What if I actually did it? Walked over to his room, opened the door and came onto him?
We’d have sex, of course. I felt like he wouldn’t say no to me. I let a hand slide under my pajama shorts and touch my clit. That would help me get to sleep. I started rubbing slowly. I closed my eyes and he immediately appeared behind them. Not the man sleeping in the room next door, the man who took me to his beach house the night of the bonfire and took my virginity.
He was so… thorough. I had had sex with other people since but not everyone was as attentive and, well, talented as he was. I remembered that night like it was yesterday. I had put myself to sleep many nights thinking about our first time. We went twice. He let me suck him off only after he had made me come two times, once with his cock and the first time with his tongue. I slid a finger inside my pussy which was wet. It felt nothing like his cock, unfortunately.
I loved seeing him like that, so male and powerful. I loved how much he wanted me that night. He said he wanted to make it good for me and he delivered, above and beyond everything I expected. I could feel my orgasm start to mount. That night was perfect. It didn’t matter what was going on between us now because once, nothing mattered but the two of us.
The wave rose and crashed through me. I bit my lip so I didn’t whimper too loudly. My legs shook and I shuddered. It wasn’t nearly as intense as what he did to me that night but here and now it would have to do. I lay limp on the bed, the memory of our happy times together playing out in my head. Finally, I fell asleep.
We sat in the waiting room. There weren’t that many people there but most of them seemed to be couples. I wondered if they could tell that we were frauds. We weren’t a couple; not in the traditional sense. No, not in any sense. We weren’t together. We were living together while trying to conceive. In current year, a family could look all kinds of ways. I didn’t know why the thought depressed me so much. I was nervous. I shifted in my seat.
We were early for our first doctor’s appointment. Apparently, nothing too serious was going to happen today. They were just going to run us through the process and do some bloodwork.
“Hey.”
I looked over at Charlie. “What?”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Why?”
“Just asking. You want water or something.”
“No.” I was snippy. That was unnecessary. I was not okay. I was way more nervous than I thought I would be about doing this. I thought I was a lot more resigned to this process than I was. That was in the beginning when this was strictly business. Now, things had happened and the relationship between Charlie and me wasn’t as black and white as it was before. Backing out was not an option but it sure sounded good. I was in too deep; I had already signed the contract and accepted the down payment. I needed the money anyway. If nothing else was going to get me through this, it was going to have to be that.
Someone called my name. I jumped out of my seat and followed them to the triage. She made small talk as she took my vitals. I looked away as she drew blood.
“Here is the cup for your sample.”
I looked at the little cup being offered to me by the nurse.
“The what?”
“The last thing we need is a urine sample. There’s a bathroom just across the hall. Just bring it back here when you’re done and you can go see the doctor shortly after.”
I stared at the white door of the bathroom stall as I inexplicably experienced performance anxiety even though I was alone. This was becoming more and more real by the second. I took my phone out and typed out a message to Maggie, but immediately deleted it. I just wanted to talk to someone to calm my nerves. Well, what the hell was Charlie for if I couldn’t break down around him from time to time and know that he’d comfort and support me?
No, Brenna, that was what a boyfriend was for. That was what a husband was for. That was what friends were for. Charlie fell into none of the above categories.
I handed in my sample and went back to the waiting room for our turn.
“You okay?” he asked again. Either he was asking because he was concerned, or he was giving me a chance to open up to him.
I pussed out. “I’m fine.”
Finally, it was our turn. We went in to see the doctor. He was a balding man who I could tell would be short when he stood up. He smiled warmly at us and welcomed us to sit down.
“How are we all today?” he asked.
“Doing well, can't complain,” Charlie said. I just smiled.
“And you,” he paused to look at his paperwork, “Brenna?” he asked.
“Fine, yeah.”
“I think both of you have a general idea of the way things are going to go?” he asked. Yeah, pretty much. We would both be tested for fertility, Charlie would have to give them a sperm sample at some point, they'd run their tests or whatever and then we’d come in for the actual implantation.
“I just want to know how soon we can get it all started,” Charlie said.
The doctor riffled through his paperwork again. “That’s understandable. You’re eager to start a family. There is a slight complication, however,” he said.
My spine curled inwards. “What?” I asked.
“Well, you were hoping to schedule the implantation soon, yes?”
“As soon as possible.”
“That’s right,” Charlie said.
“Well, I’m afraid that is impossible. According to our tests, Brenna, you are already pregnant.”
Someone hit pause right that second because everything froze. My breath, my heart, my mind, my whole life.
“What?” I asked.
“That can’t be right, doctor,” Charlie said. He turned and looked at me. Could it, I could almost hear him asking. I looked over at him and it was a mistake. He was flushed and his eyes were narrowed. He looked like he was about to both start a fight and pass out. He thought I had done something. He thought I was pregnant with someone else’s baby. I couldn’t take the time to appreciate what a great grift that would have been, provided I was the grifty type before the doctor spoke again.
