by Kristen Echo
“You get used to it. The library’s over there. You can warm up before walking back to your car.” She pointed towards the building with the wall of windows.
He grabbed her hand, and they hurried towards the warm shelter. She laughed at his urgency. “It’s too cold to laugh,” he said, sprinting the last few steps.
“Spoken like a non-Winnipegger.”
“You’ll have to help me acclimate,” he replied, opening the door for her.
She walked under his arm and inhaled. Damn he smelled more alluring than the flowers she had stuffed in her backpack. “You’ll do fine on your own.”
Benny held her hand, preventing her from stepping further into the library. “I don’t want to be on my own anymore. I came here for you, and I won’t stop trying until you realize we belong together.”
“Fine. You owe me an explanation, but I can’t promise it will change anything.”
His smile took over the room. “That’s all I need. Thank you, Elizabeth.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m not dating you again; I’m giving you a chance to explain why you dumped me the way you did. We had something special. At least I thought so. I deserve to know why you fucked that up.” She pulled her hand away and marched towards a group of tables.
“We’ll see about that.” His self-assurance had once been a quality she admired. Today, she rolled her eyes.
The place was busy as expected, but they found an empty table in the corner. Having this discussion at the library wasn’t the greatest choice, but it was now or never. She’d been waiting for over two years for this moment. Yet, as she settled onto the hard-plastic chair, she found it difficult to catch her breath. It was too hot in there. She removed her coat and cringed when she looked down at her stained attire. Beth crossed her arms over her chest to hide the red marks, and to stop her hands from shaking.
They sat there for a moment, staring at one another. His nose had been broken numerous times and a permanent bend remained near the bridge. It only added to his ruggedness. But she couldn’t let herself be swept away by his handsome face. Good looks didn’t change the fact he was an asshole.
“We’re sitting, so enlighten me.” Her legs bounced under the table.
“I’m guessing you blame the trade for what happened between us. That living in different cities was too much of a challenge to overcome, but you’d be wrong.”
“I’m all ears.” She sat back in her chair.
He leaned forward with his forearms propped on the table. “After the ink was dry, and I landed in LA, life got extra busy. It’s not an excuse, but you know how busy the schedule is in the NHL. The coaches and trainers were going crazy trying to rebuild. I hardly had a moment to myself.”
“It takes a second to return a call,” she said flatly.
“I did, at first. Getting you to move south consumed my thoughts. I missed you like crazy. The other—”
“You have an interesting way of showing people you miss them. As I recall, you got traded and moved within a week. We talked the first few days. Then I left you a message, telling you my dad was in a car accident. He was in a coma and we needed you. I needed you. You never called back; never returned a single text. Nothing. I called everyone I could think of to get the messages to you. It didn’t make a difference.”
Her eyes burned, recalling the moment she got the call about her dad. They were supposed to hit the gym together, like they did every morning, but she’d canceled. Benny usually called in the morning and she didn’t want to miss his call. Only, the next call was from the hospital. She’d waited hours for him to come out of surgery. His prognosis wasn’t good. Seeing him hooked up to a million different machines tore her up inside. Then she’d prayed and waited to see if the swelling in his brain would decrease. It didn’t, and she had to make the call to pull him off the machines. No daughter should ever have to make a decision like that.
Perfect strangers offered their support. But the one man she needed more than anything never reached out. He had moved on and her problems didn’t matter.
“I got them all, but I fucking panicked. Your dad couldn’t die. He was healthy and vibrant. I couldn’t deal with losing another dad.”
“You’re a coward!” She slapped his arm.
“I was petrified of reliving the same hell all over again. Each time my phone rang, I’d jump and my skin would crawl, thinking it was you with bad news.”
“You were scared of losing him, but I was the one who lost everything. You’d been through the loss of a parent and I needed you so badly. We kept him alive for two days. Only he never woke up. We never got the chance to say goodbye properly.” The first tear slipped out, she didn’t bother wiping it away.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, unfolding her arms and taking her hand.
“He was the only family I had left, and he died. When I reached out to you, my boyfriend, for support,” she bellowed, jamming a finger against his chest. “I got nothing. Correction, you sent me a text telling me you were sorry. Do you have any idea how fucking much I was hurting?” Her voice got far louder than she intended.
“Yes, because you weren’t alone. We all grieve differently.” His tone remained even and calm. “I mourned him too. But I couldn’t be around all the sadness and pain. It would have destroyed me and I had to concentrate on my new team. I didn’t have the luxury of being allowed to fall apart.”
“So, you pretended we didn’t exist? That’s very mature!” She stood up and her chair scraped across the floor. If her raised voice hadn’t brought them attention that did it.
He reached out, but she stepped back. “I needed time to process everything. You and your father had become my family and losing him… it hurt more than I was ready to admit.”
“You should have told me that; I would have understood. Or at least I wouldn’t have been imagining you with someone else, having a gay old time while I made funeral arrangements.”
“You fucking thought I’d moved on. Seriously?” He arched a brow as he stood. The fury was evident in his features.
