by Ami Weaver
Which was fine. If they dated and things went bad—and they would, he had no doubt—what happened then? He’d proven once before he wasn’t relationship material. What would they do then?
He couldn’t afford to lose her. She was wonderful with his son and Cody depended on her. So did he. Their lives were so much smoother since he’d hired her. Fuller, too. They felt like a family. While he knew it should be wrong, it didn’t feel that way.
It felt…right.
But it shouldn’t. What about what he’d promised Lucy?
As he tried to shove the thoughts away and concentrate on getting ready for the patients of the day, he couldn’t shake one funny little thought.
Despite all the reasons why not, he was determined to kiss Maggie.
* * *
The next morning, Maggie sat on the floor of Cody’s bedroom, playing with Matchbox cars and doing her best not to think about Josh and what had almost transpired between them last night. Her body heated when she thought of the intensity in his gaze and how much she’d wanted him to kiss her, no matter how bad an idea it was.
A good dash of reality was how quickly he’d backed off. Lucy’s ghost had intervened on both their ends. Just as well. She tamped down the regret. No use going there, though it wasn’t lost on her she was obsessing about the kiss she couldn’t have—and had missed twice—with Josh rather than the one she could have had with Jake.
She wouldn’t make that mistake again. Until she and Josh dealt with this thing growing between them, she’d be more careful.
Cody zoomed a truck with extra zeal and it careened across the hardwood floor and under the bed.
“Uh-oh,” Maggie said, ashamed she’d let her focus drift so far off track. “Can you reach it?”
A pause. “Aw, I can’t get it.” Cody’s voice was muffled as he rooted around under the bed. “I can’t get it, Maggie.”
“Here, let me try.” She kneeled down as he scooted out and sat back. She looked under the bed and almost laughed. “Goodness, Code, is this where you store everything when you clean your room?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted without a trace of apology.
Maggie bit back a grin. Of course, it was easier to shove stuff under the bed when you were four. Now that she was onto him, she’d help him clean under here next time.
“Okay.” She squinted under the bed and saw the truck, resting against…a photo album? Her heart began to jump as she pulled both items out. Trying to keep her voice and hands steady, she held out the leather-bound book. “What’s this, Cody?”
He brightened and reached for it. “My Mama book. I don’t have a mama anymore. But Daddy and Gramma made me this book so I’d ‘member her.”
Maggie’s throat burned with tears. “Oh, Cody.” What else was there to say? “Will you share it with me?”
Fire truck forgotten, he settled next to her on the floor and opened the album. On the first page was a picture of a woman with dark curly hair, cut short. Her shining blue eyes were the same shade as Cody’s, almost as Maggie’s own. She had the same nose as their father. She held a tiny baby and smiled widely into the camera. Even dressed in a faded hospital gown and with no makeup, she was gorgeous.
Maggie swallowed hard. Lucy. The half sister she’d never known. Finally, she had a beautiful face to put with the name. She touched the page with a trembling hand.
“That’s me,” Cody said. “I just got borned. She’s so pretty.”
Afraid the tears gathering in her eyes would fall on the pages of the precious Mama book, Maggie shifted position slightly. “She sure is,” she agreed, her voice a rasp in her throat.
“Daddy says she can’t come back ‘cause she got dead,” he said matter-of-factly as he turned the page. Maggie’s heart ripped at the words.
“She loved you very much,” Maggie said, because the truth was on these pages, in these images. In every one, Lucy looked at her baby boy and radiated joy, love and pride. A vibrant beauty, she looked to have embraced motherhood with gusto. Maggie couldn’t take her eyes off the pictures. Something about them fed her soul, helped to heal the hole learning of Lucy’s death had left.
Cody didn’t look at her. “Then why did she leave?”
Maggie slid her arm around the little boy’s shoulders and pulled him against her, not able to stop the flow of tears now. His question had no real answer but she gave it her best shot. “She didn’t leave you on purpose. I’m sure your dad has told you that. She’d never have left you on purpose.” The truth of that shone from this album. Clearly both Josh and Lucy loved their son.
