by Holly Jaymes
“As grand gestures go, that’s pretty good,” Ethan said.
“I’m swooning,” Lisbeth agreed. “Oh, look…”
The music started getting closer. I looked up and saw that he’d left the stage and was walking to me, singing the new song.
He stood in front of me as he finished the last words. “But I promise to love you forever and beyond.”
He pushed his guitar behind him. Around us, people clapped.
“I’m so sorry, Victoria,” he said. “I love you. And I don’t deserve anything from you, but I’m going to ask for a second chance. Or third as it turns out. But there won’t be a fourth. I won’t fuck up again.”
There was a gasp from the table nearest us at his use of the f-word.
“I’ll look like a bitch if I don’t say yes.” I hated that he put me in this position.
He tentatively reached out and wiped a tear that fell on my cheek. “No. They’ll know what a horrible, rotten asshole I was to not deserve another chance.”
“How would this even work? You live in-” God, was I considering this?
“I live in whatever city or town you live in. Los Angeles. Eden Lake. Where you go, I go.”
My eyes narrowed as I tried to understand what he was saying. “But your home is in-”
“My home, my life, is with you. My wife.”
My heart betrayed me by rolling in my chest and then filling with hope.
“Give him a chance,” the people sitting around us said.
“I want to rediscover my seven-year-old self with you. I want to write more songs about how much I love you. Please Victoria. One more chance. Give me one more shot to get this right.”
Every fiber in my body wanted to say yes. I wanted to launch myself into his arms and never let go. But my mind told me to hold steady. To keep the walls up. To keep love out because I didn’t think I could survive if he doubted me again.
Chapter 26: Making My Case
Pax
I’d experienced several significant moments in my life. Like the day I turned eighteen and realized I didn’t have to do what my mother said anymore, so I’d stopped following her around the world and made a place for myself in London. The day and night I spent with Victoria on her twenty-first birthday when I discovered how love really felt. The day Dane happened upon me playing the original version of All Night in London, while busking on a street corner and he’d signed me to a record contract. The day the new version of All Night in London first played on the radio. But of all those days, the one that seemed to matter most now was today. I felt like my entire life rode on this moment, and if the look in Victoria’s eyes was any indication, my life was about over.
Desperation grew in my gut. I reached out and took her hands, grateful that she didn’t pull away. I stepped closer to her. I began to think this grand gesture was a bad idea. Not because I’d be rejected in public, but because I’d put her in a position to do so. She had every right to reject me, but I knew the audience would judge her for it. Jesus, I was messing up again.
“I turned my back on you twice,” I said so the audience would know that she was justified to kick me to the curb. “I hurt you. Deeply.”
“I’m scared,” she said under her breath.
“I know. And I hate that you don’t trust me. But Victoria, I’m not scared. Well, I’m scared you’ll say no right now, but if you say yes, you need to know that I’m not scared of what the future will hold for us. I trust you. I know you’re a good, loving, loyal woman. I know I’ll need to earn your trust. I’m making it my life’s work.”
She let out a breath and closed her eyes, and I thought I was making headway. That the wall she’d erected was crumbling. Taking a chance, I released her hands and cradled her face.
“Victoria. I love you. I’ve loved you since London, probably even before. I want to make a life with you.” I leaned in, pressing my forehead against hers. “Please, baby. Tell me what I need to do. I’m begging you. Let me spend my life making this right.”
Her hands settled on my waist and she began to cry, making my heart crack open even more. I didn’t know what was going on in the rest of the room. Nothing else existed but me and Victoria in this moment.
I lifted my head, wiping her tears again. I searched my brain for the right words, but I was out of them. Except for the three most important ones. “I love you.”
She broke then, her arms coming around me. I wrapped mine around her and held her tight, making a silent vow to never let go.
“I love you.” I chanted in her ear. Around us, I heard clapping, and then Lisbeth was on the stage.
“I did that,” she said. “I got them together. Ain’t love grand?” And then she started playing, effectively taking the attention away from us.
“I know we need to talk,” I whispered to Victoria. “Let me take you out of here.”
With my arm around her, I led her out of the recreation room and to the car I rented to drive out here after putting my plan in motion. Thank God, Lisbeth was back in the U.S. and was willing to help me.
“This is for you,” I said, handing Victoria an envelope as she sat next to me and I drove us out to Pine Rest.
She opened it. “This is Lisbeth’s contract.”
I nodded. “I knew you needed it done and while I did use her to lure you out here, I didn’t want it to be all a trick.” She put the envelope in her purse and we drove in silence for a ways.
“I like it here,” I finally said.
She turned to me. “You mean the U.S.? California?”
I shook my head. “Eden Lake. I couldn’t figure out why Tucker, a rich athlete, had a little house on the lake, but now I do. I grew up in a world in which appearances were important and so much of life was fake.”
She nodded. “I know that feeling.”
“My world was distorted. When I stayed behind in London, I thought I’d found real life, you know. The night with you, I was sure of it.”
She turned to look out her window, and I knew she was thinking of the pain, not the joy of that night. I understood that it would take me time to change that for her.