“What the hell was I supposed to think? New city, new team, why not a new girl? It all made sense.” She crossed her arms again.
Benny took her arm, leading them away from prying eyes. “Not that.” He dragged her to an empty area near the back, hidden among the stacks of books. “I loved you so much and told you that all the damn time. Why would you doubt that?”
“Because you left me,” she screamed in his face. “You disappeared and never looked back. We broke up over text. I’m sorry. That’s what you wrote. That meant farewell in my books.”
“I never broke up with you. Those words were about your dad; not us. I thought about you every day, but I couldn’t pick up the phone. You were supposed to be in the car with your dad that day. I could have lost you both. You do not understand how that affected me. The team shrink told me I had to go see you in person. That seeing you would take away the fear. I was nearly crippled from the grief. When I came back to the city, you’d left. No forwarding address and you’d disconnected your number. Why did you leave?”
“I couldn’t wait around for a man who broke my heart. You didn’t love me enough to be there when I needed you the most. There were too many haunting memories in that city. Every day I stayed, hurt more and more.” She looked away, letting her fingers slide over the books. They’d walked into the romantic literature section. Ironic.
“You didn’t stick around long. I showed up two weeks—”
“Too late,” she answered for him. “You’re too late again. I don’t want a man who can’t deal with the hard stuff. Death happens all the time Benny. It’s ugly and painful and it hurts. It hurts even more when you’re alone.” She was breathing heavy.
“You don’t have to be alone. I want to be there for you.” He closed the distance between them, cupping the nape of her neck. “Sorry doesn’t cut it. I’ll forever regret how long I took to come to terms with what happened. My actions hurt you. I’ll never do tha
t again.”
“No, you won’t!” She stared into his eyes, daring him to do something.
“I’m ready to be the man you need.”
His mouth descended onto hers. The kiss wasn’t gentle or kind; it was hard and raw. Their teeth mashed as their tongues fought for dominance. She pounded against his chest with her fists but didn’t stop kissing him. He let her beat on him until her strength gave out.
It had all been too much; the past and the truth. She clutched his shirt in her hands, aching for something to hold onto so she wouldn’t fall. He moved one hand down her side and over her ribs. She didn’t stop him when it dipped lower and he rubbed her sex through her jeans. Desire flooded between her legs to the very spot he pressed.
“More,” she breathed, completely caught up in the moment.
He gave her what she asked for. His fingers finessed their way inside her panties. Rubbing between her wet folds. He growled and pushed two deep inside her. She spread her legs wider and kissed him harder. Sucking on his tongue as he fucked her with his fingers. Between the classics on the shelves, he worked her over in the most primal way.
“Come, Elizabeth.” He pumped faster and rubbed her clit with his thumb. Their mouths connected again, and he swallowed her moans.
It went too far, too fast. She came silently and violently. Shaking from head to toe. The orgasm flustered Beth to the point of tears. Once he pulled his hand away, he hugged her close. She gazed at him in awe. Open mouthed and utterly confused by what had happened. She wanted to slap him, kiss him, do that all over again and run away all at the same time.
“Are you okay?” His brown eyes widened with concern.
“That shouldn’t have happened.” She stepped out of his arms and zipped up her jeans. Backing away from him took more effort than it should have. “A mistake that won’t happen again. Please go. I can’t handle this.” She asked him to go, but a huge part of her wanted him to stay.
“I’ll go because you’re asking me to, not because I want to. But never for a second think this was a mistake. We’re meant to be, and I won’t give up on us.”
“We’ll see about that,” she repeated his earlier words.
She had no intention of repeating previous mistakes.
CHAPTER EIGHT
T he rest of her night was shot. Studying was out of the question. She’d stayed hidden among the books for several minutes before she could show her face among the other students. She’d felt their eyes and their judgment on her. Each one condemned her for letting him touch her. Or maybe it had all been in her mind, but she hot tailed it out of there faster than a speeding bullet.
Nothing she did could stop her mind and her body from wanting more. The chatter in the dorms and from the patrons at the pub where she worked all centered around hockey. Everything reminded her of Benny. She mostly found the overzealous sports fans to be hilarious, except when they talked about the new goalie.
She’d needed someone to talk to about everything, but her only ally was a hockey hater. Carly loved Theo, but thought the rest of the men on the team were animals. Getting advice from her was useless. She’d gone to bed with her stomach in knots.
When the morning arrived, she was no closer to knowing how to handle Benny. Not that anyone handled him. He was a force to be reckoned with on and off the ice. Still she wasn’t ready to face him again. She didn’t have any early classes, but she couldn’t sleep. Her phone chirped on her dresser, signaling a new text message. Checking her phone, the text came from Cameron Smith. He was one of Joe and Theo’s best friends. He also happened to be a single dad who loved early morning runs.
“Run?”
That sounded like the perfect distraction. “When & where?” She typed back.
“King’s park in thirty.”
His reply made her smile. If she skipped breakfast, she could make it.
“See you soon.”
Beth hurried to the bathroom to brush her teeth and do her business. She tied her hair in a messy bun, covered her head with a warm beanie and pulled the hair through the top. After dressing in her winter running gear she raced out the door to meet her friend. She only thought of Benny twice.
