by Bella Jewel
“Don’t,” I plead when he leans in closer, his lips so close to mine I can feel his warm breath puffing against my face. “Don’t kiss me.”
“I shouldn’t,” he growls. “I shouldn’t for so many reasons ...”
“Tanner ...”
“Fuck, Callie ...”
He kisses me.
Everything in my body jerks to life, and I melt against him, my lips part, and I let him in. For a small second, I forget everything else, and I let him kiss me. I let myself feel the way his hands tangle in my hair. I let myself love the way his mouth feels against mine. Then I’m reminded of who he is, and what he is, and how damned manipulative he has been. He’s here because he’s drunk, but he has made so many choices to hurt me.
I can’t let that continue.
“No,” I say, pulling away. Tears burn under my eyelids, and I hate that I’m crying so much lately. I hate that my emotions are becoming stronger than me. I’ve been through more than most people will ever go through in their lives, I’m stronger than this. “I can’t. I just can’t. Leave me alone, Tanner.”
I turn and rush inside, slamming the door.
Then I press my back to it, slide down to the floor, and cry.
Will this ever get easier?
8
“I OVERHEARD THEM TALKING this morning when I went to visit Tatum,” Jo tells me, sipping her coffee and leaning over the café table a little farther so nobody hears us. “I dropped by. It wasn’t easy, considering I had to play along with his texts and chatting in the last few days, but I had to let him think we’re friends, because I needed to get some answers. So, when he invited me over for a coffee before work, I accepted.”
“Wait, you and Tatum caught up?” I ask, scrunching up my nose.
“I told you I was going to find out as much as I could about Chase. Tatum likes me, it made sense.”
I narrow my eyes. “Are you sure it’s not more than that? You and Tatum, you have this weird connection ...”
“I’m married, Callie,” she mutters.
She might be married, but she’s also incredibly unhappy. She’s confused and she’s lost. A man like Tatum could very easily make her think she has found her way, only to send it all crashing back down around her when she realizes it’s all a lie. I don’t want her to get hurt. I don’t want her to get too close to a man like that. Tatum is just as wrong in all of this as Tanner, I just haven’t figured out exactly how yet.
“Just be careful, honey. He likes you, that much is clear, I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t think Tatum is entirely a bad guy, but I do know you’re going through some really hard things with Pat and it can be tempting when you’re getting attention from someone as gorgeous as Tatum.”
“I’m not a cheater,” Jo scolds. “I’m sad you think that of me.”
I exhale. “No, no, you’re reading me wrong. I just mean when you’re in that situation, your judgement can become clouded and you can think someone is something they’re not because you’re looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. You’re smart, Jo. I trust you. I’m just saying be careful.”
She nods, and I feel bad, hoping I haven’t upset her. “I’ll be careful,” she says. “Anyway, do you want to know what I overheard?”
I nod, sipping my coffee.
“Well, I left my coat there, on purpose, of course. I wanted to see if I could catch any conversations by turning around and going back in after they thought I left. Tanner was there, as well as Andrea and Luka. I said my goodbyes and left, but then turned around ten minutes later and went back claiming to have forgotten my jacket. I walked inside, only they didn’t hear me come in. . .”
I swallow, remembering Tanner’s visit, remembering the things he said to me, the way he kissed me, and wondering what the hell is wrong with him if he’s still planning on doing something horrible to me. Is he planning on doing something horrible? It breaks my heart to even consider it.
I’m so stupid.
I should have never kissed him.
“They were arguing again over the issue with Celia. Of course, Tatum was all for calling you out, which made me angry, if I’m honest. I mean, I know it’s because he knows Chase did wrong and he’s trying to keep it hidden, but how dare he try and keep the focus on you. Anyway, Tanner was hesitant, Andrea was, too. They’re confused, I could tell by their conversation. Anyway, Tanner suggested getting proof. Maybe if they had something, to prove that Celia didn’t commit suicide, then they’d feel better about what they were doing.”
“What sort of proof could they possibly get?” I mutter. “They already believe she didn’t do it, what else do they think they could find?”
“That’s where it got interesting. If you’re lying, which part of them still believes you are, then they figure you’d have something to prove that. Maybe you’ve talked to someone, maybe you’ve got something that shows you are lying, I guess they’re looking for justification for what they’re doing.”
My heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my chest.
My hands shake, and I place them on my lap so Jo doesn’t see.
“Tanner suggested breaking into our place and seeing if they can find answers. Andrea agreed and said she could get us out of the house so they could make it happen.”
My head is spinning.
I feel sick.
They’re going to break in? Go through my things?
I can’t judge, of course, I’ve done the same to them. I just still can’t believe they actually believe the stories they’ve made up in their heads. The lies they’ve forced themselves to believe. Now they’re going to try and find proof, just to make themselves feel better about what they’re doing?
It’s so wrong.
“What?” I rasp.
