Looking up, I noticed clouds gathering in front of the moon, blocking its light. I just sat and stared as they inevitably overpowered the moon, hiding it from view.
Nobody said our relationship was going to be a walk in the park. I wasn’t willing to throw it away because he used to act like a jerk. We’d come this far and I had a sneaking suspicion we still had miles to go.
Pulling my legs out of the water, I stood up and went back down to the living room. Alastair was nowhere to be found. I ran off to the bedroom but he wasn’t there either. I checked every room in the penthouse but couldn’t find him. Panic grew and spread through my body. He left. He left me here alone.
But that’s what I’d wanted, right? I wanted to get away from him. Sinking onto the mattress, I curled up into the fetal position. I wasn’t the one leaving this time. He was. He’d made the decision for me again and removed himself from my life.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I stared out the window at the illuminated steel playground. The city that never sleeps had company tonight. I snuggled deeper into the pillows, comforted by their softness but longing for something more. It was well past midnight and I had no idea where my boyfriend had disappeared to or if I’d ever see him again.
A shadowy reflection in the glass startled me. I sat up and turned. Alastair stood by the door with a single red rose in the palm of his hand. The long stem sat wedged between his fingers, dangling beneath. He walked toward me with great caution and sat on the edge of the bed. Still dressed in his suit from dinner, he looked beautiful and sad.
The skin on my cheek warmed from his soft touch. I was surprised to see that his impenetrable shield had dissolved. The yearning in his eyes burned with unwavering intensity.
“You left,” I said hoarsely.
“I wanted to give you the space you needed. I only went for a long walk.” He looked at the flower. “This is for you, if you want it.”
I reached out and touched the delicate petals, running my fingers over his palm. I took the rose and laid it on the bed next to me. “Thank you.”
“This day had been absolute perfection, Amelia. I’m sorry it ended so horribly. I hope that brings—”
Overcome by my fierce love for him, I climbed onto his lap and kissed his doubts and fears away, along with my own. Cupping my jaw, he hovered his lips over mine and whispered, “My Lia. Sometimes I think you’re just a dream and I’ll wake up. I want this to work. I want us to last. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that happens."
I let the weight of his words wash over me as he played with a strand of my hair.
“The way you make me feel,” he continued, “is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”
Tears burned the corners of my eyes. Regardless of what he believes, this is the man behind the mask. “You really are a big softie deep down, aren’t you?”
His beautiful, sculpted mouth curved. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“Your secret is safe with me, chief,” I grinned, hugging him tightly.
“You’re not disgusted by me?”
I sat back with a start, confounded by his question. “No, I’m not disgusted by you. Don’t be ridiculous.”
He remained stoic and quiet.
“Listen, whatever you’ve done or however you chose to live your life in the past is just that. The past. I’m not going to sugarcoat it though. I don’t like that version of you. But it doesn’t diminish the way I feel about you now.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do,” I said, playing with his hair. “The Alastair Holden I know is playful and affectionate. You make me laugh and you frustrate me. There are some things about you that are still a mystery but underneath all this,” I tugged at his designer suit jacket, “is a loving, caring, amazing man.”
“I can’t ever lose you,” he said, his eyes blazing with need. “Ever.”
“You won’t.”
The last thing I wanted was to engage in another draining conversation, so I kissed him. All the unpleasantness of the night floated away as we lost ourselves in each other. Sliding my hands under his suit jacket, I pushed it off his shoulders. He tossed it to the floor, keeping his eyes fused with mine. I kissed him again with unbridled passion.
“Lia,” he moaned quietly.
The sounds he made always drove me crazy. I tangled my fingers in his hair and stared deep in his eyes.
“I want you,” I declared. “I want all of you. Every doubt, every fear, every smile, every secret. Love me, Alastair. I need to feel you.”
I sat up on my knees, pulling him up with me. We undressed each other and curled up together on the bed. He held me so close, I felt so safe. I kissed along his shoulder and up his neck.
“Look at me,” he requested.
I rested my head on the pillow, leaning forward so our foreheads touched.
"I want you like this tonight. Just skin against skin, nothing more." He caressed my back, tracing his fingers up and down my spine. "This is how I feel when you're with me. Wanted. Needed. I'm loving you this way tonight, Lia. I'm loving you the way you love me."
* * *
Of course it would rain on the day we decided to go out and do some sightseeing.
“Come on,”” Alastair grinned, jogging toward the aquarium’s main entrance. I sprinted behind him, trying to shield my head from the deluge.
“This is karma, you know,” I said once we were safe beneath the overhang.
“For what?”
“For wasting a perfectly gorgeous day inside yesterday.”
“I don’t see it that way.” A salacious grin spread across his face. “And I didn’t hear any complaints coming from you either. Besides, it’s only a little rain. This is considered a light shower in England.”
“Stop it,” I shoved him playfully.
Walking through the aquarium was like being transported to another world. Everything was so serene and bathed in dimly lit hues of blue. The reflection of the water from some of the tanks shimmered against the walls. I always loved coming here when I was a kid. My sister and I would spend most of our time staring at the colorful fish.
