by Jae
“Of course it is—if you think she’s ready for that.”
Why wouldn’t Eliza be ready to watch the parade with them? She had met Salem and Bella, and since Heather was her best friend, she had probably been to Pride before. “What do you mean?”
“Bella, Matt, and I, we’re going to the parade to show our support for you and the LGBT+ community,” Salem said. “But Eliza is dating you, so maybe Pride has a different meaning for her now. Is she ready for that?”
Denny let her head drop against the back of the couch. “I have no idea. I don’t know what kind of label she’s comfortable with at this point—if any. I didn’t even think about it like that.”
“Maybe Eliza won’t either.”
But now that Denny had started to worry about it, she couldn’t let it go. Great. Way to burst my post-kiss bubble of happiness, Salem. Sighing, she got up.
“Where are you going?” Salem called after her. “I wanted to know more about your amazing date!”
Denny headed to the stairs. “Saying good night to Bella and seeing if she wants to talk.”
“Denny?”
Halfway up the stairs, Denny paused. “Yeah?”
“Thank you,” Salem said quietly. “You’re the best.”
Denny steeled herself against the rush of emotions flooding over her. God, a few kisses from Eliza and she felt so raw as if every feeling she experienced was amplified a thousand times. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t think flattery will get you the last piece of cheesecake.”
“Oops. I ate that when we got home.”
Denny turned and walked down a few steps until she could peek around the corner and into the living area. “You’re kidding, right?”
Salem flashed her a sheepish grin. “Hey, you got a kiss good night, and I didn’t.”
Hmm, true. Eliza’s kisses beat cheesecake any day. She gave Salem a stern big-sister look anyway and stabbed her index finger in her direction. “Next cheesecake’s on you.”
It was only nine thirty when Eliza got home, so she took a detour to Heather’s apartment to return her car keys. If she was honest, it wasn’t about the keys. Her body and mind were still buzzing with all the emotions kissing Denny had stirred up, and she needed someone to talk to.
She knocked on the door in a rapid staccato, then used her key to let herself into the apartment.
Heather sat on the couch with her feet on the coffee table, painting her toenails a pale shade of lilac. She looked up with the brush hovering over her big toe. “Um, you didn’t crash my car, did you?”
“No! Of course I didn’t. Why would you think that?”
Heather waved the nail polish brush. “You have a weird expression on your face.”
“Do I?” Eliza resisted the urge to reach up and touch her face—or her lips.
“Mm-hmm.” Heather tracked her path to the couch and kept studying her as Eliza sat next to her. “So, if my car is fine, that means your date with Denny was either a total disaster or the best thing since the invention of pizza.”
“The latter.” Eliza knew she probably had a dorky grin on her face, but she didn’t care. “Definitely the latter.”
Heather put down the nail polish. “Better than pizza? Are we talking with or without a cheese-stuffed crust?”
“Better than cheese crust and extra cheese.”
A low whistle broke the momentary silence. “So that special connection you’re always looking for… Is it there with Denny?”
Eliza didn’t have to think about it. In hindsight, that connection had been there long before their first date. “Yes, it is. With all the guys from No More Frogs, I felt like I needed to put on a show to impress them—dress the right way, say the right things, you know? With Denny, I knew I could let my walls down and just be myself.”
Heather pressed both hands to her chest. “That sounds wonderful.”
They smiled at each other.
“It is,” Eliza said. “So, now that I’ve found mine, we’ll just have to find your frog.”
“Frog?” Heather lifted one brow. “You mean my princess, right?”
Eliza firmly shook her head. “No. Princesses with flowing, golden-blonde hair, lofty castle towers, and expensive ball gowns aren’t real. I think you need a perfectly imperfect frog. Someone who loves you for you, warts and all.”
“Wait, now I’m the frog in your analogy?”
Eliza pinched her thigh. “No, you’re the toad.”