“Yeah, which is why I needed to tell you as soon as possible. Tatum even went for it, which made me a little suspicious, because if they don’t find anything, they’re back to believing maybe you’re telling the truth and he doesn’t want to risk that.”
He’s going to plant something.
It makes perfect sense. If he puts something in my place, to look like I’m lying, then everyone will go back to believing it and continue on keeping the heat off him.
It’s genius, really.
Well done, Tatum.
You lying asshole.
“He’s going to plant something at our place,” I state.
Jo’s eyes widen. “Oh, god, I didn’t even think of that.”
“This is bad, Jo. This is so fucking bad. Tatum is going to make me look guilty, and they’re going to believe it, and they’re never going to stop. I’m never going to get away from this. I can’t take it anymore.”
I grip my chest as panic takes over, and Jo quickly reacts, standing and grabbing my arm. “We need to walk, honey. Come on.”
We hurry out of the café and walk down the sidewalk, me still on the verge of a panic attack, Jo still telling me over and over that it’ll be okay.
I don’t know how it’ll be okay.
These people, they’re so determined to make me suffer for Celia’s death. So determined to make sure I live the rest of my days remembering what I’ve done.
I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t.
I make a pained sound in my throat and stop, leaning forward and clenching my eyes shut.
“Callie, look at me!” Jo orders, forcing me up and turning me to face her, placing her hands on my shoulders. “You’re strong. You’re the strongest damned woman I know. I’ve given you this speech before, and I’m giving it again because it’s true. You can’t give up, do you hear me? You do not deserve this, and I’m not going to lie down any further and let you suffer. Because of that, I have a plan.”
“A plan?” I croak, taking a deep, shaky breath.
“Yes,” she confirms, “a plan. This has gone on long enough. We’re not going to keep playing their little game. We have enough, enough to call them out, enough to bring them to their knees
with the truth. We’re going to use it.”
“We don’t have enough,” I say, my voice frustrated. “We have a few emails and Chase’s number, that’s it. We still don’t know exactly what happened to Celia, and we still can’t prove she took her own life.”
“They don’t know that, though,” Jo goes on. “All they need to know is that we know, they don’t need to hear any more than that. Chase fell for it, we can make them, too. We print the emails, we share the story, we tell them we’ve located Chase and we tell them what we know. It’ll be enough. If we’re smart, it’ll be enough.”
“How the hell are we going to do this? Just waltz over and throw down?”
Jo grins. “No, ma’am. We’re going to catch them in the act, and then we’re going to make them wish they never messed with you.”
I swallow and tip my head to the side, narrowing my eyes. “Go on.”
“We’re going to be there when they break in.”
Oh, god.
This does sound dangerous.
But I like it.
“ARE YOU SURE THIS IS a good idea?” I ask Jo as we sip cocktails at the local bar the next night. “I mean, so many things could go wrong.”
I glance at my phone where yet another phone call from Ethan is flashing through. I press the decline button. I have nothing else to say to Ethan, nor do I want to hear anything he has to tell me. He made his choice, and nothing he can do now will change how much that choice hurt me.
“You’re right, it could go wrong, but are you willing to keep dealing with what you’ve been dealing with? They’ve kept low for a few weeks, but that won’t last forever. If they decide to go with the fact that they think you’re still guilty, then they’re going to keep tormenting you until they feel like you’ve suffered enough. I’m not going to let that happen, so we’re going into that damn house and we’re going to turn this around so hard on them, they’re not going to be able to deny it.”
She’s right. I know she’s right. I can’t deal with this any longer. The fact is, they’re not going to let this go, they’ll get answers, or they won’t, either way they’re too scarred and they’re too broken and they’re not going to rest easy until they make me suffer for those wounds. I’ve suffered enough. I don’t need to suffer anymore.
“I’m still not one-hundred-percent sure this is the right path. I wish I had a little more information to throw down, in case they call our bluff.”
I’m hesitant to go with Jo’s plan, even though I agree that we need to do something. I’m not sure people as smart as them will believe that I have the answers. I only hope that we can make them believe we actually know what happened to Celia, even though we technically don’t. All we know is that Chase caused something to happen to her, something bad, and she got HIV from it. Then he changed his name and ran. I’m guessing Tatum helped him do that.
It’s not really anything solid.
“I don’t think they will. All we have to do is make them doubt Tatum for just a second and they’ll ask him and he’ll have no choice but to come clean.”
“If he doesn’t, if he says we’re lying ...”
“Then we ask him where Chase is, and if he’s not lying, to bring him home. He’ll falter. I know he will.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask her, because, deep down, I know she likes Tatum. She’s disappointed in him, sure, but Jo sees beyond the bad in people, and I know she sees beyond the bad in Tatum. There is some sort of connection there.
I feel like there is a lot more to it than even I know, and I wonder how much they’ve actually spoken that she hasn’t told me.
It worries me, for her sake.
I know how easily it is to fall when you’re already down.
“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I? Don’t say Tatum, because I barely know him.”
“I know, but you two have become friends ...”
She shrugs. “I’d do anything for you, Callie. Anything.”
