She had visited with her therapist the morning after their first disaster, so maybe the doctor had suggested something that would help her overcome her panic. One thing for sure, they’d have a long talk before they even got naked. Seeing the horror in her eyes was a sight he never wanted to see again.
Having a seemingly intimate and romantic dinner with one man while your mind was on sleeping with another man wasn’t as hard as it sounded. Whenever David smiled, leaned in to touch her with a tender caress, she simply superimposed Brennan’s face onto David’s.
Of course, poor David would be insulted if he knew the truth, but it worked wonderfully. And when Francois called it a wrap, he excitedly proclaimed that he’d never seen a couple so attuned to one another, nor had he photographed a more romantic evening.
Kacie thanked everyone for the lovely few days and said good-bye. It was hard to believe they would be headed home tomorrow. Harder still to acknowledge that she’d been literally living in a fool’s paradise. Going home meant facing whatever and whoever was trying to destroy her.
“You ready?”
At the sound of Brennan’s deep, sexy voice, she pushed all of that aside. Tomorrow was soon enough to worry about that. Tonight was hers and Brennan’s. Oh, and that big giant elephant that would soon join them in the bedroom that she had aptly named in her head: Orgasm Terror.
She held out her hand, and he took it, bringing it to his mouth for a soft kiss. One romantic gesture from this man would put an entire week of fake romance to shame.
“I think so.”
He gave her a tender, heated smile. “There’s no pressure, Kacie. No timetable. No rules.” He drew her in for a sweet, lingering kiss and then whispered against her mouth, “Only pleasure.”
How could she tell him that unfortunately, that was the problem?
The flicker of doubt in Kacie’s eyes was the last thing Brennan wanted to see. He was about to suggest they go to one of the bars for a nightcap, hoping to show her he was in no rush. A jagged streak of lightning followed by a loud clap of thunder changed his mind.
He had a bottle of wine waiting for them, and even if it took all night, he planned for her to know that tonight there was absolutely nothing to worry about, especially from him.
Taking her hand, he pulled her along with him toward their bungalow. They ran the last few steps, and the minute they stepped inside, the heavens opened.
The rain hitting the roof made a rushing, almost thunderous sound—the perfect accompaniment for the hot blood thundering through his veins.
“Want some wine?”
She whirled around and saw that he’d ordered not only wine, but a variety of sliced fruits. “Wow, you’ve been busy.”
“Yes…well, watching a gorgeous woman have a romantic dinner with another man leaves little time to myself, but I manage.”
She winced. “Sorry…can only imagine how boring that must’ve been for you.”
“Boring?” He pulled her into his arms, pressed her into his body. “Boring is the last word I would use.”
“Oh yeah?” she said softly. And then, in a bold move that both surprised and delighted him, she grabbed his hips and rubbed her sex against his hardness. “What word would you use to describe it?”
“Why don’t you tell me?”
“Hard,” she whispered against his mouth. “Hard. Thick. Long. Beautifully male.”
“Hmm. Are we still talking about the job?”
“What job?”
He growled, “Exactly,” and covered her mouth with his.
Somehow, kissing Kacie was always better than he remembered. Her taste, so fresh and pure but sensual, wrapped around him, and he wanted to devour every single morsel in one long swallow. Brennan ate at her lips, loving the feel of her surrender, her passion. When Kacie kissed, no matter how fearful she might be, she put everything into it. Her passion, need, and heat transmitted to him like an electrical charge.
Drawing away so they could breathe, he said, “Now about that wine.”
“Can we drink it later? After?”
He almost said yes. Almost, because he wanted her so much, and she seemed so willing and eager, but the anxiety in her eyes said something else. No, they weren’t going to rush this.
“How about I take a shower and you pour us a drink? I got a little heated watching you tonight.”
She grinned. “I plan to get you a lot heated.”
“Good.” He kissed her nose. “Would you mind bringing me a glass?”
