The Nanny's Christmas Wish

by Ami Weaver

  “I can understand that,” Ellen said. “Now let’s go out front for the party, shall we?”

  Maggie watched her walk out and clutched her mug of cocoa as if it were the Holy Grail. Or maybe her sanity. If it weren’t for Cody, her sense of responsibility and the fact she was related to the little boy, she’d give notice and go find a teaching job somewhere.

  Unfortunately, she found herself in the same situation that had landed her in so much trouble the first time— getting involved with the boss. She thought again of the kiss they’d shared the day before and a little shiver ran up her spine. They’d crossed the line and she didn’t know how to go back. Or if they even could.

  “Maggie!” Cody’s excited voice snapped Maggie out of her thoughts and back to the festivities at hand. “It’s time, Daddy said! C’mon.”

  Laughing, Maggie let Cody pull her toward the sidewalk where dozens of other people waited, enjoying the feel of his little hand in hers—even through mittens—and his visible excitement.

  Ellen glanced at her watch as Maggie and Cody joined her and Marta. “Less than one minute now,” she said. Sure enough, a few seconds later, the whole street lit up as every house on both sides of the street plugged in their Christmas displays at once. Cody squealed with delight and Maggie’s gasp was lost in the collective gasp of the crowd.

  “Wow,” was all she could say. Next to her, Marta grinned and elbowed Maggie.

  “Told you,” she said.

  Josh crossed the lawn, grinning and glancing backward at the house. “Every year I expect a Christmas Vacation-like scene where they blow every fuse in the county,” he said when he reached them. “It’s never happened, though. People are pretty serious about this.” He brushed a lock of her hair out of her face, his cold fingers still leaving a burning trail in their wake. “What do you think?” He stood, tall and solid and warm, a boyish grin—not unlike Cody’s—lighting his handsome features. Maggie’s mouth went dry.

  She managed to recover enough to say, “I think this is amazing. I have never seen anything like it. You do this every year?”

  He nodded. “Every year, after the parade. It’s gone on for years and now it’s a huge event, as you can see.” He inclined his head toward the sidewalk, where Cody, Ellen, Marta, Trav and JT had already moved on. “Do you want to walk? We usually take a little tour of all the displays.”

  “That would be great.” She fell into step beside him in the dark, though it was pretty well lit by the glowing houses and reindeer and Frosties and blow-up snow globes. “Wow, some people really take this stuff seriously, huh?” she said, stopping in front of a particularly busy display.

  Josh laughed. “Very. Me, not so much. It’s fun, for me and for Cody and for the whole street, but I just don’t have the time to put into it that some people do.”

  “Well, you did pretty well,” Maggie said, thinking the big blue house with its roof outlines and porch wrapped in color was the prettiest one she’d seen.

  Maybe she was a teeny bit biased.

  Josh took her arm and tucked it in his, pulling her against his side. “You helped.”

  Heat burned through Maggie at the gesture. Even through their heavy coats, she felt the warmth of his body and oh, how she wanted more. Which meant she needed to pull away before he fuzzed her brain to the point she chucked all her reasons for why not and just jumped him.

  She let her hand rest lightly on his arm, trying to keep a bit of distance between them and therefore her sanity. But as much as she knew she needed to move away she enjoyed the contact too much. It couldn’t hurt anything.

  Right?

  * * *

  They gathered in the kitchen for one more cup of something warm after Cody had gone to bed. It had taken a while to settle him down enough to lie down, but eventually he’d crashed. Ellen yawned and rose to carry her mug to the sink.

  “I’m going to head on home,” she said. “It’s getting late. I’ll see you kids later, okay?”

  After Ellen had left, Maggie rose and took her own mug to the sink. “I think I’ll go to bed, too,” she said and gasped when Josh plucked the mug from her fingers and turned her around so she was back against the counter. “Josh? What—?”

  But before she could finish his mouth was on hers, hot and wet and soft and hard. She stood frozen for a heartbeat then found herself opening beneath him—her arms went around his neck and she pressed against him, feeling his hardness and the bulge in his pants that pressed against her belly. She whimpered as his tongue plundered her mouth, as his hands slid down her sides then back up to brush her breasts. She arched at the little licks of fire that nipped along her nerves, wanting him.

