He had no idea how long they lay like that, but he knew it wasn’t long enough, when the door opened. Keeping his arm firmly around Alessa, who was sleeping, he lifted his head. “Hey,” he whispered.
Amanda wheeled Ethan into the room in a wheelchair, his arms bandaged from his wrists to his elbows. Other than that, he looked like same old Ethan. Calm. Happy. Ready to spread God’s word. “You gave us quite the scare,” Ethan said once Amanda positioned his chair next to Josh’s bed.
Amanda leaned over and kissed Josh’s forehead. “How’s my baby brother doing?”
“Never been better.” He grinned and grazed his fingers up and down Alessa’s arm.
“She was worried sick about you.” Amanda nodded toward Alessa.
“I still am.” Alessa yawned and sat up, but didn’t get off the bed.
Josh immediately missed the warmth of her body against his. “There’s nothing to worry about, you guys. Seriously. I’m fine.” Truth be told, he was glad they were here, glad they were concerned about him. It was nice to know they cared, that no matter what, he could count on them. “Listen, I can’t thank you two enough for everything you did.”
“You’re family,” Amanda said, her gaze pinning Alessa, “both of you are, and we help family.”
Alessa cleared her throat, and seemingly uncomfortable, got off the bed. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes.”
Josh grabbed her hand, stopping her from getting too far away. “You don’t have to go.”
“I know.” She smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.” Alessa leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.
“Mind if I tag along with you?” Ethan asked Alessa.
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Alessa wheeled Ethan out of the room, leaving Josh alone with his sister. He couldn’t help but feel as if this were some sort of set-up, which his sister planned to get him alone. And when she sat on the edge of his bed, and took his hand into hers, he knew that’s exactly what this was.
“You’d better do right by that girl. She’s been through way too much to deal with anymore. I know, in a way, you’re still grieving for Laura, but Alessa is good for you. And she loves you, Josh. I’ve seen just how much firsthand.” Amanda smiled. “She prayed for you, you know.”
Josh draped his arm over his face and gave an exaggerated groan. Then he smiled. “Give me a little credit, Amanda. I have no intention of letting her go or breaking her heart. I did take a bullet for her, remember?”
“That’s not funny.” She scowled.
He chuckled. It was so easy to tease his sister. And it felt good, too. It’d been much too long since he’d felt carefree enough to joke with her like this.
“I don’t want to go back, Josh. I don’t want to miss you again.”
The humor faded from Josh’s voice. “You won’t, Amanda. I promise.”
She nodded and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.” He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a firm kiss.
* * * *
Alessa pushed Ethan down the hallway, neither of them saying anything, the silence awkward yet oddly comforting at the same time. She’d tried to avoid seeing Ethan because she didn’t know what to say to him, and she was worried he’d tell her she wasn’t worthy of Josh. And the way Amanda had emphasized Alessa was family, too, didn’t settle well in her gut. Was that for Alessa’s benefit? Or someone else’s?
She knew if she wanted a future with Josh, she needed to face up to what happened, to make amends the best she could. Alessa wheeled Ethan into an empty room that appeared to be some sort of unused waiting room lounge. There was a coffee maker and a mini-fridge, along with a single burner stove. She had no idea if they were supposed to be in here, but it served her purpose. Taking a seat in one of the chairs, she faced Ethan. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
“Before you say anything, please just listen,” Ethan said, holding up his hand. “I want to thank you, Alessa.”
Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. “Thank me?” She must’ve misheard him. “For what?”
“I’ve spent the last few years watching my wife struggle with losing Josh. After Laura’s death, he retreated. Buried himself behind these very walls.” He looked around, indicating the hospital. “He stopped coming to church, stopped coming around, and even stopped calling. And I’ve had to watch my wife pray for him every single day. I’ve prayed for him, too, prayed he’d find some relief from his grief. I prayed he’d return to church, find his way back to God.” He smiled sadly and shook his head.