“I miss her.” The wistfulness in Cody’s voice was wrenching. No doubt he didn’t remember Lucy, since he’d been barely a year when she’d died, but he knew enough to know his mom should be here.
“I know.” Maggie missed her dad fiercely.
“Maybe someday I can have a new mom,” Cody said with the resilience typical of little kids.
“Mmm,” Maggie said noncommittally. This was a conversation she and Cody could not have.
“You can be my new mom,” Cody suggested, and Maggie sucked in a breath at the hopeful look on his face. “You look kinda like my mama and my daddy likes you. I like you.”
Oh, no. She gave his shoulders a little squeeze and tried to keep her voice steady. “Well, Cody, I’m very honored but it’s not that easy. I like you and your dad very much. But it’s not like picking out a new puppy,” she said carefully. The potential minefields of this conversation weren’t hers to navigate. Josh needed to talk to him. “But I’m here as your nanny and I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled, hoping he’d let it go.
He looked pensive for a moment, then glanced up at the window. He scrambled up. “Look, Maggie! It’s snowing!”
Grateful for the change in subject, she placed the book on his nightstand as she peered out the window. The white stuff fell steadily, already making a light blanket on the ground. “Well, look at that. Do you want to go outside?”
Cody’s whoop carried back into the room as he ran out into the hall. She grinned through the dampness in her eyes. “I take it that’s a yes.” She lingered for a second, her hand on the cover of the photo album. “Hi, Lucy,” she said softly. “You’ve got an amazing family.”
Then she wiped away the tears and went downstairs.
* * *
Maggie surveyed the damage on the back of Cody’s winter coat with dismay and amusement. The fact the snow hadn’t really stuck to the ground hadn’t deterred him from attempting a snow angel—maybe dirt angel was a better term—and the coat now sported serious grass stains. She sprayed it with stain remover and stuffed it in the washer. Then, as it had all day, it hit her she’d finally seen a picture of Lucy.
She shut her eyes for a moment against the little stab of pain. If she kept her sister’s face front and center, she’d be able to keep her feelings for Josh at bay. As it should be. She could make peace with that. Someday.
When she turned around, she gave a little shriek. Josh stood there, looking as startled as she was. Her face started to heat and she wondered if she looked as guilty as she felt.
“Sorry,” he said, a small grin playing around the corners of his mouth. She forced herself to look away. “I thought you heard me.”
“No, I was just…thinking about grass stains,” she blurted.
He arched an eyebrow.
“Cody’s snow angels from today,” she explained. “There wasn’t enough snow for it. So, grass stains. On everything.”
The smile was full-blown now and her breath caught. “That’s my boy,” he said, and she couldn’t help but smile with him.
“So. Did you need something?” She turned to the load of Cody’s things she’d removed from the dryer. Anything to keep her hands busy.
He sobered. “No. Not really.” He thrust his hands in his pockets and she realized he was nervous. “I just wanted to make sure we’re still on track even after last night.”
She lowered her eyes to the shirt s
he held. Last night and the time in the truck a few weeks ago. The shame rose sharply in her throat. “Of course. We’re adults, right?”
“Right.” He cleared his throat. “Listen, about Jake—”
She cut him off. “There’s no Jake. I mean, there’s no relationship potential there. He might be another friend, but that’s all. I wouldn’t have come home from a real date and, well, almost kiss you.”
There it was. To say it was to own it and now that she’d put it out there it was too late to take it back. Her cheeks flamed and she could not look at him, couldn’t risk the eye contact and what she’d see there. Why couldn’t he just have let it go?
“Maggie.” He touched her arm gently and she forced herself to look up. His gaze was shuttered. “I know that.” He paused and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “I just wanted you to know if you wanted to date him—or anyone—while of course you don’t need my permission, there’d be no problem with your job.”
Oh, well, of course. Right.
