Partially, the reason for this is that after WWI and WWII there simply were not enough men to do everything that was required (most men died during the war, were crippled, emotionally devastated, often incapable of working, and so on), so women were the ones who had to revive the country and their homes. Finding a decent (read: not a mental or physical cripple, able to work) man was all women wanted to create families, and that has shaped the way Russian women approach life even today.
Since Russian women have not had a chance to get used to men being the stronger ones in the society and the family, they have slowly accepted the fact that men are fairly “helpless” and stopped trying to change this. It is common to hear women say that men are big children and should be treated as such – you will find that women often serve dinner to their men, cook and care for them even in little things, despite the fact that men are perfectly capable to make a sandwich or warm up dinner on their own!! This attitude slowly expanded into other areas of life, and women have become more proactive in their life and careers. With the economic crisis booming, it is pretty common to hear stories about men who have lost their jobs and haven’t been able to find new employment, thus placing the burden of providing for the family on women’s shoulders. Men will often say that they cannot find a worthy job, meaning that a computer technicians will not work as a part-time clerk at a hardware store even he has been out of a job for six months – he would consider this an insult to his dignity, even if it means passing up extra income for the family! Yet, women will do whatever it takes to earn enough to make sure the family is taken care of – they will be prepared to work several jobs and will not think that cleaning toilets is beneath their dignity if it means that their children will be fed and dressed.
Having seen this childhood, many young Russian women are now changing their attitude to either manipulating men or choosing to be alone to avoid such relationships. You will find more young women focused on their careers, education, and self-improvement, instead of selecting a much less attractive option of being a servant to a man.
When you are at your woman’s home meeting her parents and siblings, I suggest that you observe the dynamics of her family carefully. Watch how men of the family are treated. It is possible that an older brother will be the man of the family, if a father and a grandfather are deceased or not present. Observe everything: how other family members speak to men, whether they listen to them, how they are treated, how the man of the family is perceived, whether he is respected and whether his word carries any clout in making decisions. Take notice of how your Russian bride speaks of her father, grandfather, older brother or any other man who has had a major impact on her life.
You need to pay attention to these things because they will affect your relationship with the woman – the way she treats men in her family is exactly the way she will treat you, and it will not make any difference that you are a completely different person and are nothing like men in her family. If you notice that men are not being taken seriously, and women are the ones making all the important decisions, you can certainly expect to be bossed around and have a few issues over authority within the family. If you see that men are treated as authority and with great respect, you can be sure that you will be given the same treatment and will be expected to display similar qualities.
These things might seem obvious, but many foreign men completely ignore this important step because they are in love. At that point, they only care about being with their future wife, making a good impression on her family, and, hopefully, forgetting all about them once she has moved abroad. Most men completely overlook the relationship dynamics in their future wife’s biological family, forgetting that her habits and what she has observed for years between her mother and father, for example, has already left an indelible imprint in her mind and will manifest in her own marriage.
If something about the way men are treated in the family concerns you, you should find a tactful way to discuss this with your potential bride and express your concerns and views on family life and relationships between men and women (not in front of her family, of course!). If you want to gain respect of your future wife’s family, it is important to show confidence in yourself and in your future with your Russian woman by sharing concrete plans and ideas about your future family, as well as show respect to both her parents, regardless of who plays the dominant role in her family.
Internet access
It will be important for you to keep in touch with your family and friends during your visit. There are several Internet options available: you can use Wi-Fi wireless internet, mobile internet access, internet cafes, ADSL broadband and LAN, dial-up internet access.
Wi-Fi technology was not widely spread in Russia and Ukraine a short while back. Much has changed in the recent years, and now you can find Wi-Fi connection at most public places. This option is attractive for those who travel with their own computer. In order to take advantage of this opportunity, you need to have a wireless network card installed in your laptop. Most modern laptops will have them included; if not, you can buy such a card for about $50-100 dollars at most computer stores. You can find Wi-Fi spots in supermarkets, cafes and restaurants, railway stations/airports, night clubs, and hotels. Most of the time this service is free, some can charge up to $5-10 per hour. If you are traveling to less prominent cities, check Wi-Fi availability prior to traveling.
Mobile internet is a fairly popular option of access in Russia and Ukraine (they use GPRS and 3G networks). GPRS internet access offers speed up to 56 kB/s, it is fairly cheap, so your best bet is to get a Russian phone card – you will save a lot of money on roaming charges. Most large networks will be easily available in most locations. In Russia, for example, such companies as MTS, BeeLine, and Megafon are the most popular choices; MTS and BeeLine are also available in Ukraine, along with Kyivstar and Life. MTS has also launched 4G networks in Russia and Ukraine. While limited, the phone company is constantly expanding opportunities for this type of access.
