by Anna Santos
She squinted her eyes and leaned forward. “What do you mean?”
“I want us to be a real couple.”
“Aren't you a real couple? Aren't you dating and spending time together?”
“I want us to do more than kissing. How else will we be able to bond and have babies?”
“Have you talked about this with him?”
I sighed and leaned back. Folding my arms on my chest, I breathed out. “This is a waste of my time.”
“You wouldn't call me to meet for an extra session if you truly believed that.”
I puckered my lips. “I needed to talk to someone who doesn't judge me. But you can't possibly understand how I feel, and before you ask me why not, it is for the simple fact that you didn't experience the horror I did in my captors' hands.”
“I might not but I feel empathy for you and all the rest of the girls who survived. Talking about this is good for the soul. Plus, you know that I do more than listening.”
“I know, Dr. Kent. You are also my friend. I’m sorry. I am just in a foul mood today.”
“I am not happy for knowing that you have lost your temper and destroyed your journal. It shows that you are doubting your efforts in healing. I don't want you to relapse. If you truly want to be with your mate and make him happy, then stop doubting yourself and his ability to deal with your pain. The prince is engaged in being here for you. He comes to the sessions with you, and he does everything to make you happy.”
“I know that. He's perfect.”
“Are you looking for an excuse to hate him and reject your bond? Do you still feel unworthy?”
“No. I just feel that I need to protect him from my demons.”
“Why?”
I shrugged.
The doctor conjectured, “Do you want to know what I think?” She didn’t wait for my answer. “You always took care of your sister. Even when she didn't do the right thing. You let her get away with many mistakes. It’s partially your fault that she’s so spoiled and egocentric.”
I frowned. “I am the oldest. It's my job to protect her.”
“She tried to have you killed. She hates you because of her mate's obsession for you.”
“Your point?” I huffed.
“You need to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let Eric take care of you for a change. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Tell him about your fears and dreams in what concerns the direction of your relationship. Let him decide whether your demons scare him or not. You’ll be surprised by what you can forgive yourself if you share your burden.”
“Maybe. Still, I hope someday that Marie can forgive me.”
“You haven't done anything wrong.”
I gritted my teeth with her statement. “I still feel as if it’s my fault.”
“We will talk about this some other time. I believe you had enough of sharing for today.”
I sat and looked at her. “Can I have a refill for the anxiolytics?”
“Where did the other pills go?”
“Down the drain. A few might be scattered around my bedroom.”
Dr. Kent sighed and headed for her desk. “I will give you a refill.”
Moments later, I exited her office only to find Eric sat in the waiting room.
“What are you doing here? How did you find out about my whereabouts?”
Eric got up and rushed to my side. “I saw the mess in your bedroom. I got worried. Then, I asked Rose where you were. It was a matter of calling the driver to find you here. As far as I know, you didn't have anything scheduled for today. What happened?”
“I got mad. Then anxious. I was afraid and revolted and lashed out.”
Eric’s eyes widened, and he became pale. “You shouldn’t have sent me away last night. We’ve been sleeping together, and you told me that you wanted me with you. Then we arrived home, and you asked to be alone.”
I shrugged. “It happens.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Something I think you don’t believe I can handle the dark truth of what happened to you.”
My face was emotionless when I talked. “Can you?”
He put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m here, am I not?”
I averted my eyes and stared at his chest in silence.
“Why did you destroy and burn your diary?”
“I didn’t want anyone to read what I had confessed there. I thought that destroying and burning would purge me.”
Eric drew me near and hugged me, placing his hand on my head. “Are you better now?”
“Yes. I will return home to clean my mess, and we can go to the festival later.”
“I rather stay home if you aren't in the mood.”
“I didn't want to disappoint the others. They will expect us there.”
Kissing the top of my head, he said, “We just need to be there tomorrow night before the wedding. You are more important than a party.”
Snuggling my nose against his chest, I mumbled, “Do you still love me?”
“More than anything in the world.”
I smiled and rested my chin against his torso as I tilted my head back to look at him. “Let's get out of here. I feel like to go for a walk in the garden and eat ice cream.”
His hand placed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I would love that. Then I 'll be happy to show you our home. We didn't have the opportunity last night. I’m eager to show you all I made for us, tonight.”
I replied, '“I would love that.”
Chapter TWENTY-SEVEN
Elizabeth
I adored the bedroom Eric built for us!
The decoration was in tons of white with hints of gold. It was modern and cozy. I loved the pale velvet armchairs and the fireplace between the two balconies’ doors. The view was also outstanding. My vampire eyes could see clearly like if it was day the gardens and the forest that surrounded the palace. Far in the back, the mountains made the view appear like a bucolic painting of a ninetieth-century painter. Nonetheless, the bed was the most precious thing. It reminded me of the upholstered mansion beds that I had in France, but with a lighter look. He made one for us in white leather with two matching bedside tables. The bed had finishing details such as a gold color accent complemented by the antique gold color edging and beautifully stitched leather upholstered headboard and footboard. It was amazing!