“Good to know.” She reached for another item of clothing. What did she want him to say? He wanted her, wanted a relationship with her? She’d have to turn him down. She’d been clear on her lines last night. Today, they’d been cemented when she’d seen Lucy’s face. Since there was nowhere else for this conversation to go, she said, with a calmness she didn’t feel, “Anything else?”
He stood there for a moment, then shook his head. “No. Nothing else.”
She let him leave, holding her breath as she listened to him go upstairs. When she heard his footsteps overhead she released the breath with a sharp gust and leaned her head on her hand, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. The right woman would make him realize his promise only hurt himself and Cody. Cody needed a mom. Not to replace Lucy, never that, but to help fill the void her death left behind.
She knew she wasn’t that woman. She couldn’t give him what he’d need. She’d been unable to do it in her first marriage. Why would this time be different?
As she started up the stairs, a thought hit her and rocked her to her toes.
What on earth would she do when he met the right woman?
* * *
Maggie checked her list one last time. Being the day before Thanksgiving, she had a pie to bake—her contribution to the dinner. The grocery store would be a zoo, so she wanted to get in and out as early as possible. Pulling on her coat, she headed for her car. She tossed her purse on the seat and turned the ignition.
Bangbangbangbangbang.
Startled, she shut the car off. That didn’t sound good. Maybe it was just cold? She tried again.
Bangbangbangbangbang.
Well, crap. She snatched the key out with a frown and looked up to see Josh crossing toward her. He hadn’t grabbed a jacket.
“What the hell was that?” he asked.
“I, um, have no idea.” She slid out and stared at her car with a frown. “It sounds bad.”
He gave a half laugh and inclined his head. “Yeah. Pop the hood. Let’s take a look.”
She did and he lifted it up, stared inside. She came around to stand beside him. He smelled so good, a little woodsy and spicy. She tried not to take a deep sniff. Tried not to picture him almost kissing her. And failed on both counts.
“I’m no mechanic, but I’m guessing that’s your problem.” He pointed to what even she could see was a broken belt.
“Oh, no.” Her poor car. She shoved her hands in her pockets. “How does that happen? How do I fix it?” And goodness, how expensive was it to fix?
Josh already had his phone out. “I can call Trav. He’s a great mechanic. That okay with you?”
She hesitated for a heartbeat. “Of course. I… Thank you.” She didn’t want to owe him anything, but clearly at this point she was stuck.
He dialed and had a brief conversation, then disconnected. “He’s on his way. Why don’t you take my car? Get what you need at the store.”
“Oh.” It was tempting, given how much work she had to do. “Are you sure?”
“Of course. Here. Give me your keys. I’ll get mine for you.” She dropped her keys in his hand, careful not to touch him, even with her gloves. He walked back inside while she retrieved her purse and list from her poor broken car.
In the garage, he handed over his keys. “Trav will take good care of your car. And he won’t do anything until you okay it.”
“That’s good. I trust you.” Her gaze locked on his as she said the words and she realized she meant them in a way far beyond fixing her car. Oh, no. Her breath caught in her throat as her color rose. Hoping he hadn’t noticed, she broke eye contact and hopped in the SUV. With shaking hands she started it—no bad noises—and backed out. He stood off to the side and watched.
The fact the interior smelled like Josh wasn’t helping her nerves settle. She closed her hands around the steering wheel and drove down the street, her own words ringing in her head. I trust you. How could she trust him? Why Josh? Was it because he was off-limits to her and therefore somehow safe?
Then she nearly laughed. Who was she kidding? Josh wasn’t safe. He made her feel and want dangerous things that she had no business feeling or wanting. None at all, and most certainly not with him.
So far, her heart wasn’t getting the message.
* * *
Trav stared down at the mess in the engine. “You weren’t kidding.”
“Nope.” Josh had dressed for the cold this time and he stood next to his friend as he examined the crippled car. “You want it in the garage?”
It took a few minutes but they pushed the Impala into the still-cold garage but were at least spared the wind and snow. Trav opened the hood again.
