by Ciara Knight
The way Jeb’s voice sounded strained made her want to hold him and tell him she understood about learning to be strong. In that moment, she knew why she had experienced an instant connection with Mary. “She is definitely strong now.”
He chuckled. “Stubborn, you mean.”
Elizabeth wanted to know more about the boy before Jeb had become the man he was today. Mary had sparked her curiosity. She didn’t want to outright ask him, but maybe if she invited him to talk a little more by sharing a story about herself first. “My pa was kind yet had a good mind for business and farming. It was always an exciting time when he would walk me around our land and tell me about our family. My favorite moments that I remember are when he would take me riding.”
“I’m glad you had a good childhood.” Jeb guided the horse around a large rut in the land.
Elizabeth hesitated, but it wasn’t as if Jeb could run from her if she asked the wrong question. “Did your pa ever do anything with you? Did he teach you about ranching?”
Jeb cackled loud enough that a cow mooed a response. “My father’s idea of spending quality time with his son is when he’d take me to a brothel to show me how to be a man.”
Her breath caught somewhere between shock and sadness. “How old were you?”
Jeb adjusted in his saddle again, he tended to do that when he was uncomfortable with a question. “I was twelve when he took me to become a man. He put me in a room with three women who laughed and teased me. I ran out and hid behind the saloon in enough time to see my pa be lured outside by a saloon girl who stole his winnings from the poker table and had two men beat him.”
Elizabeth grabbed his hand and held it to her chest. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
Jeb shrugged. “It wasn’t the first or the last time my father wanted to spend quality time with me. I learned quick how to navigate out of a room and hide in my spot behind the saloon.”
The distant sound of wolves howled, punctuating the mood. “Is that why you don’t drink?”
“I made a promise years ago that I wouldn’t be my father. No booze, no gambling.”
“And no manipulative women,” Elizabeth added. “I guess I am lucky to have had such an amazing childhood.”
Jeb hugged her against him, and she liked the feeling of his arms tight around her. “You had your share of difficulties. I see it in your eyes. You’ve witnessed too much for—”
“A woman.”
“For anyone.”
His words made her relax into him. She’d never trusted a man, not since her brothers and pa had died, but she knew this man was safe. Sometimes grouchy, opinionated, rude, egotistical, but safe.
“I guess we’ve both been through things, but it’s made us who we are. We can’t change that, but we can learn from it. But Jeb, I can tell you one thing.”
He stiffened behind her and tightened his grip on the reins. “What’s that?”
“You don’t have to try so hard to not be your pa. You are nothing like the man you described. And I don’t think you ever could be.”
At the distant sound of a bugle, she clutched Jeb’s hand. That sound sent a chill through her veins. It was the sound of soldiers. She hadn’t heard that tune since the last evening the union soldiers had camped on their plantation.
It played for a few more seconds before she managed to see a flag waving in the distance. “I never thought I’d be so happy to see a union camp.”
“You knew?” Jeb asked. “Of course, you knew. I don’t know why I thought I could keep it from you.”
“Why did you?” Elizabeth asked.
“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about selling cattle to the enemy.”
Elizabeth let out a war-long sigh. “I’ll never be excited to see a Northern uniform, but if they pay us what they said, then I’m fine. The war is over. They took so much from me and my family, I think it’s time I took a little back.”
“I think that sounds like an excellent idea.” Jeb squeezed her as if to hug her, but he winced, and she knew the stitches had torn in the river.
“By the way, I wanted to think you for saving my life. You were…brave.”
Jeb cleared his throat. “I thought you believed all men who didn’t fight were cowards.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. I saw it in the way you looked at me that first day.”
“I’m afraid I tend to have a temper. Redheads say and do things they don’t mean when they’re angered.”
“I’ll remember that.” Jeb chuckled.
“Seriously, thank you.” Elizabeth touched his forearm; the gritty dirt coated his skin like a coat sleeve.
He sucked in a quick breath and held it for a second. When he released it, he adjusted in his saddle for the twentieth time today. “Thank you. For saving the cattle. You are the bravest wom—person I’ve ever met in my life.”
A soldier rode out toward them, jolting her pulse to high gear. Jeb held her tight against him. “It’s going to be fine. The worst thing that can happen today is that they turn us away.”
She looked down at her clothes and held her empty stomach. “That would be almost as unbearable as anything during the war.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
She shook her head. “No, because in war, you expect evil. Today, I expected hope for the first time in years.”
Jeb brushed her hair down and his fingers grazed her cheek, leaving behind a line of flutters. “Then I’ll do everything I can to make sure we aren’t turned away.”
Elizabeth couldn’t help but laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I’m not worried. The man I met on the way to my betrothed was a stubborn, obstinate, overbearing businessman that would never leave with a no on the table.”
“People can change,” he whispered into her ear.
Her heart fluttered. What did he mean? Was he saying that he’d changed and had grown to care for her? Did she care for him? No, not the man who’d rejected her, called her a liar, belittled her and only wanted a heifer to bear him sons. But…the man who’d abandoned his cattle, jeopardizing his future to dive into shooting rapids to save her. A man who’d allowed her to continue driving cattle across the river on his horse without a word of protest. That was a man she could care for, perhaps fall in love with someday.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let any of the soldiers near you,” Jeb said in a cold tone.