“It’s not right for you to look so hot in workout clothes,” Cam said when she jogged up to greet him.
“I do not. There’s nothing sexy about this outfit.” She assessed her choice and came up blank.
He smiled, flashing his adorable dimples. “Tight pants. Need I say more?”
“Shut up and let’s do this.”
They ran for a mile in silence; it was nice to have a running partner. They’d met up once a week for the past few months. It started out as a competition, but they had a similar speed. The hockey training wasn’t the same as training for a marathon, and Cam wanted to run his first full this year. Beth had run it twice. Since he got full custody of his daughter April, finding time to train had become limited.
“Who’s watching your girl?” Her words were choppy.
“My mom’s staying with us this week. She surprised us with a visit which means I can go to that fundraiser tonight,” he said, his words smooth and even. The man hadn’t even broken a sweat yet.
“What event?” She wiped the moisture from her brow and adjusted her beanie to cover more of her forehead.
“It’s for one of the charities we support. We had to buy the plates months ago and they sold out which rocks. This one is helping kids with disabilities get the equipment they need to live productive lives. Last year we raised close to three hundred thousand. That’s a lot of wheelchairs and techno-gadgets. I didn’t think I’d make it. With a trusted babysitter at home, I won’t have to miss it.”
It made her happy to see these men volunteering their rare evenings off to help good causes. Hockey mattered, but so did their communities. “This is the first I’ve heard of it. Sounds like a good cause.” She exhaled and evened out her breathing.
He slowed their pace. “I’m glad you think so. If you don’t have plans tonight, would you go with me? Please say yes. Just as friends. I know its short notice, but it will be fun.”
“It’s probably not a good idea,” she said picking up speed. “You’ll never finish at this pace.”
He laughed. “I was keeping it slow for you. Seriously, you have to come. It’s being catered by one of the top chef’s in the city.” He batted his baby blues, drawing a smile from her.
The last thing she wanted was to bump into her ex again. She wasn’t ready to face him. “You say they sold out a while ago.”
“Yeah, why?”
“No reason.” As long as Benny wouldn’t be there, she was happy to accompany Cam. “Fine; I’ll go with you, but I can’t stay late. I’ve been neglecting my school work, and it has to be my top priority. If you don’t mind having a date that turns into a pumpkin at ten, I’d be happy to go.”
“Ten is later than I planned. April has gotten into a bad habit of waking up around nine thirty and she puts up a huge fit if I’m not there. We’ll most likely dine and dash.”
“You had me at free food, buddy.”
They laughed and finished running thirteen miles in less than an hour and forty-five minutes. They had their work cut out if they wanted to finish the full in less than four hours. Beth had pushed herself and finished her first in less than five hours. Her second she’d shaved an additional thirty-two minutes off the clock. Her goals were lofty, but attainable.
The rest of her day went by much better thanks to Cam. He gave her something else to focus on other than her misplaced feelings for Benny. She dove headfirst into her studies and rewrote all her jumbled notes. By the time dinner rolled around she was ready and starving.
Mr. Smith looked cuter than cute in his designer suit and funny dad tie. His sense of humor made him a great running partner and a hoot to be around. They were the same age, but he seemed a century older for some reason. They linked arms and walked into the restaurant together.
The scent of mouthwatering delights dance
d through the air. The chef and restaurant were donating their time and food. She had no idea how expensive each plate must have been. But gaging by the company they weren’t cheap. The mayor, musicians, actors and several other famous sports stars were in attendance. One man in particular stood out among the crowd. Their eyes locked, and she had to do a double take. She almost swallowed her tongue. He looked magnificent.
She smiled. The scowl on his face gave her the impression he was the opposite of happy to see her. He cut through the crowd, never taking his eyes off her. His long legs ate up the space between them.
“Did you know Benny Wilder would be here?”
“There’s a lot of people here. A few of my teammates were supposed to come, but not too many stuck around town for our days off. It’s back to business as usual tomorrow,” he answered.
“Oh, okay. I thought you said it was sold out.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder as Benny approached. “Hi,” she said, trying not to blush, even though the last time she saw him he’d had his hand down her pants.
“Did you come here together?” His first question caught her off guard.
“Yeah, Beth is my date this evening,” Cam said proudly.
“Unbelievable. First Joe and now Cam,” he mumbled under his breath.
She didn’t intend to make Benny jealous, but to hang out with a friend. Obviously, he didn’t have friends. “Who did you come with?”
“Martin gave me his ticket, saying it would be a good chance for me to mingle and meet people. Never expected you’d be here.” He eyed her and then Cam. “Are you making your rounds through the team?” He clenched his teeth, flexing his jaw.
Cam missed the shade Benny had thrown her way, but she didn’t. “That was smart of Martin. It’s good you’re here,” he said, looking around the room.
“I’ll be right back. Benny, follow me. Right now!” Her tone was sharp, surprising her date.
She let go of Cam’s arm and marched towards the back of the restaurant. She found an open office. He followed her in, and she slammed the door behind them.