“It’s not that far along, only about a couple of weeks. Very recent.”
“This has to be a mistake,” Charlie said.
“While her urine sample was enough to confirm it, her bloodwork will just show us the same thing. She’s definitely pregnant,” the doctor said. Charlie looked at me again. His face had softened but now he just looked confused.
“I’ll step out for a few moments; give you two sometime to discuss,” the doctor said. He walked out quietly. Charlie stood up and scoffed. He leaned against the doctor’s desk looking at me.
“I can't believe the subject of whether you are seeing anyone else hasn’t come up,” he said.
“Yeah, you just assumed that I wasn’t.”
His jaw tightened a little. “Are you?” he asked.
“No. I’m not. Why would I agree to do this with you if I was with another man already?”
“Why didn’t you tell me whether you were dating or not?”
“Not to displace responsibility but surely that information would matter more to you than to me. Not that it’s any of your business, but I haven’t dated for a year. I haven’t slept with anyone in longer.”
“Then the baby is mine,” Charlie said.
No, the baby is mine, I wanted to say. It was true, but what he said was true too. I remembered the time in the limo. That had to be it. We hadn't been intimate at any other point. The first time with Charlie after seven years in the back of a damn car and I got pregnant. I knew for a fact that so many women tried for months, even years to become pregnant naturally. I was irritated. I felt mad suddenly.
“That’s all you have to say?” I asked.
He looked quizzical. “What do you want to hear?”
“You should be thanking me. I just saved you some money,” I said. He laughed a little.
“I wasn’t planning on it happening this way. I didn’t assume that
we would be trying to conceive the natural way,” he said, or something like that. I was already walking out of there. “Brenna. Brenna where are you going?”
I walked out of the room. I didn’t want to hear him. His voice, presence and this place all disgusted me. I was nervous being here before but now I couldn’t stand being in this place. I had thought about what it would mean to be pregnant with Charlie’s baby. I knew that it would be hard but that I had to do this. I needed the money and I was already bound by contract. I couldn’t let what happened between Charlie and me seven years ago get in the middle of what I had to do.
The fact that I was getting pregnant artificially instead of, you know, the natural way comforted me. I knew I could have some distance from the whole thing. I wouldn’t feel like the baby was ‘ours’ or even mine. I could carry the baby like it was my job, have them at the end of nine months and then walk away when all this was over.
That moment in the limo was never supposed to happen and now I could never forget it.
15
Charles
“Brenna, please,” I said, walking after her out of the center. She was upset. She ignored me walking towards the limo. She stepped into it and slammed the door behind her. We had just heard that she wouldn’t have to go through an extraction or insemination, arguably good news, but she was upset with me.
I opened the door and climbed in after her. She was in her seat, arms crossed, sulking. It was kind of cute, but I was smart enough not to say that.
“We’re probably going to have to book another appointment to talk to the doctor,” I said.
“I thought we were done already. I’m pregnant, right?” she said. “I can't believe you ride around in this thing. Why don’t you take the subway like a normal New Yorker? I don’t know how the hell they do it in England but this ain’t it, pal,” she said.
I held back. She was taking this in a completely different way than I was. I was thrilled that she was pregnant. That was what I wanted from the start of course. I didn’t think that the time in the limo would be it. I mean, we didn’t use condoms but I figured maybe she was on something. A woman who was presumably single in New York City? It made sense at the time. I don’t know. I wasn’t usually that reckless. I didn’t sleep with women in the back of my limo and I usually did my best not to make them pregnant when I did.
It had happened though and dammit, I was thrilled. I was resigned to using the impersonal, sterile method of having my child. When Brenna showed up as my surrogate, I couldn’t lie, doing it the old-fashioned way did cross my mind. I knew I couldn’t suggest something like that to her or make that assumption. We weren't in a relationship. If anything, she was working for me. It felt so good that the baby was ours, really ours. He or she had been conceived during an authentic moment of passion between us.
“We’ll use it next time,” I said. She glared at me.
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, let's use the subway. Whatever you want,” I said.
“Fuck you,” she said, looking away. I moved up the seat towards her. “What are you doing?” she said. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “Let go of me.” She struggled briefly against my hold, then I felt her go still. She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. This was the closest we had been since we were last in this very same limo, conceiving our baby. The thought made my heart beat faster. This couldn’t have come true in my wildest dreams. I was a fool if I did anything to ruin this, but I had to do something. I could see the future in front of us. Brenna, the baby and me. A real family.
“I didn’t think that it would happen this way,” she said, whispering.
“I know. I didn’t either.”
“I should have. I mean we did it, no protection or anything. That’s usually what happens. I can't be shocked now,” she said. I didn’t reply, just rubbed her arm with my hand.
“You’re not mad, are you?”
“Furthest thing from it. Are you mad?”