“What?”
“You’re quiet. Unless you’re asleep, you are never quiet. I’d expect you to be scolding me or telling me how wrong I am for selling to union soldiers.”
“No, it’s not that.”
Jeb ran a thumb over her hand. It was comforting, the first real touch besides her sisters’ in years. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
“I guess we are making progress. Never thought I would ever hear you admit that you’re tired.” Jeb chuckled.
The soldier pulled to a stop a few feet from them. “Follow me. It is past hours, so you’ll need to move quickly. There have been issues with hostiles in these parts recently.”
“Indians?” Elizabeth asked.
The soldier’s eyes widened as if to see her true condition for the first time. She must be quite a sight to a stranger. “No. Bandits, ma’am.”
He turned his horse and led them into camp. Small white tents were set in row after row after row. The soldier dismounted passed the reins to a subordinate and approached his horse. “Come with me, ma’am.”
Jeb tightened his arms around her. “She stays with me.”
“Sir, I’m not sure why you would bring a lady on such a journey, but she needs tending to. There is a nurse here who tends to our men, and I know she will be happy to look after your wife.”
“She’s not my wife, she’s the cook and a ranch hand. Best I’ve ever seen,” Jeb said with a hint of pride in his voice.
Elizabeth smiled at his words, but her stomach felt hollow at the
same time. All she’d wanted was to be treated like an equal, so why didn’t his words make her happy?
“All the same, I must insist, sir.” The soldier settled his hand on his sidearm, and Elizabeth knew she didn’t want trouble.
“It’s fine.” She squeezed Jeb’s hand. “There isn’t much for the cook to do if there isn’t any food. Besides, you have business to attend to, I’m sure.”
She slid from the horse and into the soldier’s arms, but he released her quickly and covered his nose. At that moment, she realized she had to be a sight—and smell—to the men. She paused for a second and looked up at Jeb. “It’s fine to change, but feel free to foster that former self for negotiations. I didn’t travel all this way to go home with less than what I was promised.”
She shuffled behind the soldier, who kept his distance all the way to a larger tent in the center of the compound. Each step felt like a leap over a mountain. There wasn’t a muscle in her body that didn’t hurt, and the burning on the inside of her legs from rubbing against the saddle for so long was unbearable. Almost as bad as her backside. She never wanted to sit on a horse again.
The soldier held open the tent flap and ushered her inside. A woman who looked around the age of Jeb’s mother stood with a gasp. “You poor dear, come, sit.”
Elizabeth shook her head, not wanting to explain about her condition. She eyed the soldier who was still pressing a knuckle to his nose.
“I’ll take it from here,” the woman said. “You best get back to your men.” She put her arm around Elizabeth. “I’m nurse Mildred.” She nudged Elizabeth toward a cot. “Come, child. Were you attacked? Tell me about your injuries.”
Elizabeth remained standing. “No, well, unless a tornado counts…or three of them, or bandits, or falling into river rapids.” The words fell from her lips like a confession that had weighed her down for years.
“You have been through an ordeal. What hurts?” The woman tried to nudge her onto the cot, but Elizabeth shook her head. Another nudge and she’d fall for sure in her weakened state.
“Um, I had to ride on a saddle, wet from the river, sharing with a man. I’m afraid my condition won’t allow me to sit.”
The woman smiled. “I understand. I once rode for two days without stopping. I thought I’d never sit on a horse again after that. Don’t you worry. We’ll get you fixed up soon enough. I’ll have the men bring in warm water and food. I’ll get you a clean dress, and I’ll tend to your wounds and those cuts on your forehead and arms.”
Elizabeth looked down at her hands and only now noticed the cracked, bloodied skin on her knuckles. “I must be a sight. Sorry to shock you.”
“It’ll take more than that to shock me. I worked as a nurse on the front lines for two long years.”
“You doctored the soldiers?”
“Yes.” She disappeared out of the tent for a moment. “Fetch hot water and bring it in.”
“Yes, ma’am,” a boy-like voice responded before a shadow ran across the tent wall and disappeared.
Nurse Mildred returned with a warm smile. “Based on your accent, I’m guessing this is an uncomfortable place for you. Just to let you know, I doctored both North and South men. I’m originally from Virginia. One brother fought for the South, another for the North. I didn’t take a side.”
Elizabeth’s chest tightened. “I’m so sorry. That must’ve been difficult.”
Men streamed in with buckets of water. It must’ve already been heating somewhere. Elizabeth caught sight of her image on a silver plate and didn’t recognize herself. Her hair was wild, face smudged with mud and dirt and blood. She looked like she’d stepped off a battlefield herself.
“It wasn’t easy, but they both made it home…mostly.”
“Mostly?”
Three men entered the tent carrying buckets with steam rising out of them. Elizabeth wiped at the smudges on her face. Each man dumped hot water into the tub and then left without a word.
“Most of their limbs and minds made it back. They function better than most.”