“Here in Eden Lake, life feels real. With all this natural beauty, you can’t help but feel tethered to reality. The people here are good and decent. I mean, they let me crash their Winterfest.”
She gave me a look. “You’re Pax Ryder. I doubt they’d turn you down.”
I shrugged. “The committee wasn’t too impressed. They made me pay a hefty donation.” I laughed. “Normally I get paid to play. This time, I had to pay to be able to play. Don’t tell Dane, he’ll kick my ass for that.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
I could still hear emotional distance in her voice.
“I guess what I’m saying is that I'd like to buy a place out here. I meant what I said before, wherever you go, I go. But this is a nice place to come to relax and get away from all the fakeness of stardom. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds nice.”
I reached over and took her hand. “I meant for us, Victoria. This would be our house. Maybe even our home. You were able to work from here during our stay before.” Technically, legally, we were married, and I was going to use that to my advantage to keep her with me, such as moving us into a house.
She didn’t say anything and I worried I was losing her again. I pulled up to the cabin we’d stayed in before. I helped her out of the car and led her to the door.
Inside, the home was dimly lit with pretty lights and champagne.
“You felt sure of yourself,” she said when she saw my setup.
“No.” I took her arms and looked into her pretty blue eyes. “I was praying things would go my way.” I pushed a tendril of her hair behind her ear. “God, Victoria, I’m sick with how I treated you. I’m so fucking desperate to make it right but I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do to alleviate your distrust of me. I know it will take time, but…tell me what you need.”
She didn
’t say anything.
“Listen, let me make a fire in the fireplace. We never used that when we were here before. And I got stuff for s’mores. I hope I can make them. I’ve never had them. Lisbeth told me how. I was assured it would bring out the seven-year-old in us.”
A smile started on Victoria’s face. Good. I was making progress. A few minutes later, I had a fire going, a tray full of graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows, and filled flutes of champagne.
We sat on the floor with old wire coat hangers toasting our marshmallows.
“Have you done this before?” I asked her as my marshmallow caught fire. I blew it out.
“A few times at away camp as a kid,” she said. She seemed more relaxed now, which was a good sign. We ate a few s’mores and finished off the champagne. I was dying to kiss her, but wasn’t sure I’d earned that right yet.
“I have something else for you. Now might not be the time. Maybe it’s too soon, but I want you to know that I’m all in, Victoria.”
Her breath hitched.
I turned to her, taking her hand as I pulled the small box from my pocket. “This is a bit backwards, but you’re my wife.”
Her gaze jerked from where she’d been looking at my hand holding hers, to my eyes.
“I want the world to know that I love you. That I belong to you.” I opened the box to reveal the platinum and diamond wedding band. “Stay my wife.”
At that moment, the entire world stopped. My breath held. Everything rode on this moment.
She looked at the ring and then at me. “Pax.”
My brain scrambled to find something to say that would ensure the success of this moment. “That last morning, when I fucked it all up for us. I’d actually come back from my walk wanting to tell you that I loved you.”
Confusion furrowed her brow.
“I know, it’s ridiculous because what I did after that made no sense. I hurt you. My mom seems to think it’s because of my childhood, of her and my dad not being around a lot and Lily going and doing her own thing and leaving me behind. I guess a therapist would say I was afraid of abandonment or something. But now I’m only afraid of a life without you.”
She simply stared at me. She wasn’t saying no, but she wasn’t saying yes either. I also realized that while she’d come back here with me, she hadn’t said she loved me.
“Maybe now is too soon,” I finally said. “So, I’ll hold on to it until you’re ready.” God, please make her ready someday.
“Did Dane put you up to this?”
My heart split. I hadn’t even considered that she’d think this was a ploy to save my career.
With my free hand, I pressed my palm to her cheek and pulled her to me, looking intently into her eyes so she could see the truth in mine. “No, baby. This is all me. This is Paxton Maddox telling the woman he loves that he wants to be with her. I don’t give a fuck what Dane wants or advises at this point. The only thing that matters to me is you.”
She swallowed and her eyes, once distant, softened. “Pax.”
“Please, Victoria. Please give me a chance to prove my love.” I dropped my head to her forehead.
“Yes.” Her arms wrapped around my neck. Elation erupted in my body.
“Oh, thank fuck.” I held her tight, and sought her lips, desperate to kiss her. “You won’t be sorry.” Then I kissed her firmly, pouring all my love into it. Wanting her to taste it. To feel it radiating from me.
I pushed her back on the floor, laying over her. I stared into her eyes as I slid the ring on her finger. “I love you so much.”
Her fingers slid through my hair. “I love you too, Pax.”
Relief washed through me. “Those are the most magnificent words I’ve ever heard.”
She smiled. “I love you, Pax.”
“I’m the luckiest man in the world right now.” Then I stopped talking and started showing her just how much I loved her. How I worshipped and adored her. In front of the fire, we undressed, and I touched her, running my hands over her soft skin. Following my hands with kisses, tasting her body. Imprinting every inch of her on my brain.