She nodded, and he stepped away from her. Maybe it was a mistake to cool down the intensity since she had seemed so eager, but quick, hard sex, especially with Kacie’s history of abuse, seemed so damned wrong.
Brennan pulled off his shirt on the way to the shower. He hadn’t lied. Just thinking about what would happen later had gotten him so heated at dinner, he’d requested ice water. Watching Kacie smile and simper at another man wasn’t the most enjoyable way to spend an evening, but his imagination had taken him away from that scene.
Dropping his pants to the floor, Brennan turned on the shower and let the cool, pounding water give him the relief he needed. He turned at a sound and saw Kacie holding out a glass of wine, wearing nothing but a sexy smile.
He groaned and went rock hard in a second. So much for going slow.
Kacie hoped the wine she was holding didn’t spill. It had taken all her courage to strip and walk in here. Now she was shivering, though not all from nerves. She was ready, really ready this time to give herself to this man. But she couldn’t deny the nerves, along with anticipation and a volcanic kind of heat that felt as though it could erupt and spill over any moment. This heated need was one that only Brennan could quench.
Brennan stepped out of the shower and took the glass of wine from her hand. He took a long swallow and then held the glass to her mouth. She took a sip, and as the fruity merlot flavors of red grapes and black cherries hit her tongue, the need rising inside her went even higher. Taking one more swallow of the wine, Brennan set the glass on the countertop and then pulled her into the shower with him. As water cascaded over them, their mouths melded into a devouring, tongue-tangling connection. His hands roamed everywhere, and Kacie delighted in them, even as her hands did the same. He was so incredibly hard. Everywhere she touched was a tactile, sensual experience.
His chest rubbed against her breasts, making her nipples achy and needy. When he lowered his head and covered one with his mouth, she almost sobbed at the glorious feeling. His hands touched her hips and then cupped her butt, pressing her sex into his. Unable to stop herself, Kacie stood on her toes so she could rub his hard penis against the top of her sex.
Oh... Heat swamped her, need overwhelmed her. She could feel arousal pulsing, begging for release. She wanted it so badly she almost screamed at the incredible, delicious, overwhelming intensity. One second more...one last pulse and...
An image of Harrington came into her head.
Oh no. Oh no. Not now. Please not now.
Brennan wanted to cry with her. She was crouched in a corner, sobbing, and he didn’t think he’d felt this helpless since he’d lost his son. His arousal completely gone, Brennan knelt down beside her. “Kacie...baby. It’s all right.”
She raised her head, and he didn’t think he’d ever seen such stark pain. “No, it isn’t, Brennan. It really isn’t. It’ll never be all right.”
The water that had felt so good a few minutes ago was now chilling them both. Standing, he turned the shower knobs, halting the water, and then turned back to the devastated woman in the corner. He wanted to fix whatever was wrong, but how in the hell could he do that when he had no idea what her issues were. Okay, yes, he knew what they stemmed from but why was she able to get to a certain point before she freaked out? He was messing this up but had no clue how or why.
He tucked his hands under her arms and pulled her to her feet. She went into his arms so sweetly, so beautifully, he knew it wasn’t him she feared. They had almost made
love twice now, and each time she’d been right there with him until...
Oh hell. He’d been so damn blind. The photos that had been left in her apartment. In every one of them, she’d looked obviously drugged and…almost blissful, as if she had no idea what was happening to her, as if she’d been a willing participant in an act that had resulted in…
Oh damn, damn, damn.
The two times she’d flipped out with him had happened right when she’d gotten close to getting off. Right at the moment when…
Harrington. That fucking, perverted, son of a bitch, sadistic bastard. He had drugged her into submission, drugged her until she had no idea who she was, much less where she was, and then he’d used her body against her, messing with her head in unimaginably sick ways.
Had she climaxed while she was being raped? Is that how she equated sexual pleasure? With what that perverted piece of shit had done to her?
