by Bella Baird
“Bam!” Veronica bellowed, throwing her hands in the air and thrusting her pelvis.
The whole room cheered as she did a victory dance. Someone sitting nearby wrote Veronica’s name on a sheet as the winner for the third round. Finally, she came back toward Alice and picked up the drink she left on Trent’s desk.
“That was really impressive! I think you totally emasculated those poor guys. I can see them over there holding their shattered egos,” Alice proclaimed.
“As a woman, that’s my favorite part of being a gamer. We have to take what victories we can get,” Veronica gulped the rest of her drink. “Whoo, feelin’ good!”
“I think I need whatever you just had,” Alice laughed.
“I’ll go order you a zombie,” Veronica said.
“Never mind,” chirped Alice. “Can you order me a white Russian, please?”
“Comin’ up, sweetie!” said Veronica as she walked away.
Soon after Veronica’s bar run, Kevin and Melanie spotted Alice. They ambled through the crowded office to reach her. Something appeared strange about them that Alice had never noticed before. It was the way they reacted to one another and their close proximity. Usually their conduct sent friendship signals, but tonight they walked much closer than normal. Kevin was less than a step behind Melanie as they moved toward the corner of the room. When she moved left, so did he. When she slowed, he did also. At one point, Kevin said something that made Melanie laugh hysterically. She turned and looked at him with a wide smile and narrowed eyes. Alice would wager that something more was going on between them.
“Hey!” they both greeted Alice, almost in unison.
“You guys look so sweaty! Were you dancing?” Alice asked.
“No, we were playing beach volleyball downstairs. Trent actually showed up and played with us for a little while. I’m surprised how fun and relaxed he seems. Most of my bosses had sticks up their asses constantly,” Melanie said.
“Yeah, he was always that way,” said Alice.
“What do you mean by ‘always?’” asked Kevin.
“Trent and I went to high school together. He was pretty much the same back then as he is now. Except he was more gangly at 18,” Alice responded with a giggle.
Melanie squinted at Alice and said, “Tell me something just to quench my curiosity. Were you and Trent ever an item?”
“Yeah, we went out for about a year,” Alice said nervously.
Her face began turning red. She wasn’t comfortable with that information becoming common knowledge, but she didn’t want to lie to her friends either. Melanie and Kevin turned their eyes and heads slowly toward each other. The looks they shared were puzzling to Alice. She could see their mouths gradually turning up at the corners as they made eye contact. Then, they suddenly burst into laughter.
“Hey, what’s funny?” Alice asked with her brow furrowed.
“It’s not you, it’s just that we guessed that you both had something between you,” replied Kevin.
“Really?” Alice asked.
“Yeah. First, we noticed the expressions you had whenever you mentioned his name. You stared off into space for a little bit every time. You also started calling him Trent before any of us ever did. At first, we thought you might just have a crush on him,” Melanie responded.
“Wow, I didn’t know that I acted like that!” Alice was mortified.
“That’s not all. One time, we saw him come down to pay you a visit. They way you both behaved was so…awkward, and not with the usual boss and employer discomfort. There was a tension there. We both thought that it meant something mutual happened,” said Kevin.
“There’s not anything going on now, is there?” asked Melanie.
“No! No, nothing like that. It’s just been hard to get used to being hired by an ex. The whole thing is surreal. I never thought I’d see him again after high school, then I end up here and he’s a really successful entrepreneur. So weird!” Alice said, hoping they wouldn’t think that anything more had happened.
“That sounds terrible. I’d probably turn down a job offered by any of my exes,” said Melanie. “They were all complete dicks.”
“Hey, let’s get some drinks, Mel,” said Kevin. “We’ll be right back.”
They left Alice to her thoughts. She felt utterly embarrassed that she’d been so transparent about her feelings for Trent. If Melanie and Kevin were aware of that situation before I told them, how many other people had picked up on it? She would have to be more careful and restrained about her behaviors around him now. Apparently, their history was written all over them and legible for anyone to see.
“I’m sorry,” said Veronica from Alice’s side, handing over her white Russian.
“For what?” Alice said, startled out of her daze and a little puzzled.
“I came around this way to get through the crowd,” Veronica said as she pointed. “I overheard some of what you said. I walked away for a little while. I didn’t want to be a snoop, but I heard enough to be concerned.”
Oh, no. Now Veronica knows! How did I let this all happen?
“Were you and Trent really involved in some way?” Veronica asked.
“Yes, we had a relationship in high school. That’s all in the past though. He doesn’t mean anything to me now, so it doesn’t interfere with our jobs,” Alice answered.
She looked down and realized that she’d already finished her drink at some point. When she looked up again, Veronica was looking over her shoulder. Alice turned to see that Trent had been standing right behind her.
Damn it! How long was he there?
“I just wanted to make sure you girls were having a good time,” he said, unable to hide his reddened cheeks.
“Oh, we are!” Veronica said with her drink held up.
“That’s good to hear. I’ve got some stuff to do, but you keep enjoying the party. I’ll be back soon,” Trent said before he walked out of his office swiftly.