Heather squirmed out of reach. “So, speaking of frogs and princesses… Did she kiss you?”
Just the mention of it made Eliza feel warm all over. She nodded.
“Ooh. She did?” Heather slid closer on the couch.
“Well, technically, I kissed her.”
“Woo-hoo.” Heather bounced up and down, jostling Eliza. Then she stopped and waved her fingers at her. “Details! Give me details!”
Eliza had never been shy talking to Heather about her love life, but this was different. Not because Denny was a woman but because she was Denny. “Like you said, I don’t think she would have taken the initiative, so I made the first move. I really wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss her.”
“So? What did it feel like?”
How could she put into words an experience beyond description? “Soft,” she said, then added, “Right. It felt right. Actually, it surprised me just how right it felt. Not only the kiss. All of it.”
“You didn’t think it would?”
“I don’t know.” Eliza grabbed the nail polish off the table and pulled Heather’s foot into her lap to have something to do while her mind churned. “I think it’s still sinking in. I mean, imagine you suddenly realized you enjoyed kissing a guy.”
Heather shuddered dramatically, nearly causing Eliza to slip and paint the fleshy part of her big toe.
“Hey, keep still!”
“Then stop saying things like that,” Heather answered.
Eliza nudged her foot. “Come on. Just because you aren’t attracted to them doesn’t mean kissing guys is gross.”
“Yeah, but didn’t we just agree that kissing women is so much better?”
Eliza painted the next toe, then the one after that before answering. “Kissing Denny is. But I have no idea if it’s because she’s a woman or because she’s…well, Denny.”
Heather seemed to think about it for a few seconds, then nodded. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I’m not sure I want to. Not if it means kissing anyone but Denny.”
The sound of Heather’s good-natured laughter filled the room. “Jeez, are you sure you’re not a lesbian? One date and you’re already committed!”
Committed… The word lodged heavily in the pit of her stomach. Was she?
Before she could think of an answer, her phone rang with Denny’s ringtone. Her heartbeat picked up, and her gaze darted from Heather’s half-finished toenails to her purse. “Do you mind if I…?”
“Get out of here.” Heather took the nail polish from her. “And tell Denny I said hi.”
“Will do. Good night.” Eliza jumped up, grabbed her purse, and pulled out her phone as she rushed to the door. Inwardly, she laughed at herself. She had left Denny less than an hour ago, and yet she couldn’t wait to hear her voice again.
“Hi.” Denny’s voice sent a tingle of pleasure through her. “It’s me—Denny.”
Eliza smiled, waved over her shoulder at Heather, and pulled the door closed behind her. “Hey, you. I made it home. Sorry I haven’t texted yet. I dropped off the car key at Heather’s. She says hi, by the way.”
“Salem says hi too.”
“Tell her hi back.” Eliza struggled to unlock her front door with one hand, then entered her apartment. “How was her zoo date?”
“Good. But not as good as mine.”
The quiet honesty in Denny’s voice filled her with warmth. “I bet not as good as mine either.”
For several moments, only their soft breathing filtered through the phone as they were prob
ably both grinning like goofballs.
Eliza cleared her throat. “So, did Matt like sea otters or not?”
“Apparently, he did. He and Bella bonded over their mutual adoration for them,” Denny answered. “Wait, how did you know about the sea otters?”
“Just something Bella and I talked about when I picked you up.”
“You encouraged her to give him a chance, didn’t you?”
“A little.” Eliza crossed her studio apartment and pulled out the bed. “Was that okay?”
“Yeah, it’s great.”
There was something ambivalent in Denny’s tone, though. “Are you sure?”
“He’s good for Salem—and I think for Bella too. She hasn’t had a lot of male role models in her life so far.”
Eliza sensed that there was more. “But?”
“You know, I’m not sure if it’s disconcerting or comforting how well you know me already.”