Kacie’s shiver brought him back to his surroundings. His anger was washed away with his concern for her…his need to help her. Now that he believed he might have the answer, he needed to figure out what he could do about it.
Pushing open the shower door, he took Kacie’s hand and led her out of the stall, snagging a large bath towel on the way to the bedroom. Kacie needed to get dry, and she needed to be comfortable. He led her to the bed and pushed her down. She had stopped crying but was looking at the floor, her shoulders slumped in defeat. This was not going to be an easy conversation.
First, he dried her thoroughly, rubbing her vigorously enough so that her body should be zinging with life. He then took a few swipes at himself and threw the towel across the room. Then, lifting her in his arms, he sat on the bed and scooted till he was leaning against the headboard. Her long, lean body was draped over his like the loveliest of blankets. He took a moment to savor the feeling.
Long moments later, he said quietly, “Harrington made you orgasm, didn’t he?”
Her body stiffened in an instant, and she buried her faced against his chest.
“That’s why you stop me every time you’re close.”
She nodded.
Well, at least the mystery was solved. Now how to deal with it. “Did you talk to your therapist about it?”
“Yes.”
“And?”
“She said there was no shame in that. It was forced upon me...just like the rape.”
“And you don’t believe that?”
“Yes...I know it was, it’s just…”
“When you feel the pleasure building, you have a flashback.”
“Yes.” She raised her head and looked into his eyes, her expression so sincere. “I love making love with you...but I thought maybe...if you wouldn’t mind, you’d let me...” Her face went beet red. “You’d let me pleasure you. I’d really like to.”
“So you want me to orgasm, but you don’t want to. Is that right?”
“Yes. But even if I say stop, you don’t have to. I just really want to get past this.”
“Kacie, first and foremost, when a woman says stop, she means stop. I’m not going to go forward until you’re giving me the go-ahead, no matter how much you want to get past it. Got it?”
“I know…but—”
Cutting her off, he continued, “And letting you give me pleasure, but not giving it back? Sorry, I don’t roll that way either. Sex, to me—especially with you—has got to be a mutual giving of pleasure. I can’t just take from you without giving back.”
“But it would make me happy... Giving you pleasure would make me happy.”
“And you don’t think me giving you pleasure would make me happy?”
Her eyes flickered with surprised confusion. “Well…yes.”
“But you’d hoped I would overlook that small detail?”
Her eyes filled with tears again. “I don’t know that I can give you that kind of…happiness, Brennan.”
“Can we try…one more time? Do you trust me enough?”
“I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”
A lump developed in his throat, and the last of the ice that had encased his heart melted under the warmth of this woman’s sweetness.
Rolling her over until she lay beneath him, Brennan proceeded to kiss her and tease her again, heating them both to a slow simmer. His mouth moved from hers and traveled down her neck, then settled onto a breast for some slow, sweet suckles. When her nipple tightened into a taut, little bud, he scraped his teeth over her and delighted in her gasp of arousal.
Moving to the other one, he gave it the same treatment, all the while his hands roamed up and down her body. Heat and need once more took over Kacie’s body.
Brennan’s hands and mouth seemed to be everywhere at once. He was willing to try this again, and she intended to give him everything she could to make that happen. His comment that it would make him happy to give her pleasure had struck a strong chord within her. If giving her sexual release would make him happy, then she wanted so very much to give him that happiness.
“Kacie, look at me.”
She opened her eyes to see Brennan staring down at her, his beautiful eyes both hot and tender. “Who am I? Say my name.”
“Brennan Sinclair.”
He smiled, took her hand in his, and kissed her palm gently. Then, surprising her, he took that same hand and brought it down onto her sex.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
“Since orgasms are taboo for you, I’m assuming you haven’t pleasured yourself in a long while?”
Her face now hotter than a Texas summer, she shook her head. “I’ve never…you know.”
“Never?”
“No…that’s, uh…no.”
