“Dr. Parker,” Nurse Renee called as he passed the nurses’ station.
He didn’t bother to stop even when she called his name a second time. What could he possibly say to her to justify his erratic behavior? Nothing. It was best to just ignore her. Josh bypassed the elevator and opted for the stairs. Taking them two at a time, he reached the lobby and rushed out the front door before it had finished sliding all the way open.
Josh inhaled deeply, and only then did he notice it was raining. Perfect. And it was raining hard, too, but he couldn’t find the energy to care. Instead, he walked away from the hospital and let the cold rain soak him. Maybe that job in California wasn’t such a bad idea. Josh could move away from the east coast, away from all of his painful memories. Everywhere he turned, there was a memory of Laura. And now his hospital would be forever tainted with the memories of Alessa. The woman he cared about too much, the woman he’d let walk right out of his life.
He walked toward the road, oblivious to where he was headed. Not caring. And that’s when he saw her. She was sitting on the bench at the end of the sidewalk, the same bench he’d sat on with Laura as she waited for the bus, refusing to inconvenience him by letting him drive her home. But was she real? Was that really Alessa, or was his mind playing tricks on him? He rubbed his hands over his face. The woman was still there.
With each step he took, the clearer she became. It was definitely Alessa. Her auburn hair looked almost black, wet and matted to her head. She had her hands in her lap, wringing them. Head downcast, and if he wasn’t mistaken, her shoulders were shaking. God help him, was she crying? Was he the cause of her tears?
Silently, he sat beside her, their legs touching. The contact warmed him, and he forgot all about the cold rain. His fears of never seeing her again, of never getting the chance to apologize vanished. Alessa was here with him. Nothing else mattered.
“I don’t—” Her words hitched on a sob.
“Shh.” Josh put his arm around her, and she buried her face against his shoulder. He simply held her as she cried. He hated himself for what he’d done to her. He hated what had been done to her.
“I don’t . . .” she sniffled, “I don’t have anywhere to go. And I don’t have any money to get anywhere.”
“I know.” He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head. I never should’ve released her from the hospital. I should’ve kept her there longer. At least then she would be safe, dry.
“I don’t even know if there’s anyone I can call.”
With each sobbed word she spoke, his heart broke a little more. She didn’t deserve any of this. Alessa abruptly sat up, wiping her eyes. Josh missed the feel of her in his arms, of her body pressed to his, of her head on his shoulder. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to reach for her and pull her back to him.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “you’ve done so much for me already. This isn’t your problem. I didn’t mean to—”
“Alessa, stop.” His tone was much harder than he wanted. He stood and held his hand out to her. “Come on. Get up.”
“What?” She looked from his extended hand up to his face. “Why?”
He held her gaze, willing her to understand his offer without having to actually speak the words. But he could tell she didn’t understand. Or she did and was just afraid of the implications his offer held. He could relate. He couldn’t believe what he was doing either. It was so wrong on so many levels. It could cost him his job, his reputation. In the grand scheme of things, though, that seemed more bearable than the crippling fear he’d felt earlier when he’d thought he’d lost her forever. There was no way he could let her walk away again.
“Josh . . . No.” She shook her head. “I can’t impose on you like that.”
Josh closed his eyes and took a deep breath. How many times had Laura said that exact same thing to him? And how many times had he given in and let her have her way? If he had been a little firmer, been more insistent, maybe he could’ve . . . No. Don’t go there. Alessa is not Laura. This situation is completely different.
He opened his eyes. “Look, you need someplace to go, and I have a spare room.”
“I know I don’t have anyone to turn to, but—”
“You have me, Alessa,” he shouted, pointing at his chest. Josh sighed with frustration and ran his hand through his wet hair, trying to calm his racing heart. Get a grip, Parker. Yelling at her would accomplish nothing. Crouching in front of her, he grabbed the bench on either side of her legs to steady himself. “Please, let me help you,” he whispered, his tone and his eyes pleading.
Slowly, Josh reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, letting his thumb find her lips, grazing the bottom one lightly, and lingering there for a moment too long. What he wouldn’t give to taste her lips, just once. Stop it! She’s vulnerable. I will not take advantage of her like that. He dropped his hand from her face to her knee, and he noticed how she tensed. Giving her knee a gentle squeeze, he whispered, “Alessa?”
The silence between them seemed to stretch on forever; the only sound in his ears was that of his own heart thundering. And then, quietly, Alessa said, “Okay.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Josh fumbled with his keys, his hands shivering from the cold. Finally, he got the key into the door and opened it. He motioned for Alessa to enter. “It’s not much,” he said stepping in behind her and closing the door.
“Not much?” She laughed, and her teeth chattered. “It’s great.”
Despite having the heat on high the entire drive home, they were both chilled to the bone. He needed to get Alessa out of those wet clothes and into something dry before she caught cold. She was, from the moment he’d laid eyes on her, his top priority. The bag of clothes he’d given her earlier was wet, too, so he’d have to improvise. He toed off his shoes and walked further into the house.