Tears stung her eyes, and she tried, but failed to blink them back. She drew a shaky breath.
“But then I realized I was asking Him for all the wrong things. So, I started praying that Josh would find what he needed to make his way back to us. And God answered that prayer with you.”
Alessa’s breath caught in her throat. How was she supposed to respond to that? It’s not every day someone told her she was the answer to a prayer, a gift from God. “Ethan, I . . .”
“I owe you, Alessa. You not only brought Josh back to us, you brought my wife back to me.”
Losing her fight with her tears, Alessa wiped at them to no avail. “Thank you,” she whispered, “for everything.” Suddenly, all the things she’d wanted to say didn’t seem so important anymore. Whatever doubts and fears she had were gone. She was at peace.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Josh came up behind Alessa, wrapped his arms around her stomach, and rested his chin on her shoulder. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider?”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes.”
Last week, after Josh had been released from the hospital, he’d asked her to move in with him, and while it would be a dream come true, it would also push their limits. The more time they spent together, the harder it was to make the right choices. Even though he’d promised things would remain the same—she’d continue to stay in the guest room until their relationship moved on to the next level, which wouldn’t happen unless they were married—she couldn’t accept his offer This entire ordeal had taught her a lot, and she vowed to live her life differently, better, and that started with making the right choices when it came to her and Josh’s relationship. She didn’t want to mess it up, especially in God’s eyes.
“Alessa?” Josh came around to stand in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, knees bent so they were eye level. “Honey, I’m not mad. I understand why you said no, and I respect that.”
“Thank you.” She smiled. She put her arms around his neck and leaned into him, brushing her lips across his. “I really do want to live with you, but we can’t, not until…”
“I know. I get it.” Josh put his hands on her hips, pulling her closer. “But for the record, I don’t like the idea of you going back to that apartment.”
Alessa tilted her head and gave him an odd look. “What? Why?”
He adjusted his hold on her, bringing her even closer. Her breath hitched. “I know what it’s like to stay in a place that is filled with painful memories. Too much happened in that apartment. And I’m worried Raymond might try to retaliate somehow.”
“Raymond is a lot of things, but he’s not stupid. He won’t go after me again, Josh. It’s over. We’re safe.” She closed the short distance between them and kissed him tenderly, his mouth soft and pliant against hers.
Josh released her. “How about we order in and just relax on the couch with some movies tonight? Then I’ll drive you back to your apartment after.” He winked.
“I think that’s a great idea.” She couldn’t recall ever spending an evening curled up in a man’s arms watching movies. Not because she didn’t have her memories, but because she’d just never done it before. She had a feeling she’d get to do a lot of things with Josh that she’d never done before, and that only made her much more excited for the future.
* * * *
“Where on earth are you taking me?” J
osh asked.
“If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise.” She laughed.
He sighed and glanced over at her, but didn’t push the issue. Whatever she had planned, she was clearly excited about it. Who was he to squash that? He’d play along, and then it would be his turn to surprise her. He reached into his jacket pocket, checking for the thousandth time to make sure the small, velvet box was still there. It was.
Alessa pulled to a stop just before crossing the bridge. Josh hadn’t been there since the night he brought Alessa here and told her the story of Laura. His heart raced, and then lodged in his throat. Of all the places he thought she might take him, this was not on his list. She maneuvered the car over to the side of the road and shut off the engine.
Twisting in the seat to face him, she said, “I know you don’t like this place, but please just trust me.”
He nodded. He did trust her, with his life. Getting out of the car, he met her around at the front, and took her hand into his, lacing their fingers. “Lead the way.”
Alessa stepped onto the bridge, the sound of her footsteps on the metal making his heart race and his grip on her hand tighten. “Relax,” she said, leading him to the edge of the railing, toward the embankment he’d climbed down so long ago in his failed effort to save Laura.