I was baffled by how everything looked. It was impeccably clean and arranged. The flowers were fresh, and the bed had a white silken immaculate bedspread with decorative pillows. I also loved the velvet crisscross curtains that hung from the window at the right side of the bed and from the balcony door that stood in the opposite side of the armchairs. It even had the cutest dresser with a mirror.
The bedroom was huge. My former bedroom was big but that one was two times bigger. Besides all the furniture were built by Eric. I could just imagine all the work he had there, all the hours he spent building and planning our master bedroom. He built that for me, to please me. It was breathtaking. I felt loved and wanted. I felt so happy that I kissed him and kept kissing him, making it the sweetest and longer kiss we ever shared and our first kiss in our bedroom.
I was getting bold. I had never made the first step to kiss him before that night. Still, I was getting used to being kissed and pampered by Eric. It was no longer scaring. It became normal, pleasant, something that I craved and dreamt about. He was really patient with me. I would feel safe beside him. My preferred pastime was staring at Eric, following his every move, smile about how nice his smile was while hugging a pillow, and thinking about him.
Waking up by his side was one of my favorite parts of the day. He would look at me and say hi with his sexy voice that made butterflies flutter in my stomach. Pillow fight was common in the mornings because he was the happiest, annoying person waking up. His comments about how cute I looked with puffy eyes and messed up made me blush. I had the most incredible mate.
He broke the kiss to speak. “Now that you’ve seen my home and our
bedroom, will you move in with me?”
I nibbled his lower lip, and he moaned and closed his eyes to kiss me again. The way we reacted together seemed as if my life was becoming normal. Lust would often burn in his eyes as the flickering stripes of purple run through his eyes, making me mesmerized by how handsome he was. I could feel his arousal against my stomach like I would always feel against my butt when we were watching movies. He could not help it and I wouldn’t feel scared about it. It would also feel hotter whenever he touched me.
“Are you answering me, Beth?” he asked, stopping the kissing.
“I have to help Jessica with her wedding dress tonight. I also have to try my dress on. We’ll be extremely busy. Maybe we should move in together after the marriage. What do you say?”
He offered me a lopsided grin. His hands cupped my face, and he plastered a kiss against my lips. “I also have to help Father with the preparations. Plus, we have a meeting with the security force.”
I frowned. “Did something happen?”
“No, it’s just the usual report.”
I nodded. “Then, tomorrow?” I stretched my lips into a smile.
“Tomorrow. I’ll leave instruction for the servants to bring your clothes here.”
I stepped back and fixed my clothes and hair. “Then, today we are still sleeping in my bedroom. I know how fast you fall asleep, so don’t wait up if I take too long.”
“I’m glad you are feeling better.”
Lowering my eyes to the floor, I placed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I wasn’t going to talk about it.” He smirked and moved to grab my waist.
“What are you doing?”
“We are going to test the bed,” he said, holding me in his arms while I wrapped my arms around his neck. “
My heart menaced to leave my chest. “What do you mean?”
He laid me down on the bed and laid next to me. “We will probably need to add an LCD screen in here, and you can add or change anything you want. Did you really love the furniture? I can build something else. You just need to tell me what you love the most.”
“No, it is perfect like this.” I looked at his wandering eyes on the furniture. “I love it.” I placed my hand over his. “But I wouldn’t mind a TV. And a wardrobe. Where do you keep your clothes?”
His smile widened, and his eyes sparkled. “I’m glad you asked that question. You will love this.”
Leaving the bed, he grabbed my hand to follow him. Then he touched some mechanism on the wall that opened a concealed door where I found out to be the biggest closet I had ever seen. I couldn’t help myself but open my mouth in awe.
He stepped in and turned on the light. “As you can see, there is plenty of room to keep your clothes and everything else you want to bring from New York. There is also a lot of space for your shoes.”
I nodded, but my eyes were on the right wing with his clothes. There were a lot of clothes there and from different decades. At the back of the closet, there was a painting.
Eric said, “There is a safe behind the painting. I’ll give you the combination when you'll move here tomorrow.”
Biting my lower lip, I nodded. “This is huge.”
“We don’t just keep clothes in here. We keep memories.”
“True. I also have a lot of memories back home.” Tears prickled my eyes.
Eric spoke close to my face as his hands grabbed my shoulders. “What’s wrong, darling?”
“Home. I have a new home now. Next to you.”
He brought my back against his chest and circled my waist with his hands. “I’m your home and you are mine. However, I can’t lie and say that I’m not happy that you want to move in here with me. Still, we aren’t going to be boring old vampires that can’t leave their homes. Once things are better, we’ll travel across the world and visit everywhere you want to go. We’ll show each other every place we went alone and share every memory we have that we weren’t together so that we can make part of each other life as if we were never apart.”