Alastair and I strolled through the exhibits. He paused by the jellyfish, placing his hands against the glass. Dozens of the dangerous beauties bobbed under the water, opening their translucent orange skin like an umbrella to move. I smiled, watching him watch the jellyfish. He looked like such a little boy. It was too precious. I snapped a quick photo of him with my phone.
“Sneaking pictures of me?”
“Maybe.”
He turned to me and smiled. “I haven’t been to an aquarium since primary school. I’d forgotten how awesome they are.”
“Well then, let’s go check out some more awesome sea life,” I grinned.
“Any suggestions?”
“How do you feel about sharks and whales?”
“So long as they don’t eat me, I’m okay with them.”
I laughed loudly and grabbed his hand, leading him to the giant underwater tunnel. Before arriving there, we stopped to see the beluga whales through the huge windows. Two of them swam gracefully right in front of us. The mammals circled one another, almost as though they were flirting. One of them even looked like it was playing hard to get.
“She’s giving him a run for his money,” Alastair remarked, squeezing my hand. “Looks familiar.”
I gave him a look. “Sharks are next. And I believe it’s feeding time.” I poked him in the stomach. “Hmm. Just squishy enough for them.”
“Wow. You’d give me up for shark bait just like that?”
“Nah. It wouldn’t be much of a challenge for them seeing as you can’t swim.”
Before he could respond, I let go of his hand and darted off to the tunnel. He caught me pretty quickly though and tickled me hard. I gasped, trying not to be too loud and cause a scene.
“I told you that smart mouth would get you in trouble every single time,” he said with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
>
“You love it.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Fair point.”
We sat on the platform edge next to the curved window and watched the sharks, turtles and other assorted marine life go about their business without a care in the world. I enjoyed watching Alastair more than anything. He took everything in with wide-eyed wonder. I could almost picture him as a little boy, before the accident, filled with curiosity and awe. It saddened me to think he’d spent most of his life closed off from all the beauty the world had to offer. At the same time, it gave me great joy to know he was moving past all of it. I didn’t want to give myself too much credit for being his catalyst but I knew some of it had to do with me.
A light kiss brushed against my forehead. I looked up at him and smiled. He lifted my left hand and admired the ring he’d given me, while stroking my ring finger.
“Why do you wear this on your middle finger?”
My vision tripled. Oh Jesus, Stephanie was right. Pulling myself together I attempted to answer him.
“Um, I don’t know. The stone is big, so, maybe…I thought it might look better there?”
“Hmm.” He laced his fingers through mine.
I couldn’t tame the insane pace of my beating heart. A huge fish paused in the window across from where we were sitting. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was laughing at me as it stared with its freakishly big eye. Look at the human jumping to conclusions and giving herself a heart attack! Haha!
“Relax, love,” Alastair whispered. “It’s not happening yet.”
All the activity surrounding us vanished when I looked at him. “What are you—”
He kissed me so sweetly it numbed my brain. I was completely encased in his magnetic aura and delicious scent.
“No questions, kitten. Unless I’m the one doing the asking,” he smirked. “Would you like to go back to the penthouse or stay here?”
“Do I ha—”
He placed his finger on my lips to silence me. “You are only allowed to give answers.”
I narrowed my eyes, waiting for him to remove his finger. These little games he liked to play could be so annoying sometimes. Charming, but annoying.
“I think we should stay here,” I said when I was freed from the makeshift muzzle.
“Should we?”
“Yes.” I stood up. “I hear there’s a piranha tank.”
He raised both eyebrows. “More flesh eating fish? I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.”
I grinned slyly. “Whatever would give you that impression?”
“Breaking the rules already,” he said, rising to his feet. The hot, focused look in his eyes gave me a rush. He leaned closer, dipping his mouth my ear. “It’s too bad there are so many people here. I would love to have my way with you against these windows.”
And there go my knees.
If his goal was to take my mind off any impending engagement theories, mission accomplished. Now all I could think about was being plastered against a backdrop of live sea creatures. The same big-eyed fish swam by again, sizing me up. Snapping myself out of this lust-fueled exchange, I took a deep breath.
“You’re lethal, you know that?”
His throaty laugh echoed through the tunnel. “Nah. I just know which buttons of yours to push.”
“I’m not that much of a mystery, Holden. Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Ah, Lia,” he grinned, draping an arm over my shoulders. “Come. Show me the piranha.”
“I’d like to throw your ass in the tank,” I muttered.
“I heard that. Put some floaties on me before you do.”
Smiling, I wrapped my arm around his waist. We spent the next hour taking in all the aquarium had to offer. I loved seeing flashes of the fun-loving little boy behind his eyes. After what we’d been through last night, this was a welcome sight. He spent quite a bit of time taking pictures and reading all the informative plaques about the various animals and fish. I think his favorite might have been the sea otters. He seemed to really enjoy watching them. I saw a wistful expression cross his features a few times but for the most part, he remained open and unshielded.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Sure.”
