flooded with some... lively encounters between you and Athalia.”
Kaislyn looked at Raina sharply. “Oh, dear,” she said in a small voice.
Raina burst into laughter. “I would like to think I’m not as difficult to deal with as Athalia was.” She grew thoughtful. “I am, of course, missing the more interesting part, but I do have the very first minutes of when Athalia became queen. You are, perhaps, a little harsh on Hezere, if what he had was Ikaros’ end of that encounter when he refused to help you.”
Kaislyn folded her arms, her silence loud between them.
Raina began to say something and stopped. “Let me see your hands.”
Kaislyn blinked. “What?”
“Let me see them.” She tapped a bare foot against the floor, waiting. She noticed Kaislyn attention drawn there. “I dislike wearing shoes. Some habits never go away. Let me see them.”
Kaislyn reluctantly held her hands out. Raina flipped them around, scrutinizing the blackened tips of three of them. “Yes, they’re like his,” said Kaislyn in response to Raina’s unspoken question. “Shifting affects you physically too.”
“And these?” Raina’s fingers traced over a dozen tiny scars crisscrossing her palm.
Kaislyn snatched her hands back and hid them in her pockets. “Ikaros,” she lied, aware that she was trembling.
Raina didn’t press her, instead turning to the phoenix. It obligingly rose from its perch and glided away. It rarely flapped its wings, Kaislyn realized.
Raina did her own small circle of the room, stopping beside the empty pedestal again, face troubled.
Kaislyn fidgeted in the waiting silence. Now what? As she waited, she thought over what Raina had told her. There was something there... something she was missing. Her eyes widened and she whirled toward Raina, her sudden movement catching the queen by surprise. She took a step back.
“What did you mean that you have the memories of past phoenix queens? All of them?”
“When the phoenix shares them with me.”
“Stupid bird,” Kaislyn said. “So... so...” she couldn’t think clearly. Or was she thinking clearly for the first time? “Hezere was king after Ikaros. He would have all of the bird’s memories of when Ikaros was king. He might have... he could have... he’ll know when Ikaros’ birth life is!”
“If it happened when Ikaros was king and if the phoenix shared that memory with Aamir,” Raina replied, doubtfully.
“No, no. You don’t get it. Hezere gave up the phoenix to you! That means he has all the memories. All jumbled up inside of him. Without the phoenix blocking them, they’re all there! I just need to find him and make him tell me.”
“I sent your parents to find him,” Raina said with a shake of her head. “They couldn’t. He is well and truly hidden from everything that reminds him of his old life. If he is still alive.”
“Bah,” Kaislyn said. “I can find him. I don’t need to trace a trail from years ago. I’ll just track him down in the First City and make him tell me what I want to know.”
Raina shook her head. “No wonder you two didn’t get along.”
Before Kaislyn could ask what Raina meant, the phoenix reappeared, but not alone. Zarif followed a respectful distance behind it. Kaislyn swallowed. Ah. This now.
Zarif’s gaze flicked once to Kaislyn. Checking to see if she was all right?
“Your Majesty?”
Raina’s voice and manner became cool again. “I have sorted most of Kaislyn out to my satisfaction—” Kaislyn glowered at the description of herself “—and now I should like your long overdue explanation for your actions in Ti-em earlier this summer.”
Or not, Kaislyn thought with relief. Besides, Raina couldn’t know about them, could she? Nisken only just found out and wouldn’t have had a chance to say anything to Raina.
This time Zarif met the Phoenix Queen’s gaze. “Kaislyn wasn’t a threat to you so long as you didn’t know about her. I saw to it that it stayed that way. It meant looking the other way when my guards misinterpreted Kaislyn’s explanation for her injuries and sought to defend her honor.”
“What injuries?”
Kaislyn could not tell what Raina was thinking. Her face and manner were politely interested, nothing more.
“Ikaros whipped me when he discovered I was in his Second City during his rule,” Kaislyn offered. “I was originally trying to find his birth life so I can drag him there and make him die once and for all, but I got distracted by his attempts to kill Athalia and interfered.”
Raina’s eyebrows rose in genuine interest but she nodded her head at Zarif to continue. He shrugged. He was finished.
“What if I decided Kaislyn was a threat to my person and family, Captain? What if I ordered you to remove that threat?”
“Remove—” Kaislyn squeaked indignantly.
Zarif glanced at her, his lips twitching in amusement. “I would obey, Your Majesty.”
“If you think that for one moment I would—”
The Phoenix Queen spoke over Kaislyn. “Just like that, Captain?”
Kaislyn choked in outrage. She wasn’t used to being ignored.
Zarif answered in his calm rumble. “Such a removal would involve personal supervision. I would suggest that Your Majesty find an interim royal captain while your command is obeyed.”
Kaislyn’s cheeks warmed again. When would she stop blushing around him? Had he really just said what she thought he had? He’d give up his position and follow her into exile? Not that Kaislyn would allow herself to be exiled of course...
Of course.
“I see.” Raina tapped her lips thoughtfully, making Kaislyn wince at the familiar gesture. “And is Kaislyn a threat now, Captain?”