If you are traveling without a laptop, you might find use of Internet cafés the most suitable option. Many of them are open 24 hours a day; they also offer a wide range of services (scanning, printing, saving data, business conferences, etc.) and have a wide range of software installed and ready to use. The cost of their services ranges between $1-2/hour. It is not a problem to find them in large cities; however, it might be more challenging to find them in smaller cities. Ask your hotel clerk or one of the locals to help you find them if you encounter any difficulties.
If you are staying in Russia or Ukraine for a long time, you might consider using a high-speed internet service, available through LAN (local area networks) and ADSL providers. This service will be available in most large to medium cities. You will need to place a request with a local cable company; they will usually set everything up within a couple of weeks. The price for setting up such service ranges between $20-60, a monthly fee will run between $15-$50/per month, depending on the speed and number of computers you will need to connect. You can easily have a 1Gb traffic with 512 kB/s speed for $30-40/per month. In case you need more speed, LAN providers can set up Ethernet cable in your apartment; this will cost more than ADSL, you will also require Ethernet card installed in your computer.
Dial-up is widely available; however, this option is being used less and less frequently. Many phone companies will have a contract-free option, where you can pay per time used; the set up is also easy – you will need an extra phone cable and a modem. However, be prepared that the lines will be busy and you will have to attempt connection several times. Phone companies usually provide detailed instructions for getting connected.
Most large networks and telecom companies have websites with all necessary information available. If you contact their headquarters, you will, probably, find English-speaking representatives to help you answer any questions you might have.
Money: information, costs, safety
You already have an idea about some approxima
te costs you can encounter during your trip, but I feel the subject of money cannot be discussed enough. Naturally, one of the most important aspects of traveling abroad is dealing with foreign currency and knowing how to manage your money while overseas. In most CIS countries, US dollar and Euro are the most common circulating currencies. Be sure to check recent exchange rates on the Internet before you leave.
You will have to use local currency as most places will not accept dollars or Euro, but you can easily exchange such currency in banks or exchange terminals. When it comes to private cash transactions (for example, paying your interpreter), you might be able to use US dollar or Euro.
Airports, hotels, and railway stations are the most tempting places to exchange money once you reach the country. However, they usually offer the worst rates, so only exchange a minimum amount. Banks, of course, are the most reliable source for currency exchange, and it is best to avoid using outdoor exchange kiosks. Keep in mind that some places (even some banks) may refuse to accept old/worn bills; make sure that you bring notes that are in good condition.
You should, no doubt, have some cash while traveling - $300-500 should be enough for initial expenses (transportation, hotel, food). If you plan to bring larger amount of cash, you should also remember that there is a limit on the amount of cash you bring into the country; generally, amount over $10 000 USD must be declared upon entering the country. It is best to keep money as credit cards or traveler’s cheques (the most secure option). Cheques are attractive because you are the only one who can use them, they can be reissued if lost (as long as you write down their numbers in advance), but be prepared to pay a commission on cashing and refunding the cheques. It is also important to remember that you will not be able to pay with traveler’s cheques in shops, restaurants or hotels; you can only cash them in at banks.
Credit cards allow you to keep track of all expenses through receipts; you can always cancel the card in case it is lost or stolen. Large cities have many cash machines where you can use credit cards to withdraw cash – big hotels and banks are the best option for this; many shops and restaurants will also accept select cards (Visa and MasterCard are accepted most frequently, Discover and Amex are almost never accepted). It might be a problem to exchange cheques or cash in cards in smaller towns, so it is best to use cash if you are traveling outside big cities.
When taking cash out of ATM, be prepared that your bank will charge you a currency conversion fee + your bank’s transaction fee (about 5$ per transaction regardless the amount) + you will be charged a transaction fee by the bank that ATM machine belongs to. You will be receiving the currency of the country you are in; it will not be dollars or euros (the reason for a currency conversion fee from your bank, which is normally about 1% of the amount). I know that many banks can wave the currency conversion fee if you call them upon your return back home and ask them nicely to refund those fees. Banks will not refund transaction fees.
