by Jean Ure
“Never knew you could dance,” he said.
I told him that Miss Pringle had made me. “I didn’t want to! She said I’d got to.”
I wasn’t sure whether he believed me or not. I mean, teachers can make you do things. They make you do things all the time. But they don’t usually make people take part in end of term shows if people don’t want to.
“She’d have been upset,” I muttered. “I was the only one she could find.”
“Way out!” said Darryl.
But Darryl is my friend. He is OK! What I was dreading was when Clint found out. I knew that he would, because there wasn’t any way of keeping it secret. Not that I really cared about Clint. Not really. The people I most wanted to keep it from were Mum and Dad.
Every weekend, me, Mum and Dad would all go running round the park. I don’t specially like running; I found it a bit boring, to be honest. I had these landmarks. Run, run, run… oak tree. Run, run… clump of nettles. Run, run… litter bin. Run, run… broken fence. Sometimes I counted, one, two, three, four… seeing if it came to the same number every time. Sometimes I made up footie teams. Now I started going over dance steps, feeling them in my feet as I ran. The only trouble was, it made me want to stop running and start dancing! I had to be careful, because Mum always made sure to hang back and keep an eye on me. She hoped that one day I might join the Athletics Club and get on to a team.
The only reason I went on running was to keep Mum and Dad happy. Carrie had given it up. She’d suddenly said one morning that she didn’t want to do it any more. “It’s just a waste of time!” Carrie didn’t seem to mind about hurting Mum and Dad’s feelings. She’d announced the other day that she was going to be a doctor when she grew up. Mum had cried, “Oh, that’s a great idea! Then you could specialise in sports injuries.”
Carrie had made this impatient scoffing noise and said, “I don’t want to have anything to do with sports!”
Mum’s face had fallen. I had felt really sorry for her! I’d heard her telling Dad later, and Dad had said, “We must let her do her own thing.” Sadly, Mum had agreed. And then she had cheered up and said, “There’s always Danny! He’s still enjoying it.”
This was why I didn’t want them to know about the dancing. I thought they might think it was a bit cissy.
Clint thought it was cissy, but then he would. He thinks reading books is cissy. He thinks everything is cissy that doesn’t involve fighting. He came prancing up to me on Monday morning with his hands all limp, going, “Girly! Girly!” I tried to do what Miss Pringle does and pretend he wasn’t there, but he stuck his face in mine and went, “Girly wirly! Girly wirly!”
Coral was with me. She’s quite tough, is Coral. I think she must have learnt kick boxing because next thing I know her leg’s flying through the air and Clint’s staggering backwards, howling as he goes.
“You just leave people alone!” yelled Coral. “You’re an idiot!”
After that, he only had a go at me when Coral wasn’t around. I didn’t really care about Clint; like Coral said, he was an idiot. But I did worry about Mum and Dad! I didn’t like keeping things from them. I specially didn’t like having to tell lies. It wasn’t something I’d ever done before. I mean, OK, I’d told them little lies. Like it wasn’t me that left the bathroom tap running, and I had no idea how muddy footprints had got on the sitting–room carpet. That sort of thing. But not huge walloping lies like, “I’m staying late at school because of library duty,” or computer club, or book circle.
Carrie got to know about it. She would! She came up to me and said, “Why are you pretending to be doing things when you aren’t really?”
I said, “What do you mean, I’m not really?”
“You’re dancing in the show!” said Carrie.
I scowled at her. “How d’you know?”
“I know everything,” said Carrie.
I knew how she knew. Leanne’s sister was in her class. That was how she knew.
“Why don’t you just tell them?” said Carrie.
I said, “’Cos I don’t want to, and you’re not to, either!”
Carrie looked at me, with her head to one side. “What’ll you give me to keep quiet?”
I said, “Nothing!” I’d already cleaned the car for her. What more did she want?
“Do my share of the housework for… the next five days! Then I won’t tell on you.”
It is terrible to have a sister like that.
One day after rehearsal, while me and Coral were waiting for our mums to collect us, I said, “I’m not sure I ought to be doing this.”
“Doing what?” said Coral.
I said, “Dancing!’ One boy, and six girls …
“Why not?” said Coral. “I’m doing it!”
I said, “It’s different for you.”
“Why? Just ’cos I’m a girl?”
I thought about it. Coral is my second-best friend after Darryl. She is all right, even though she is a girl. I mean, I do quite like girls; except, as I say, when they get together and giggle at you. But they don’t always understand what it is like to be a boy.
I said this to Coral. I said, “I’m not being anti-girl.”
“Oh, no?” said Coral.
“No! But… it’s my mum and dad.”
“What’s the matter with your mum and dad?”
I said, “They’re not like yours.”
“Oh,” jeered Coral, “you mean my mum and dad are ordinary people and yours are famous!”
“They’re athletes,” I said. “They might think it’s… well! Cissy.”
“Do you think it is?” said Coral.
I hung my head. “I dunno!”
I thought that it might be all right if I wasn’t the only boy. But six girls…
“I can’t imagine Clint,” I muttered.