“I would not have allowed her to meet you if I thought she was, Your Majesty.”
“Thought is an opinion, Captain. And I am very much in doubt as to how clear your thoughts are at the moment.”
Zarif bowed low, his gaze still on the queen’s. “My thoughts are based in facts, Your Majesty.”
Raina glanced at her phoenix. Its head tilted to the side as it regarded her.
“Very well,” she said, her voice growing firmer and more regal. “Despite your... colorful past, Kaislyn, you are the daughter of my most trusted friends. So long as you do not break any more of my laws, you may move about my palaces and cities without fear of me interfering in your business. I expect,” Raina added in a warning voice, “that you will return the courtesy and not interfere in Zarif’s duties as my royal captain.”
“Certainly,” Kaislyn said, issuing a slight, mocking bow. “I am very discreet.”
Raina actually snorted. “That’s what Drazan always promises me. You’re dismissed, Captain.”
After he’d gone, Raina gave her a long, level look. “Does your back still hurt?”
“Yes,” Kaislyn admitted. “That was not nice of you at all.”
Raina shrugged unrepentantly. “Stand still.”
“Why? What—” She flinched as the phoenix flew to her shoulder. Its claws dug painfully into her skin. Kaislyn eyed the bird sideways, not daring t
o move. The phoenix ruffled its feathers and departed almost as soon as it’d landed. It left torn claw marks in her shirt.
Kaislyn blinked sudden, tired eyes.
“Sometimes I can be nice,” Raina said with a smile. “Let’s find someone to help you to your rooms before you fall asleep on your feet.”
Kaislyn nodded sleepily and followed slowly after Raina.
Her back no longer ached but her skin stung. As if she were encased in a fire. She knew, instinctively, that she was headed for something far worse than getting her head cut off. Maybe she really was going to die after all.
Kaislyn glanced over her shoulder to the phoenix once more on its pedestal. It watched her, unblinking.
The next morning, Kaislyn told her parents and Nisken everything. After her stunt, and subsequent conversation, with Raina, she didn’t think she could—or should—keep the truth from them any longer. Raina and Zarif were there as well and Drazan’s eyes narrowed at Kaislyn’s insistence Zarif listen too.
She explained about a Shift and detailed a select few of her encounters with Ikaros. When she sketched her confrontation with Ikaros and dethroning him, her otherwise silent audience burst into animated speech.
“You let him do what?” Drazan roared.
“Honestly, Kaislyn, you’re worse than your father,” snapped Sveka.
“Blazes, what were you thinking?” Nisken cried.
Even Raina was surprised. “I missed that part,” she said, swiveling to look at the phoenix snoozing on the back of an empty chair in the corner of the room. It cracked an eye at her and went back to sleep.
Only Zarif didn’t speak. When Kaislyn glanced at him, his lips curled upwards in a smile and he shook his head at her.
“It worked,” Kaislyn said defensively. “And I tested it first. I wasn’t an idiot.”
“How do you test something like that?” Nisken demanded. “Did you get some poor sod to chop your head off for you?”
At Kaislyn’s silence, Nisken’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You idiot—” His exclamation was lost beneath the outbursts of Sveka and Raina who were in turn drowned out by the loud swearing of Drazan.
“It worked,” Kaislyn shouted over the protests. Drazan choked on his next words as everyone subsided. “It worked,” she repeated. She was worried her voice sounded as hysterical as she was feeling inside. If they kept shouting at her, she was going to burst into tears. Swallowing, Kaislyn resumed her story.
The only thing she avoided sharing was her overlapping stay in the Fourth City with Raina. As she grew nearer to telling them about it, the less she could endure the thought of her parents knowing she’d been there twenty years ago. Raina’s eyebrows rose at the noticeable omission.
There was a long, unmoving silence and Kaislyn wanted to flee, but she forced herself to remain still, perched on the edge of her seat.
Drazan shifted in his chair and sighed. “I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by what you do. Should have seen most of that coming. Most,” he added with a dark look at her. “We are going to have a talk later about taking stupid risks.”
Kaislyn ignored the threat, caught off guard by the calm response after his earlier outbursts. “What do you mean?”
“Your mother suspected a lot of what you’ve been doing. In general, not the details. You didn’t think she’d keep her suspicions from me, did you?”
“She kept them from me,” Nisken said. He eyed Kaislyn for a long, speculative moment. “Huh.” He lapsed into a brooding silence.
Kaislyn shot him a worried look, but he didn’t seem angry at her.
“I think Kaislyn has, on the whole, acted very well,” said Raina.
Drazan waved a hand in vague acquiescence.
“Of course she has,” said Sveka in a voice that did not brook more arguing.
“I intend to go to the mountains and visit the First City next.” That way she could avoid eye contact with everyone here for a long time.
“But it’s winter!” Nisken objected. “It’ll be impossible to travel in the mountains. Everything will be snow covered.”
“I think I’ll manage,” Kaislyn replied, her gaze drawn once more to Zarif. Judging by the hidden smile, he was thinking the same thing she was about fat sheep. She stood and retreated to the door before there was another question.