“I’ll get you a towel and some dry clothes. Make yourself at home,” he called over his shoulder, disappearing down the hallway. He grabbed a clean towel from the linen closet, and then went into his room, which was littered with dirty clothes and half empty Pepsi bottles. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had company let alone a houseguest. In fact, he didn’t think he’d ever had a houseguest since he’d moved into this house. Still, he now wished he was a better housekeeper.
Frowning, he looked around. “Sweatpants,” he mumbled, going to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweats that were going to be way too big for Alessa, but they were the only pair with a string that she could pull to cinch the waist, and a sweatshirt.
Josh returned to the foyer to find Alessa still standing by the front door, hugging herself and shivering. He walked up to her, tossed the clothes on the small, round table by the door, and wrapped the towel around her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to warm her a little.
“Th-thank y-you,” she stuttered.
Without thinking, Josh pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She didn’t fight him, and he didn’t know if that was good or bad. What does it matter? I’m just helping her warm up. Body heat is the best way to do that. I’m a doctor. This is what I do. I help people. But no matter how hard he tried to justify his actions, he couldn’t. He was crossing a line. What line? He’d completely erased the line. And man, he would be in so much trouble if anyone ever found out.
Slowly, he released her. “Better?”
Alessa smiled. “Yes.”
“Good.” Josh grabbed the clothes and held them out to her. “You need to get out of those wet clothes. The bathroom is the second door on the right.” He nodded toward the hallway.
She took the clothes and nodded. Josh waited until he heard the bathroom door close, and then he went back to his room. He hastily gathered his dirty laundry and shoved it in the hamper, although he didn’t know why. It’s not like Alessa was going to be in his room for anything. Someday she would, if he had his way. But that day would definitely not be today.
; Josh stripped off his wet clothes, tossed them in the hamper, and pulled on a pair of jogging pants and a T-shirt. As he turned to leave, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He stopped and stared for a moment, stunned. His eyes were hollow, his face pale. He was a shell of the man he used to be, and that terrified him because he barely recognized himself. Looking away, he left his room and headed to the kitchen. He did a quick survey of the room and decided the few dishes in the sink could wait.
“I feel much better now. Thank you,” Alessa said, entering the kitchen.
He spun around at the sound of her voice, and his eyes widened. She’d pulled her hair up into a ponytail, his sweatpants were cinched tightly at her small waist, and the sweatshirt was two sizes too big, but she looked good. She looked relaxed, at home. He inhaled sharply at the memory of how often he’d asked Laura to wear something of his, but she had continually refused. So to see Alessa—a stranger by all accounts—in his sweats stole his breath.
“What?” she asked.
“Nothing. Sorry.” He shook his head, and then smiled. “Are you hungry? I don’t have much in the way of food, but I could run to the store. Or we could order something.” He was rambling. Man, I sound like a complete idiot.
“Thanks, but I don’t really have much of an appetite.”
Josh frowned. Lack of appetite wasn’t good. “Okay, how about something to drink? I have water. Coffee?”
Alessa shook her head. “I’m fine, really. Just a little tired.”
“Right.” How could I be so dumb? Of course she’s tired. She’s suffering from a head trauma. “Follow me. I’ll show you the guest room.”
Josh led her down the hallway, past the bathroom, and to the bedroom at the end of the hall. It wasn’t as big as his room, but it was large as far as guest rooms went. Scarcely furnished with a queen sized bed, two nightstands, and a dresser, it had a cozy feel. Josh had thought his sister crazy when she insisted on decorating this room and making the bed. Now he was thankful he’d indulged her.
“Well, here you are.” He stepped aside so she could enter.
“It’s nice. And that bed looks like heaven.”
He laughed. “Yeah those hospital beds are the worst.” And he would know. He’d slept in his fair share when all the beds in the doctor’s lounge were occupied and he was pulling a double shift just so he wouldn’t have to go home to an empty house.
“No kidding.”
“Well, if you get cold, there are extra blankets in the closet. Feel free to get comfortable. I want you to feel at home here, Alessa.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back. They sounded too personal, like he was making some grand commitment to her or something. He backed out of the room and pulled the door closed.
“Josh?”
“Yeah?” He peeked his head back into the room.
“I just wanted . . . your house is really nice. Thank you for letting me stay. For everything.”
He smiled, warmed by her words and her sudden shyness. “You’re welcome. For everything.” Then he left her alone and went to his room. Josh rubbed his hands over his face and grinned, unsure of what to do with himself. He wasn’t accustomed to being home so early. It was his normal routine to stay at the hospital for as long as he could; then he’d either sleep there or come home so tired he’d pass out in his clothes—usually on the couch. He grabbed his phone, dialed the hospital, recognized Renee’s voice.
“Hi Renee. It’s Josh,” he said. He grabbed the towel he’d tossed on the floor earlier that day and put it in the laundry basket.
“Are you calling from in the hospital? Because that would be the height of laziness,” she replied, her voice dry, possibly tired.
Josh chuckled.