“Then it will be my distinct pleasure to be with you the first time.”
“You want me to make myself orgasm?”
“Actually, we’re going to do it together.”
Oh wow. That was so hot and, well, scary, too. Before she could ask him exactly how that might work, he took her fingers and pressed them to the top of her sex, where she was already achy, needy, and swollen.
“Rub back and forth...yes, just like that.”
While she did what he asked, she watched his eyes. He had said he would get pleasure from this, and she could see it was true. As they continued to rub, his fingers still guiding hers, she felt arousal rise fiercely once again. She could feel herself getting wet, then wetter. The glide of her fingers against her sex became easier. She squirmed on the bed, her legs opening wider.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Feel how wonderful you feel. You’re wet…hot…so beautiful in your arousal.”
Her eyes closed on a strong surge of need.
“Kacie, keep your eyes open. Look at me. Who am I?”
She blinked up at him, focusing on his beautiful face. “Brennan,” she said softly.
“Whose fingers are inside you right now?”
“Brennan’s…and, well…” She smiled. “Mine, too.”
“Exactly. Now keep your eyes on me, and let’s make both of us happy.”
Her eyes locked with his, her fingers slid inside her wet heat as his hand guided her, plunging, retreating, rubbing. In and out, easy and hard. Again and again.
“That’s good, sweetheart.”
“Brennan…I…”
“Shh. Just let it happen. I’m right here with you. Say my name. Who’s with you, Kacie? Who’s got you, baby?”
“Brennan…Brennan…Brennan.” His name began as a chant in her mind and then she whispered it aloud as the tension built…rising higher…then higher. Her eyes still locked on Brennan’s, she felt the explosion upon her, throwing her up into heights she’d never known existed. She hung there for several seconds, suspended in exquisite pleasure, and then like a beautiful rainbow exploding in the sky, she swirled slowly down, disintegrating into the most beautiful colors she could ever imagine.
Brennan pulled Kacie into his arms, holding her tight against him. He’d never felt prouder or more humbled in his life. This
beautiful, sensuous woman had given him a gift he had never experienced, allowed him to share in a moment he would never forget. And though he was harder and aching more than he’d ever been before, he was somehow satisfied. This had been for Kacie, and it had been one of the most glorious sights he’d ever witnessed.
She lay panting in his arms, and even though he wanted to hold her for eternity, he needed to make sure she was still okay. Pulling slightly away, he looked down into her face. “Hey…everything okay?”
“More than okay. Thank you, Brennan. That was a delicious, mind-blowing, phenomenal experience.”
He smiled. “My pleasure.”
“And now…” Showing that she still had quite a bit of confidence despite her insecurities and fears, she sat up and rolled him to his back. “Let’s find pleasure together.”
“Kacie, you don’t have to.”
“Oh yes, I most definitely do, Mr. Sinclair. Tit for tat.”
He burst out laughing. “I sincerely hope that just because you have tits, you haven’t named something I have tat.”
She looked down at the long, hard length of him that reached almost to his navel. “I definitely don’t think tat would fit.”
“Want to see if you fit?” he asked softly.
“Yes...I do.”
Awed by her courage, Brennan reached for a condom he’d placed on the nightstand. Ripping it open with his teeth, he was about to slide it on, when she took it from him. Brennan stopped breathing and watched as she slid the protection over his length.
Then, gifting him with a sexy, confident smile, she rose up and then slowly lowered herself onto him. He stopped breathing again.
Kacie bit her lip as she concentrated on taking him inside her body. Even though she was impossibly wet, he still didn’t slide in as easily as she’d hoped.
“Take me slow, baby. No race…no hurry. Stay focused on me, Kacie. Eyes on me. Okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered.
Showing her once again that his control was incredible, Brennan took her hips in his hands but did nothing but hold her while she worked on taking him inside her, inch by deliciously slow inch. When at last he was seated as deep as she felt he could go, she took a moment to savor the fullness.
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