I turned my head. “That was deep.”
“Did I exaggerate with my speech?”
“Just a tiny bit. Nevertheless, I love that idea, and I can’t wait for us to be a couple.”
Eric tilted his head with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean? We are a couple.”
I stepped forward to release myself from his embrace and turned around. Smiling, I explained, “You are patient, Eric. Kind, sexy, and controlled. I’m sure you’ve talked with my therapist about us becoming intimate.” He nodded. “I know you would stop if I asked you to.”
“Unless it tickles. I don’t stop for that.”
I chuckled. “No, you never stop when you tickle me, and I have to run from the bed.”
“I like the sound of your laughter too much.”
I rolled my eyes and pretended to be mad.
Putting his hands in his pockets, he narrowed the distance between us. “What do you want to tell me?”
My eyes burned into his. “I don’t want to be fearful of making love to you.”
“I don’t want you to be fearful either, but I understand you need time.”
I nodded. “I also need to face my demons and be courageous enough to complete our relationship.”
“Sex isn’t everything.”
“You just say that because of what happened to me. Even so, males have needs. Females have needs too.” I swallowed, looking everywhere but him. “I’m sure it’s harder for you, though.”
His finger touched my chin, and he raised my head to look at him. “I want you to want me. I don’t want this to be a pressure on you. Do you understand?”
“We speak about a lot of things. We can speak about sex too. It’s not taboo.” I narrowed my eyes. “Do you think I don’t desire you?”
“Do you?”
I nodded. “My only fear is that I might have a panic attack like I had when you were kissing me and said those three words.”
Eric gulped and lowered his face over mine. “I’ll just say I’m yours from this day forward.”
My lips stretched into a smile, and my body heat increased. “I’m doing better. I told you first with words that I love you. You’ve been saying that for so long with your eyes and the way you treat me. But do you realize that I said it first?”
“I did.”
“Did it make you happy?”
“The happiest in the world.” He kissed my forehead. “But the fact that we love each other shouldn’t be more pressure for a physical relationship.”
“It’s not. Even so, you have my permission to flirt, touch, and to touch me in other places than my lips and face.”
Eric’s fluttered his eyelids fast. “What?”
“Treat me as someone normal that you want to take to bed. Not like someone damaged. I promise that I won’t freak out, and I’ll ask to stop if I’m unable to continue with the foreplay.”
His hand ran through his hair. “O-okay.”
I smiled at his distressed expression. Leaning forward, I secured my hands against his chest. “You are so cute when you’re tense.”
“I’m not tense just surprised.”
“Nervous too because your heart is throbbing really fast.”
He spoke closer to my ear. “It’s mostly excitement and happiness.”
I hugged him and hid my head against his chest. “I’m nervous too. I had no idea how I was going to have this conversation with you without feeling awkward and shy. It’s embarrassing.”
His fingers held the back of my head. “We should probably have a safe word.”
I pushed him back. “What?”
“A safe word for when you think I’m going too fast, or that you aren’t ready to go further.”
I swallowed dry with widened eyes. “Isn’t saying stop enough?”
“Sometimes you say stop but it’s just another way to tease me, and you come back to my arms, so I ticklish you more.”
Ni
bbling down on my lip, I scratched the back of my head. “A safe word sounds a bit kinky.”
Eric chuckled. “You are so adorable, pouting.”
“Okay, we’ll think about a safe word.”
“I normally know when I have to stop. Your body becomes tense and you freeze. But this will be different. You want to face your fears hence you’ll tense and will have to control your breathing until you stop fearing what’s happening. Therefore I need to know when you are really terrified or just fighting back your demons and disturbing memories.”
I opened my mouth in disbelief by the amount of thinking he had put to that. “What if I can’t speak?”
“Then we’ll have two ways for you to communicate with me when you can’t go further.”
“Okay.”
“And you should talk with Dr. Kent about this.”
“I’ve already talked, and our next appointments will be about that.”
He frowned. “I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with you talking about our sex life.”
I cupped his face with my hands. “Poor baby, I’ll just talk about the good things that happen.”
His face became serious. “No. I want you to talk to her about everything. Even if I do something that scares you and leaves you uncomfortable.”
My expression changed from flirting to grave. “I love you, Eric. I’m not afraid of you. I’m just afraid of my bad memories. You are kind and perfect. Your touch makes me happy. Your love helps me heal.” I spoke closer to his mouth. “I put too much pressure on you. Maybe I should have let this run its normal course.”
“No. I rather you tell me what you want to do, and that you are ready for us to move forward with our relationship. Moving together will give us all the privacy we need to. Starting from tomorrow, we’ll be watching fewer movies at night and kissing a lot more.”
I giggled. “I like that. Not that I don’t enjoy our evenings and our movie nights. I do. But I also want to enjoy having you naked against me. Having your lips…” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence because his lips crashed into mine, and I lost my breath with the passion of his kiss.