As he rounded the railing, he noticed a cross made of flowers near the river’s edge. A white, satin ribbon was wrapped around it with Laura’s name printed on the front of it. Candles and a framed photograph of her sat on the ground in front of the cross. Josh’s heart stopped, and so did his feet. He couldn’t take another step, couldn’t face what was before him. He’d made peace with her death, with this place. Noticing he’d stopped, Alessa turned to him, her presence the only thing grounding him in the moment.
“I wanted to do something nice for Laura. And you. I know I didn’t know her, but she was such a big part of your life. No matter what happens, I don’t ever want to replace her.”
Josh swallowed the lump of emotion clogging his throat. “You never could.” Noticing the flash of hurt on Alessa’s face, he quickly added, “I mean, you’re nothing like her, Alessa.” Josh pulled her into his arms, feeling like a jerk for what he’d just said and how it came across. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“Good. And thank you for this.” He captured her lips in a sweet kiss that quickly raged out of control, fraying his self-control, which was barely intact as it was. “Hmm,” he groaned, pulling away. She made him want too much. “You have no idea how much this means to me, to know you accept me for all that I am, my past included.”
She laughed. “If we’re going to compare the baggage of our pasts, I’m pretty sure I’d win.”
He grinned. “Yeah, you probably would. But I know now none of that matters. Laura. Raymond. They are our past. You, you’re my future.” And that’s when he knew. It was time. He hadn’t planned to do this here, but her actions, her big heart and unflinching goodness made it the perfect time and place. Josh reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box.
Alessa look at it then up at him, shock and recognition settling on her face. “Josh.” Her voice cracked, barely above a whisper.
He slowly opened the box to reveal the diamond ring, and got down on one knee. He licked his lips. He thought he’d been nervous when he’d proposed to Laura. That was nothing compared to how he felt right now.
“Three years ago, my life ended on this bridge. My world collapsed, and I never thought I could feel like this again. But then you came into my life. You brightened my world, made me see how much I was truly missing. Today, right now, you gave me my life back. Alessandra Matthews, will give me the honor of being your husband? Will you marry me?”
His gaze had been focused on her face, but he hadn’t noticed her tears until just now. Using her free hand, she wiped at them, and then she nodded. It was such a small gesture he’d barely seen it.
“Alessa?” Not once had he thought what he’d do if she said no. But her hesitation right now was making him start to consider it as a real possibility. “Please say something.”
She shook her head, her smile taking up her whole face and settling the unease inside of him. “Yes. Of course I’ll marry you, Josh.”
Relief flooded his body. His hand actually shook as he slipped the ring onto her finger. His hands never shook! Man, the effect she had on him. Unbelievable. He stood and took her face into his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I love you so much, baby.”
Then he kissed her, long, deep, uninhibited by their pasts. It was just him and her now. Forever.
EPILOGUE
“Are there bunnies in my ears?” Vivi Kadir asked Josh, making him chuckle. He switched to take a look at the five-year-old’s other ear. Her mother laughed behind him.
“No bunnies this time, but it is quite red in there.” He tossed the disposable tip of the light into the trash.
“Ear infection?” her mother asked.
“A slight one,” Josh said, taking a seat and making a note on the computer. “I’m going to fill out a prescription, but I would wait through the weekend and see if it goes away first.” He pulled open a drawer as Vivi hopped down from the table and came over to choose a sticker. After a high five and a promise to drink lots of liquids, Vivi and her mother left, leaving Josh to finish up his notes and shut down his computer. He headed out to the empty waiting room, what used to be the parlor of the old Victorian home he’d remodeled into his practice. Ruth, the medical office assistant that kept everything running perfectly for him, gave him a wide smile from where she stood, filing patient folders. Her shoulder length hair swayed slightly when she practically bounced to the front counter. Josh laughed at her obvious enthusiasm.
“You’re off?” she said, knowing the answer.