  Oh, God, how she wanted him.

  He left her mouth and nibbled and nipped and sucked his way down her neck. She tilted her head back, grasping his shoulders, to give him better access.

  “Maggie,” he whispered against her skin, his breath hot, the roughness in his voice making the heat in her center ratchet up. He slid his hands under her shirt as she reclaimed his mouth and tugged at his shirt as well, wanting to feel his skin, his smooth hot skin, under her hands and against her own. He pulled her shirt up over her head, tossed it who-knew-where and lifted her up so she sat on the granite counter. He stood between her legs and pulled her against him. When the catch on her bra stuck, she pushed his hands out of the way and released it herself, so her breasts sprang right into his hands, right where they ached to be.

  “You are so beautiful,” he rasped, hands and mouth and tongue on her breasts, kneading, sucking, nipping as she struggled to contain her cries. His shirt came off, and he pulled her against him, so for a long moment they were skin on skin, and she could feel the pounding of his heart matched her own. It felt so good—so good, so right to be cradled against the chest of this man.

  He lifted his hands to cup her breasts, teasing her sensitive nipples with his thumbs, then his teeth. He quickly eased her out of her jeans and slid one hand to her thigh, then slipped up, higher, higher until he’d touched her center through her panties. She gasped with the shock of his cold finger and gripped his bare shoulders. With a groan, he pushed the scrap of fabric away and slid a finger inside her, stoking the fire, the pressure building, building as he rubbed and nibbled and stroked and finally clamped his mouth on hers as she shattered around his fingers, the scream of his name swallowed in the heat of his kiss. Maggie clutched him, barely swallowing her cries, her body wracked with tremors and the realization she wasn’t done, she wanted him again, inside her, and hell if she wasn’t ready to do it right there on the counter—

  —when she heard Cody start to cry.

  Reality and shame crashed into her. Oh, God, Lucy.

  Josh groaned and blinked. “That’s my cue. Oh, God, Maggie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let it get out of hand.”

  She waved a hand as she slid off the counter—how was she going to work in here tomorrow knowing what they’d done right here? What they’d very nearly done, might have if Cody hadn’t woken up?

  And he was sorry. Of course. So was she.

  “Well, we’ll just forget it happened,” she said, forcing a calm note in her voice that was at odds with her suddenly melancholy mood and her still-burning desire.

  Pathetic. He’d just made it clear it had all been a mistake and she wanted nothing more than to take him up to her room and finish it.

  To forget who she was and the fact that she couldn’t have him. Ever.

  Josh took a step toward her as she retrieved her jeans from the sink. “Maggie, I—” Cody’s cries increased in intensity. He shoved his hand through his hair. “Hell. Hold on.” He headed for the stairs and she couldn’t help but notice that he moved a little more stiffly than usual.

  She found her shirt in front of the refrigerator, yanked it over her head and ran for her room. As she slid past Cody’s room, she heard the low rumble of Josh’s voice, soothing the little boy, whose sobs Maggie could hear through the door. Her heart constricted in h
er chest and shame flooded her. She’d let her guard slip for just a moment—okay, for a lot of moments—and had been all over Josh like he’d been coated in Godiva chocolate.

  Which was wrong on so many levels Maggie didn’t know where to start. Maybe she could start at the part that said there was a four-year-old child in the house and end with the fact she was Josh’s sister-in-law.

  And that pretty much summed it up.

  * * *

  Josh didn’t bother to knock on Maggie’s closed door after he’d settled Cody back down, even though he badly wanted to finish what they’d started.

  But did she?

  He knew he’d botched it. Knew he should have kept his hands to himself but hell if he could. She’d been so close to him all night, his control had flat-out snapped. Inexcusable.

  At this rate, he’d be lucky if she stayed on the job. He cursed silently. They didn’t want anything to happen, couldn’t have anything happen, yet they continually toed the razor’s edge. How would he find a new nanny if she quit? What would he do if she quit?

