by Emma Quinn
Copyright 2018 by Emma Quinn
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
All I Ever Wanted
Emma Quinn
Content
All I Ever Wanted
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
All I Ever Wanted
Emma Quinn
1
Angelo
“O
h my God, Angelo,” Cathy gushed as she swept her hand down my arm in what was definitely a flirty gesture. “You were so good out there today. When you scored that goal... oh it was something else. I’ve already watched it on your YouTube channel loads of times.”
I knew Cathy well enough to know that she didn’t know anything about football, she only followed the college team because she wanted the status of being seen with one of the guys from the team. She’d singled me out for the time being but I didn’t think it mattered which one of us it was. That was why I didn’t feel bad for hooking up with her a couple of times knowing that it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I hadn’t lied to her anyway, everyone knew that I was permanently single. It was part of my charm... or so I assumed. It didn’t work against me at any rate. I still always had attention.
I didn’t want to get into anything serious while I was at college anyway. Who did that? It was a time for having fun and progressing my career in football. That was all. Love could come later.
“You’re so handsome,” Cathy continued, seemingly oblivious to my disinterest. “I love your sandy colored hair and bright green eyes. Plus your high cheek bones are to die for…”
“Cathy.” I peeled her hands off me, not in the mood tonight. “I can’t keep fooling around with you. I’m just… too busy at the moment.” I glanced around the student bar where the team always went after a game to see Daz giving Cathy a bit of a longing look. Maybe it didn’t mean anything, but tonight I was going to use it to my advantage. “Plus, Daz is in love with you, so it’s all wrong.”
Her face went from sad and heart broken to full of joy all in one instant. I knew that I wasn’t important to Cathy, it was obvious, and as she practically skipped away from me that allowed me to feel relieved. I’d only had one girl who got really attached to me, during my second year of college, and that caused me some issues for a while. She would wait outside my room, sobbing and wailing, especially if I was in the middle of bringing another girl back. Then the love letters started coming, which creeped me the hell out, and in the end she had to transfer and move to another college, so it was problem solved. It was awkward, but the problem had gone now. It was done. I just never wanted to get into that situation again which was why I had to keep things as casual as possible.
“So, Angelo, I have an idea that I would like to run past you…” Just as I got rid of one issue, another one came my way. Dimitri was the football team’s so called manager – not that we really needed one. I suppose he was useful in the way that it helped us get all our names out there, but he irritated me sometimes, especially when I was trying to have fun. But as the team captain he always came to me first. “I was thinking that we could expand our YouTube channel even further.”
I forced a smile onto my face, knowing that I needed to be polite to Dimitri if I wanted to get away from him quicker to carry on drinking. “Yes, Dimitri, and what’s that?”
I half listened, but my eyes scanned about the place. I wanted to know who else was in the bar tonight, to plan how my night was going to go. Cathy already had her arms wrapped around Daz and he didn’t look pissed off which was good. Maybe I’d done them both a favor and they would fall in love and have a happy ever after. Or maybe not. College romances never lasted, the sad soppy chick flick movies that made out you could were lying. It was dumb to fall in love so young.
“Well, I think that we need to do profiles of all the player. Like, we should do ‘a week in the life of…’, you know? Help audiences get to know the players a bit better.”
I let out a snort of laughter. I couldn’t help it. We were the best known guys in all of college, everyone knew our names, they spent lots of time chanting them. “I think we’re known pretty well.”
Dimitri gave me a bit of an exasperated look, as if he couldn’t believe that I was so arrogant. I didn’t mean it in a big headed way, it was just a well known fact that we were extremely popular. College football was huge, and it got everyone excited. Why wouldn’t we be well known?
“You might be well known here, but the channel is watched by all kinds of people now. It’s really expanded. It might even be coaches for some of the bigger teams… you know? The professional teams that might be looking out for new players to sign up. Players such as you.”
I knew that he was probably just saying things that I wanted to hear, to bring me around, but I fell into the trap regardless. I liked the idea of football coaches seeing more of me, getting to know me better, and liking me. I could see the future that I dreamed of becoming more of a reality and I liked it. God, I wanted to play professionally, it had been my dream for as long as I could remember.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” I answered with a nod. “That could be quite cool actually. I would like the team to be filmed doing their every day crap… as long as they behave.”
“Good, you like it!” Dimitri’s eyes widened in shock. “That’s awesome. I will have to get one of the videographer students on board to do the filming, but those nerds are pretty easy to manipulate. I’m sure one of them will be keen to get in on such a popular YouTube channel.”
“You’ve thought of everything. Yeah. Get on it. It can be like a ‘Player of the Month or Week’ something along those lines.” I patted Dimitri on the back. “Good thinking.”