“Yes. I can wait a few moments if you have more to do here,” Josh said, checking his watch. She shook her head, the grin staying in place.
“I’m fine. Go. Take pictures and say congratulations for me,” she answered, waving him away with her hands. He didn’t need to be told twice and knew he could trust her to close up.
The route to the hospital was second nature to Josh, even though it wasn’t a daily stop anymore. He was surprised his pulse was erratic, his stomach a tad uneasy. Everyone is fine. Healthy. Safe. They’d been through enough last year to get a free pass on all catastrophes for a good while. Parking, he headed for the front door, just another visitor.
Nurse Renee’s familiar face smiled tightly, and she held out her arm to point the way. He nodded, grinning when he caught her last second wink. Pushing open the door Renee had pointed to, the room he knew was hers, he stepped in, the smell of hand sanitizer and baby powder filling his nose. Alessa’s gaze met his immediately, and he felt the familiar punch to his system. Every time. God, he loved her to an almost painful degree, a good pain, but still. Even as she moved toward him, he met her halfway, stepping carefully and turning so he could see the miracle in her arms.
“You have a niece,” Amanda said from where she sat, leaned back on her hospital bed. Wisps of hair were stuck to her face, and she looked tired, but his sister was positively beaming. Ethan sat beside his wife, sharing her space, his arm around her.
“Everyone is okay?” Josh asked, his voice breaking slightly.
“Everyone is perfect, man. I have a daughter.” Ethan laughed.
“Congratulations, you guys. She’s beautiful.” He’d delivered babies. Several. But when Alessa passed him this tiny girl, nerves battered his chest. “Hi there,” he whispered, “I’m your Uncle Josh.”
He looked up in awe at his sister. He saw her eyes full of love, and his heart filled with happiness for her and Ethan. They deserved this gift after all of their struggles. She cooed in his arms, scrunching her face up adorably.
“Isn’t she amazing?” Amanda asked.
“She’s incredible. What’s her name?”
“Grace.”<
br />
* * * *
Josh and Alessa held hands as they walked down the corridor of the hospital. Amanda and Grace would be released tomorrow. Spotting an empty waiting room, Josh tugged Alessa’s hand, bringing her into the room and shutting the door. Before she could figure out what he was doing, he spun her so she was against the wall, her smiling face beaming up at him.
“Hi,” he said, his forehead touching hers. Her hands came to his chest.
“Well, hi.”
He leaned in to take her lips, slowly. He pulled back slightly, angled his head and kissed her again. Her fingers gripped his polo shirt and a couple of his chest hairs. He didn’t mind. His hands went to her hips, tightening as they both took the kiss deeper. He pulled back first. He deserved an award for restraint where she was concerned. Being married to her hadn’t lessened his need for her in the slightest. He’d learned, along with many other things, not to take anything for granted.
“They’ll ask us to be Godparents.” He kissed the tip of her nose.
She loosened her grip and ran her hands up his chest.
“That means more to your sister and Ethan than it would to most people,” she commented, watching her own hands move over his chest. He stilled them by placing his hands over hers.
“What do you mean?”
She tilted her head and gave him a knowing look. “I mean,” she answered, pausing at the sound of the speaker sending out a page. He didn’t miss being paged non-stop. He loved his practice and going home every night at a normal time. “For some people, it’s just symbolic. The term “godparents” has kind of been . . . lost in translation, I think. But for Amanda and Ethan, it’s the real deal. You’ll be agreeing to embrace your faith again. For yourself and for their child.”
She was being serious, but he just wanted to kiss the worry out of her expression. So he did, dotting the frown lines on her forehead with kisses. She giggled delightfully and pushed him back.
“Josh.”
“Alessa, I know what it means and I’m ready. There are several things about this last year that have gone a long way toward renewing my faith. Mostly, you. Speaking of which, it’ll be the same for you. Are you ready to be the godparent they’ll want? They’ll be asking both of us.”
Dangerous Love Page 23