Elizabeth nodded, understanding the aftermath of the war. “You decided to continue with nursing instead of returning home to your family?”
The three men entered again and dumped more water into the large silver tub. Nurse Mildred stuck her hand in the water, then dried it on her apron. “Yes, my husband died in the war, and I decided to continue my calling. In another few years when there are new babies to tend to, I might return, but for now, these are my sons. Sometimes we can’t choose what family we are given.”
Elizabeth understood her words well. After several more trips, the three men had the tub filled and Nurse Mildred closed the flaps to the tent and moved a stand with material to block the view of the tub from the front opening. “Please.” She pointed to the water.
Steam rose from the tub, and Elizabeth quickly undressed, longing to be clean. “After the river, I never thought I’d be pleased to see water again, but bless you.” She slid into the warm water, inching her red, raw thighs down into the warmth. The sting made her hiss, but she managed to lower fully into the water and settle into the heat around her sore muscles.
“I must say, you are one strong woman. I admire that. There is so much in the world that can beat us down, but I have a feeling you’ve seen it all, faced it all, and are willing to take more to get what you want.”
Tears pooled in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she fought hard, but that lump she’d pushed down for so long swelled into her throat. She pulled her legs to her chest and rested her forehead against her knees, unable to suppress a muffled cry.
Nurse Mildred sat in a chair by her side, took a cup, and poured water over her back. “There, there. Let it out, dear. I have a feeling you’ve been keeping in a good cry for some time now.”
For several minutes, Elizabeth blubbered like a child, and she didn’t even know why. She’d faced so much without shedding a single tear, but now she’d released more water than that darn river. When she finally managed to gasp air and swallow down the tears enough to speak, she shook her head and said, “I don’t know why I’m crying. There’s no reason. I don’t do this.”
“That’s why. You’ve been strong for so long, you need a moment to let it go. Even men cry, you know.”
“Really?”
“I’ve seen soldiers with arms amputated cry when I had to use a needle to remove a splinter. We all have our weaknesses and our strengths. Sometimes we only need a moment to release what we’ve been holding for so long.” Nurse Mildred sunk the cup into the water and poured more soothing water over Elizabeth’s head. “Tell me about your trip.”
Steaming water trickled through her hair, and Mildred’s fingers massaged and rubbed until Elizabeth’s hair was free of debris and mud.
Mildred had suffered throughout the war as Elizabeth had. They’d shared the bond of loss and destruction and suffering. She trusted Mildred in a way she’d trust one of her sisters. Perhaps they were a type of sister, war-sisters. Elizabeth told her about her days during the battles in Georgia, about her breathing problems, about Jeb’s rejection, the lies his mother had told, and their journey to the camp. By the time she finished speaking, Nurse Mildred had tended her wounds with a gentle touch, brushed Elizabeth’s hair, and helped her dress.
“There, now you look presentable again.” Mildred winked.
Elizabeth chuckled. “I can’t believe how long I’ve been talking. I’m so sorry. I guess I just miss my sisters. I best go see what is going on with the cattle deal.”
Nurse Mildred hugged her unexpectedly. “You know, I always said that if I had a girl, I’d raise her to be as strong and smart as the boys.” She offered a motherly approving smile. “Just remember, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s not a weakness, but a strength to rely on others.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but then someone else’s voice carried into the tent.
“Elizabeth, are you in there?” Jeb’s voice from the outside of the tent made her breath catch. She
smoothed her skirt and looked to Nurse Mildred.
“You look beautiful,” Mildred said. “Beautiful enough to change a man’s mind and heart.”
Chapter Twenty
The night air was a relief from the hot sun, and now that Jeb had cleaned up, he could check on Elizabeth. If only he had better news for her. She’d worked so hard, and he didn’t want to disappoint her.
The tent flap opened, and Elizabeth stepped out. The simple but clean, dark green dress made her eyes look like emerald fireflies and her hair a deep red. “Wow, you look beautiful. Too beautiful to be in a camp with all these soldiers.” A realization that they stood in the center of a camp of men that probably hadn’t seen a woman in months made his muscles tense. “I think you should stay close to us until we leave in the morning.”
Elizabeth didn’t protest like he’d expected. Perhaps she knew the dangers. The thought of her exposed to so much during the war made him want to hold her until she forgot the past.
“What happened with the deal? Are we set?” Elizabeth asked in a businesslike tone.
Jeb removed his hat and rubbed the back of his neck.
“What is it?” Elizabeth’s fingers feathered his elbow.
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s something. You always do that when you’re stalling to think of what to say.” Elizabeth pointed to his hat, and then to his hand on the back of his neck.
He chuckled. “Guess I can’t hide much from you. That happens when men ride together for days at a time. You get to know each other like brothers.”
Elizabeth bit her bottom lip, and if he didn’t know better, he’d think she was upset about something he’d said, but for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what. He cleared his throat. “Right, well, Colonel Richardson couldn’t meet with me at this time.”
“Understandable, it’s late and hard to see in the dark. Maybe he wants to inspect the cattle in the morning,” she said, but the way she clasped her hands in front of her waist spoke otherwise. Perhaps he’d learned about her mannerisms, too.