“I vote for comforting.” Eliza kicked off her sneakers and stretched out on top of the bed. “Seriously, you know you can talk to me about anything—or tell me you’d rather not talk about it. Whatever you need, okay?”
“Thanks,” Denny said so quietly Eliza had to press the phone to her ear more tightly to hear her. “I think I’d like to talk about it.”
Eliza lay back and waited, not hurrying her along. She had a feeling Denny didn’t share her troubles very often, so it took her a while to find the right words.
“I’m mainly worried Bella might get hurt. Not physically,” Denny added hurriedly. “It’s just… Kids get attached so quickly, you know? My niece in particular. She might not show it sometimes, but she feels things deeply. What if she opens her heart to him, and then things don’t work out between him and Salem?”
Was this really about Bella, Matt, and Salem—or was it about them? Denny was a lot like her niece; Eliza knew that. She felt things deeply too. Was she worried about things not working out between them, despite their wonderful first date?
“What if he realizes having a ready-made family isn’t what he wants after all?” Denny continued.
Again, Eliza couldn’t help seeing the parallels. Was Denny worried not just about Matt changing his mind but also about Eliza deciding a relationship with a woman wasn’t right for her after all? “Don’t you think he thought this through before he even asked Salem out?” Eliza asked. “Or does he seem like the type who jumps into relationships too fast?”
“No, I don’t think so. But sometimes feelings change.”
“True. Do you think Salem’s feelings will change?”
“No.” Denny’s reply came without a second’s hesitation. “If she wasn’t sure about him and her feelings for him, she would never have introduced him to Bella.”
“Then why assume that he’ll change his mind?”
“Hmm. You got me there,” Denny said. “Maybe I’m worrying for nothing.”
“You worry because you care.” Her big heart was one of the things she liked most about Denny. “Is that all that’s worrying you, or is there something else?”
Denny’s breath reverberated through the phone as she inhaled and exhaled loudly. “What if Matt doesn’t change his mind?”
Eliza tried to grasp Denny’s train of thought. How would that be a bad thing? “What do you mean?”
“What if things go great between them, and he asks them to move in with him?” Denny asked in a whisper.
Oh God. Was that what had Denny so worried—the fear of her family leaving her? Eliza’s throat burned. Why had no one invented a phone with teleportation abilities yet? She wanted to put her arms around Denny so badly it hurt. She had half a mind to get Heather’s car keys and drive back to Lents.
“I mean, that would be great, right?” Denny added in a forced upbeat tone. “I’d be happy for—”
“You don’t have to do that with me, Denny.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend you’re fine and be strong for others all the time,” Eliza said. “I know you’d be happy for them, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt you. It would be a big change. God, Denny, you practically raised Bella—raised both of them, really—from what little I know about your parents.”
Denny made a noise of agreement that sounded like a pained sigh.
“No one can take that away from you. If Matt is the good, sea-otter-liking guy I think he is, he won’t want to. He’ll know he can’t replace you. I bet you’ll still be the person Bella will go to when her first boyfriend breaks her heart or her mom grounds her for skipping school or joining a cult or something.”
That elicited a laugh from Denny. “Bella is too down-to-earth to join a cult.”
“Okay, but for everything else, she’d still come to you.”
Denny sighed, but it sounded less sad. “Yeah, but she won’t be living with me anymore.”
Eliza barely stopped herself from promising Denny she wouldn’t end up alone. God, Heather was right. She sounded like a cliché, promising to move in before they’d even had their second date! “No, but Bella is old enough to stay the night at your house on weekends. And maybe you could find a place close to them.”
“Hmm. Yeah. Maybe I could.” Denny was silent for a few moments.
“You just pulled out your laptop to google affordable places close to wherever Matt lives, didn’t you?”
“Um, no.”
“You so did!”
Denny chuckled. “Okay, okay, I did. I’m jumping the gun a little, aren’t I?”
“A little.”