“Clint’s an idiot,” said Coral. “He’s Stone Age!”
I said, “Yeah, I know, but— ”
“All that matters,” said Coral, “is if you enjoy it. Do you enjoy it?”
I nodded. I did enjoy it! Sometimes I got ashamed and thought I shouldn’t, but I did! Specially the number that I was doing with Coral.
“Well, there you are, then,” said Coral. “What’s the problem?”
Like I said, girls don’t always understand how it feels to be a boy.
Chapter Four
It is not easy, keeping secrets from your mum and dad. For one thing, they are always asking questions. So how is the computer club? What are you reading in your book circle? Are you still on library duty? You have to tell them all these lies and it makes you feel really bad. Plus it is not good for your nerves, as you expect every minute that you will be found out.
One day, when I was waiting with Coral after rehearsal, our mums both turned up at the same moment. My mum pulled up in her car just as Coral’s mum was pulling up in hers. They both got out. They started talking. I was really scared because Coral was still wearing her dance gear. She’d got this bright pink leotard thing, and shiny tights. She didn’t look in the least like a person that had just taken part in a book circle (which was what I’d told Mum we were doing). She looked like a person that had just been at a dance rehearsal. I had to act – quickly!
I yelled, “Mum,” and went shooting off across the playground.
“What’s the big rush?” said Mum.
“Gotta get back!” I panted. “Something I gotta watch!”
I went hurtling into the car, dragging Mum after me. Mum was quite cross. She told me that I had better mend my manners.
“That was an extremely rude way to behave!”
I didn’t like Mum being cross with me, but at least she hadn’t discovered my secret. I was safe for the moment – but not for very long. It was Darryl, next time, who nearly gave me away. Darryl’s mum was going into hospital, just for one night, and Darryl was coming to sleep over at our place. He’d done it before. No problem! I liked having Darryl sleep over; we had a lot of fun together. But this time I
was, like, walking on eggshells. I warned him not to mention the show. I told him.
“I don’t want Mum and Dad to know about it! OK?”
Darryl was cool. He said, “Sure. OK!”
I didn’t have to explain to him. He could understand why I didn’t want Mum and Dad to know. But then he nearly went and blew it! We’re sitting down having tea when all of a sudden, for absolutely no reason, he starts chanting some of his lines from the show.
“You can – DO it,
Anyone can – DO it.
Dream it, scheme it,
Man, I MEAN it!”
All the time he’s chanting, he’s beating on the table with his knife and fork.
“You can – DO it,
Anyone can – DO it.”
Just, like, totally mindless. Mum laughed and said, “What’s that?”
I immediately kicked out under the table. Darryl gave a yelp, but it brought him to his senses. He grinned this soppy grin and said, “Just something.”
Carrie sang out, “Go for it!” and slid her eyes towards me. I kicked her, too. Carrie snarled, “Do you mind?”
Mum said, “Oh, please, you two! Don’t start.”
A bad moment! Sometimes I really wondered if it was worth it. All this hassle just to be something special? I kept thinking that I would tell Miss Pringle I didn’t want to do it any more. Every time I went to a rehearsal I made up my mind that I was definitely going to tell her. Once I even got as far as saying, “Miss! I—” And then I stopped and got tongue–tied. Miss Pringle said, “What is it, Danny?” I said, “Um—”
“Tell me afterwards” said Miss Pringle. But afterwards was too late. By the time we finished rehearsing, the rhythm had got into my feet and they didn’t want to stop. It was like they had a life of their own. I had to tell Miss Pringle before we started rehearsing. Before my feet got all twitchy.
I made this vow that I would do it next weekend, for sure. But then next weekend came and Miss Pringle started talking about costumes and everyone got excited. The girls were going to wear shiny tights and leotards in all different colours. I said, “Like a rainbow,” and Miss Pringle said, “Yes! Exactly! Now, what about you and Coral? We thought perhaps if you had a yellow top, with red tights, and Coral had a red top, with yellow tights… what do you think?”
I nearly fell over when she said tights. I said, “Tights?”
Coral giggled. She said, “Tights?” She was mimicking me. She’s very good at mimicking. She said, “Shock, horror! Tights!” and all the others giggled, too.
Miss Pringle said, “Oh, now, come on! Don’t let’s be silly about it. I expect better of you than this sort of childish nonsense.”
That was when I should have told her. I should have said, “I’m not going to wear tights! I don’t want to do this any more!” But I couldn’t. She was all happy and burbling, going on about how red and yellow would look good against all the other colours. It would have hurt her if I’d said I didn’t want to wear her stupid costume or do her stupid show. But I had to find a way to get out of it! I couldn’t have my dad seeing me in tights …
I said this to Coral, while we were waiting for our mums. Coral just said, “Danny Allbright, you’re an idiot!” and went racing off across the playground, leaving me standing there. I thought she might have been a bit more sympathetic. She was supposed to be my friend.
I got very desperate. There were only three weeks to go before the dress rehearsal. I had to do something! But what?
In the middle of the night, this brilliant idea came to me. I would fall down some steps and break a bone! Nobody could be expected to dance with a broken bone. I would be saved!