Veronica waited before saying, “That couldn’t have gotten any more uncomfortable!”
“How much did he hear?” Alice asked.
“Pretty much the whole thing,” Veronica said. “I’m not sure who that was more embarrassing for: him or you.”
“Ugh.” Alice put her hand to her forehead, wanting to hide under a desk immediately. “Probably me.”
“Then I think you need another drink now, hun.” Veronica grabbed Alice’s hand.
“Absolutely,” Alice concurred.
“So you’re 100 percent sure there’s no weirdness between you two, right? I’m just a little worried since I didn’t know about any of this until just now,” Veronica’s motherly voice came out.
“There’s nothing to worry about. Trent and I have picked right back up being friends. He’s probably just mortified because we don’t make our relationship known. We don’t really talk about it with each other, even,” Alice reassured.
Am I right? Is that why he looked so embarrassed?
“Well…okay,” Veronica said reluctantly as they walked over to the bar.
They both met up with Melanie and Kevin at the far side of the bar. They each got a drink—which seemed to take forever—and made their way to the couches to watch people race. Alice thought she wanted to try once the bonus rounds were over. It looked fun, speeding around and taking out aggression on the other players’ cars. While they sat talking and waiting, Veronica insisted on grabbing more drinks for Alice. She began to feel quite buzzed. Finally, Alice was able to sit on the front couch and take a controller. How hard can this be? Contrary to her beliefs, she was the worst player in the group. She lost all six races they played, and everyone counted it a victory when she got in third place. It was a miracle that she played one game without totaling her car at all. Veronica must have a lot of skill to be as good at this game as she was earlier.
For the remainder of the night, they all sat on the couches drinking and chatting about one thing or another. Occasionally, they got up for a plate of snacks to share
. Alice saw no trace of Trent for the next few hours. Maybe he’s hurt by what I said. But that doesn’t make any sense. He didn’t care in high school, and he shouldn’t care now. He might just be really embarrassed that Veronica and I were talking about our relationship and work situation. Her good company took her mind off of Trent for most of the night, however. Alice didn’t want to allow herself to be bothered by this situation anymore. She was quite tired of all the emotions and thoughts this job—which should have been her stress-reducing big break—created for her in the last month.
Alice became an active part of the conversations about animal rights, designer shoes, and creepy situations on the train. She hadn’t laughed so much in a long time. Veronica and Melanie were both extremely blunt and such a riot. Kevin had more of a dry, witty sense of humor, but he offered a few good remarks. Soon, Alice put the awkwardness of earlier behind her. No one mentioned Trent at all, and she was satisfied with that. Eventually, she began feeling drowsy. The clock said 11:30. Do office parties normally run this late? On one hand, she was surprised that the time had gone so quickly. On the other hand, she was disappointed that she was ready to go home and sleep at 11:30. What’s wrong with me? I used to stay up until 2 in the morning without any problems.
Alice decided to say goodbye to her friends and walk to the elevator. She grabbed a cookie on her way; they’d been so delicious. The elevator ride made her feel extremely dizzy, which lasted a little while after she’d gotten off on the 13th floor. Alice almost tripped as she walked back to her cubicle to retrieve her purse. She hadn’t realized how drunk she truly was until she put her body in motion. This is why I usually don’t drink. I’ll have to take a cab home. She recomposed herself and walked more slowly down the hallway. Other coworkers she hadn’t seen before were mingling on both sides. Alice was not about to embarrass herself by stumbling around and falling in front of them. Finally, she made it to the entrance of the design space without making herself look like she was completely inebriated.
She looked around the large room and listened to see if anyone else was there. The space was eerily deserted and dimly lit by only a few yellow-tinted wall sconces. She chose her steps carefully and kept her eyes on the ground to avoid stumbling over anything again. It seemed to take much longer than a minute to get to her corner cubicle. Alice slid into her swivel chair and closed her eyes momentarily. If she could have gotten away with sleeping there, she would have kept her eyes closed and nodded off.
No, I’ve gotta get home. I need to sleep in my bed.
She took the key and fumbled with the lock for a minute. Her lack of coordination and the absence of a great light source kept the key from going in correctly with each try. Wait a second. Alice turned the key so that the teeth faced down, and it went in perfectly that time. She picked up her purse, slung it over her shoulder, and turned around to start walking. With her head down, she began searching for her phone. Suddenly, she smacked right into someone. Alice fell backward onto the floor and let out what could only be described as a loud squeak. The contents of her purse spilled out all over.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” she apologized.
“Don’t worry about it. Let me help you,” he said as he bent down to pick up her things.
“Trent? Is that you? What are you doing down here?” Alice asked with a shrill voice.
“I needed to find you. I didn’t see you when I came back into the office,” Trent responded as they finished getting everything into her purse again.
“Did you want to talk about something?” she inquired diffidently.
“I need to know…Alice, why did you break up with me?” His eyes bored into hers as he asked the question. He didn’t seem angry, but he had a look of worry on his face.