“Look at me, Victoria.” I spread my body over hers. Gripping her hands in mine as I levered them over her head.
Her lovely blue eyes opened. In them, I saw passion and love and it nearly undid me. With our gazes holding, I slipped inside her, and oh my fucking God, I finally felt like I was home. Like I was tethered to the world.
“I love you,” I whispered as I bent down and kissed her. Our bodies moved in time. In the rhythm of the most perfect and beautiful music. I wanted it to last forever, but soon her body was arching under me. Her head rocked back, and I kissed her exposed neck as she cried out and her body spasmed around mine. Only then did I let go, and let my own pleasure sweep through me.
When our breaths returned to normal, I maneuvered her to my side, holding her close and kissing her head as I thanked God she was here.
“There’s one more thing,” I said.
“Oh?” she looked up at me.
“Since we’re married, it seems only right that we get engaged too.” I reached over the other box I’d set aside.
She laughed. “What?”
I handed her the engagement ring that matched the band. “We need to have a real wedding. It’s backwards, but I want to stand before our family and make a vow to love you forever.”
Tears ran down her cheeks again, and for a moment I worried I’d done this too soon.
She pressed her hand to my cheek. “Yes. I want that too.”
“Thank God.” I slipped the ring on her finger and rolled her underneath me and showed her how much I loved her again.
Epilogue
Victoria
At Winterfest, I’d been unable to keep my wall up. I wanted Pax. I loved him. But as we drove back to the cabin and sat by the fire, the wall had inched upward a bit. I couldn’t forget how he’d turned on me in an instant.
But slowly, he’d been able to reassure me. I knew it was a risk still, but I also knew it was a risk I had to take. One more time. If I didn’t, I’d always wonder if I’d let the love of my life go.
A few weeks later, on Valentine’s Day, Pax had rented out the snow tubing place and we stood at the top of one of the runs facing each other and holding hands. Next to him was Dane, and next to me was Allie.
For many, getting married, or in our case, remarried, at the top of a snow tube run was strange, but for us, it felt completely perfect. Our families were there to share in our joy at getting married, and to help them find their inner-child as well, although we had to make arrangements for Allie and Lily to be brought down on the ramp since they were pregnant.
Things were still strained a bit between me and Lily, but like Pax, she was making an effort to make amends. She seemed to be going above and beyond to support me and Pax. And I’d been truly thrilled for her when she shared that she was carrying twins.
“Wyatt about passed out,” she’d said when she shared the news during a visit with me, Allie, Emma, and Willa at Paradise Java. “But I think it was because he didn’t think he’d ever have one, and now he’s having two.”
“I suppose it’s because you’re a twin,” Allie said. Then she looked at me. “Maybe you’ll have twins with Pax.”
I glanced at Lily, wondering what she’d think of that statement.
“If you and Pax start soon, all our kids will be the same age,” Lily said.
I hadn't expected that.
“You too, Willa,” Lily said.
Willa blushed.
I smiled as I remembered seeing them here several weeks ago before their trip to Mexico. “So things went as planned in Mexico?”
“Yes. They did.”
We all congratulated her.
“That just leaves you, two, Victoria and Emma,” Lily said.
Emma smiled. “Tucker wants to make sure any child we have is born during the off-season so he can be there.”
“What is that, February? March?”
I asked.
She nodded.
“So, sometime this summer, you and Tucker will be busy,” Allie teased.
“She and Tucker are always busy,” Willa joked.
I looked around the table, and realized that Pax had been right when he said he wanted to buy a place in Eden Lake. My business and his music would require us to travel and be away at times, but Eden Lake was home.
Because Lily and I weren’t quite back to where we’d been before, I’d hired her wedding planner Sasha to help me put on this little ceremony at the top of a snow tubing hill. She was excited to help. I was sure that was partly because she was planning a wedding for Pax Ryder; that had to look good on her resume.
Even Lisbeth and Ethan were there to celebrate with us.
“Victoria,” Pax started his vows. “You are the light that guides my way. That takes away the darkness. You’re everything. I promise to spend the rest of my days telling you that you’re my world and I love you so fucking much.”
His mother made a sound of displeasure. A few people chuckled.
“Pax,” I started. I’d struggled with writing vows because there didn’t seem to be the words to adequately express how I felt. “I promise to always be here for you, physically and emotionally. You’ll never feel alone.”
His breath hitched as I worked to make him understand that the one pain point in his life wouldn’t be an issue now.
“Oh, and I love you so fucking much.”
He laughed and pulled me in for a kiss.
“Well…I guess we’re there,” the minister said. “You can keep kissing your wife.”
Our guests clapped which sounded odd because they all wore gloves on this cold, yet sunny day.
“I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Pax Maddox.”
I grinned up at him, loving how his blue-violet eyes shone down on me with such adoration.
“Ready to slide into our future, Mrs. Maddox?” Pax asked.
“Absolutely.”
He sat on an extra-large tube and pulled me onto his lap. “We’ll bring out our seven-year-old selves now, and then I’m going to take you on a real honeymoon and bring out the twenty-seven- year olds in ourselves.”