He’d given Paxton the day off, so we took a cab back to his place.
“Feel like going out for dinner or would you prefer takeaway?”
“I’d rather not go out if that’s okay.”
“Not a problem.” He flashed me his megawatt smile. “What would you like?”
“You.”
Still smiling, he glanced out the window then back at me. “That goes without saying.”
“Well,” I said, folding my arms, “Chinese I guess.”
“Is that all?”
“And cupcakes.”
“Anything else,” he smirked.
“Can we have dinner out by the pool since it’s not raining anymore?”
“Sure. Still feeling aquatic after our day out?”
I giggled. “Yeah. I’m actually going to go for a swim while you take care of all the food and stuff. Feel free to join me whenever.”
Blowing him a kiss, I dashed off to the bedroom and dug my swimsuit out of the suitcase. Once changed, I went up to the roof deck. The storm clouds that had dumped rain on the city all day were breaking up, revealing a gorgeous cobalt sky. The sun still had another hour or so left to dazzle the earth.
I dipped my toe in the water. The pool was heated so I jumped in. The warmth caressed and soothed my skin. I swam several laps before pausing to drink in the view. A girl could get used to this. I was up so high I could barely hear the bustling sounds of the city. All I could see from this vantage point was the sky and buildings.
Resting my arms along the pool’s edge, I laid my head back and let my mind wander. It was hard to believe how different my life was from a year ago. Hell, forget that. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in the past six months. I don’t think I’d have dared to even dream about where I was now. My life back in Orlando felt so detached from my current reality. In a way, it didn’t feel like a part of me anymore.
A flurry of goose bumps rippled down my back. I smiled. He’s here.
I pushed myself away from the edge and turned. Alastair diligently laid out the food, plates and utensils.
“Did you enjoy your swim?” he asked, fixing his emerald gaze on me.
“I did. You should join me later.”
I climbed out and walked toward the table. Alastair paused and watched me. Placing my hand on my hips, I grinned.
“Enjoying the view?”
“I think green is my new favorite color.”
I laughed, wrapping a towel around my waist. I’d chosen to wear a mint green bikini. It wasn’t skimpy or anything but it did show off my assets.
“You’re still dressed,” I remarked, loading a plate with chicken and snow peas. I also nabbed a veggie spring roll and sat down.
“Am I not supposed to be?”
“Put your swimming trunks on or whatever you have. You’re coming in the water with me when we finish eating.”
He scowled, shaking his head. “I can’t swim, Lia. I’m not going in the pool.”
I nudged his foot under the table. “Relax, love. The water in that end over there only comes as high as my midsection. You’ll be fine.”
The sky changed from cobalt to lavender as the sun continued to set. Most of the clouds from today’s rain were gone so we were treated to a rather gorgeous display of color. All talk of going in the pool ceased, which made Alastair relax greatly. I asked about what his plans were for work. He’d be in the city until Wednesday for board meetings. There was also a client dinner he had to attend on Tuesday night. I wanted to stay here with him rather than go home. The temptation do that was way too strong.
“I’ll be back in Orlando before you know it,” he grinned, clearing off the table. “You won’t even know I’m gone.”
I pouted, watching him retreat back inside. A
fter a beat, I stood up and waded back into the pool. I probably shouldn’t force him to come in with me. I’d be freaked out too if I didn’t know how to swim. Then again, the water was so shallow and he was so tall, it shouldn’t matter.
“This is as close as I’m getting to that pool, Lia.”
The resolve in his voice rang loud and clear. I turned, about to respond, but was silenced by the sight of him. He’d changed into his swim trunks, which matched the rich color of his dark red hair perfectly. They also hugged his hips quite spectacularly. I took my time admiring his athletic physique. My eyes drifted from his toned torso all the way down to his finely sculpted calf muscles.
“I’m up here, love,” he teased.
Flicking my eyes up, I grinned. “You could stand to spend a little time in the sun.”
He frowned, looking down at his arms and chest. “Why?”
“It’ll give a healthy glow to that pasty Britishness.”
“Pasty Britishness?” His eyes narrowed.
I skimmed my hands along the water’s surface, smiling. “Come in here with me.”
“No.”
“Please? I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s just like getting in a bathtub.”
“I don’t have to swim in a bathtub,” he muttered.
“You don’t have to swim in here either.” I waded over to the stairs. “Come here. At least try walking down the stairs.”
Steeling his expression, he stalked over to the steps and sighed. “You really want me to do this?”
“I want you to do whatever makes you feel comfortable.”
Shrouding himself behind the all too familiar shield, he reached for the handrail and stepped down. After a few seconds, he took another step. There were only four of them so he was already halfway to his goal.
“You’re almost there, chief.” I encouraged him with a smile.
“The things I do for you,” he grumbled, taking the last two steps into the water. It only came up to his waist. With one hand still clasped to the handrail, he balled the other one into a fist. I knew he didn’t want to show fear in front of me but I could tell he was uncomfortable. I stood close to him and placed my hands on his chest.
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