I love that about her, I truly do.
I also don’t want that to come at the expense of her happiness.
“I know you would,” I tell her with a grateful smile. “That’s why I love you, but I can handle this on my own if I have to, I’m strong enough.”
“You think I don’t know that?” She raises her brows. “But the fact is, I’m not letting you do it on your own, so you can count that out.”
I laugh softly and stand. “I’ll get us some more drinks.”
She nods. “Make them doubles.”
I grin and walk up to the bar, squeezing between a few people and waving a hand. A young bartender walks over and takes my order, as I wait, I turn and face the crowd, glancing at the people dancing and drinking and playing pool. I missed all of this. I missed dancing drunk in bars when I was eighteen, or going on crazy road trips, or camping with my friends.
Now that I’m out, I’m still not living the way I should be because of Tanner and his horrible little revenge plan.
I’m more than ready to start living my life again.
“Aren’t you the girl who killed that other girl?”
I blink and turn at the sound of a male voice. There is a man standing next to me, he’s probably around Tanner’s age judging by his staunchy build, dark hair, and slightly aged face. He’s not in his twenties anyway, that’s for certain. His hazel eyes scan over me and he says, “Yeah, I’ve seen a picture of you somewhere.”
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I ask.
“No, but I know who you are. You hit-and-run that poor girl years ago. What was her name again? Celia?”
Oh. God.
How does this man even know me?
“I don’t know you,” I mutter. “Don’t pretend to know me. I also didn’t run anywhere. Get your facts straight.”
Two other people have turned around to listen to the conversation, and my cheeks burn an angry red as I realize that I’m being centered and questioned like I’m in a damn court room. My ears start ringing and it feels like the room begins to echo around me, the noise drowning into a fuzzy mess.
“I thought you would have been locked away for longer, considering you killed her. Imagine how that must have felt for her poor family.”
My stomach clenches, and I shake my head. “Please leave me alone.”
“Hey, Joe,” the man says, calling a friend over, his voice loud over the music. “This is that girl that killed that young teen on Jones road all those years ago.”
“No kidding. I can’t believe she’s walking free. Should kick her out. Murderer.”
My heart does a flip flop and my head starts to spin as people begin to look at me, their eyes judgmental, their expressions filled with hatred and rage. I want to run, to scream, to get away but I can’t. I’m stuck facing all their looks, the expressions of hate and disappointment, even a few of pity. They want to get their pitchforks out and make it known that they’ve found their monster, but I’ve done nothing to any of them.
I’m not here to be attacked, I’m here to forget.
For five seconds, I just want to forget.
“You should be ashamed of yourself, coming in here like you belong,” the man growls at me when he turns back around. “You’re a killer. You should have rotted in that prison.”
“I’m leaving,” I say, turning without the drinks and trying to push my way through the crowd. My knees tremble and my body shakes as I try to shove past people, who are less than willing to move for me. Some even try to trip me up as I got past.
“Leave, killer!” he yells after me. “You don’t deserve to be alive!”
My chest clenches and pain shoots through my body as shame takes over. People are staring at me, muttering under their breath. I reach Jo, who is already on her feet, halfway to me. She grabs my arm and pulls me to her side, saying, “Let’s get you out of here,” then she turns to the crowd and screams, “You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”
We hurry out of the bar, with people shoving into me as I pass, mutt
ering killer and bitch under their breaths. When we hit the sidewalk, I stop, leaning over and putting my hands on my knees, then I gasp, trying to catch my breath, pain radiating through my body. To my very core. It hurts, it hurts so damned bad. My throat burns as vomit threatens to come up.
“It’s okay, honey. Breathe.”
Through my panting, I whisper, “How did they know who I am?”
“You know exactly how.”
I look up at her, a lone tear rolls down my cheek. “Tanner,” I whisper.
She nods.
How could he? How could he do something like that to me? Did he set those people up to say those things? Did he pay them? Does he know them? Did he follow me? I look around, frantically, my eyes scanning all the people lining the streets and even the ones sitting in their cars. I can’t see him, but somehow I know Jo is right. They did this to me.
They tormented me once again.
I can’t deal with it anymore.
I’m not going to live my life like this forever.
I turn to Jo and, in a staggered breath, I whisper, “Let’s do this. Let’s take them down.”
She smiles. “Finally.”
Yeah, finally.
9
“I CAN TURN AROUND,” Jo says as we both stare out the car window at Ethan who is waiting on my sidewalk, his eyes on us. “You do not have to see him after the night you’ve had. Hell, he was probably behind it.”
“I don’t think he was,” I tell her, and it’s the truth. It doesn’t mean I’m on his side, I just don’t think he’s part of it now. “And I can deal with Ethan.”
She nods, and we get out of the car. We walk up toward the front of the apartment, and as she reaches Ethan, Jo says to him, “You should be ashamed of yourself, Ethan. You’re the worst kind of man there is. If you hurt her again, you’ll have me to deal with.”