The best steps I could think of were the ones in the back garden, leading down from the patio. There were six of them, and they were made of concrete. Really hard! If I hurled myself madly down them, surely something would break? Even just an arm would be enough. Even just a wrist. Just a finger.
I decided that I would do it on Saturday morning, when Mum and Dad were there, because then they could take me to the hospital. I quite fancied the idea of going in to school on Monday with my arm in plaster; or better still, walking on crutches. Everyone would go “Ooh!” and ‘Aah” and “How did you do it?” And Miss Pringle would be sorry that I couldn’t do her dancing for her, but at least she wouldn’t be hurt. I’d be the one that was hurt! Only I wouldn’t mind.
Saturday morning I went into the garden and stood at the top of the steps. I’d thought it would be quite simple to hurl myself down them, but I think perhaps I am not very brave. At the last moment I got cold feet. Suppose I broke my neck? I might never be able to walk again!
I was still dithering when Carrie and her friend Jade Sullivan came screaming through the patio door. They’re always screaming, that pair. And they never bother to look where they’re going. I didn’t have to hurl myself because those two great clumsy girls went and barged into me and sent me sprawling. Thump, bang, clonk, down to the bottom of the steps.
“What are you doing?” bawled Carrie. Like it was my fault.
Carefully, I picked myself up. I patted at myself. All over. Arms, legs, ribs. Nothing! Not even as much as a bruise. I hadn’t even broken a finger!
“Just look where you’re standing in future!” shrieked Carrie.
Perhaps I should have got the spade out of the garden shed and told her to whack me with it. She’d probably have broken both legs for me straight off.
Chapter Five
One morning, driving in to school, Mum said to me, “Aren’t you having a show this term?”
I said, “Sh–show?” Like it was some foreign word I’d never heard before.
Mum said, “Yes! Show! You know? Singing, dancing, acting… end of term show?”
“Oh! That,” I said.
Then there was this long pause, while Mum waited for me to go on and I tried to think of something to say.
“It isn’t any good this year,” I mumbled.
“Really?” said Mum. “Why’s that?”
“Dunno. Just isn’t. Not worth coming to.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Mum, “of course we’ll come! If you’re going to be in it.”
“Yeah, well, this is it,’ I said. “I’m not.”
“Oh?” Mum sounded surprised. “I thought they always included everyone?”
“Not always,” I said. “It’s just singing and dancing this year.”
“Well, you certainly can’t sing,” agreed Mum.
“Can’t dance, either,” I said.
“So you’re not in it?”
I said, “No. Hey, look, there’s Darryl!” I opened the window and stuck my head out. “Oy! Darryl!”
Darryl saw me, and waved. Mum let me out the car. She said, “Off you go, then” and I tore across the pavement and through the gates. Phew! Another escape!
Mum didn’t say anything more about the show, so I hoped she’d forgotten it. I thought that if she asked me again I’d say it was too late to get tickets, they’d all been sold. But then something else happened. Miss Pringle said that next Wednesday we were going to have the dress rehearsal, and that this would mean staying on at school for an extra two hours. She gave us all a note to give to our mums and dads, for them to sign. I didn’t know what to do! I could get Carrie to sign Mum’s name, no problem; but next Wednesday my gran was flying home from Jamaica and we were all going to the airport to meet her. I didn’t want to miss seeing my gran!
I told Coral about it, thinking that she would understand. Coral had been really upset last year, when her gran had died. She’d loved her gran as much as I love mine.
“I’ve got to go and meet her!” I said.
“Why?” said Coral. “You’ll see her when you get home.”
I said, “I won’t! We’re taking her back to her place.”
“Well, you’ll see her in the holidays,” said Coral.
“I want to see her now,” I said. “She’s been away for nearly two months!”
“But what am I going to tell my mum and dad?”
Coral said, “That’s your problem! Maybe you could try telling them the truth, for a change?”
Girls can be really hard at times. Really unfeeling.
“What about me?” said Coral.
What about her?
“What about our pas de deux?”
“Oh! Pardy durr,” I said, mimicking her like she’d mimicked me.
Coral’s cheeks grew very hot and pink. I knew that I’d been mean, but she’d been mean to me! Did she really think our stupid dance was more important than my gran?
“I might decide not to do it at all,” I said.
Coral looked at me, horrified. “You can’t back out now!”
“Yes, I can,” I said. “I can do what I like. I don’t have to be in the show if I don’t want to.”
“If you didn’t want to do it,” cried Coral, “you should have said so right back at the beginning.” She made this little choking sound. “You’ll just go and ruin it for everyone!”
Now she was starting to cry. I hate when they do that!
“You’re just being mean and selfish and – and cowardly! Tears went rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away, angrily, with the back of her hand. “Danny Allbright,” she said, “if you back out of the show I’ll never speak to you again!”
Huh! What did I care? She was only a girl.
I said this to Darryl, next day, as we mooched round the playground together. Darryl was my best friend! Surely he would understand?
“So you mean… you’re not coming to the dress rehearsal?” said Darryl.