  Layered in that question was another. What would he do, personally, if she quit? He couldn’t imagine not having her around. She belonged here. Fit like she was the missing piece—one he hadn’t even realized was missing.

  The realization made him feel a little sick. He was headed full throttle down an unknown road, this time with Cody in tow. The consequences of failure were much bigger.

  Fear swamped him. Chances were he’d fail again. He’d proven with Lucy he wasn’t a good husband. She’d died trying to get away from him and their marriage, for God’s sake. It didn’t get any worse than that.

  Still, he feared he’d gone too far to turn back now.

  Chapter Ten

  If anyone guessed how Josh spent his Saturday night, no one commented. Though of all his employees only Marta would say anything, and only then because Josh and her husband were such good friends. Still, she kept quiet and Josh hoped he’d gotten off the hook.

  Though clearly knowledge of Maggie and speculation about their relationship was getting around town. He’d been urged by three of his patients today to give their assorted female relatives a call soon because she was such a lovely woman. He’d been hit on by one other patient—not on the level of Julie Henney, thankfully, but still a waste of time on his end and hers.

  The one woman he wanted—and there was no denying it now—was the one he couldn’t have.

  Marta breezed in. “Wow, you must really have made an impression with Maggie at the parade this weekend. We’ve got eligible women and their champions lined up all day. Tomorrow, too,” she added, giving him a grin. “They’re worried you’re going to go to an outsider.”

  Josh leaned back in his chair, annoyance warring with humor inside him. “Like I’m the grand-prize pig at the county fair?” he said wryly, and Marta shrugged.

  “You know how this works. They all want to be responsible for healing your broken heart.”

  Josh thumped the chair legs back down on the floor. “Marta—”

  She held up a hand. “I know the score, doc. But other than me and Trav? I don’t think anyone knows what things were like with you and Lucy. Does your mom even know?”

  Did she? Josh never said in so many words, but he was pretty sure they’d been giving off bad vibes for the entire marriage. “I don’t know. She’s never asked. Or said anything.”

  Marta shrugged. “It wouldn’t matter anyway. A commitment-shy widower is just as good as a heartbroken widower in the eyes of those who would save you. Maybe even more of a trophy,” she added, then grinned when his eyes narrowed. “Maybe you could compete with that grand-prize pig, after all.”

  Josh choked on a laugh, because he knew enough about some female minds to know what Marta said held some truth. Senseless, but true. “Thanks, Marta. What would I do without you to keep my ego in check?”

  She laughed, then sent him a pointed look on her way out the door. “Find your own woman to do it for you.”

  Ah, the sticking point. Even though he was wildly attracted to Maggie, he couldn’t take what had happened any further.

  But he wanted more. Much more. He wanted Maggie in his bed every night. He wanted the elusive commitment Marta was so sure he wanted to avoid. It wasn’t going to be. The sooner he accepted he couldn’t have Maggie, not now, not ever, the better off he’d be. Things could go back to how they were. Normal. Safe.

  Somehow the whole idea rang hollow instead of being comforting.

  When he got home that night, he found Maggie and Cody sitting down to decorate freshly baked Christmas cutout cookies. Cody sat at the table in front of a sheet of wax paper, a pile of unfrosted cookies nearby and surrounded by red and green sugars, plus little festive decorator things of all sizes and colors. Christmas music played from the small radio in the kitchen. It was a festive, warm, family scene. Maggie gave him a small nod as she stirred what looked to be icing in a small bowl. Her cheeks turned the faintest hint of pink and he longed to kiss her. With effort he tore his gaze away and switched it to Cody.

  His son kneeled on the chair. “Look, Daddy! We baked ‘em, now we get to frost ‘em. Then I can eat one!”

  “Really?” Josh asked, stopping by his son’s chair.

  “Yeah! Maggie said.”

  “Just one?” Josh eyed the pile of unfrosted cookies. He’d bet there were five dozen unfrosted yet. They’d been busy today. Maybe Maggie had been expending nervous energy.