“No.”
I swallowed. “Are you angry? Do you regret it?”
“No, I’m just surprised,” she said.
“I was surprised too,” I said.
“No, you wanted to take my head off because you thought the baby was someone else’s.” She looked up at me.
“Look,” I said. I had to tell her. There was no better time to do it. “I know this wasn’t the way this was supposed to happen. We both had other plans but we’re here now and it has to have taken a miracle to get us to this place.”
“Me getting pregnant? No, it took unprotected sex during my ovulation window to get us to this place. That’s usually what it takes,” she deadpanned. I held back a laugh. I was trying to be sincere and she wasn’t letting me.
“This isn’t the way we thought this was going to go but honestly, I’m happy.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m thrilled, Brenna. When I saw you at the surrogacy clinic, I couldn’t believe it. The chances that you were the woman they picked for me had to be slim to none and it had to be a sign. It had to be someone or something out there giving us a second chance.”
She laughed a little. “Is that what you feel?”
“What did you feel”
“I just didn’t believe it. I thought I was being pranked or something. Like there was no way the baby I was carrying was yours, you know?”
“I think about that summer all the time, you know.”
“No, you don’t,” she said.
“I swear. I still don’t know what happened that summer, why we ended up splitting but I always think about what could have been.”
“You’re kidding. I always stopped myself from thinking too far into the future. I guess I wasn’t as optimistic as you were.”
“It doesn’t matter. That’s all in the past. The point is now, we can find out. We don’t have to wonder what could have happened anymore.”
“This isn't really the type of relationship either of us were looking for out of this,” she said.
“That’s true but we don’t have to force anything. We’re living in the same house, gonna be spending a lot of time together and preparing for the baby. We can just see where it takes us naturally. No pressure.”
“No pressure,” she repeated.
“Are you willing to give it a shot?” I asked.
“I…”
“Excuse me, Mr. Hampton?” Barry’s voice suddenly filled the back of the limo. The screen was up and he had seen us both enter the vehicle but nobody had told him to start the journey.
“Yes, Barry?”
“Sorry to interrupt. I wanted to ask where we’re going.”
“Home. Barry,” I said. We were going home.
Brenna giggled as Barry apologized again for the interruption. “Do you think he knows we had sex back here?” she asked.
“Of course,” I said. “Have you heard the way you get during sex?” She laughed. She didn’t move her head from my shoulder. We chatted the whole way back to the townhouse. The trip had taken a weird turn and we had ended up being one for longer than expected. Night was falling soon and I wanted to do something nice. Something to celebrate. I asked Brenna if she was hungry.
“Yeah, I could eat,” she said. I was just about to suggest a Middle Eastern fusion place that a friend recommended to me when the doorbell rang. Brenna looked over at me quizzically.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it.” I went back to the door and she started heading upstairs. I opened it and had to physically stop myself from slamming it shut again.
“Mother,” I said.
“Is that all you have to say after you humiliated me in front of a Barringer?” she demanded. She tried to get into the house, but I stood in her way.
“Mum, I…”
“It’s alright. I’ve found a way for you to make it up to me,” she said. She started walking into the house. I ran ahead of her, so she didn’t get past the entryway.
“What? Mum, what are you doing he
re? I didn’t even know you were coming.”
“I’m your mother. I don’t have to call before coming to visit. You’re my only son, surely you haven’t forgotten.”
“Of course not, mother.”
“Which is why I brought you a gift,” she said. “Elizabeth Thomas.” I looked behind her at the empty doorway.
“Mum, you came alone.”
She sighed like she couldn’t believe what an idiot I was. “Of course, she’s not here. Keep up, Charles. Her family is in property development. Miles Thomas owns half of the Lower Westside.”
“Good for him. Mum, I really can’t talk right now.”
“She’s beautiful,” she said. “Look.” She pulled her phone out of her handbag and shoved it in my face. I pushed her hand away.
“Mum, I’m sure she’s lovely. I just told you I can’t talk right now.”
“Of course not. We have plans”
I stared at her. “We?”
“The Thomases are hosting a charity dinner tonight and they’re expecting us. I told them we would be there. What a nice way for you to meet your future bride. Oh, did I say bride? Well, that remains to be seen.” She looked at me impishly. I didn’t know where to start; her barging in here where she could run into Brenna at any moment or her inviting me to a charity function to meet a woman without telling me first.
“I’m not going, mother. I have plans tonight.”
“You can’t turn this down, I accepted on your behalf. They’re expecting you.”
“You shouldn’t have before asking me, mother. I’m not going. I’m not canceling plans to meet them. What is the charity event even for?”
“Plans?” she scoffed. “Are you meeting Niall? Don’t spend so much time with him, sweetheart, he’s gormless and has no prospects. Go get dressed. They want us at eight.”
Admit You Miss Me: A Surrogate Pregnancy Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 1) Page 9