If you are using credit cards to pay for things while overseas, your credit card company will be charging you currency conversion fee as well. You can ask them to wave it as well. If you are collecting miles or reward points with your credit cards, then of course you should use them to pay for things while overseas. If you are not enrolled in any reward programs, you should – you will be pleasantly surprised at what you can get back in terms of money back options, travel miles, and other rewards. There are plenty of credit card companies that will offer you many bonuses for opening a credit card with them; for example, you can receive a bonus of 30,000 – 50,000 flight miles on American Airlines, which equals to 1 or 2 round trip tickets to the USA, or $200 - $500 money back after you spend $1000 - $2000 on your card. Plus, when you are using your credit card overseas, it gives you extra protection vs. spending cash. A credit card, if stolen, can be cancelled, and you are not responsible for the charges. But if your wallet with cash is stolen, you will never see it again.
There are a few precautions one should take regarding money when traveling abroad. As mentioned, you should write down numbers of your traveler’s cheques, cards, and emergency numbers which you can call to block expenditures if anything is lost or stolen. It is also a good idea to keep your money in different forms: keep some of it in cash, some in traveler’s cheques, and some in credit cards. You should also consider keeping money in different places (wallet, suitcase, laptop bag) – you will have a backup in case of theft or problem.
If you lose money or have it stolen and have no reserved stash to rely on, you can easily have someone transfer money to you. There are many services available for money transfer: Western Union, MoneyGram, etc. In case you are out of options, you can also turn to the embassy of your country for help – they will be able to offer necessary resources to handle any problems.
Prices will vary from place to place (depending on the size of the city, the type of establishment you are visiting, etc.), but you can have an approximate idea of what to expect:
Ukraine
Russia
Kazakhstan
Small city
Large city
Small
city
Large city
Small city
Large
city
Hotel / apartment, 4 star
$30
$120
$40
$200 +
$50
$100 +
Meals, 4 star restaurant
$5 - 10
$20-$30
$20
$50 +
$25
$50+
Taxi within city: across town
$5 - 10
$30
$30
$100
$15
$40
Taxi: daily rate
$50+
$80 +
$50 +
$150+
$50 +
$80 +
Entertainment: cinema tickets
from $5
from $10
from $5
from $10
from $5
from $10
Entertainment: excursions
from $10
from $30
from $20
from $40
from $20
from $40
Entertainment:
bowling/pool per hour
from $10
from $20
from $20
from $30
from $15
from $20
Keep in mind other expenses you will encounter: unless arranged in advance, you will need to pay agencies for introduction of the ladies (if you are planning to use an agency); you may want to buy a gift or flowers when going on a date with a lady you are meeting; if you are arranging a meeting with a lady outside of her home city, you should be ready to pay for her transportation and stay.
Apartment vs. hotels
When planning your trip, you will most likely be offered a choice between a hotel and an apartment for your stay. Obviously, hotels are a more common choice. Depending on the size of a hotel, starting price can range from $15-200+/night. Naturally, it is up to you, but apartments are a much better value for your money, especially if you are planning to stay somewhere for a long time. Prices for such apartments will vary from $30/night up to $100/night; if you are renting them long-term, some landlords might be ready to discuss discounts. Hotels generally have poor service with very few commodities (except expensive places) and give you no privacy. Most apartments are furnished well; they will have everything for a comfortable stay (TV, internet access, phone) and will be located within walking distance of stores, transportation, and central city areas.
Emergency during travel – when you should panic
Basically, never. Traveling to former USSR countries can be an unusual experience in itself, especially if you are visiting the country for the first time. But it is highly unlikely that you will encounter any situation in which panic will be justified.
LOSING PASSPORT AND YOUR VISA (if required)
1) Make sure you always keep these documents in a secure spot (inner jacket pocket, money belt, etc.).
2) Do not leave these documents in the hotel room when you leave; do not show them to strangers out of curiosity; if you do, make sure they always remain in your sight.
3) Keep a notarized copy of your passport and visa – this will be helpful if you lose the documents.
4) If you lose your passport, the most important thing to do is not to panic!
5) Visit the nearest police station right away to get an official confirmation that your passport was lost.
6) Have your return ticket or a printed confirmation of booking on hand.
7) Contact your embassy immediately after you discover that you lost documents. The embassy is also the place where you will need to turn to for restoring your visa and passport. Information about embassies abroad can easily be found on the Internet.
8) In case you need to have passport photos done, you can turn to any photo studio. Many such places offer express services – for a slightly larger fee you can have the photos ready within 20 minutes. Such photo studios are not difficult to find, and virtually all of them will be able to take your photograph for a passport.
9) Keep a copy of an invitation letter or documentation from your tour agency, having this document will make it easier to restore your visa.
10) Take all your documents to the office which provided your visa support (introduction agency, tour agency). You will need to pay the fine of about $150 to immigration and, given there are no complications, can receive a new visa within a week.
Russian Allure Page 14