“Made a hell of a noise,” Josh observed. “I heard it all the way in the house.”
Trav laughed. “I bet. Okay. I brought a bunch of belts actually. Let me see what I’ve got that will fit.”
Trav was halfway done when Maggie pulled back in.
She walked up, shopping bag and two cups of to-go coffee in hand. “Hi, Trav. Thanks for doing this.” She set the bag down and offered the coffee. “I thought you guys could use this.”
As he took the cup, he sent her a warm smile that would have curdled Josh’s insides if his best friend hadn’t been happily married. “Thanks. And no problem. You had a bit of a surprise when you tried to start this, huh?”
“Ah. Well.” She gave a little laugh. “A little.” She paused. “You’ll send me a bill?”
Trav shook his head. “I had the belt and the time. It’s on me, Maggie.”
She started to shake her head but he cut her off. “It’s my pleasure.”
“Well.” She chewed on her lower lip and Josh’s gaze zeroed right in on that lush lip. What he wouldn’t give to have her nip at his own. He blinked, trying to shake the thought and unwanted surge of heat.
“Thank you,” she said to Trav, and he nodded.
She turned to Josh and held out the second cup. He took it. “Thanks. It’s cold out here.”
She stood and chatted with Trav for a few minutes longer and Josh tried not to look at her. It was so damn hard. She drew him like the proverbial moth to a flame—only they were both likely to get burned. I trust you.
He was starting to think she shouldn’t.
“Well, I’ve got to get started on this pie,” she said brightly. “Let me know when you’re done.”
“Will do,” Trav said.
Josh stepped closer as she turned to walk away and tucked a loose strand of hair over her shoulder. He knew it was a dumb move but he just couldn’t help it. “Did you get what you needed?”
Her gaze flew to his. He could see the pulse jumping at her throat. She wasn’t any more immune to him than he was to her. The thought both aroused and scared him.
“I did. Thanks.” She pulled his keys out of her pocket and held them out with a slightly shaking hand. “Here.”
He took them with his free hand, letting his fingers graze hers. Her eyes widened slightly at the
contact and she moved toward the door.
When he turned back around, Trav’s knowing gaze was on him. “Josh?”
There was a world of admonition in the word. He knew what Trav wasn’t saying. “Yeah.”
“You want to tell me what the hell you’re doing?”
Josh examined the car engine, not really seeing it. Talk about a loaded question. Not one he could answer, either. “Not really.”
“Can’t stay away, can you?”
Josh sipped his coffee, deliberately avoiding the question. “She lives here.”
“Not what I meant.”
His grip tightened on the cup. “What do you want me to say, Trav? We’ve been over this. It’s not gonna happen. End of story.”
“Chicken.”
Josh nearly choked. “Excuse me?”
Trav looked at him steadily. “You heard me. You’re hiding behind Lucy. Behind what a mess your marriage was. Don’t,” he said when Josh started to object. “Think about it. Let’s get this done before we freeze our asses off.”
Shaken, Josh stared at the back of his friend’s head. Trav wasn’t right, couldn’t be. He’d made a promise. That wasn’t hiding.
Was it?
Chapter Eight
Thanksgiving morning, Maggie helped drag plastic storage totes full of Christmas lights out of the garage. Today was the Tanner family’s traditional decorating day for Holden’s Crossing’s Light Parade the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She’d volunteered to help. Josh had explained all the houses on their street participated.
The wind was cold and there was a bit of snow spitting from the sky, but Josh didn’t seem to notice as he strode around gathering extension cords and other items. It took a great deal of effort on Maggie’s part not to watch him.
She forced herself to focus on the half dozen or so of the large plastic bins. When she popped them open, she could see they were packed full of light strings. On every bin was a laminated sheet describing where the contents went. Clearly, this was serious business.
“You do the whole house?” Maggie called when Josh walked back into the garage. She eyed the yard with its numerous trees and bushes and shrubs, then the two-story house. “Today? Before dinner?”