  The thought cheered him.

  “C’n you help?” Cody asked, his blue eyes wide. “We gots lots.”

  Josh chuckled. “Yeah, you do. Tell you what. Let me change and I’ll be down in a few, okay? Don’t wait for me,” he added as he headed for the stairs.

  Maggie focused on the bowl of icing so she didn’t watch him walk away. It took far more effort than it should have. She’d worked so hard all day to keep thoughts of him at bay.

  It had been a waste of time.

  “C’n we frost one for Daddy?” Cody asked as he dumped red and green sprinkles on the cookie, then mashed them in with his fingers.

  “As soon as he comes down,” she promised and raised a brow as Cody lifted his fingers toward his mouth. “If you’re going to lick them, you’ll have to wash them,” she reminded him.

  Cody looked longingly at his fingers, then wiped them on the sticky towel next to him and emitted a put-upon sigh. Maggie bit her lip to hide a smile.

  She heard Josh coming down the stairs and her stomach flopped when he reentered the kitchen, dressed in a plain T-shirt and flannel pj bottoms—green with reindeer. Goodness, she was in trouble if the man could make flannel sexy. Her hand trembled slightly as she spread the drippy icing on another Christmas-tree cookie and placed it in front of Cody. The little boy carefully placed the cookie he’d just finished off to the side with his other colorful creations. So far, he was foregoing convention in favor of craziness.

  “Nice tree,” Josh commented as he took his place from across Maggie at the table. Cody piled the red sugar on and started to add little silver balls.

  He gave his dad a huge smile. “Yep. Maggie’ll do one for you, Daddy. We can share this stuff.” He indicated the decorations with a wave of his hand.

  “Sounds good.” Josh smoothed the wax paper in front of him and smiled at Maggie when she placed another cookie in front of him. “Thanks,” he said softly.

  She gave him a quick smile as Cody launched into an animated description of their day.

  So far, she’d done all right where Josh was concerned. She’d managed to keep her distance and be polite, friendly. Acting like nothing had ever happened, like there was nothing between them.

  But oh, how hard it was.

  She slid a frosted reindeer on his wax paper mat and he winked at her. Flustered, Maggie felt her color rise. This was no good. She needed to get a grip here, and fast. There could be no repeats of the other night under any circumstances, especially not the false ones they were operating under
now.

  And whose fault is that?

  But as she watched Josh and Cody interact, watched Josh tease Cody, then tease her—and damn her for responding, even though it didn’t help her keep her vital emotional distance—she realized it was already too late. She’d gotten in way over her head. She’d never intended to have any feelings for Josh—or to not tell him who she was.

  If he knew, he’d have every right to send her packing.

  She kept up the charade of frosting, laughing, all the while her heart ached at how wonderful Josh and Cody were together and the knowledge that no matter what, she couldn’t be a part of it. It wasn’t her place. Couldn’t be.

  She’d made sure of that inadvertently when she’d chosen to keep her identity from Josh.

  * * *

  Ellen walked in that evening as they were finishing up dinner. Maggie saw her eyes widen as her gaze swept over the dozens of cookies on the counter. She couldn’t help but smile. They’d gotten them all done. Eaten would be another story. She started to rise and Ellen waved her off. “Please don’t get up.”

  “Come sit down, Mom,” Josh said as he rose to pull out a chair. “We’re almost done. What brings you out tonight?”

  She sat down and smiled at him. “I’d like to take Cody for the night.”

  Cody whooped and nearly jumped out of his chair. Maggie gave him a look, even as her heart sank. “Careful, Cody. You need to finish first.”

  He shoved his fork at the broccoli on his plate. “Even this stuff?”

  “Even that,” she said, keeping her voice steady, hoping no one could see her distress.

  “Mom, are you sure? This is awful short notice,” Josh said. She couldn’t look at him, afraid of what she’d see. Of what he’d see.

  She nodded. “I figured you two had shopping you needed to do. And I enjoy spending the time with my grandson.”

  Maggie pushed back from the table, needing to escape. “I’ll just go get his backpack ready,” she murmured.