“I’ll set up some sort of structure to it, so it isn’t just chaos.” Dimitri looked over excited. This was the sort of crap that he lived for. I took back my previous remarks, we did need him a lot. He did loads for the team. “I’ll go and create a plan now. I have all sorts of ideas.”
“Dimitri,” I called after him as he raced from the room. “Stay, and have some fun.” But it was too late, he was already gone. His brain was buzzing with plans and he needed to get it down.
I headed towards the bar, needing another drink. I knew that boozing was something that I’d have to curb eventually when I went pro to keep myself in peak physical health, but this was college… it was the time to get wasted and have fun. Everyone did it… or at least everyone important. There were a few geekier cliques that didn’t bother, but then they would be the ones who went on to regret it when real life began and they couldn’t do that. I suppose I had always been lucky, in with the popular partying crowd in high school and now, but that was good. I would
have worthwhile memories to look back on when I was old and gray and missing my youth. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
“You finally got rid of Cathy then,” Marissa, the sexy bar maid asked me as she handed me another bottle of drink. “I thought you were going to be stuck with her forever.”
There was something about Marissa that I really liked, she was cool. She had dark long hair and tattoos running up and down her body which always left me wondering how much of her body was covered underneath her clothing. I hadn’t hooked up with her yet, and in my slightly bleary state I wondered why. She was smoking hot and really cool, and I got the impression she liked me too.
Maybe it happened before because tonight was the night.
“Yeah, well I got rid of her for you,” I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows. “I have been wanting to talk to you all night long I’ve just been working up the courage to do so.”
Marissa made a scoffing noise at me, knowing exactly what I was like, but luckily she didn’t mind. She actually looked quite flattered by the attention which was awesome. “Oh come on, Angelo you have never been shy in your entire life. And you’ve only just noticed me now…”
“Oh don’t be like that.” I grabbed onto her hand and gave her a fluttering of my eyelashes. “You know that I’ve always wanted to you. It’s just because you’re awesome.”
“Yeah, too awesome for someone like you.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, look at me.”
She was playing hard to get, which I enjoyed. The chase was awesome, and I didn’t get to experience it as much as I would have liked. I didn’t mean to be braggy, but girls threw themselves at me all the time. I mean, it was easy but it didn’t have the challenge. Marissa was different.
“You are breaking my heart!” I gushed while clutching onto my chest as if my heart had been shattered in my chest. “I cannot believe that you are so cruel to me. And I’m always looking at you.” As she laughed I knew that she was cracking. It wouldn’t be long until she was in my bed getting freaky with me. “Anyway, you should be kind to me because I’m about to be a YouTube star.”
“You already are, aren’t you? What with all the videos of you playing football. I don’t waste my time watching them because I don’t know the rules but I’m sure others do.”
Her honesty was refreshing, I liked it a lot. I prefered to hear that she didn’t care about the game than to have someone simpering around like Cathy. Marissa was bad ass and didn’t care.
“Yeah but it’s going to be more than that.” I thanked Dmitri a million times in my head as I had something awesome to talk about. “It’s going to be like an intensive documentary, all about me.” Yeah okay, I knew that they were going to do a video for all the players, but Marissa didn’t need to know that. It was much more impressive if I made it all about me. “Pretty cool, huh?”
Marissa’s shoulders relaxed and she gave me a smile. “Yeah, that’s pretty cool. I have to admit it’ll be awesome for you to be even more well known than you already are.”
“What time do you get out of work?” I asked her in a sultry tone of voice. “Do you want to maybe… get out of here afterwards and hang out for a few drinks in my room?”
It wasn’t the smoothest line, but I didn’t think it needed to be. I was too tipsy to start being clever anyway. I just hoped I didn’t screw it up by not knowing bothering to use the right words.
“I finish at ten. I’m just covering until Bobby finishes is assignment so it shouldn’t be too much longer.” She gave me a one shouldered shrug. “I’ll see how I feel then. Maybe I’ll come for a few drinks with you, maybe not. It depends where the mood takes me.”
Okay, the chase was done, I could see it in her face. I suppose it was nice while it lasted. It was just good that I liked the bit that came next as well. Very much indeed….
2
Faye
I
wonder what it would be like to be out there, rather than up here, I thought idly to myself as I filmed the drama production of some Shakespeare play that they’d modernized so much I didn’t even recognize what it was supposed to be anymore. Stepping into someone else’s shoes, having the limelight on me, everyone clapping and cheering, screaming my name…
Once upon a time that was my ultimate dream. I used to put on performances for my family. I loved singing, dancing, and acting, and I felt most comfortable with everyone watching me. I used to tell my mother that I was going to go to Hollywood as soon as I was old enough to do so and I would be starring in films and living the dream… but then I grew up and absolutely everything changed.