“No, actually. I’m home for the night and wanted to let you know,” he said. She didn’t reply, and he wondered if his phone had cut out. “Renee?”
“I’m sorry. I thought this was Josh Parker,” Renee answered.
“It is.” His brows drew together.
“Are you sick? Has someone tied you up so you can’t escape? Do you—”
“Very funny.” He laughed, interrupting her amusement. “I am not sick. Not tied up, and I’m perfectly fine. I just . . . needed a night off.” He was certain he heard her mumble something like “it’s about time” before he said goodbye. Downtime wasn’t his thing, but he wasn’t sorry to be home, knowing Alessa was down the hall.
Tossing his phone on the nightstand, he flopped onto the bed, the mattress sinking under his weight. He pushed himself against the headboard, the stupid grin still in place. He blew out a breath and looked around. This place never really felt like home, which appealed to him. But now that Alessa was here, it seemed different. He wanted her to like it here and, for the first time, thought of ways he could add personal touches to make it more inviting. To make her—he realized—want to stay.
“What is that woman doing to me?” he mumbled, turning down the covers and climbing beneath them. Draping his arm over his head, he closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep.
* * * *
Josh opened the door and stepped inside. Careful not to wake Alessa, he set his keys on the entry table, and quietly walked toward the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the house. He stopped and looked toward the living room. Alessa sat on the couch, hands clasped around a coffee mug, staring out the window. For the second time in less than a day, she managed to steal his breath. The way the sunlight shone through the window, lighting up her face and hair, making her appear lost and alone yet undeniably beautiful. He cleared his throat, “I didn’t expect you to be up.”
Alessa turned to him and smiled. “I couldn’t sleep.” She got off the couch and walked toward him. Holding up her coffee, she said, “I hope you don’t mind. I made coffee.”
“No, of course not. I told you, make yourself at home.” He smiled and held up the white bag from the bakery down the street. Then he led the way into the kitchen. “I ran out to get some breakfast. I was going to stop by the store, too, but I need to get to the hospital and didn’t have time.”
“That’s okay. I’m not really much of a breakfast person anyway,” she said, and then paused, a strange look on her face.
Josh stared at her. It both fascinated and terrified him how she could so easily and certainly remember details about herself and her life when she couldn’t remember anything of real importance. Then she laughed.
“I have no idea how I know that. Isn’t that weird?”
“No, not really,” Josh said, his tone slow and cautious. “Despite all the advances in modern medicine, the mind and its ability to forget or remember things is still a mystery. But it’s good you’re remembering, no matter how insignificant the memories might seem.”
Alessa set her coffee mug on the counter and sighed, shaking her head. “I just wish I could remember more. It’s frustrating.”
“I know.” Josh reached over and patted her hand. It was supposed to be comforting, but he was afraid it came across as patronizing. He jerked his hand back and averted his gaze down. “I’m sorry I have to leave you here alone today, but I’ve got back to back surgeries all morning.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” she said. “I understand. There’s no need to worry about me.”
“Right.” He nodded. “You still have my cell phone number, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Call it if you need anything.”
“I should be fine.”
Josh sighed, but smiled. She was clearly very stubborn and very strong willed. Two qualities he admired in a woman. “Okay, well, fine or not, please call if you need anything.” He left the kitchen and headed toward the front door. “Or if you just want to talk or something,” he added, opening the door and stepping outside. Before the door was even closed he knew he’d be calling to check on her before the day was over.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Several local papers were sprawled out on the desk in fr
ont of him. He’d combed through each one of them hoping to find something about Alessandra. But there was nothing. He slammed his fists down on the desk. If he knew where she was, he could fix everything. But not knowing was keeping him awake at night, and that was just unacceptable.
“Yeah?” he said in response to the knock on his door.
“We found her,” Frankie said.
Well it was about time. Standing, he said, “I want her brought here, to me, immediately.” And this time he would ensure she was appropriately dealt with once and for all.
Frankie rubbed at the back of his neck, stalling. “Well, sir, she’s in Metro General Hospital and according to our sources, she hasn’t been released yet.”
A string of expletives coursed through his mind, but he bit them back. This wasn’t supposed to be so complicated. It was supposed to be a simple hit job that he ordered and never had to think about again.
“I can get a couple of our cities finest pay-rolled uniforms to go check up on her,” Frankie suggested.
“No.” He sighed. “No. This is already messier than it needs to be. I don’t want anyone else involved. You and Chuck handle this, like you should’ve in the first place.”
“You got it, boss.”
“Find out when she’s being released, and then wait for her so you can bring her to me.”
Frankie nodded.
“And what about that friend of hers? Kristy? Did you find her?” He had a feeling Alessandra would run straight to said friend as soon as she was released from the hospital. Knowing his associates botched this once already, he needed to have eyes on Kristy. If all else failed, he’d have to use Kristy as bait to get to Alessandra.
“I have Jim trailing her as we speak.”
“Good.” At least they’d finally done something right. “Go on then. Let’s get this over with as quickly as possible.”
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