Zarif unfolded his arms and began to follow her.
Drazan’s voice cracked across the room. “Stay, Zarif.”
Kaislyn looked over her shoulder at the glowering Royal Assassin that was her father and the blankest face she’d yet seen on the unmoving Royal Captain. “He said you, not me.”
“Cheater.” Zarif turned back into the room.
Nisken settled more firmly into his seat, his expression similar to that of Drazan’s.
The phoenix, sensing a change, woke. It stretched out its wings and joined Nisken, perching on his shoulder and appearing interested in the discussion for the first time. Nisken scowled at the bird but didn’t attempt to dislodge it.
Raina rose to her feet. “Do not kill my captain, Drazan. I still have need of him.” She exited the room, leaving Kaislyn to close the door on Zarif and three short-tempered Royal Assassins.
Kaislyn busied herself the rest of the day securing supplies for her journey and avoiding everyone after her morning confession. She did force herself, the following day, to say goodbye to her parents and Nisken and a slightly more formal farewell to Raina.
The queen was with her son in the nursery, bouncing Aravav on her lap and making strange sounds at him. Kaislyn eyed the chubby, black-haired baby in some alarm. Even in the mountain villages, she avoided babies, afraid she might do something wrong and damage something so fragile. Raina did not invite Kaislyn closer and she didn’t ask.
She searched half-heartedly for Zarif. She almost wished she’d stuck it out and stayed with him yesterday with her parents. Almost.
Zarif appeared as she prepared to lead her horse through the same palace gates she’d first entered a few days ago. The gate guards, noticing Zarif, stiffened into salutes.
Arms folded, he examined her horse and supplies before turning critically to her.
“I see you survived,” Kaislyn said, overly brightly.
His eyes narrowed at her.
“I was just heading off now,” added Kaislyn.
“Were you.”
“I dislike long family reunions.”
“Do you.”
“Back to monosyllabic words?”
“I could arrest you again,” said Zarif. He unfolded his arms and Kaislyn took that as an invitation to be kissed. “I’d tell you to be careful, but I’m not an idiot,” Zarif added.
“For a rock,” Kaislyn grinned up at him.
She got another kiss for that. Ignoring the gaping stares of the guards, Zarif took the reins of her horse and walked with her into the city.
3 | The First City
Hand shielding her eyes from the sun, Kaislyn surveyed the First City from the slight rise of the sand dune. The oasis city broke the monotony of the desert sands like a sudden thicket of palm trees. Indeed, palm trees did stick out from the city. The tall, waving leaves of the trees contrasted sharply against the dried brown of the buildings. The green intensified nearer the center of the city, nearer the interconnected pools of water that made the city’s existence possible.
A token wall ran around the city perimeters, the unbroken bits as high as a man’s waist. Most of the flat surface of the wall was in use for meetings or business. The entrance Kaislyn chose was guarded by half a dozen old men. They sat on the sandy ground with their skinny legs folded, eyes observing everyone who passed them. They seemed to recognize most who came into the city, exchanging greetings and pocketing tokens.
Kaislyn passed them without earning a remark and she slung her near-empty pack to her other shoulder. After returning to the mountains and Shifting to summer to avoid the cold and snow, she replenished her supplies and walked to the eastern edge of the mount
ains. From there she Shifted to the Second Bloody Year and trekked further east into the desert before picking up a rarely used caravan track that would eventually lead to the First City. It took a few extra days of travel, but the more isolated route spared her the worry of meeting someone who might remember her later.
The First City was completely different from the other cities she’d visited. The streets were crowded with cheerful, talkative people. The bright colors of booth awnings and hanging banners dazzled her eyes in every direction. She touched her scarf to make sure it covered her head securely. She didn’t want to draw any notice with her unusual coloring.
Though she saw City Guards, more than in the other cities, these guards lounged at their posts, if they could be found at them. Most were openly drinking or socializing with passing shoppers. The First City, Kaislyn decided, was the richest and laziest of the Five Cities.
If she’d calculated correctly, Raina and her army of supporters ought to be arriving in the next day or so and then no one would be leaving easily. The First City was the last of the cities to accept Raina’s rule. Was that due to Raina leaving it for last or would these lazy guards stand and fight for their city lord?
She looked toward the palace near the center of the city. It wasn’t hard to locate, rising several stories above the rest of the buildings, oval atop oval, surrounded by palm trees. Lord Dariz was supposed to be as nasty as Tecwyn had been. He wouldn’t fawn at Raina’s feet when she arrived.
What had her parents said of taking the First City? That it was ‘interesting’? None of the cities kept much of a garrison, content with merely enlarging the City Guard when necessary. It didn’t even look like Dariz had done that, though. Kaislyn pushed her uneasy thoughts away. It wasn’t her concern what Dariz planned. She wanted Hezere.
The gates of the palace were more lightly guarded than Kaislyn expected. She snuck through and began a curious exploration of the grounds, working her way to the palace itself. She didn’t see many servants or activity and she soon discovered why. The First City lord was throwing a party and most of the attention was fixed there.
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