When I hit my teen years, something changed within me. I started to see myself differently, maybe more accurately. I realized that I wasn’t attractive enough to live that dream. I mean, I haven’t ever been hideous, but I haven’t ever been beautiful either. My long red hair wasn’t ever quite sleek enough, my skin was far too pale, my figure had always been slim, but not skinny. My curves were too prominent. And on top of all of that I stopped enjoying all eyes upon me. Maybe that was puberty’s fault, I wasn’t sure, but I became far too shy to like it any longer. I loved the art but not the spotlight.
That was the moment I happened upon filming instead. That way, I could still be part of the action but from behind the camera. I absolutely loved it, it was perfect for me, I could be in on it but without anyone looking at me. Actually, I felt like I was more suited to film as well because I enjoyed the creativity of it all. I permanently had a camera in my hand and I filmed all sorts of crazy stuff. Sometimes it would be something grand and exciting, sometimes it would be performances like this, sometimes it would be something as simple as a bird on the street. I saw art everywhere these days.
I snapped to attention as it seemed that one of the characters was dying on stage and I zoomed right in on that person. Maybe this was supposed to be a tragic romance story, a Romeo and Juliet type thing. I still hadn’t yet worked it out. I didn’t know if the characters were star crossed lovers or not.
Urgh, love… now that was a subject that I didn’t want to think about at all. Love made me shudder and feel a bit sick. Maybe it was last year when I got my heart broken, but I still hated it. I didn’t want it anywhere near my existence because it reminded me of all my foolish mistakes.
I got swept in a very early romance with Tyler Brans during the early days of my first year of college. He was a film studies student, in my class, and a typically tall, dark, and very handsome guy. Too good looking for someone like me, yet he seemed attracted to me anyway. He was drawn to me, like I had a magnet in my chest and I loved it. I felt like the sun was shining on me when he gave me affection. Tyler helped me to shake off the geeky girl that I had been in high school and I started to blossom. I became more confident, more interesting, more everything…
But then I found him in bed with one of the girls that I shared a dorm floor with. It wasn’t someone who was my friend or anything, but she lived very close to me. I didn’t even know her name until that fateful day when I saw them together, kissing and getting close to having sex in the common area as if they didn’t care who saw them. She was the sort of girl that I felt jealous of anyway, she was sleek and stunning, the sort of person who should have been with Tyler. Because I felt so intimidated by her, I didn’t even confront them as I caught them. I ran into my room and cried.
I didn’t even see Tyler that day, he must have spent it with her. The next time I saw him was in class, during which time I gave him such a terrible look that he knew it was over. We didn’t even need to talk about it… which maybe was the problem. Maybe I hadn’t ever had closure because it just fell apart without a big blow out or even a conversation. It was just done, leaving me feeling a bit like someone had died or something. I was grieving for something, mostly because I didn’t understand why. He hadn’t ever explained to me. It was obviously because the other girl – Alexandra – was older and prettier than me, but I didn’t ever get to hear him say that. I was just lost.
Luc
kily, now that we were in our second year we could control our education more, and we chose modules of studies that meant we didn’t have to see each other again. That made it easier, but I wished that he was gone, I hated even being in the same building as him.
“Faye?” someone called out to me while shaking me. “Faye, you can stop filming now.”
“Oh right.” A heat filled my cheeks as I realized that I’d gotten so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the performance was done. “Sorry, I just got a bit lost there, Mandy…”
“Yeah, right, okay whatever.” Mandy was in control of the lighting, and much as we worked in the same area we definitely didn’t share any friendship at all. She was too bossy and domineering for me. No, my friends were quieter and more studious like me. I had Tia, who I shared a room with, Rhiannon, and Dan. They were much more my sort of people. “Shut it off and let’s wrap this up.”
I gathered up my equipment rapidly, needing to get the hell out of this place now. I wanted to get into the editing suite to get this thing done. The sooner I got this video to the drama students, the sooner I could get them off my back. I knew from personal experience how needy they were, but I had to keep taking on the jobs for the work experience. I wouldn’t ever get a job without plenty of experience behind me. I wanted to get bigger, more public stuff but I didn’t know how.
Without even bothering to say goodbye to anyone, I left the drama hall and I made my way down the well lit halls towards the editing room. I moved past lots of different people, but none of them noticed me. I never bothered to draw attention to myself on purpose so I wasn’t part of the popular crowd who everyone knew, which was fine by me. I wasn’t here for all of that, I was here to learn.
“Hey, Faye!” Dan called out as he saw me sidling in to the computer room. “How was the drama performance? All dark and moving?” He rolled his eyes. “I honestly don’t know how you do all of that crap. It’s so freaking dull. Why bother going out of your way?”