Alice was completely stunned. Her mouth hung open as she peered up at him from the floor. Trent lent his hand out for help while she decided how to answer. She reluctantly took his hand and stood up. This was the last thing she expected to hear from him. Is this an attack? Did he only hire me so he could get closer to me and receive some sort of closure? Her nerves created a tight knot in her stomach at the thought.
“To be absolutely honest,” she began, “I didn’t think you cared that much. You spent less and less time with me, and it seemed like you made excuses so you didn’t have to see me. When we did get together, you barely touched me! Then you never told me what was wrong. I just felt so unwanted. I assumed you didn’t want to be with me anymore, so I tried to move on.” Her eyes welled up with tears. It felt like the day she left him all over again.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Whenever I think about that time, I could kick myself for not telling you the truth. It wasn’t that I didn’t love you anymore, I swear,” Trent said despondently.
“What was it? You can tell me now,” Alice sounded comforting.
After a small delay, he said, “The summer between my junior and senior year was difficult for me. My parents’ marriage was in trouble, so they were constantly fighting. They even dragged me into it a few times. Even when they weren’t tearing into each other, their attitudes were so malicious that they took a lot of things out on me. Things I had no control over. I was grounded a lot, but not from work or school-related activities. That’s why I asked for more hours and started staying after school. It was beneficial for me to be away from their hatred while earning my own money and improving my chances of getting into a good college. I even started working on the plans for this website. I put a lot of time and effort into the details because I wanted to become someone without my parents’ help or money. I needed to get as far away from them as I could. The biggest downside was that I saw you less. That whole situation made me so depressed that I wasn’t a great boyfriend to you even when we were together. I should have explained what was happening and talked with you about it. I should have treated you like I loved you. Maybe then you would have wanted to stay,” he said with tears in his eyes.
This whole time he really did care for me! If I’d known, I never would have let him go.
“God, Trent!” Alice shouted. “If you’d told me this before, everything would be different. Now look where we are!”
“So you didn’t mean what you said earlier?” Trent asked.
“No, but I wish I had meant it. I wish you didn’t make me feel the way I do. Working with you and seeing you all the time would be so much easier for me,” Alice said with anger directed at herself. “I wish we both could have moved on after the breakup.”
“I know. I regretted the way I handled our relationship every day. That’s why I worked so hard to get where I am now. I had this grand impression that I’d become really successful and build a great life for myself. Then I wanted to look you up, find you somehow, and see if there wasn’t still something there for us,” Trent told her. “I was in the process of poking around to get your information. A week later, you showed up here. I couldn’t believe it! It was like fate finally worked in my favor. I had you so close to me, and I didn’t want to let you slip away again.”
“No, that’s not true at all,” she countered. “What fate did was kick us both while we were down. As painful as it is, we can’t be together now, Trent. It’s too late.”
She sobbed agonizingly, and tears ran rivers down her already wet cheeks.
“Maybe it’s not too late. I know this wasn’t a coincidence. It can’t be. You could have ended up anywhere, but you landed right here in front of me. This is it! This it us getting another chance! What if we could be together again, just like before?” he asked with sorrow in his eyes and slight optimism in his tone.
Trent breached the gap between them and took her face in his hands, the way he did years ago, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. They gazed into each other’s eyes, wondering if the other person knew what was about to happen. In that moment, neither person cared whether anyone came in and saw them like this. As far as Trent and Alice were concerned, they were alone in that building, in that entire ci
ty. Right then, right there, no one would stop them from being together.
He slowly, cautiously brought his lips down to meet hers. Alice couldn’t oppose her instincts and what her heart told her. She stretched up and closed the remaining distance. For all the time that had passed, the kiss remained slow and gentle. She tilted her head to the side and let the tip of her tongue part her lips. Trent felt her lips give and opened up slightly to allow her entry. Her tongue found its way into Trent’s mouth. Embracing him fully and tightly now, Alice gave up fighting. She let their tongues twist and twine around each other. It was beyond her ability to stop what was happening,
Alice drifted away, carried on a current of euphoric fervor. This was what she’d been missing all this time, yet she was unaware of the hole that had never been filled until now. Everything that came before this—each busy work day, each class attended, each night out—felt as though it had been in a dream. Alice had simply floated along in life, retaining her direction and purpose, but lacking an identifiable meaning. She brushed it off as the pessimistic sentiments of someone who hadn’t achieved her goals yet, but now she knew differently. If she had been aware of it, she would not have put someone in Trent’s place. She wouldn’t have let her heart entwine with Daniel’s. No sooner than she thought his name, she regained some of her senses. A quick realization spread through her mind.
Daniel! Oh, God. What am I doing?
Alice abruptly pulled away, her hands now on Trent’s chest. Her eyes moved from Trent to the room around them. The dim lights, her desk, her purse on the floor. Nothing had physically changed, but somehow everything was different. Along with this feeling came panic and crushing guilt. Her stomach sank as she pushed further away.