A low thump indicated that Denny had closed the laptop. “Eliza?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. For understanding and for making me talk about it. I wasn’t even aware of it, but I guess this has been gnawing at me for a while.”
Eliza put all her warmth and affection into her voice, hoping Denny could feel it. “Totally understandable.”
“So,” Denny said after a pause, “would you like to meet Matt? For real, I mean, not just shaking hands in the driveway.”
Meet Matt? Truth be told, he wasn’t the person she wanted to spend time with, but it seemed to be important to Denny, so Eliza said, “Uh, sure.”
“Damn,” Denny muttered, more to herself. “That’s not how…what I really wanted to ask.”
What was making her so nervous all of a sudden? Eliza’s fingers tightened around the phone. “What is it? You can ask me anything.”
“You know I’m not a crowd person, but Salem drags me to Pride every year, and this time, she asked Matt to come—and Bella will be there too, of course—and I was wondering…” Denny sucked in a breath as if she had run out of air. “Would you like to come with us? It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“Mean?” Eliza repeated, trying to keep up.
“Straight people watch the parade all the time,” Denny said.
“I know. I’ve been to the parade with Heather at least three—” Then it hit home what Denny was trying to say. Eliza had assumed herself to be straight the last three times she had attended Pride. She had been there as a supportive ally, not as part of the LGBT+ community. Now she would be going with her girlfriend! The thought made her head spin.
“Like I said, it doesn’t have to mean anything,” Denny repeated, “other than you wanting to spend time with me.”
That was something she was one hundred percent sure of. “I’d love to go to Pride with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” It would mean they would see each other on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday next week, but she didn’t feel as if that was too much at all. In fact, Friday seemed too far away.
“Heather could come with us too,” Denny said. “If you usually go to Pride together, I don’t want to get in the way of that and make her feel like a third wheel.”
What a sweetheart! Denny always thought of everyone else. That melting feeling in Eliza’s chest was starting to become familiar. “I’m sure she’d love to come. We always—” She froze with her m
outh open as she remembered their annual Pride parade tradition. Oh God. For a few minutes, she had forgotten she wasn’t the only one who accompanied Heather to Pride to show her support.
“What?” Denny asked, sounding alarmed. “If you’ve changed your mind, that’s totally—”
“No, that’s not it. But the last couple of years, we didn’t go to Pride alone.”
Denny chuckled. “I know. There were fifty thousand other people there too.”
“Yeah. Fifty thousand people and my entire family.”
The sudden silence lasted for so long that Eliza thought Denny might have dropped her phone.
“Y-your entire family?” Denny finally croaked out.
“Well, not my grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins. Just my parents, my siblings, and their kids and significant others. At least those who aren’t working the day of the parade.”
“Just your parents and your siblings,” Denny repeated, sounding faint.
“I guess you’ll meet them sooner than we thought.” A lot sooner. Eliza couldn’t keep the slight tremor from her voice, and she knew Denny would pick up on it.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all,” Denny said. “Let’s just forget about Pride.”
For a moment, Eliza was tempted to agree. Everything was happening too fast, overwhelming her. She hadn’t thought about taking Denny home to meet her family yet. There was so much she needed to figure out for herself first. But if she chickened out now, Denny’s fears would fester. “No,” she said as firmly as she was capable of. “I want to go to Pride with you. Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
“No. But meeting your family… That’s big.” Denny was silent for a few moments. “Hmm, but maybe it doesn’t have to be.”
“What do you mean?” Introducing Denny to her family felt huge.
“You don’t have to introduce me as your, um, girlfriend or anything. I mean, we’ve had one date. I don’t expect you to come out to your family or anything like that.”
At this point, Eliza didn’t even know what she’d come out as. How could she tell her family I’m gay or I’m bisexual when she hadn’t figured out what being attracted to Denny meant for her sexual orientation? But at the same time, lying to her family, keeping their growing relationship a secret felt wrong. Her temples pounded as if her head was about to explode.